&quot;Sandberg pushed forward, asking whether Scott’s ums were the result of nervousness. She even suggested that Google could hire a speaking coach to help. Still, Scott brushed off the concern; it didn’t seem like an important issue. “Finally, Sheryl said, ‘You know, Kim, I can tell I&#x27;m not really getting through to you. I&#x27;m going to have to be clearer here. When you say um every third word, it makes you sound stupid.’”<p>&quot;“The vertical axis is what I call the ‘give a damn’ axis,” Scott says. “Part of the reason Sheryl was able to say to me so bluntly, ‘You sounded stupid,’ was that I knew that she cared personally about me.&quot;<p>This doesn&#x27;t sit well with me because I am skeptical that bosses are going to be able to hit the proper mean of communication that works for each employee. Additionally, I am skeptical that bosses &quot;caring personally for their employees&quot; is actually fully possible or desirable all of the time, since there&#x27;s always a frequently severe and irreparable conflict of interest between the institution and the individual. I don&#x27;t want to give or receive friendship from my bosses (as we are only temporary means to an end for each other), I want courteous distance and realistic, bite sized action items to improve on.<p>For the author, her boss gave her highly appreciated and blunt criticism, and offered a solution. For another employee, the boss has just ruined their day, week, and possibly self image, while (incorrectly) assuming that the boss and the boss&#x27;s boss thinks they are stupid. For yet another employee, the message of the boss is noted and acted upon, but the pushy probing regarding nervousness is weirdly personal and not at all appreciated.<p>I am usually pretty blunt, but I don&#x27;t understand the fascination in managerial culture with intentionally toeing the line between asshole and &quot;candor&quot;-- and it pops up in more dimensions than just feedback. For whatever reason, there is glorification of putting down other people in a professional context.