the note is done written edited signed done the noose is cinched and hung all that s left is for me to decorate the door i stood staring at it for what felt like an eternity today every second had felt like eternity i had writhed in agony watching each minute tick by a if a lifetime had passed i had tried everything i knew and i d been told dunked my face in cold water but my forehead had felt red hot meditated and focused on my breathing but i d retreat back into my head between each breath and be left gasping for air took a scalding bath for a moment i wa in my skin again but then the water and i felt a one i tried to nap a reset wa always in store but i woke up still at death s door i hadn t done it yet though i d never been closer but i still hadn t done it before i hit send before i decorated the door i told myself i d go for one last run to get out of my head i ve been treading water the last week just barely keeping my head up i tried mushroom a few day ago and for the first time in what felt like month could accept myself in fact i discovered i wa stuck in time two month earlier when i d been dumped my heart hadn t moved on but the universe relentlessly had and for hour the mushroom gave me clarity that i needed to move on and even had there wa a moment when time seemed to stop and suddenly i wa vaulted forward to the present over and around the intervening month i wa present again but just a sudden a the revelation had fallen upon me it wa stripped away and the black dog weighed down my chest once more shakily i put on my running clothes i considered my route an old standard roughly mile it d buy me a calculated more minute to think about this decision i cinched my lace i hate these shoe i struck out the door when my foot hit the pavement i realized this wasn t a regular jog i wasn t running to run i wa running to kill myself or not i d find out along the way suddenly the route and distance didn t matter i knew i d be going further than i d thought i started out at a normal pace and began upping my tempo i knew i wa out of shape i knew a single minute mile would be my limit a it had been on several of the past day but today wasn t those day i couldn t feel the exhaustion the pain of my body moment earlier all i could feel wa my body exhausted i wa trapped in my head i could push my body well past it s limit today because i wasn t leaving my heart or my head until my body hurt more around the first mile i started muttering to myself you ve never outrun yourself before but today is the day you beat yourself and i kept running i came upon a long flat stretch a narrow catwalk along the water s edge and i broke into a sprint i wa going to break myself now i pushed until i could feel the burn in my leg my throat and my lung i hadn t pushed myself like this in day week month or maybe even year i d forgotten what it felt like i started feeling light headed this wa to be alive but it couldn t last i ground to a halt and walked finally outside my head again but still thinking finally not drowning in my thought i d realized earlier what it is in those last moment it is quite literally drowning in your thought my brain take over dwelling on my past failure rejection loss and it s a if every iota of my brain power is diverted to these fruitless foray in my hippocampus every drip of processing is diverted suddenly my breathing reflex kick in i haven t been breathing i ve been drowning in my thought and with it a sense of fear and dread adrenaline course through my aorta spreading across my chest and dilating my bronchus fight or flight from my own past pushing myself achieves this same end but what am i running for what am i running toward i don t know and i feel so lost and unbound adrift and asea i thought again if this is your last run you re going out strong and started sprinting again i ran and i ran and i ran i ran through throng of people amidst cherry blossom who didn t know i wa probably running to my death but suddenly i didn t want to die anymore at least not yet not now and i started a new mantra this run saved my life and i realized i could say that every time i ran or biked or hiked or sat with friend or worked on a project or spoke to my mom but to do so i d have to get through those long dark minute of pure and intense pain i d have to learn to hurt myself again running hiking biking but i kept running a fast and a hard a i could i circled back around on my path it wa a lollipop route and i wa completing the candy and i pushed myself until i wa back on the inner leg of it the stem i pushed myself so hard i started vomiting in a homeless camp of all place i d had nothing to eat today and little yesterday i wa subsisting on coffee the bile came up black sour bitter much a the coffee had been going down it seemed a funny parallel and i decided then that i wanted to write about this i wanted to share my story because today i didn t kill myself i might have some part of me wanted to but i ran away and i ll keep running it s tough but i think i found something to run for again i d mostly stopped running age ago but i think this wa the motivation i needed to start again the rest of my life is in shamble and i don t know what i m doing but i can keep running i ll start running with a group i think and each time i ll let them know at the end this run saved my life i ll let them decide what that mean to me and them
Classification of TEXT into LABEL: is depression , is not depression
### TEXT:
the note is done written edited signed done the noose is cinched and hung all that s left is for me to decorate the door i stood staring at it for what felt like an eternity today every second had felt like eternity i had writhed in agony watching each minute tick by a if a lifetime had passed i had tried everything i knew and i d been told dunked my face in cold water but my forehead had felt red hot meditated and focused on my breathing but i d retreat back into my head between each breath and be left gasping for air took a scalding bath for a moment i wa in my skin again but then the water and i felt a one i tried to nap a reset wa always in store but i woke up still at death s door i hadn t done it yet though i d never been closer but i still hadn t done it before i hit send before i decorated the door i told myself i d go for one last run to get out of my head i ve been treading water the last week just barely keeping my head up i tried mushroom a few day ago and for the first time in what felt like month could accept myself in fact i discovered i wa stuck in time two month earlier when i d been dumped my heart hadn t moved on but the universe relentlessly had and for hour the mushroom gave me clarity that i needed to move on and even had there wa a moment when time seemed to stop and suddenly i wa vaulted forward to the present over and around the intervening month i wa present again but just a sudden a the revelation had fallen upon me it wa stripped away and the black dog weighed down my chest once more shakily i put on my running clothes i considered my route an old standard roughly mile it d buy me a calculated more minute to think about this decision i cinched my lace i hate these shoe i struck out the door when my foot hit the pavement i realized this wasn t a regular jog i wasn t running to run i wa running to kill myself or not i d find out along the way suddenly the route and distance didn t matter i knew i d be going further than i d thought i started out at a normal pace and began upping my tempo i knew i wa out of shape i knew a single minute mile would be my limit a it had been on several of the past day but today wasn t those day i couldn t feel the exhaustion the pain of my body moment earlier all i could feel wa my body exhausted i wa trapped in my head i could push my body well past it s limit today because i wasn t leaving my heart or my head until my body hurt more around the first mile i started muttering to myself you ve never outrun yourself before but today is the day you beat yourself and i kept running i came upon a long flat stretch a narrow catwalk along the water s edge and i broke into a sprint i wa going to break myself now i pushed until i could feel the burn in my leg my throat and my lung i hadn t pushed myself like this in day week month or maybe even year i d forgotten what it felt like i started feeling light headed this wa to be alive but it couldn t last i ground to a halt and walked finally outside my head again but still thinking finally not drowning in my thought i d realized earlier what it is in those last moment it is quite literally drowning in your thought my brain take over dwelling on my past failure rejection loss and it s a if every iota of my brain power is diverted to these fruitless foray in my hippocampus every drip of processing is diverted suddenly my breathing reflex kick in i haven t been breathing i ve been drowning in my thought and with it a sense of fear and dread adrenaline course through my aorta spreading across my chest and dilating my bronchus fight or flight from my own past pushing myself achieves this same end but what am i running for what am i running toward i don t know and i feel so lost and unbound adrift and asea i thought again if this is your last run you re going out strong and started sprinting again i ran and i ran and i ran i ran through throng of people amidst cherry blossom who didn t know i wa probably running to my death but suddenly i didn t want to die anymore at least not yet not now and i started a new mantra this run saved my life and i realized i could say that every time i ran or biked or hiked or sat with friend or worked on a project or spoke to my mom but to do so i d have to get through those long dark minute of pure and intense pain i d have to learn to hurt myself again running hiking biking but i kept running a fast and a hard a i could i circled back around on my path it wa a lollipop route and i wa completing the candy and i pushed myself until i wa back on the inner leg of it the stem i pushed myself so hard i started vomiting in a homeless camp of all place i d had nothing to eat today and little yesterday i wa subsisting on coffee the bile came up black sour bitter much a the coffee had been going down it seemed a funny parallel and i decided then that i wanted to write about this i wanted to share my story because today i didn t kill myself i might have some part of me wanted to but i ran away and i ll keep running it s tough but i think i found something to run for again i d mostly stopped running age ago but i think this wa the motivation i needed to start again the rest of my life is in shamble and i don t know what i m doing but i can keep running i ll start running with a group i think and each time i ll let them know at the end this run saved my life i ll let them decide what that mean to me and them
### LABEL:
is depression