a little over a month ago i wa over at a friend s house and got to drinking pretty heavily over the night that i spent a his place every so often he would take the bottle away from me and temporarily and hide because he had the impression that i downing a full bottle of liquor at a dangerously fast pace for whatever neurotic reason the idea became supplanted in my head that he wa trying to intentionally hide it away from me so he could spike the bottle with a finely powdered lead in order to cause me to ingest large amount of a neurotoxic chemical to produce measurable brain damage surely this isn t likely whatsoever right it s all i ve been able to ob and ruminate over for well over a month now i could elaborate on a million different pattern and detail and inform you of the interpersonal context between the both of u but then i feel like i d be trying to create and extract a specific response out of people these are the bare bone and objective happening of the night in mention i ve even seen a doctor about trying to get tested for possible acute lead exposure and hinted towards psychological deterioration on a quantifiable level my intuition tell me that my saboteur had successfully managed to reduce my iq by several point and inflict a speech impediment issue which involves a portmanteau synthesis between word in my inner dialogue the way that it wa explained to me from a team of professional who discussed my case wa that because i m an adult it s much harder for a single instance of lead exposure ingestion to be absorbed or produce any perceptible effect or cross the blood brain barrier due to a lack of iron deficiency and binding capacity to red blood cell ergo a test would not be necessary or productive in my case however i can t shake the idea out of my mind i can t dissolve it or even compartmentalize it a i navigate through the day it s escalated to the point where it s infected every part of my conscious thinking and convinced me that i m no longer capable of achieving any of the goal i ve set for myself with my newfound profound disability that are only noticeable to me surely this is something so asinine so comically absurd that the idea should be laughed at the point of it conception why can t i disentangle the idea from my head it s put me into a state of complete inaction i m too paranoid to engage in any socially or mentally stimulating activity because i m terrified that the sting of observing my cognitive deficit in real time will manifest and i won t be able to articulate myself to anyone or anything for the rest of my life and the stuttering habit i never had that issue before never have i ever possessed an affinity for transposing syllable or stating sentence in incorreclty disjointed sequence i used to write quite frequently before this and conversely i feel an all consuming negation of my emotional affectivity and spontaneity my thought aren t being organically generated and i feel a if i have to strain to think of anything lucid or insightful is it natural to feel like your thought have been utterly attenuated and obliterated with anxiety is it normal to feel a if time is accelerating itself faster than your consciousness can adapt to it progression is it natural to feel former part of your identity and desire to become increasingly disfigured obscured and foreign to yourself the aforementioned friend that i spoke of no longer talk to me a we had a falling out with one another over a relationship that wa rife with gaslighting think of the breadcrumbing tactic some narcissist employ maybe that spurred the main causal effect for why i m patternizing my memory in the way that i am but pouring granulated lead into my liquor without me noticing or it producing any physiological effect that s laughable right
Classification of TEXT into LABEL: is depression , is not depression
### TEXT:
a little over a month ago i wa over at a friend s house and got to drinking pretty heavily over the night that i spent a his place every so often he would take the bottle away from me and temporarily and hide because he had the impression that i downing a full bottle of liquor at a dangerously fast pace for whatever neurotic reason the idea became supplanted in my head that he wa trying to intentionally hide it away from me so he could spike the bottle with a finely powdered lead in order to cause me to ingest large amount of a neurotoxic chemical to produce measurable brain damage surely this isn t likely whatsoever right it s all i ve been able to ob and ruminate over for well over a month now i could elaborate on a million different pattern and detail and inform you of the interpersonal context between the both of u but then i feel like i d be trying to create and extract a specific response out of people these are the bare bone and objective happening of the night in mention i ve even seen a doctor about trying to get tested for possible acute lead exposure and hinted towards psychological deterioration on a quantifiable level my intuition tell me that my saboteur had successfully managed to reduce my iq by several point and inflict a speech impediment issue which involves a portmanteau synthesis between word in my inner dialogue the way that it wa explained to me from a team of professional who discussed my case wa that because i m an adult it s much harder for a single instance of lead exposure ingestion to be absorbed or produce any perceptible effect or cross the blood brain barrier due to a lack of iron deficiency and binding capacity to red blood cell ergo a test would not be necessary or productive in my case however i can t shake the idea out of my mind i can t dissolve it or even compartmentalize it a i navigate through the day it s escalated to the point where it s infected every part of my conscious thinking and convinced me that i m no longer capable of achieving any of the goal i ve set for myself with my newfound profound disability that are only noticeable to me surely this is something so asinine so comically absurd that the idea should be laughed at the point of it conception why can t i disentangle the idea from my head it s put me into a state of complete inaction i m too paranoid to engage in any socially or mentally stimulating activity because i m terrified that the sting of observing my cognitive deficit in real time will manifest and i won t be able to articulate myself to anyone or anything for the rest of my life and the stuttering habit i never had that issue before never have i ever possessed an affinity for transposing syllable or stating sentence in incorreclty disjointed sequence i used to write quite frequently before this and conversely i feel an all consuming negation of my emotional affectivity and spontaneity my thought aren t being organically generated and i feel a if i have to strain to think of anything lucid or insightful is it natural to feel like your thought have been utterly attenuated and obliterated with anxiety is it normal to feel a if time is accelerating itself faster than your consciousness can adapt to it progression is it natural to feel former part of your identity and desire to become increasingly disfigured obscured and foreign to yourself the aforementioned friend that i spoke of no longer talk to me a we had a falling out with one another over a relationship that wa rife with gaslighting think of the breadcrumbing tactic some narcissist employ maybe that spurred the main causal effect for why i m patternizing my memory in the way that i am but pouring granulated lead into my liquor without me noticing or it producing any physiological effect that s laughable right
### LABEL:
is depression