we found out a couple of day ago that my dog needed to be put down we had a beautiful last day with her yesterday technically she wa the family dog but she spent the most time with me and turned into an unofficial support dog for me she ha been with me through trauma and therapy and everything in between she ha been my rock scarlett ha been an anchor point a grounding into the world she ha been the only thing that ha stayed steady in a world of ups and down she wa there no matter the mood or how sick i wa she ha kept me engaged with the outside world walk and beginning interaction she greeted the world with a smile no matter what she forced you to give her affection and in turn forced hers on you she ha been the definition of unconditional love in my life mainly because i can t assume or misunderstand what she doe or say she ha been my safe place both physically and mentally i didn t want to leave her behind not understanding i ve been struggling with everything even with her to bring me calm i don t know how to do this without her i ve been using numbness to try and stop myself from shattering but a it splinter into smaller and smaller piece there s only so long it can hold a i hear the splintering standing on the cliff edge the ground start to shake i know that if i move i will explode into tiny fragment and that i can t escape from the edge of the cliff falling the splinter are so small i won t be able to be put back together without missing piece the fall into the abyss will spread the fragment far and wide there isn t a way to climb back out this time there isn t the energy to hope enough to look i don t want to die specifically i just can t keep doing this anymore i m beyond tired i m spent i can t see any other option i ve tried and tried and tried different treatment i ve pushed to do exercise and socialise and do what other people have decided is the best for me i ve taken medication even with shitty side effect taking some rest time with no appointment or pressure wa lovely but didn t change anything inside i ve been fighting a hard a i can and it hasn t been enough i began having passive suicidality when i wa and having intense trauma later certainly didn t help the past year ha been the hardest and lowest i ve ever reached i ve been in and out of hospital tried over 0 different med tried different therapy than i have in the past had ect and tried emdr i have a whole team mental health social worker psych intervention team a doctor specialist and so on the only advice that i wa given when i explained that i wa too tired wa to push through to keep going because there have been improvement and people think it will change and to be patient for thing to start working and maybe i should try doing more thing or le thing or have extra support or change my dosage or simplify my medication or go to hospital or an outpatient program i can t do anymore i can t keep forcing myself onwards because other people will notice a change in the outside without much of a change inside i know it s a selfish decision and that it doesn t get rid of the pain just pass over to the people around me it will affect them forever it won t disappear with time i can t kid myself that they will get over it a much a i think it will be the better option i know none of them will agree i can t look through rose coloured glass saying it take away the burden it just change it from me to the people around me i d love to say my goodbye with everyone and give them time to grieve and prepare with them have a perfect last day making sure that everyone know i love them and that it is no one s fault doing thing with people that are special for u trying to say everything that i want to to people face to face to give big hug and laugh together one last time i wish i could give everyone that i m so sorry that i can t and for the suffering that brings there is too much to say to all the people who are precious in my life to write down i m sorry i love you you did nothing wrong you are so important to me i m sorry that i stopped trying thank you for our relationship you have added so much joy to my life i believe in you and all you can achieve i m sorry that there is no time to come to term with the idea i know there isn t any combination of word or thought that will make it any easier for anyone i know there isn t anything that i can do to assuage the guilt and pain and anger i wish i could but that doesn t really matter doe it i don t even know if i can commit to finishing a plan everyone seems to think so but i don t know and if i can t go through with it then no one need to worry or be concerned because there isn t actually danger and i can just be unhappy without the need for restriction and people feeling responsibility for me
Classification of TEXT into LABEL: is depression , is not depression
### TEXT:
we found out a couple of day ago that my dog needed to be put down we had a beautiful last day with her yesterday technically she wa the family dog but she spent the most time with me and turned into an unofficial support dog for me she ha been with me through trauma and therapy and everything in between she ha been my rock scarlett ha been an anchor point a grounding into the world she ha been the only thing that ha stayed steady in a world of ups and down she wa there no matter the mood or how sick i wa she ha kept me engaged with the outside world walk and beginning interaction she greeted the world with a smile no matter what she forced you to give her affection and in turn forced hers on you she ha been the definition of unconditional love in my life mainly because i can t assume or misunderstand what she doe or say she ha been my safe place both physically and mentally i didn t want to leave her behind not understanding i ve been struggling with everything even with her to bring me calm i don t know how to do this without her i ve been using numbness to try and stop myself from shattering but a it splinter into smaller and smaller piece there s only so long it can hold a i hear the splintering standing on the cliff edge the ground start to shake i know that if i move i will explode into tiny fragment and that i can t escape from the edge of the cliff falling the splinter are so small i won t be able to be put back together without missing piece the fall into the abyss will spread the fragment far and wide there isn t a way to climb back out this time there isn t the energy to hope enough to look i don t want to die specifically i just can t keep doing this anymore i m beyond tired i m spent i can t see any other option i ve tried and tried and tried different treatment i ve pushed to do exercise and socialise and do what other people have decided is the best for me i ve taken medication even with shitty side effect taking some rest time with no appointment or pressure wa lovely but didn t change anything inside i ve been fighting a hard a i can and it hasn t been enough i began having passive suicidality when i wa and having intense trauma later certainly didn t help the past year ha been the hardest and lowest i ve ever reached i ve been in and out of hospital tried over 0 different med tried different therapy than i have in the past had ect and tried emdr i have a whole team mental health social worker psych intervention team a doctor specialist and so on the only advice that i wa given when i explained that i wa too tired wa to push through to keep going because there have been improvement and people think it will change and to be patient for thing to start working and maybe i should try doing more thing or le thing or have extra support or change my dosage or simplify my medication or go to hospital or an outpatient program i can t do anymore i can t keep forcing myself onwards because other people will notice a change in the outside without much of a change inside i know it s a selfish decision and that it doesn t get rid of the pain just pass over to the people around me it will affect them forever it won t disappear with time i can t kid myself that they will get over it a much a i think it will be the better option i know none of them will agree i can t look through rose coloured glass saying it take away the burden it just change it from me to the people around me i d love to say my goodbye with everyone and give them time to grieve and prepare with them have a perfect last day making sure that everyone know i love them and that it is no one s fault doing thing with people that are special for u trying to say everything that i want to to people face to face to give big hug and laugh together one last time i wish i could give everyone that i m so sorry that i can t and for the suffering that brings there is too much to say to all the people who are precious in my life to write down i m sorry i love you you did nothing wrong you are so important to me i m sorry that i stopped trying thank you for our relationship you have added so much joy to my life i believe in you and all you can achieve i m sorry that there is no time to come to term with the idea i know there isn t any combination of word or thought that will make it any easier for anyone i know there isn t anything that i can do to assuage the guilt and pain and anger i wish i could but that doesn t really matter doe it i don t even know if i can commit to finishing a plan everyone seems to think so but i don t know and if i can t go through with it then no one need to worry or be concerned because there isn t actually danger and i can just be unhappy without the need for restriction and people feeling responsibility for me
### LABEL:
is depression