How can schools spot online grooming?
There’s a rhythm to classroom life. You notice the usual: who’s friends with who, who rushes in smiling, who lingers quietly at the edge. And then, sometimes, a small shift. A once outspoken child grows quiet. Their phone, always nearby, becomes glued to their hand. They laugh less. Maybe they flinch when someone looks over their shoulder.
These small signs can be easy to overlook in a busy school day, but they matter. Because increasingly, the threats children face don’t come from outside the gates, but from inside their devices.
Online grooming is subtle, calculated, and alarmingly common. And in many cases, school is the only place where signs of concern will be noticed, that’s if someone’s watching closely enough.
Understanding Grooming in the Digital Age
Grooming is the process of building a relationship with a child in order to manipulate, exploit, or abuse them. While grooming is not new, the ways it can happen have evolved dramatically. In today's digital world, contact is often initiated and maintained entirely online, in many cases without parents or teachers ever knowing it’s happening.
- Pose as children or teenagers
- Pretend to share a common interest (e.g. gaming, music, hobbies)
- Compliment the child to build trust and admiration
- Offer emotional support or suggest they "understand them better than anyone else"
- Slowly introduce sexual language or request explicit content
- Use shame, blackmail, or threats to maintain control once contact has been established
The process can unfold over weeks or even months, often through platforms that seem harmless at first such as Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, WhatsApp, Discord, even online games like Roblox or Fortnite.
- SSS Learning Training Course – E-Safety Training for School & Academy Staff
- SSS Learning's Complete Safeguarding Training Suite
Early Indicators: What Might You See?
Not all children will show obvious signs, but staff who know their pupils well are often the first to notice when something feels off. Key things to look out for include:
- Emotional changes
- sudden mood swings, anxiety, irritability, or becoming withdrawn
- Behavioural shifts
- avoiding friends, a drop in classroom participation, or uncharacteristic defiance
- Hyper-attachment to a device
- seeming anxious when not allowed access to a phone or tablet
- Secretive behaviour
- changing browser tabs quickly, refusing to share who they’re talking to, or clearing chat history
- Unusual comments
- referring to an older “friend” who others haven’t met or mentioning gifts, gaming credits, or items they shouldn’t have access to
- Changes in appearance
- dressing differently, wearing makeup unexpectedly, or trying to appear more mature
In addition, in some cases the signs are not what’s present, but what’s missing e.g. eye contact, laughter, openness, connection.
So why do children stay silent?
It’s easy to wonder:
‘Why wouldn’t they just tell someone?’
But grooming works precisely because it plays on children’s vulnerabilities and twists them.
Many young people:
- Don’t realise they’re being groomed, especially if the contact began as friendship or flirtation
- Feel special, the groomer may make them feel seen and valued in a way others don’t
- Feel responsible, they may have shared something personal or explicit and now feel ashamed
- Fear consequences, not just from the groomer, but from adults in their life finding out
- Have been threatened, groomers often use blackmail or emotional manipulation to maintain control
This is why early intervention is crucial. The longer grooming continues, the harder it becomes for a child to reach out or break free.
Teachers and school staff are uniquely placed to spot changes that others might miss. Most children spend more time at school than anywhere else outside the home. For some, school is the only safe or consistent place in their lives.
So what can schools do?
Schools can provide training, essential to gain a full understanding of online risks and protective measures for all staff.
Staff need to be skilled to:
- Build relationships
- Children are more likely to speak up if they trust the adults around them
- Normalise conversations about online safety
- Not just rules, but open dialogue about what “feeling safe” means online
- Create space for check-ins
- Especially for pupils who seem isolated or vulnerable
- Avoid judgement
- If a child discloses something, the first response is everything. Focus on listening, not reacting
- Record and report concerns
- Even if something seems minor, logging patterns helps DSLs form a bigger picture
The Importance of Digital Awareness
You don’t have to be tech-savvy to notice when something feels off. But some basic digital literacy goes a long way.
- Apps with disappearing messages (Snapchat, Instagram vanish mode)
- Games with voice chat and private messaging features
- Terms like “sextortion”, “catfishing”, and “grooming pathways”
- How young people bypass age restrictions or use secondary accounts (so-called ‘Finstas’)
- If schools treat online safeguarding as separate from ‘real life’ safeguarding, we risk missing the mark. Grooming doesn’t just happen on screens, it affects a child’s mental health & wellbeing self-worth, learning, and relationships.
The Role of the DSL and Wider Team
All safeguarding concerns, whether clear or instinctive, should go through the Designated Safeguarding Lead.
- Encourage a safeguarding culture where digital harm is treated seriously
- Provide staff with up-to-date training on online exploitation and grooming tactics
- Liaise with parents where appropriate, carefully and with sensitivity
- Work with external agencies (e.g., CEOP, police, social care) where grooming is suspected
- Lead on education around consent, healthy relationships, and digital boundaries
Sometimes, the biggest warning sign is just a feeling. Something that doesn’t sit right. A child who laughs less, avoids eye contact, or seems constantly distracted by a device they won’t put down.
You don’t need to be a tech expert to notice when a child might be in trouble, you just need to be present. Observant. Willing to act on instinct, even when there’s no clear proof.
Because for some children, the classroom might be the only place someone is watching closely enough to see what’s happening behind the screen.
SSS Author & Former Headteacher
21 May 2025