in the past year i got raped by a friend i trusted deeply i lost my job to covid my grandmother who i loved more than anyone passed my best friend completely ghosted me found out i have a chronic disease i can never have my own biological child i thought a these thing were happening that i would eventually be able to move past them that maybe they weren t such big deal and i really wa being too sensitive like my parent love to tell me i m an adult and i most definitely can t afford to move out i can barely afford to pay the 00 a month rent my parent charge me i live in the same room i ve lived in since i wa born i just pay for it now with money i wa saving for a car so i don t have a car i don t have my license cause my parent won t let me drive their car so i ve never practiced i don t have a single friend i had two but if you read the beginning yea i ve been homeschooled since the start of high school so i don t have anyone to fall back on except for family my grandmother wa the only one who really sympathized with me and i spent the past two year taking care of her pretty much full time she wa 9 and mentally and physically declining it killed me to watch the woman who raised me wither away i felt like i lost my only purpose when she passed away and i constantly blame myself for not being there when she died she had a heart attack and the coroner told me i couldn t have helped even if i wa right beside her but i m eaten alive with guilt i m still grieving but i need money to live i interviewed and got a job at a place i wanted to work i wa dreading it though because i knew my only way to get there is my parent my dad begrudgingly take me even though i don t know how he expects me to pay his rent if i can t have a job he constantly complains about having to take me there and back which is at the most minute of driving yet he won t aid me in getting a license and is draining my saving from my old job by charging me rent and now my current job is slashing my hour i went from 0 hour a week to what the fuck and they now expect me to do double the work on a single shift for 9 an hour i thought thing were looking up when i first got that job but now it s just shit i m not making any money or progress in life i m dependent on my family and im sick and tired of it i don t feel like an adult at all and frankly i don t want to be why would i want to live the next sixty year to pay tax work and be miserable there s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering i m traumatized from being raped i ve never told anyone irl and i think i m asexual because of it now thinking about anything intimate make me physically sick i never want to be in a relationship what s the point if i can t have kid anyways nobody would want me all i really want is a friend or two people to talk with and share hobby but i can t drive myself anywhere so i m kinda unable to even attempt to make connection with people and i ve noticed pretty much everyone my age is only interested in hook ups or relationship my old best friend of year completely ghosted me after she got a boyfriend i wanted to know what it wa like to have a boyfriend and my first kiss but it wa forcefully stolen from me i wanted to master an instrument and another language i wanted to keep seeing cool new game and anime come out i wanted to try food from around the world i wanted to see the northern light dance i wanted to see sakura season i wanted to see crystal clear ocean water i wanted to spread my wing and be able to just live normally but it just wasn t meant to be for me well i accidentally turned this into a long rant but basically i m giving up i see no point in living tomorrow will be my last day i made plan with my older sister to go to a movie and dinner so it ll be a good day at least i wa gon na shoot myself but i figured an overdose will be le painful for my parent to come across i m not sure exactly what i believe in but maybe life will be better next time my heart hurt for anyone feeling the same way i do it s hard thank you for reading
Classification of TEXT into LABEL: is depression , is not depression
### TEXT:
in the past year i got raped by a friend i trusted deeply i lost my job to covid my grandmother who i loved more than anyone passed my best friend completely ghosted me found out i have a chronic disease i can never have my own biological child i thought a these thing were happening that i would eventually be able to move past them that maybe they weren t such big deal and i really wa being too sensitive like my parent love to tell me i m an adult and i most definitely can t afford to move out i can barely afford to pay the 00 a month rent my parent charge me i live in the same room i ve lived in since i wa born i just pay for it now with money i wa saving for a car so i don t have a car i don t have my license cause my parent won t let me drive their car so i ve never practiced i don t have a single friend i had two but if you read the beginning yea i ve been homeschooled since the start of high school so i don t have anyone to fall back on except for family my grandmother wa the only one who really sympathized with me and i spent the past two year taking care of her pretty much full time she wa 9 and mentally and physically declining it killed me to watch the woman who raised me wither away i felt like i lost my only purpose when she passed away and i constantly blame myself for not being there when she died she had a heart attack and the coroner told me i couldn t have helped even if i wa right beside her but i m eaten alive with guilt i m still grieving but i need money to live i interviewed and got a job at a place i wanted to work i wa dreading it though because i knew my only way to get there is my parent my dad begrudgingly take me even though i don t know how he expects me to pay his rent if i can t have a job he constantly complains about having to take me there and back which is at the most minute of driving yet he won t aid me in getting a license and is draining my saving from my old job by charging me rent and now my current job is slashing my hour i went from 0 hour a week to what the fuck and they now expect me to do double the work on a single shift for 9 an hour i thought thing were looking up when i first got that job but now it s just shit i m not making any money or progress in life i m dependent on my family and im sick and tired of it i don t feel like an adult at all and frankly i don t want to be why would i want to live the next sixty year to pay tax work and be miserable there s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering i m traumatized from being raped i ve never told anyone irl and i think i m asexual because of it now thinking about anything intimate make me physically sick i never want to be in a relationship what s the point if i can t have kid anyways nobody would want me all i really want is a friend or two people to talk with and share hobby but i can t drive myself anywhere so i m kinda unable to even attempt to make connection with people and i ve noticed pretty much everyone my age is only interested in hook ups or relationship my old best friend of year completely ghosted me after she got a boyfriend i wanted to know what it wa like to have a boyfriend and my first kiss but it wa forcefully stolen from me i wanted to master an instrument and another language i wanted to keep seeing cool new game and anime come out i wanted to try food from around the world i wanted to see the northern light dance i wanted to see sakura season i wanted to see crystal clear ocean water i wanted to spread my wing and be able to just live normally but it just wasn t meant to be for me well i accidentally turned this into a long rant but basically i m giving up i see no point in living tomorrow will be my last day i made plan with my older sister to go to a movie and dinner so it ll be a good day at least i wa gon na shoot myself but i figured an overdose will be le painful for my parent to come across i m not sure exactly what i believe in but maybe life will be better next time my heart hurt for anyone feeling the same way i do it s hard thank you for reading
### LABEL:
is depression