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"\r\n.\r\n.\r\nChristina @hopestrongbook\r\n.\r\n.\r\nHave you ever had an experience that you didn't understand at the time but when you looked back, it made perfect sense? I guess in a way I could sum up my entire infertility journey in that way. But one specific instance stands out in my mind as I write this; one that gives me chills to recall and that I have not shared before. Two years into infertility, my boss gifted my husband and I with a Reiki massage session. I hadn't heard of Reiki and didn't know it was a form of energy healing (meant to heal the self and become whole), but one thing we both desperately needed was a massage! I made an appointment and the Reiki practitioner, a soft spoken, sweet Japanese woman, showed up to our home. During my session, she was massaging my belly and gently said, \"I see a little boy trying to plant a fig tree in your belly\". Huh? I was on the verge of tears. She continued to say she saw me as a little girl, scared and hiding, and that I was holding on to things that were blocking my womb. I definitely had past hurts that had stayed with me. At this point, I was a sobbing mess. The massage ended and I sat reflecting on what this stranger had just said to me. As a Christian, I am mindful of the kind of energy I allow in, but the words this woman spoke felt powerful and safe, perplex but reassuring. I felt so desperate for any thread of hope for myself to become a mother that I welcomed this new information and perceived it as a hopeful sign. It would be four years of infertility before that little boy would choose my belly to plant a fig tree.\r\n.\r\n.\r\nMy husband and I married in 2014 and were excited to start a family. We tried the old fashioned way for the first year. We then chose a holistic approach of acupuncture, Chinese herbs, altered diet and tracking ovulation for another year. I did an HSG within that time as well. I was in denial that anything was actually wrong and was convinced it was just a matter of timing. But my gut knew otherwise. I stopped drinking alcohol, eliminated toxins from the home, visited a sobadora and researched supplements that promoted pregnancy. However, none of this resulted in a pregnancy. I was starting to feel the weight of this battle and so I took a break and I broke my silence. I shared our struggle with others and started journaling my feelings and experiences. We moved on to IUI in the third year. After three unsuccessful IUIs, devastation started to set in. I had been diagnosed with a t-shaped uterus and told I may never have children. We then made the tough decision to do IVF. I couldn't believe this was my life - an infertile woman in her 30's. I felt defeated many days, but determined every day. What helped me the most through this time was praying, writing, filling my head with the readings of devotionals and uplifting content, focusing on becoming a mother, rather than what could go wrong, connecting with my husband and marriage, having a community of women to confide in and working to end the stigma around this issue. \r\n.\r\n.\r\nThe very first day we met with our new IVF doctor, he discovered I had been misdiagnosed. There was no t-shaped uterus, but I did have posterior adenomyosis. He treated that, along with removing several uterine polyps, before beginning my IVF cycle. My first egg retrieval resulted in 15 eggs - 10 viable, 7 fertilized. Of the 7, just one made it. Devastation, panic, exhaustion and anxiety hit me hard. We would have to do another IVF cycle. But I hadn't come this far to give up. So, two months later, I did my second egg retrieval, which resulted in 13 eggs - 11 viable, 8 fertilized, resulting in 6 healthy embryos! This was a turning point in our journey. On October 27, 2017, we asked our doctor to transfer our strongest embryo and it stuck! We were in disbelief that we were finally pregnant! On July 16, 2018, we welcomed our son, Kai. He happened to be our only embryo from our first round of IVF, making him all the more special to us. He was and is a perfect miracle and blessing in every way.\r\n.\r\n.\r\nInfertility blindsided me, but was an opportunity. An opportunity to really see and know myself. To let go. To cleanse. To refine. To become vulnerable and authentic. To draw closer to God. To get in touch with a meaning and purpose to my pain. To deeply connect and comfort others in their struggle. To learn the true value of gratitude. To lean on hope, rather than give in to doubt. Infertility led me to write my book, Hope Strong.\r\n.\r\n.\r\nInfertility is a series of lifting yourself up off the floor over and over again. My advice to those on their journey is to plant your seeds and envision it bearing fruit. Be gentle with yourself and take breaks to recharge. Remind yourself that there is a process to everything that we must surrender to. Don't forget your spouse or marriage along the way. Be mindful of your thoughts and words, as they hold the power to create our reality. And above all else, try to remain hopeful. Despite the tough road traveled, all of the pieces will come together and create your unique beautiful testimony. Choose to believe. ♡ Love, Christina\r\n \r\n      \r\n \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n \r\n"
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