I agree with you there is a huge difference between candor and asshole. Sounds like I could have been more clear about that in my talk, so this is helpful.<p>In my experience the difference between radical candor and obnoxious aggression lies in how much the boss cares about and knows employees at a human level. I also agree with you that the relationship between a boss and employee is not a friendship. But it IS a relationship. That was how Sheryl knew she had to say to me &quot;you sounded stupid,&quot; and how she knew I would welcome her question about whether I felt nervous. Other people on Sheryl&#x27;s team were less stubborn than I am, and she could get through to them in a gentler way. BUT she DID have to get through to all of us.<p>It&#x27;s never fun to hear when you&#x27;ve screwed up. I think too much management advice puts too much pressure on bosses to tell people things that will inevitably sting in a way that somehow won&#x27;t sting. That&#x27;s just not possible...That&#x27;s why being a boss is so hard.