Disenfranchised grief
There are many models for dealing with grief. The Kubler-Ross model describes grieving in five steps or stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (Kubler-Ross, 1969). In other words, in order to begin grieving one must first endorse the loss, and then express emotion. The griever must then accept the loss and adjust to the change the death or loss caused in his or her life (Cordaro, 2012). Over the years, however, how grief is conceptualised has moved away from predictable stages that lead to 'recovery' or 'closure', towards an understanding of grief that addresses the complexity and diversity of the grieving experience (Australian Psychological Society, 2016). Models such as Worden's tasks of grief (2008) and the Dual-Process model (Stroebe and Schutt,1999) offer frameworks for dealing with grief in a way that enhances the self awareness of the grieving person (Australian Psychological Society, 2016).
Death education
The first stage is denial and isolation. When you first hear about a loved one who has a deathly illness your first instinct is to deny the reality of the situation. This is known as a defense mechanism because we block out the words by not fully processing them and also hide from the facts.
The second stage is anger. Once the blocking out subsides the reality of the situation becomes overwhelming and the pain from the news emerges.
The third stage is bargaining. This stage you will feel more vulnerable and helpless. In order to gain control again you'll start thinking of ways that would have made it better like:
• "If only we had sought medical attention sooner…"
• "If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…"
• "If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…"