Nuts and Wine  Nuts and Wine was a theatrical revue, with lyrics by C. H. Bovill and P. G. Wodehouse and music by Frank E. Tours, with additional numbers by Guy Jones and Melville Gideon, from a book by Bovill and Wodehouse. It was performed at the Empire Theatre, London, opening on 3 January 1914. The show closed on 28 March 1914, after a run of 12 weeks. The revue did not have a coherent plot, its six scenes being linked only by a surreal vision of an England changed beyond recognition and by the appearance in each scene of the character of Mr Punch, as compère:  Scene 1 – New Eton  Scene 2 — "New News"  Scene 3 – New "Mayflower"  Scene 4 – New Ellis Island  Scene 5 – New Little Theatre  Scene 6 – New Empire Stores  Two other scenes—the New Clown and the New Idol—seem to have been dropped before the show opened. Each scene provided a setting for a series of songs and dances, mostly satirising topics of the day, with frequent references to well-known personalities or topical events. In the first scene, the playing fields of Eton have been turned into a market garden, and the school curriculum has been reduced to just three subjects, music hall, tango (taught by music-hall star Gertie Millar), and agriculture. The second scene is set in the offices of the "New News", a newspaper that has absorbed "The Times" and whose editor—one George L. Washington of Pittsburg, grandson of the famous president—prints the news first, then makes it happen. The newspaper's gossip columnist is Lady Teazle, actually one of the characters in Sheridan's "The School for Scandal". This scene included a lengthy song poking fun at David Lloyd George, the then Chancellor of the Exchequer. Scene 3 takes place on the New "Mayflower", a yacht which is carrying passengers to New Ellis Island. Though the yacht catches fire and sinks, the next scene is still set in New Ellis Island, a newly discovered country to which Britain has taken to banishing its bores and other inconvenient inhabitants. The fifth scene is set in a music hall, the New Little Theatre, and features a play within a play supposedly written by the Vicar of Brixton, who watches from a box in the company of Mr Punch, while world boxing champion Jack Johnson shares another box with Rev F B Meyer.