How to help kids make friends?!
Developing social skills and interacting with the world around them will be a critical part of children success and happiness, even more important than their academic results. Some kids are naturally more socially-adept than others. Nevertheless, socializing is an art one is mastering every single day of growing up. Not all kids need help with the same social skills, and what your child needs practice with could vary, depending on his age. It’s important to know the normal developmental skills appropriate for different age groups so you can determine where the help is needed. Decades of research suggests that parents play a big role in teaching children how to make friends. The most popular kids are prosocial, caring, sharing, and helpful. They also have strong verbal skills and know how to keep their selfish or aggressive impulses in check. Most of all, popular kids are good at interpersonal skills: empathy, perspective-taking, and moral reasoning. So it seems that making friends depends on skills that kids can develop with practice:
- conversational skills
- interpersonal skills
- emotional self-control
Some tips for parents, how to help their kids make friends: Teach empathy: Run through different scenarios by asking your child how other people might feel when certain things happen, and substitute different situations each time. Explain personal space: Tell your child that it’s important for everyone to have some personal space to feel comfortable, and practice acceptable ways to interact with someone during playtime. Practice social overtures: Teach kids the proper way to start a conversation, get someone’s attention, or join a group of kids who are already playing together. These are all situations that can be discussed and brainstormed at the dinner table, or in the car on the way to school or activities. Go over taking turns: Sit with your child for at least an hour a day and play with him to explain what it means to wait, take turns, and share. Monitor kids’ social life: Studies in a variety of cultures suggest that children are better off when their parents monitor their social activities. This doesn’t mean hovering over kids or getting in the middle of every peer interaction. But it does mean supervising where kids play and helping kids choose their friends. Research supports the idea of “bad influences.” In one study, primary school kids who named more aggressive peers as their friends were more likely to develop behavioral problems over time. And kids with behavior problems are more likely to get rejected by their peers. Watch out for bullying: Bullying isn’t a healthy part of childhood, and adults need to get involved and talk to their children about that. Practice authoritative (not authoritarian) parenting: Authoritarian parents discourage thoughtful discussion and attempt to control behavior through punishment. Kids raised this way are less likely to develop an internalized sense of right and wrong. And kids subjected to harsh punishments tend to show more hostility and aggression. Authoritative parenting is also characterized by high levels of control, in that parents set limits and demand maturity from their kids. But authoritative parents relate to their kids with warmth, and attempt to shape behavior through rational discussion and explanation of the reasons for rules. Studies show that authoritative parents tend to have kids who are less aggressive, more self-reliant, more self-controlled, and better-liked by peers.
- Dewar, G. (2013). How to help kids make friends:10 evidence-based tips. Parenting Science
- Copyright © 2013 Meredith Corporation.