i ve been on zoloft for about week now and i m starting to feel uncomfortably neutral i usually dissociate in different way often feeling like i m in a dream but this feel like a different type of dream it just feel so off like i can t tell if it s a dream or not i m missing my normal suicidal absolutely miserable messed up self i ve been on antidepressant so far in my life and none have significantly helped me i feel like they re doing nothing but mushing my brain and making my vision worse i spoke to my doctor today planning to just get off of them entirely i ended up staying on them though a he said that me feeling neutral is a good thing he also said they shouldn t mess with my vision even though i ve seen ton of people say they can i don t understand why there only seem to be two option be extremely miserable and want to kill myself constantly and feel a billion other weird negative indescribable thing or take pill constantly feel absolutely nothing struggle to make sense of anything that s going on a if my mind is just completely blank and miss the other option i wish i could be one of the people that are genuinely happy and have reason behind it i can t make reason nothing about myself or the future matter to me and i can t convince myself otherwise i could still die right now and it would be whatever i just don t care about anything because i can t feel anything right now i just wouldn t want my family or friend to experience that that s still my only reason even now if i didn t have the worry of my family and friend grieving the death of me i d kill myself so i suppose i miss the constant presence of my suicidal thought but the desire is still there it s like there s an itch under my skin that i can t scratch and a ticklish discomfort in my chest i don t understand the feeling but i just miss the thought part of me think that it s only a matter of time before they come back and part of me is afraid that they never will it s so bizarre that you can practically become addicted to it perhaps it is the comfort of the consistency that i love and the change and uncertainty of what s to come that is so frightening to me that sound incorrect though a i just don t care about my future i just feel extra scared and disconnected in this current state of mind though i still want to stop existing to stop feeling this way i feel indifferent to the idea of suicide it feel le enticing but so doe absolutely everything in life i miss the enticement of suicide that i normally feel i want to want to kill myself i want to think about it constantly and that make me feel guilty it make me feel like all of these year i ve just been selfish subconsciously doing thing only for attention and that i m continuing to do exactly that however i know i ve not an emotional abusive relationship and genetics just messed me up i guess i have no idea i missed the abuse too before i started missing the consistency of my suicidal thought now i just feel indifferent to everything about her i don t know i m writing and deleting a good bit of stuff i constantly feel like nothing i m saying is even accurate i just don t know what s going on i just feel like i m in a white void mentally i apologize for my rambling and lack of structure in this post i hope this can at least bring some comfort to anyone out there who may be feeling something similar in any way
Classification of TEXT into LABEL: is depression , is not depression
### TEXT:
i ve been on zoloft for about week now and i m starting to feel uncomfortably neutral i usually dissociate in different way often feeling like i m in a dream but this feel like a different type of dream it just feel so off like i can t tell if it s a dream or not i m missing my normal suicidal absolutely miserable messed up self i ve been on antidepressant so far in my life and none have significantly helped me i feel like they re doing nothing but mushing my brain and making my vision worse i spoke to my doctor today planning to just get off of them entirely i ended up staying on them though a he said that me feeling neutral is a good thing he also said they shouldn t mess with my vision even though i ve seen ton of people say they can i don t understand why there only seem to be two option be extremely miserable and want to kill myself constantly and feel a billion other weird negative indescribable thing or take pill constantly feel absolutely nothing struggle to make sense of anything that s going on a if my mind is just completely blank and miss the other option i wish i could be one of the people that are genuinely happy and have reason behind it i can t make reason nothing about myself or the future matter to me and i can t convince myself otherwise i could still die right now and it would be whatever i just don t care about anything because i can t feel anything right now i just wouldn t want my family or friend to experience that that s still my only reason even now if i didn t have the worry of my family and friend grieving the death of me i d kill myself so i suppose i miss the constant presence of my suicidal thought but the desire is still there it s like there s an itch under my skin that i can t scratch and a ticklish discomfort in my chest i don t understand the feeling but i just miss the thought part of me think that it s only a matter of time before they come back and part of me is afraid that they never will it s so bizarre that you can practically become addicted to it perhaps it is the comfort of the consistency that i love and the change and uncertainty of what s to come that is so frightening to me that sound incorrect though a i just don t care about my future i just feel extra scared and disconnected in this current state of mind though i still want to stop existing to stop feeling this way i feel indifferent to the idea of suicide it feel le enticing but so doe absolutely everything in life i miss the enticement of suicide that i normally feel i want to want to kill myself i want to think about it constantly and that make me feel guilty it make me feel like all of these year i ve just been selfish subconsciously doing thing only for attention and that i m continuing to do exactly that however i know i ve not an emotional abusive relationship and genetics just messed me up i guess i have no idea i missed the abuse too before i started missing the consistency of my suicidal thought now i just feel indifferent to everything about her i don t know i m writing and deleting a good bit of stuff i constantly feel like nothing i m saying is even accurate i just don t know what s going on i just feel like i m in a white void mentally i apologize for my rambling and lack of structure in this post i hope this can at least bring some comfort to anyone out there who may be feeling something similar in any way
### LABEL:
is depression