<https://pregnancyforum.momtastic.com/threads/5yo-school-friends-help.495541/>
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"This is going to be a long post, sorry, but I really don't know how to approach this...\r\nDD started school last year and became best friends with this other little girl. For 9 months they were inseparable and we had playdates at each others home, even a sleepover and the girls mum and I met for coffee a few times while the girls were in school. So one day, the Mum text me, because her daughter had told her that my DD had pulled the girls hair really hard and pushed her. I didn't think anything of it, because every week DD came home and told me either a child did something to her or another child in her class did something to another child. Kids are kids. The teachers were always on top of these things and I never got involved.  So I checked with DD about what had happened and DD told me that she pulled her friends hair when she didn't listen to what she was saying and she pushed past her friend to get out of a tight corner. I obviously explained her how rude both were, made sure she had consequences and made her write an apology to her friend.\r\nAfter that the Mum and I were fine and met for coffee again and the girls had some more playdates.\r\nA couple of weeks before the girls broke up for summer, this Mum called me, shouting, because her daughter had told her that now DD had pushed her over so hard that she bumped her head on the floor and since then she hasn't eaten, spoken and needed to sleep in her parents bed again. She told me my daughter was a bully and needed to stay away from her child. She didn't even give me chance to find out more about what had happened, but hung up on me and blocked my number.\r\nI was absolutely shocked. I never ones thought that DD was a little angel in school, but she is a generally well behaved child with a temper tantrum here and there, but I never thought she could be described as a bully.\r\nSo of course I spoke to the teachers. They said they hadn't witnessed that incident, that supposedly happened in the classroom with 6 teachers, or any other incident of that nature. They explained that the two girls often fought, but quickly made up. She explained that even though my DD is the younger and smaller one, she was the one that would stick up for herself and act more confident whereas the other girl told a teacher when something happened that she didn't like. She explained that there was some jealousy between the girls when they played with other children or were separated to learn in different groups. But they never witnessed DD being mean or in any way a bully, but said they would keep a closer eye on her, because they have to take any reports of bullying seriously. In general they said the girls were as bad as each other, but not worse than any other girls their age.\r\nWe never really found out what really happened. DD denied it.\r\nThat was the end of the story for a while. The girls are still best friends, but the other Mum is still ignoring me. Fine by me. I don't do drama and don't want to associate with her anymore. It's just sad when DD comes home and explains that her and her BFF have discussed playdates and sleepovers, that are never going to happen.\r\nI have now found out that this Mum has spoken to other Mums in DDs class and encourages them to report to the teachers about DD bullying their kids. I am cobsmacked that she is still going after my daughter, even though ( I hope) the teachers told her the same as what they told me. I have a feeling that she has asked her daughter to report any incidents of my DD to her, so that she can either tell the teachers or the other Mums.\r\nI really don't know how to deal with this now. Apart from not going on playdates with her BFF anymore, DD doesn't know about any of this.\r\nI want to ask the teachers again about anything that might be happening in a school, but surely they would speak to me if they had any concerns about DDs behaviour.\r\nDH just wants to move DD to a different class where she also has friends, but I am not sure if that's a little extreme.\r\nIf you are still reading, sorry for the very long post."
<https://pregnancyforum.momtastic.com/threads/5yo-school-friends-help.495541/>