<i>Our research on the relationship between employee proximity and shareholder returns suggests suggests that optimal return will result from compressing employees into a hypersolid. 0.01mm^3 of employees could then generate between $10e788 and $11e788. Despite the massive energy requirements, ROI is still substantially positive, but gravitational effects at this scale make safe containment tricky.</i><p><i>When optimizing for input cost, a reasonable solution for most purposes turns out to be: pack them like battery hens.</i>