Bullying and cyberbullying are at the forefront of conversations for parents, educators, and policymakers around the world. The practice remains pervasive in our society and spans from the schoolyard to the workplace. It can start as early as third grade, and earlier according to some studies, and follow a child through his or her educational career, affecting his or her studies, socialization, and self-esteem. The effects of bullying can linger far into adulthood.
While most bullying occurs on school grounds, on the way home from school, or in online/digital spaces, it is not limited to those locations. It is also difficult to pinpoint which children are at risk of being bullied or at risk of becoming bullies, though you can read more about risk factors here. For this reason, parents should be aware of potential behaviors that could point to a child being a victim of bullying, a bystander or witness to bullying, or a bully. Bullying affects everyone involved.
These warning signs can also point to other issues or problems. Talking to the child can help identify the root of the problem.
Signs a Child is Being Bullied
Look for changes in the child. However, be aware that not all children who are bullied exhibit warning signs.
Some signs that may point to a bullying problem are:
- Unexplainable injuries
- Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
- Frequent headaches or stomachaches, feeling sick, or faking illness
- Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
- Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
- Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
- Feelings of helplessness or decreased self-esteem
- Self-destructive behaviors, such as running away from home, self-harm, or talking about suicide
Signs a Child is Bullying Others
Kids may be bullying others if they:
- Get into physical fights
- Have friends who bully others
- Are increasingly aggressive
- Get sent to the principal’s office or detention frequently
- Have unexplained extra money or new belongings
- Blame others for their problems
- Don’t accept responsibility for their actions
- Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity
*This section reprinted from StopBullying.gov.
What is Bullying?
Sadly, some adults simply see bullying as a staple of childhood—they will brush it aside with the thought that it is nothing more than schoolyard teasing. Bullying is much more than that; and its effects are detrimental and long-reaching. The behavior is marked by an imbalance of power and repetition, meaning the interaction occurred or has the potential to happen more than once. The imbalance of power can be physical, emotional, or social, but all bullies use their power to control or harm others; additionally, the power imbalances are not static, they can change in response to the context of a particular situation.
Bullies are also very adept at modifying their behavior in response to the presence of adults and other authority figures. More often than not, bullying takes place with an audience. As this behavior is about exerting power over others, an audience makes a bully’s display more effective, allowing him or her to torment more than just their intended victim(s). Even bystanders can be intimidated, frightened, and coerced by the actions of a bully.
The most disturbing part, less than 40% of incidences of bullying are even reported to the school or an adult. This is often attributed to the nature of bullying and the fact that victims are often too embarrassed by the events to even report them, perhaps because of what was done or said or out of fear of reprisal and retaliation.
- StopBullying.gov – Great collection of information and research on this epidemic run by the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services
- Stomp Out Bullying™ – Anti-bullying and cyberbullying organization for kids and teens; they also have a comprehensive section of information for parents
- PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center – Features resources for parents, educators, and others with the hope of inspiring, educating, and involving people in their goal of leading social change to end bullying
- Cyberbullying (StopBullying.gov) – Section devoted specifically to the topic of cyberbullying
- PACER Center’s Kids Against Bullying – Bullying prevention site designed for elementary school students
- PACER Teens Against Bullying – Similar to above, geared toward teenagers
- 8 Sneaky Signs Your Child’s Being Bullied – Article by Woman’s Day that offers suggestions about some subtle signals to watch for and how to start a conversation with your child
- Safe Supportive Learning – Page on Bullying/Cyberbulling, which includes useful definitions, information, and resources
- Children’s Safety Network – Link to their Bullying Prevention page which includes statistics, articles, and research on the topic
- The Bully Project – Inspired by the film BULLY, this movement seeks to change “a culture of bullying into one of empathy and action”