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"By the way, I thought the gym was open until 9 tonight, so I got there at 4... And they decided to shut at 4. Had a really emotionally taxing day today and was looking forward to throwing the bar around to let off some steam, and now they're shut until the 27th. I was really looking forward to it as well, but hey... There's bigger problems. I'll go back when they're open again. So I learned 2 things today: 1. I really couldn't be bothered going to work out, but I know it's not about motivation, it's about a commitment I made to myself. Not a feeling of not wanting to do it because I'm dreading it but I have to because I resigned myself to endless hours of torture on the elliptical because I have to \"get skinny for summer\" or some other shizzle like that, but... A feeling of I really cannot be bothered making my way up there because it's cold and windy and raining and I had a rough day and I do kinda want the instant gratification of sitting in front of Netflix eating a pizza, but I know if I just make the journey then I'll feel stronger and accomplished and kinda badass afterwards because I love myself and I deserve to feel like that for it's own sake. 2. I used to deal with stress by hitting the other kind of bar, which always left me feeling like crap (and broke, with more problems than I started out with). I think that this will do me the world of good not just physically, but mentally, too. That thing Henry Rollins said I think... You can go about your business and someone can tell you you're god, or you're an asshole, but the iron doesn't lie. 200lbs is always 200lbs (or in my case right now, 33lbs or 55lbs depending on the lift... But same difference). No matter who gets on my case for whatever reason, if I can lift the shit I think I can, then I AM as strong as I think I am, and no fraking person on this earth can tell me otherwise, and there's a feeling of safety and self-sufficiency in that. I like that. I persevere. \n"
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