I don&#x27;t know you. But I know lots of people who have been through this. I would guess you are doing some things a bit wrong, getting a bit better, having some people problems for the first time, etc. But I bet the biggest problem you have is fear of the unknown, shame of not doing a great job helping others, and burnout at trying really hard at something new and not seeing progress.<p>That emotional filter is going to make it really hard to get your head on straight about both how you&#x27;re really doing and what you can do to improve.<p>The most important thing you can do is try to improve your own self-understanding and get yourself mentally prepared for doing a really hard job. Unless you have a strong ethical&#x2F;religious&#x2F;psychological&#x2F;mindfulness type thing in your life, you also are probably somewhat out of touch with the unintended but real impact that your words and actions have on other people. The worst managers I&#x27;ve ever had were well intentioned and smart but completely lacked self-awareness of their social impact.<p>I would start with trying to take stock and get your own feelings and perceptions under control. Once you can look straight at the situation, without fear or shame, but also with a critical eye, you can orient yourself and get better.<p>So how do you do that? Well, it depends on your background and what kind of thing is going to call you out of yourself and into a different way of thinking.<p>- Belong to a Western religion? Go look for something about contemplative prayer or discernment in your tradition. (Catholic or open to it? &quot;The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living&quot; is great)<p>- Into new age, yoga, or Buddhism? The book &quot;Mindfulness in Plain English&quot; is really helpful.<p>- Like agile, or at least the idea of self-directed teams that are coached rather than managed? Lyssa Adkin&#x27;s &quot;Coaching Agile Teams&quot; has a lot of great content on removing your emotion from a situation, helping people succeed on their own, etc.<p>- Do you find yourself in difficult conversations, where you either are too harsh and people don&#x27;t listen to you or too soft and you can&#x27;t make your point? The books &quot;Difficult conversations&quot; and &quot;Non-violent communication&quot; have awesome advice on thinking about the way you talk with people and reframing issues in a productive way.<p>There are tons of other places to start, but I hope you embrace my core point. Start with yourself, get to where you understand your own bias, emotion, impact. Then worry about helping other people and getting better in your day to day.