<i>But, more realistically, it helps kids stay out of trouble, because they know there&#x27;s an increased probability that they will get caught.</i><p>If my father knew I&#x27;d stolen his car to go see a girlfriend at 1 AM on a school day, he would have completely flipped out.<p>He&#x27;d have stopped me.  And in doing so, would have deprived me of one of the best nights of my life.<p>I won&#x27;t question your parenting methods.  No one should, unless they have children.<p>But what you&#x27;ve described sounds like a meager existence.  I hope your children can escape their taskmaster.<p>More likely, they&#x27;ll grow up shaped into whatever form you decided suits them.  Hopefully you&#x27;re a tasteful architect.<p>Just know that this kind of thing can have long-term trauma effects.  I wish I could paste the conversation from a physicist friend.  I asked her how she&#x27;s been, and she said completely miserable.  &quot;What?&quot;  &quot;Well... Don&#x27;t worry, I&#x27;m less miserable now than I was before.&quot;<p>This was alarming.  She&#x27;s nearing the end of grad school, and by all accounts is a successful physicist at the start of her career.  She&#x27;s worked very hard for four years to get there.  Miserable?  Isn&#x27;t this what she&#x27;s worked so hard to attain?<p>Turns out, she&#x27;s never wanted to be a physicist.  Her father coerced her into thinking she wanted to be.  And now he&#x27;s still pushing her to go into academia by pressuring her to get a PhD.  She says that getting a real job is all she&#x27;s dreamed about for years.<p>She&#x27;s one of the smartest people I know.  She&#x27;s a brilliant mathematician, far better than I could ever hope to be.  How could someone so smart end up with such a miserable life?<p>Because her parents decided that would be best, of course.  I&#x27;m sure they meant well.<p>As you chip away with hammer and chisel, try to use a light touch.  Therapists can&#x27;t always reverse the damage.