<https://forums.grieving.com/topic/13826-i-dont-know-how-to-go-on/#comment-176444>
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"Somehow hearing that things could be worse doesn't do much to make me feel better when I'm going through something hard that it's taking all I can muster to hold on.\n \n\n\n\tYour grief is very real and to each person their own grief seems the greatest.  I'm sorry for your loss.  My other site there is a section called \"Loss of Love Relationship\" and they are what you are dealing with, someone broke up, someone left.  I've personally read and responded to each and every one of these threads.  Of all of them (about 250) I can think of only one couple that made it intact.  Most of those posting their breakup were due to the other person grieving a parent or someone and the other person did the break up.  Mental illness is a different issue, you'd have to consult a mental health expert's advice in that case, but I can only advise you to try to get over this person as this is the only information they have left you with, this is all you have to go by.  To try to hang on to hope and possibility of it changing is to prolong your grief.  You have to do what is ultimately best for YOU.  I hope you will read through some of these threads, by so doing you will begin to see a pattern emerge.  I have taken the time to read ALL of them and I can assure you, there were many who made no mistakes, did nothing wrong, they were supportive and did all the right things, and yet still they were left high and dry in the end.  It's not until we come to the place of acceptance of things as they are that we can begin to make headway with our grief over the relationship's end. \n \n\n\n\thttps://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/forum/27-loss-of-a-love-relationship/  \n \n\n\n\tMy husband passed away over 13 years ago and I wrote an article based on what I've learned in my grief journey, I know our grief is based on different cause (mental health vs death) but there are similarities too.\n \n\n\n\tTIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF\n \n\n\n\tThere's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.\n \n\n\n\t\tTake one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the \"rest of my life\" invites anxiety.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tDon't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tVisit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tSuicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255\n\t \n\t\n\t\tGive yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tTry not to isolate too much.  \n\t \n\t\n\t\tThere's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!\n\t \n\t\n\t\tSelf-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tRecognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tIn time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES \"get it\". \n\t \n\t\n\t\tBe patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  \n\t \n\t\n\t\tKnow that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tConsider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tMake yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tKeep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tLook for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.\n\t \n\t\n\t\tEventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.\n\t \n\n\t(((hugs))) Praying for you today.\n \n\n\n\t \n \n"
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