This is her life. She can&#x27;t stop the guys from hitting on her, short of doing awful things like downplaying her looks or hiding herself away.<p>I wear a suit and tie to work every day. I didn&#x27;t really understand her position until I started job hunting. I like wearing suits. I own five of them, three are custom made. Now I have to make a decision. Do I wear a suit and tie to my in-person job interviews?<p>Coders seem to have an irrational hatred of suits and ties for some reason. The conservative choice would be to wear a polo shirt and slacks to my interviews. But to do that would put me in a weird position. Once I get the job, am I going to start wearing my suits again? When, the very first day? Or hide them away in the closet until I feel ready to?<p>Appearance is political, and therefore dangerous. But it&#x27;s also very personal, you wind up wanting to take the risks anyway just to &quot;be who you are&quot;. To purposefully choose to be less attractive feels like you&#x27;re doing violence to yourself. The only real choice, once people start noticing you and complimenting you and you start noticing what it&#x27;s doing for your life, is to keep going with it.<p>You can&#x27;t just turn it off. You can choose to, but it never feels good to do that, and you&#x27;re just going to face the same decision tomorrow. I, and she, would rather deal with the consequences of being really attractive than to stop. That includes being accepting of other&#x27;s gifts, others&#x27; attention.<p>When she tells me about her experiences, she&#x27;s not complaining. She&#x27;s noting something that she&#x27;s already been dealing with for years. She&#x27;s had the internal conversations with herself, should she downplay it, should she present less of herself to the world. Should she stop letting guys express their appreciation for her. Over and over again, for years.<p>They&#x27;re hard questions to contemplate, and there&#x27;s only one real answer.