How to Discipline Your Children Without Spanking
Lynn Kivi probably never imagined that her slap on her son, a 9-year-old, in a supermarket would land her behind bars, make her a star on the network news, and ignite a national discussion about how parents discipline children. To many, her arrest was an outrage; police shouldn’t interfere in family matters. Others thought her actions were justified.
What is Spanking?
Spanking is hitting a child on the hand or with an implement in order to cause pain. This is usually done to discipline a child for misbehaving. However, it can be used as an alternative to other consequences like timeouts.
Many parents spank their children because they believe that this is the only way to teach their children right from wrong. However, it is important to understand the difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment is motivated primarily by anger and focuses primarily on the past. Discipline is motivated by love and focuses mainly on the future.
Parents who spank their children are doing more harm than they can. In fact, research has shown that spanking leads to increased aggression in children and can damage the parent-child relationship. This can lead to problems in school, relationships, and even mental health issues. Despite these findings, many parents still believe that spanking is the best way to discipline their children. However, there are many other methods of discipline that can be more effective and less harmful.
How Do We Spank?
The most effective spanking comes from a parent with the authority to do it and who doesn’t hesitate. The use of “gentle parenting” to avoid spanking your child can lead to emotional blackmail and manipulation. This is not a way to treat anyone. Instead, put in place family routines that make it easy to get your children to do what they are supposed to do. This will give you the time to discipline your children when they need it.
When your child misbehaves, bend him over your knee so that his stomach is facing down. Hold his forearms behind their small of the back to prevent them from standing up. Then, with a hard whoopin’ with the belt, spank them on their bare bottom. It’s best to spank them partially clothed so they don’t use their arms for leverage and so you can see the expression on their face. Keep in mind that some kids may need a lot of spankings, while others will only need one. It’s okay because every child has their own frame of reference and learning style.
What are the Consequences of Spanking?
In addition to not changing behavior, spanking is associated with unintended and unwanted outcomes. These include mental health issues, criminal behavior, both in childhood and as an adult, aggression, and negative relationships between parents and children. Spanking has also been linked to physical injury in children.
These negative outcomes increase with the severity, frequency, and emotional context of the spanking. Children who are spanked out of anger, for example, are more likely than other children to exhibit aggressive behavior and poor cognitive outcomes.
Many parents who are spanked as children continue to use physical punishment when they have parenting issues with their own children. However, it is important to understand that parenting is a complex process and that there are many different ways to discipline a child. Instead of using violence, it is recommended that parents seek support and learn positive parenting skills. This can help to prevent the use of harmful discipline techniques like spanking and improve parent-child relationships. It is also important to work towards making corporal discipline illegal in all countries.
What are the Alternatives to Spanking?
There is growing evidence that spanking can harm children in the long term. They may not know how to discipline their child without spanking.
The answer is to replace punishment with positive reinforcement and natural consequences, teaching kids how to self-regulate. This will help them develop social, emotional, and empathy skills while learning to respect others and themselves.
Often, when kids misbehave, they are looking for attention. Punishing them won’t stop them from misbehaving. Try telling them that they can earn your attention and love by being good.
If you are struggling to resist the urge to hit your child, take a few deep breathes and use a calm and non-violent approach. Try a technique called “Calm Down Time”, or “Time In” to give your child a time-out from the stimuli and emotions that trigger bad behaviors. This will not only help them self-regulate, but it can also teach them healthy ways to deal with conflict.