i have been suffering from what i can only imagine is some kind of fairly severe depression for almost year now i m sorry if this post is hard to read i m new to redit and have been reading post in this sub and it just made me feel moved to share my story to start off my depression started almost year ago i wa in a wonderful relationship with this beautiful girl i had met in highschool and i had moved away to college but i still came home every weekend to see her everything wa going great and then over the course of a few week or month i don t even remember how it really started i just began to get more and more depressed at first i didn t think anything of it i m the middle child of other boy we grew up with a very abusive father until i wa when my mom took u and left and i just always through depression wa something only weak people got and i never fully understood it although now i know that my real father struggled while mental illness and sever depression anyway back to my story every in my life wa going great i had made new friend in college and my relationship wa going great i just could feel myself becoming more and more closed off and lonely even though i wa surrounded by amazing friend and family i began to fight with my girlfriend because she could tell i wa being distant we started to fight more and more the the distance only made it worse when i finally did open up to her all she knew to do wa tell her mother with made me miserable i hated that fact that i thought someone saw me a weak and i started to dread seeing her and her family a couple month into my depression and my girlfriend ha become the only person who truly know how i feel and is the only person i ever confide in then one day a close friend of my girlfriend commented suicide this absolutely destroyed her she became extremely depressed and started to have suicidal thought i then pushed all my problem aside and did my best to help her through her issue i took her to counseling and did everything i could to help her but she slowly got better and wa never the same and now with u both being depressed our relationship became miserable neither one of u were happy and we thought that if we split up maybe we would be able to find some joy in our life again so we broke up in made and these last 0 month have been the worst of my life she wa my best friend and the only person in the world i have ever loved it s gotten easier these past few month but i have lost all joy in my life everything i used to love i have no passion for anymore i m still in college but i don t every compete any off my work i never go to class i hardly ever sleep ill go or night sleeping maybe hour a night then ill just sleep hour straight i find no meaning in life anymore i just feel this giant empty hole in my chest that i can t feel my grandmother died last month we were extremely close and i never even shed a tear the rest of my family wa balling and i wa just sitting there with no emotion i m never happy i m not even sad i just feel absolutely nothing almost every other night i put my pistol to my head just hoping it ll go off because i m not man enough to actually pull the trigger i ve tried to move on and tried to get better i just don t know what to do and i have no one to tell i transferred college so i lost all the friend i had and i m too embarrassed to tell me family i ve read every self help book i can find and nothing doe it for me i just keep praying that one day soon god will take me off this earth because i don t know how to keep living like this i m sorry if this is too long and i know i jump around a lot and everything may not make sense i just wanted to get this off my chest and i m thankful there is a place for me to
Classification of TEXT into LABEL: is depression , is not depression
### TEXT:
i have been suffering from what i can only imagine is some kind of fairly severe depression for almost year now i m sorry if this post is hard to read i m new to redit and have been reading post in this sub and it just made me feel moved to share my story to start off my depression started almost year ago i wa in a wonderful relationship with this beautiful girl i had met in highschool and i had moved away to college but i still came home every weekend to see her everything wa going great and then over the course of a few week or month i don t even remember how it really started i just began to get more and more depressed at first i didn t think anything of it i m the middle child of other boy we grew up with a very abusive father until i wa when my mom took u and left and i just always through depression wa something only weak people got and i never fully understood it although now i know that my real father struggled while mental illness and sever depression anyway back to my story every in my life wa going great i had made new friend in college and my relationship wa going great i just could feel myself becoming more and more closed off and lonely even though i wa surrounded by amazing friend and family i began to fight with my girlfriend because she could tell i wa being distant we started to fight more and more the the distance only made it worse when i finally did open up to her all she knew to do wa tell her mother with made me miserable i hated that fact that i thought someone saw me a weak and i started to dread seeing her and her family a couple month into my depression and my girlfriend ha become the only person who truly know how i feel and is the only person i ever confide in then one day a close friend of my girlfriend commented suicide this absolutely destroyed her she became extremely depressed and started to have suicidal thought i then pushed all my problem aside and did my best to help her through her issue i took her to counseling and did everything i could to help her but she slowly got better and wa never the same and now with u both being depressed our relationship became miserable neither one of u were happy and we thought that if we split up maybe we would be able to find some joy in our life again so we broke up in made and these last 0 month have been the worst of my life she wa my best friend and the only person in the world i have ever loved it s gotten easier these past few month but i have lost all joy in my life everything i used to love i have no passion for anymore i m still in college but i don t every compete any off my work i never go to class i hardly ever sleep ill go or night sleeping maybe hour a night then ill just sleep hour straight i find no meaning in life anymore i just feel this giant empty hole in my chest that i can t feel my grandmother died last month we were extremely close and i never even shed a tear the rest of my family wa balling and i wa just sitting there with no emotion i m never happy i m not even sad i just feel absolutely nothing almost every other night i put my pistol to my head just hoping it ll go off because i m not man enough to actually pull the trigger i ve tried to move on and tried to get better i just don t know what to do and i have no one to tell i transferred college so i lost all the friend i had and i m too embarrassed to tell me family i ve read every self help book i can find and nothing doe it for me i just keep praying that one day soon god will take me off this earth because i don t know how to keep living like this i m sorry if this is too long and i know i jump around a lot and everything may not make sense i just wanted to get this off my chest and i m thankful there is a place for me to
### LABEL:
is depression