i don t know who i am anymore i ve tried so hard to regain a sense of who i once wa but it s pointless everytime i look at someone anybody i instantly feel reminded that i m nothing that i will always will be nothing i m not clueless i know why i feel this way i ve been strong for way too long i ve spent my entire life longing for something that will never come a decent family that isn t problematic friend and a proper support system this entire time i wa never strong because i wanted to be i had no choice but to be i m not a strong person keeping false hope by holding onto delusion to get by isn t what it mean to be strong i know the life i m living now won t last forever but the damage caused by everything i ve gone through is beyond repair i m unfixable my whole life ha been nothing but a buildup of trauma and it ll continue to be it ll never end more than anything i wish someone cared about me would hold my hand and tell me everything s going to be alright hug me when i cry into my pillow at night hold me when i m breaking down because i m not strong enough to take on the pain alone but no i ll never have anyone like that in my life only in my delusional mind if any word defines my life it s alone i ve taken this journey of endless trauma alone none ha ever truly cared everyone just watch me stagger along i wonder why i even wasted any of my time going to therapy none of my therapist have ever cared nothing ever changed i never felt any better i m currently feeling the worst i ve ever felt in my entire life i ve experienced so much pain throughout my whole life but nothing like this this pain destroyed all my dream destroyed who i once wa a a person there s only one way from here now and it s more down then i already am taking medication for my problem isn t what i need throwing pill at my problem isn t going to make me forget about everything that s ever happened in my life the only two thing that would be able to do that for me is severe brain trauma or death i m not going to use drug a mean of coping with my life using drug to solve and help with my problem i may be a worthless individual but i m wise enough to know having to take pill a a mean of getting better isn t the life i want i just need a human being in my life that care about me that is able to see my worth tell me i m more than all of this trauma however i know the reality and i won t sugarcoat it i come with too many challenge for anyone to have any sort of care for me i suffer from skin picking severe depression and anxiety ptsd constant disassociation where i forget who i actually am and feel like the world isn t real i m far too fucked up it explains why i have no friend why i have none in my life who truly care about me because of how long all of my problem have gone untreated i can t escape my suicidal thought my problem will always define who i am will always have the last say in everything i do nothing give me happiness anymore not food not drawing not reading or writing not watching the sunrise not the moon not late night not going outside not sleeping nothing all of it feel pointless now and it doesn t provide me happiness like it used to me i ve always preferred to keep my emotion to myself and not go to my parent for help because everytime i do i get the same response they always invalidate my feeling it s endless response that always tear me down they tell me i m overreacting that i should leave my problem in the past that i should stop being a crybaby that i should grow up already and stop being problematic saying that others have life worse and i shouldn t complain about it there s no point in wasting my time asking them for help i have none else i can reach out to none else that care i wa hospitalized a month ago after i told my school counselor about my suicidal thought what happened my parent were called i wa forced to go to the hospital and i got cussed out badly they said a variety of hurtful thing but what stuck with me the most wa being told that if i were actually suicidal i d have done it already telling me i m nothing but an attention seeker telling me i wasted my time asking for help and going to the hospital because no give a shit about me anyways no care at all for the fact that i m in the hospital because i don t want to live anymore i didn t choose to be open about being suicidal because i m an attention seeker i did it because i needed help surviving if my own parent don t care about me how can i expect anyone else to have any care for me the only living being i have left now is my lovely boy sled he may only be a dog but he s all i have left in this world unfortunately i just don t know if that s enough at this point to keep me going life ha given up on me so i want to give up on myself i m tired of my life consisting of surviving plainly existing without no meaning i don t want be strong anymore i don t want to live in my head anymore i never want to experience trauma ever again i want to escape i want to be free i m not sure if i ll ever get that chance in life and even if i do it won t be anytime soon if i had to guess possibly in a few year but i can t hold on that long hell i don t even know if i can make it to the end of 0 people with proper support system really don t realize how lucky they truly are that s the only that could save me from myself and the only thing i look forward to in the future if i make it the chance i ll have my own support system one of the worst mistake i kept repeating wa thinking that professional help would magically make everything better somehow it didn t i m never taken seriously because to them i m just another mentally ill person that doesn t hold much worth fuck that i do have many mental illness but i m aware and i sure a hell know what my reality is and what s going on i ve recently come to realize you can t rely on anyone but yourself to help you get better obviously this is far from easy when you re suicidal the harsh reality is i can give up or continue living my life in misery this isn t just the harsh reality for me but so many other individual who are suicidal or have suicidal thought or ideation it s not fair at all and none should ever have to come to that realization i feel like i m a lost cause now i m beyond sick and tired of hearing there s hope for the future something brighter to look forward to for the past few year i ve been feeling suicidal all i ve been doing is taking life one step at a time taking it day by day waiting for that one where thing finally start to turn around for me but it hasn t all the time i wonder maybe there s nothing left in my future except loneliness emptiness more nightmare to dream about more tear to shed and more trauma to endure i don t want to live like this anymore although i don t wish to die only escape this life i d rather be dead i don t want to be this aware i don t want to feel like this anymore i don t want the feeling of worrying about what the future hold to consume me anymore being failed by the system failed by society and failed by life is why i m suicidal
Classification of TEXT into LABEL: is depression , is not depression
### TEXT:
i don t know who i am anymore i ve tried so hard to regain a sense of who i once wa but it s pointless everytime i look at someone anybody i instantly feel reminded that i m nothing that i will always will be nothing i m not clueless i know why i feel this way i ve been strong for way too long i ve spent my entire life longing for something that will never come a decent family that isn t problematic friend and a proper support system this entire time i wa never strong because i wanted to be i had no choice but to be i m not a strong person keeping false hope by holding onto delusion to get by isn t what it mean to be strong i know the life i m living now won t last forever but the damage caused by everything i ve gone through is beyond repair i m unfixable my whole life ha been nothing but a buildup of trauma and it ll continue to be it ll never end more than anything i wish someone cared about me would hold my hand and tell me everything s going to be alright hug me when i cry into my pillow at night hold me when i m breaking down because i m not strong enough to take on the pain alone but no i ll never have anyone like that in my life only in my delusional mind if any word defines my life it s alone i ve taken this journey of endless trauma alone none ha ever truly cared everyone just watch me stagger along i wonder why i even wasted any of my time going to therapy none of my therapist have ever cared nothing ever changed i never felt any better i m currently feeling the worst i ve ever felt in my entire life i ve experienced so much pain throughout my whole life but nothing like this this pain destroyed all my dream destroyed who i once wa a a person there s only one way from here now and it s more down then i already am taking medication for my problem isn t what i need throwing pill at my problem isn t going to make me forget about everything that s ever happened in my life the only two thing that would be able to do that for me is severe brain trauma or death i m not going to use drug a mean of coping with my life using drug to solve and help with my problem i may be a worthless individual but i m wise enough to know having to take pill a a mean of getting better isn t the life i want i just need a human being in my life that care about me that is able to see my worth tell me i m more than all of this trauma however i know the reality and i won t sugarcoat it i come with too many challenge for anyone to have any sort of care for me i suffer from skin picking severe depression and anxiety ptsd constant disassociation where i forget who i actually am and feel like the world isn t real i m far too fucked up it explains why i have no friend why i have none in my life who truly care about me because of how long all of my problem have gone untreated i can t escape my suicidal thought my problem will always define who i am will always have the last say in everything i do nothing give me happiness anymore not food not drawing not reading or writing not watching the sunrise not the moon not late night not going outside not sleeping nothing all of it feel pointless now and it doesn t provide me happiness like it used to me i ve always preferred to keep my emotion to myself and not go to my parent for help because everytime i do i get the same response they always invalidate my feeling it s endless response that always tear me down they tell me i m overreacting that i should leave my problem in the past that i should stop being a crybaby that i should grow up already and stop being problematic saying that others have life worse and i shouldn t complain about it there s no point in wasting my time asking them for help i have none else i can reach out to none else that care i wa hospitalized a month ago after i told my school counselor about my suicidal thought what happened my parent were called i wa forced to go to the hospital and i got cussed out badly they said a variety of hurtful thing but what stuck with me the most wa being told that if i were actually suicidal i d have done it already telling me i m nothing but an attention seeker telling me i wasted my time asking for help and going to the hospital because no give a shit about me anyways no care at all for the fact that i m in the hospital because i don t want to live anymore i didn t choose to be open about being suicidal because i m an attention seeker i did it because i needed help surviving if my own parent don t care about me how can i expect anyone else to have any care for me the only living being i have left now is my lovely boy sled he may only be a dog but he s all i have left in this world unfortunately i just don t know if that s enough at this point to keep me going life ha given up on me so i want to give up on myself i m tired of my life consisting of surviving plainly existing without no meaning i don t want be strong anymore i don t want to live in my head anymore i never want to experience trauma ever again i want to escape i want to be free i m not sure if i ll ever get that chance in life and even if i do it won t be anytime soon if i had to guess possibly in a few year but i can t hold on that long hell i don t even know if i can make it to the end of 0 people with proper support system really don t realize how lucky they truly are that s the only that could save me from myself and the only thing i look forward to in the future if i make it the chance i ll have my own support system one of the worst mistake i kept repeating wa thinking that professional help would magically make everything better somehow it didn t i m never taken seriously because to them i m just another mentally ill person that doesn t hold much worth fuck that i do have many mental illness but i m aware and i sure a hell know what my reality is and what s going on i ve recently come to realize you can t rely on anyone but yourself to help you get better obviously this is far from easy when you re suicidal the harsh reality is i can give up or continue living my life in misery this isn t just the harsh reality for me but so many other individual who are suicidal or have suicidal thought or ideation it s not fair at all and none should ever have to come to that realization i feel like i m a lost cause now i m beyond sick and tired of hearing there s hope for the future something brighter to look forward to for the past few year i ve been feeling suicidal all i ve been doing is taking life one step at a time taking it day by day waiting for that one where thing finally start to turn around for me but it hasn t all the time i wonder maybe there s nothing left in my future except loneliness emptiness more nightmare to dream about more tear to shed and more trauma to endure i don t want to live like this anymore although i don t wish to die only escape this life i d rather be dead i don t want to be this aware i don t want to feel like this anymore i don t want the feeling of worrying about what the future hold to consume me anymore being failed by the system failed by society and failed by life is why i m suicidal
### LABEL:
is depression