What is bullying? Bullying is the use of any form of aggression with the specific intention of hurting somebody else. It results in severe humiliation, pain and distress for the victim who has in no way provoked the attack. Usually the bullying is a campaign against a child by a group of children or someone physically taller, bigger or stronger than the child. There may be one single incident or numerous/continuous incidents. Bullying manifests in the following ways:
- Physically: like punching, kicking, pushing, hitting, use of physical violence or threatened use of physical violence. This is much easier to detect and to address according to a schools Code of Conduct. Evidence is easier to obtain.
- Verbally: may include the spreading of negative or hurtful rumours, name-calling, nasty teasing, and sarcasm, writing hurtful things about someone or leaving hurtful notes. The Burden of Proof varies from easy to difficult depending on reliable evidence and reliable testimonies of witnesses.
- Emotional: To exclude someone from activities or conversations, being deliberately unfriendly, tormenting someone, racial taunting, making threating or rude gestures. Sometimes difficult to determine beyond any reasonable doubt.
- Menacing: demanding that someone hand over money or possessions, eats and drinks, demanding to copy someones homework etc. Learners are scared and afraid to tell on each other and cases mushroom.
- Threating violence: only away from such incidents should the victim or bystanders report the bullying.
Very often children dont come right out and say that they have been bullied, so all parents and teachers need to be aware of possible signs. Do not ignore any change in behaviour patterns and ask your child about the possibility of being bullied if her or she:
- Becomes frightened of walking to and from school or changes their normal route.
- Doesnt to want to travel on the bus/school bus.
- Is unwilling to go to school or becomes or feels ill every morning (this can also indicate that your child is not coping with the academic demands of schoolwork and tries to avoid the classroom situation).
- Begs to be driven to school.
- Begins to bunk school.
- Comes home with books, clothing or belongings destroyed.
- Has unexplained scratches, bruises or soft tissue injuries.
- Comes home starving (the bully has taken lunch money or the lunch itself).
- Asks for money or begins to steal.
- Becomes withdrawn, starts stammering and shows lack of confidence.
- Becomes distressed and anxious, stops eating
- Change in eating and sleeping patterns, restless sleep during the night.
- Cries in bed at night, has nightmares.
- Becomes aggressive, surly and unreasonable, throwing tantrums.
- Attempts or threatens to commit suicide.
- Refuses to say what is wrong.
- Begins to bully siblings or other children.
It is often found in school that only a small percentage of bullies can be labelled as real bullies with pathological conduct disorder. In many cases pupils become frustrated with their circumstances and their inability to deal with their situation in a mature and emotionally intelligent way. If, as adults we find it difficult to deal with our own circumstances in an appropriate and mature way, how difficult is it for our children? Children from child-headed families, single parenthood families, divorced families (torn apart between two parents and feeling guilty believing that they are the reason for the divorce), children exposed to aggression and violence in the family, regard this behaviour as the norm for solving problems and acceptable behaviour and cultural differences are only a few examples that may result in a bullying perception of a child. Communication between the parent(s) and the school is of vital importance to address and discuss matters of concern and to curn bullying behaviour. The school and the parent(s) are both partners in the upbringing of our precious children.
Submitted by Protea prinicpal, Wynandus Bezuidenhout
* Due to requests the next contribution will be in Afrikaans and will deal with: Wie’s die werklike boelie, sy karaktereienskappe and hoe word dit in die skool hanteer?
Acknowledgements: Information to school principals compiled by MANDY ARNOTT (Educational psychologist and Speech Therapist) (Notes drawn from courses and workshops presented by psychologist Dr. Marita Brink)