This sounds a lot like black-and-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking (psychology).<p>&quot;If I ask a woman in a hackerspace ``want to chat?&#x27;&#x27; then .... Jezebel will print horrible articles about men.&quot;<p>&quot;If I don&#x27;t talk to the woman in a hackerspace then..... .. .. I am a horrible misogynist (?) because I am not encouraging her.&quot;<p>From Wikipedia, &quot;Splitting creates instability in relationships because one person can be viewed as either personified virtue or personified vice at different times, depending on whether they gratify the subject&#x27;s needs or frustrate them. This, along with similar oscillations in the experience and appraisal of the self, leads to chaotic and unstable relationship patterns, identity diffusion, and mood swings.&quot; I think sometimes folks get too invested in how to talk to women in tech. Do your best and move on. No one is going to fix this problem individually, and heightening every interaction into a chance for a Jezebel article is counterproductive. Not unless you are Iggy Azalea are you going to get Jezebel hate every time you move, so relax a little!