You're better off following these steps: 1. Put all your money in a treasure chest 2. Acquire a vessel 3. Take aforementioned vessel into the closest body of water at least 200ft deep 4. Mark your coordinates 5. Return home 6. Get scuba certified 7. Repeat steps to recover your money It would still be easier than dealing with the incompetent peanut gallery that is the Acorns customer service department.