Simpson, married to his childhood sweetheart for almost 19 years, had walked out on his wife and kids and into the arms of a younger woman. The breakup surprised his wife, his friends and even Simpson himself. Looking back, he says, it was a classic midlife crisis.
In that we have already provided the definitive answer to this question elsewhere (relying on rum extract), we assume your follow-up is seeking a non-alcoholic substitute for rum (as extracts can be as alcoholic as or more alcoholic than the spirits they replace).
Gold Virgin Islands rum. Very similar to Gold Puerto Rican Rum, so much so that it's the perfect substitute for Gold Puerto Rican rums (see entry above). A relatively dry, column-distilled Spanish-style rum with some amount of aging, but a very light body compared to aged Spanish-style gold rums.