Susan Anderson (psychotherapist)
While Kübler-Ross, Anderson, and others have attempted to define discrete stages of grief, such as an initial period of numbness leading to depression and finally to reorganization and recovery, most modern grief specialists recognize the variations and fluidity of grief experiences, that differ considerably in intensity and length among cultural groups and from person to person. No grief stage theory has been able to account for how people cope with loss, why they experience varying degrees and types of distress at different times, and how or when they adjust to a life without their loved one over time.
Death education
The first stage is denial and isolation. When you first hear about a loved one who has a deathly illness your first instinct is to deny the reality of the situation. This is known as a defense mechanism because we block out the words by not fully processing them and also hide from the facts.
The second stage is anger. Once the blocking out subsides the reality of the situation becomes overwhelming and the pain from the news emerges.
The third stage is bargaining. This stage you will feel more vulnerable and helpless. In order to gain control again you'll start thinking of ways that would have made it better like:
• "If only we had sought medical attention sooner…"
• "If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…"
• "If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…"