i can t remember a time when i wasn t struggling i ve wanted to die for a long a i can remember and i m worried i m no longer afraid of death i just don t understand myself i can get up every day and do everything i need to put my retainer in and wash my face before i sleep get great grade but no one know how much my body ache and how hard i have to push myself to do all those thing i joke around my friend and plaster this fake as smile on my face around everybody but i contemplate my death every night every single night and i can never sleep before am anymore yet i wake up bright and early a if i didn t almost kill myself the night before there wa a point in my life where i didn t get out of bed for month didn t brush my teeth for week failed every class never spoke to anyone and got sickly skinny from loss of appetite it wa so awful and i never want to return to that state again that i let myself fall apart now trying to keep my composure and no one know there s not a single soul in my life who s aware though i try to talk about it without dragging everyone down with me i ve also caught myself dissociating a lot more these day can t remember shit can t feel excitement at all or any other emotion other than despair and exhaustion and the terrible brain fog i just don t know what to do anymore don t know how much longer i can keep my act up i m repulsed by the idea that i d have to do this forever don t want to talk to anyone about it either in fear that i d just be a burden friend and family call me over dramatic and don t even take it seriously because they re never there to see how bad it is and idk how to show them don t even know what the point of me posting this is i doubt anyone would even see this or waste precious time reading through this long as post
Classification of TEXT into LABEL: is depression , is not depression
### TEXT:
i can t remember a time when i wasn t struggling i ve wanted to die for a long a i can remember and i m worried i m no longer afraid of death i just don t understand myself i can get up every day and do everything i need to put my retainer in and wash my face before i sleep get great grade but no one know how much my body ache and how hard i have to push myself to do all those thing i joke around my friend and plaster this fake as smile on my face around everybody but i contemplate my death every night every single night and i can never sleep before am anymore yet i wake up bright and early a if i didn t almost kill myself the night before there wa a point in my life where i didn t get out of bed for month didn t brush my teeth for week failed every class never spoke to anyone and got sickly skinny from loss of appetite it wa so awful and i never want to return to that state again that i let myself fall apart now trying to keep my composure and no one know there s not a single soul in my life who s aware though i try to talk about it without dragging everyone down with me i ve also caught myself dissociating a lot more these day can t remember shit can t feel excitement at all or any other emotion other than despair and exhaustion and the terrible brain fog i just don t know what to do anymore don t know how much longer i can keep my act up i m repulsed by the idea that i d have to do this forever don t want to talk to anyone about it either in fear that i d just be a burden friend and family call me over dramatic and don t even take it seriously because they re never there to see how bad it is and idk how to show them don t even know what the point of me posting this is i doubt anyone would even see this or waste precious time reading through this long as post
### LABEL:
is depression