In 1985, McFarland received the Department of Defense's highest civilian honor, the Distinguished Civilian Service Award. At the 2015 CPAC meeting, the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute awarded McFarland its Woman of the Year award. In November 2016, the American Conservative Union selected McFarland as its "Conservative in the Spotlight", with ACU chair Matt Schlapp calling her "not only a brilliant strategist with a wealth of global affairs knowledge, but ... also an expert communicator who knows how to effectively deliver clear and concise messages to grassroots activists". Troia married Alan Roberts McFarland (born 1942) on January 12, 1985, at the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. He was a general partner in Lazard Frères and went on to become a well-known investment banker. In 1985, K. T. McFarland became a stay-at-home mother. The couple had three children together, along with two from his first marriage to whom she became stepmother. During the next two decades, McFarland says she "taught Sunday school, served as a class mother, directed school plays, headed a preschool library, and sang in the church choir". She and her husband joined a number of exclusive New York clubs and country clubs. Her youngest daughter attended the United States Naval Academy. McFarland had two brothers, Tom and Michael. Michael died of an AIDS-related illness on June 8, 1995. Prior to his death, McFarland outed her brother as gay to her parents, blaming his homosexuality on family abuse and cutting off contact with her parents. In 2006, her surviving brother Tom Troia, in defense of their father, told the "New York Post", "If I had one word to describe my sister, it would be 'evil'". McFarland has since reconciled with her parents. In 2000, McFarland started doing some work for the Foreign Policy Association, booking speakers for ladies' lunches. She is a life member of the Council on Foreign Relations.