i m 0 and i m alone and it s tough to pretend i m a whole person amp x 00b i haven t made a friend since high school i m starting to befriend someone at work but it s giving me a lot of anxiety because when am i going to say the thing that make her hate me it feel like i have to do everything right to be social or maybe i m missing something that everyone else ha or maybe i m just not cut out to be social but to have friend you have to answer them when they fucking text regardless of what s going on in my life and i just don t have the energy to keep up with that i recently had someone tell me i wa probably not doing well on bumble bff because i m a slow responder sometimes i don t know what to say sometimes word aren t happening in my brain sometimes i m just too tired maybe missing out on social thing for all of my 0 s is something i m never going to be able to recover from amp x 00b i ve been in a lot of workplace where i wa the loser i had no friend i d catch people saying mean thing about me they all get together with each other and i m not invited i ve been in multiple situation where group of people don t like me and do shitty passive aggressive thing to me every chance they get i don t know what i do wrong i try to just be a genuine kind person i get feedback that i m nice i know i m not perfect but at least i ve had some feedback that i m not totally delusional to think i m a nice person but there have also been a few time where i know what i said there have been a few time when i can pinpoint the off comment that make someone turn on me and it must be more than one off comment because it s always easy for that person to get a group to turn on me it s terrifying to feel like at any moment i can slip up and someone will just decide i m not worth their time amp x 00b and i never feel like i say the right thing some of my coworker s response are lackluster think lol and i just wonder if she even want to talk to me making friend give me the same anxiety that trying to date someone give me that s kind of fucked up i should probably not care so much whether or not someone decides they want to be my friend but also it affect me i feel like i m not worthy of friendship because so many people have decided i m not worth their time and honestly this is a big moment for me because this is the moment i realize i ve internalized all that rejection and got to where i don t feel good enough for friendship why would someone pick me when i m a ball of nerve why would someone want to hang out with someone who only feel like half a person amp x 00b lately i ve been doing okay relative to the last 0 year i finally got a job that doesn t feel like chinese water torture i m on medication and that help a ton i m a lot better about not letting myself slip into negative thought pattern this week i haven t been feeling the overwhelming cloud of misery because i finally got medication that isn t expired and i m taking it regularly but every time i think about social stuff it just give me this squished feeling i can t name the feeling but it s visceral my body feel shitty i m going on a vacation with my mom and her work friend in a month and i m so fucking nervous because what if i do the thing that make everyone hate me i don t even know what the fucking thing is but spending four day with people who are talking crap about you in a small space i did that around this time last year and it wa so bad amp x 00b okay amp x 00b i m a solution oriented person and part of my problem is that i don t know how to fix this part of my life i don t really know what the solution is to feeling unworthy of friendship it took me eight year to figure out the solution to hating myself and honestly even though it s a struggle it s also worth it to fight through those feeling and find an even timbre social situation are just approached totally differently from a mental health perspective i ve googled how to feel le lonely and the fucking answer wa make friend how do you make friend when you feel like nobody want to be your friend and for good reason therapist have basically told me to find a group and the friendship will happen naturally but there s not a huge meet up scene in my area and i have a ton of anxiety about going to one and the few i have been to were not great i couldn t read the book on how to influence people and never feel powerless again i got halfway through it and it honestly felt like customer service kiss as bullshit but this time i m not even getting paid for it that book make me feel like i have to scrub my personality clean and poke myself into a small box to be socially acceptable amp x 00b i just don t know i m going to keep trying different thing i m going to keep putting myself out there because the only other choice is to keep doing thing the same shitty way with the same shitty outcome amp x 00b i needed this rant today and if anyone actually manages to read all that thanks for your time and i hope both our day get better
Classification of TEXT into LABEL: is depression , is not depression
### TEXT:
i m 0 and i m alone and it s tough to pretend i m a whole person amp x 00b i haven t made a friend since high school i m starting to befriend someone at work but it s giving me a lot of anxiety because when am i going to say the thing that make her hate me it feel like i have to do everything right to be social or maybe i m missing something that everyone else ha or maybe i m just not cut out to be social but to have friend you have to answer them when they fucking text regardless of what s going on in my life and i just don t have the energy to keep up with that i recently had someone tell me i wa probably not doing well on bumble bff because i m a slow responder sometimes i don t know what to say sometimes word aren t happening in my brain sometimes i m just too tired maybe missing out on social thing for all of my 0 s is something i m never going to be able to recover from amp x 00b i ve been in a lot of workplace where i wa the loser i had no friend i d catch people saying mean thing about me they all get together with each other and i m not invited i ve been in multiple situation where group of people don t like me and do shitty passive aggressive thing to me every chance they get i don t know what i do wrong i try to just be a genuine kind person i get feedback that i m nice i know i m not perfect but at least i ve had some feedback that i m not totally delusional to think i m a nice person but there have also been a few time where i know what i said there have been a few time when i can pinpoint the off comment that make someone turn on me and it must be more than one off comment because it s always easy for that person to get a group to turn on me it s terrifying to feel like at any moment i can slip up and someone will just decide i m not worth their time amp x 00b and i never feel like i say the right thing some of my coworker s response are lackluster think lol and i just wonder if she even want to talk to me making friend give me the same anxiety that trying to date someone give me that s kind of fucked up i should probably not care so much whether or not someone decides they want to be my friend but also it affect me i feel like i m not worthy of friendship because so many people have decided i m not worth their time and honestly this is a big moment for me because this is the moment i realize i ve internalized all that rejection and got to where i don t feel good enough for friendship why would someone pick me when i m a ball of nerve why would someone want to hang out with someone who only feel like half a person amp x 00b lately i ve been doing okay relative to the last 0 year i finally got a job that doesn t feel like chinese water torture i m on medication and that help a ton i m a lot better about not letting myself slip into negative thought pattern this week i haven t been feeling the overwhelming cloud of misery because i finally got medication that isn t expired and i m taking it regularly but every time i think about social stuff it just give me this squished feeling i can t name the feeling but it s visceral my body feel shitty i m going on a vacation with my mom and her work friend in a month and i m so fucking nervous because what if i do the thing that make everyone hate me i don t even know what the fucking thing is but spending four day with people who are talking crap about you in a small space i did that around this time last year and it wa so bad amp x 00b okay amp x 00b i m a solution oriented person and part of my problem is that i don t know how to fix this part of my life i don t really know what the solution is to feeling unworthy of friendship it took me eight year to figure out the solution to hating myself and honestly even though it s a struggle it s also worth it to fight through those feeling and find an even timbre social situation are just approached totally differently from a mental health perspective i ve googled how to feel le lonely and the fucking answer wa make friend how do you make friend when you feel like nobody want to be your friend and for good reason therapist have basically told me to find a group and the friendship will happen naturally but there s not a huge meet up scene in my area and i have a ton of anxiety about going to one and the few i have been to were not great i couldn t read the book on how to influence people and never feel powerless again i got halfway through it and it honestly felt like customer service kiss as bullshit but this time i m not even getting paid for it that book make me feel like i have to scrub my personality clean and poke myself into a small box to be socially acceptable amp x 00b i just don t know i m going to keep trying different thing i m going to keep putting myself out there because the only other choice is to keep doing thing the same shitty way with the same shitty outcome amp x 00b i needed this rant today and if anyone actually manages to read all that thanks for your time and i hope both our day get better
### LABEL:
is depression