Effective immunization takes time and practice, whether we are communicating with a child, a coworker, or a friend. One of the techniques to improve communication is to be a good listener. Children often have a great deal to say, but we may not listen closely or pay attention to what they are saying. Building a strong relationship involves really listening to what children say and then asking them relevant questions about themselves, their feelings, and their interests. Experts also recommend sending clear messages that are encouraging or positive.
Today's parents are often busy individuals with multiple responsibilities. It can be easy for parents to slip into using negative or discouraging language when talking to or disciplining their children. How often have you heard a parent say things like, "Stop doing that," "Hurry up; I don't have all day," "l don't care what everyone else is doing; you're not doing that," "Don't just stand there," "Clean your plate," "Don't run in the house," "Can't you get anything right? ' "Why can't you just do what I tell you? " "Why do you have to be so loud/annoying/frustrating? These are just a few of the things that parents commonly say to children. Some of the language and sausages may be even more negative and discouraging for children. Parents often use language like this as they try to get children to do something or to learn some lesson. While the child may get the message, the words create more of a negative interaction than parents might intend. When we use language like this we are telling evaluating, criticizing, and lecturing on a one- way path rather than having a real interaction with the child that goes both ways and makes both participants feel valued and a part of the process.
Most adults fall into the trap of using this type of language at some point, even in mall doses, and it does take practice to break the habit and turn to more positive interactions. As we discussed in the last module on positive parenting, setting up clear expectations and choosing different words to communicate ideas can shift a negative interaction into a positive one. For example, perhaps you do not want a child to run in the house for safety reasons. When the child violates the rule, we might be tempted to say, "Don't run in the house. Instead, we might say, "Please walk in the house. " This shifts the interaction to one Of discipline and guiding. Communication and Correcting Mistakes However, it is important to note that positive parenting is about guiding and teaching children. This doesn't mean that children get to do whatever they want or that parents should never exert control. There will be times when parents need to criticize a child or point out what the child is doing wrong. The key is that parents need to do so in a constructive way that helps children rather than a destructive way that can harm them.
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So how can we constructively criticize children to help them learn a better way of behaving or acting? Experts have noted several tips: Wait before criticizing out of anger. We are often most likely to criticize in unhelpful ways when we are angry or frustrated. Before correcting a child, think about your own motivations for doing so. Is it really to help the child or is it because you are angry about what he or she is doing? Get the full story before jumping to conclusions. In some cases, we may only see a small part of what is happening.
We see the child running and we immediately yell or criticize the child. By trying to get more information about the situation, we can sometimes avoid criticizing when we may just need to offer some alternative solutions. For example, maybe the hill is running to get to the bathroom. The child's intentions are good in this case, and we might be better off discussing with the child how she can go to the bathroom sooner rather than waiting until she has to run. Start a constructive criticism conversation on a positive note. With constructive criticism, the goal is to help the person improve.
Comment on something that the child is doing well in relation to the aspect that needs to be improved. Make sure that whatever positive aspect you do comment on is sincere. For example, if you need to correct a child from painting all over the table, you eight start with, "l love all of the colors that you use in your paintings. " Point out the mistake subtly using "and For example, "l love all of the colors that you use in your paintings, and if you put down some newspaper under your painting, you'll be able to keep the paint from getting on the table. The criticism is more subtle and the child now has some clear direction for correcting the problem. Experts suggest avoiding the word "but" in sentences like this (in place of the "and") as it is a negative word and can change the tone of the sentence to one that is less constructive. Choose the mistakes carefully. Constantly pointing out places to improve or change can have the opposite effect that you want to produce. Choose guidance for important mistakes and let the little ones go. For example, since you wouldn't want paint to damage a table, this is a mistake to help your children with.
Constantly pointing out that he or she is coloring outside the lines each time they do it is not going to be helpful for you or the child, as you'll both get frustrated. Children may need to be reminded of how to improve, but the reminders shouldn't be a constant thing for little matters. Watch your cues. Remember that words are only part of communication. If your words are positive, but you are sending death rays through your eyes, the child is going to pick up on the negative criticism that's not being spoken.
Instead, you can use a soft, calm tone of voice and body language that conveys acceptance of the child. Acknowledge your own mistakes. We all make mistakes and do things that we shouldn't. Learning that mistakes will happen and learning to accept constructive criticism are important life lessons that will help children throughout their lives. By discussing our mistakes with them and how we learned from them, children are given a model to follow. For example, we might share how we also colored on the table, but that we learned that putting something under the painting can help stop that from happening.
Communication Tips When communicating with children, we can do a number of different things to improve the experience. Here are a few tips that we can use when communicating: Make the child the focus of your attention. When communicating with a child, we can turn off the television or movie and put down the phone. This lets the child know that we care about what he or she is saying. Get down to the child's level physically. You may have already noticed owe important eye contact can be when you are talking with friends. It is also important when talking with children.
By getting down to the child's level, eye contact is easier and you are not towering over the child, which can be intimidating. Pause or delay a conversation if you need to. Anger, frustration, and impatience can cause us to respond negatively to a child. It's okay to step away from the situation until you are emotionally more calm and ready to have a more productive conversation. Listen carefully and respectfully. Let the child talk without interrupting and listen for the major themes or points in the story they are telling.
Help the child to find solutions if he or she is discussing a problem. Social Issues Affecting Families Since families live within social systems and cultures, they are influenced, shaped, and affected by the problems that affect society as a whole. Just as society is affected by social issues like poverty, drug abuse, terrorism, racism, violence, and teen pregnancy, so too are families affected. Families are affected in different ways by social problems depending on their relationship to the problem.
For example, families living in poverty will have different struggles than upper-class families. As parents, individuals often have to evolve strategies for dealing with the effects of the social problem on their family dynamics and children. Media One concern for many families is the effect that media can have on children and the family. Increasingly, children and teens are being exposed to and using media, including television, movies, video games, and social media sites such as Backbone and Twitter.
For example, teenagers may spend more time with the media than they do with any activity other than sleep. The media may lead to effects as such poor body image, anxiety, obesity, increased sexual behavior in teens, and increased aggression or violence. However, experts also note that the effects of the media are still not well understood in many of these areas, and they have also found links to positive effects, such as increased tolerance, preparing young children for school, learning, and increased critical thinking.
To reduce the negative effects of the media on chi lilied, experts suggest that parents take into account some important factors. First, parents can limit the amount of time that children spend with the media Financial Issues Many families today are experiencing financial struggles. In the United States, about one in every five children lives in poverty (or about 15 million children). Experts also estimate that about 42 percent of children in the United States live in low-income families. The causes of poverty are many, but include unemployment, low wages, and illness.
Most poor children have parents who work, but the work may be irregular or just not pay enough to meet the bills. Scholars note that poverty may be one of the biggest threats to a child's well- being leading to developmental, educational, and social problems. One of the effects on families and children that we find are due to financial issues is that families may spend less time together. Parents may need to work longer ours or multiple jobs in order to support their families. Children may spend more time unsupervised as well as having less quality time with parents.
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