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"As the House prepares to impeach the motherfucker on Wednesday, Donald Trump decided to issue a truly mindblowing six-page letter to Nancy Pelosi in which he whines about impeachment. Six pages!!! It’s the best thing I’ve ever read, and by that I mean it’s cheaper than drugs (free) yet still makes me feel incredibly, wildly high. \n\nIf you want to temporarily feel the same sensation as you do when tripping on acid, you can read it here in full, but know that it includes sentences like, “You have cheapened the importance of the very ugly word, impeachment!” as well as “Even worse than offending the Founding Fathers, you are offending Americans of true faith by continually saying ‘I pray for the President,’ when you know this statement is not true, unless it is meant in a negative sense.” And that’s just on page one! \n\nAll of us at Jezebel were shocked into silence when we read the letter, but luckily our fingers and our brains continued tapping away at our keyboards. Here are some headlines we considered but ultimately rejected for this blog:\n\nOMG the Prayer Part\n\nWho Was More Persecuted: Some Witches, Or Donald Trump\n\nGoody Proctor Saw Donald Trump With the Devil\n\nDonald Trump Admits He Should Be Submerged in a Brook to See If He Floats\n\nThe President Would Love a Purity Test to Prove His Innocence, Maybe Waterboarding\n\nWhich Sentences Do You Think Donald Trump Actually Wrote Himself In His 6-Page Letter to Nancy Pelosi\n\nPresident Googles ‘The Crucible + Summary,’ Pounds Out Note of Persecution!\n\nI Am Speechless (For Once)\n\nDonald Trump Spoils Plot for National Treasure IV\n\nDonald Trump Thinks He Is Thomas Jefferson\n\nOld Decrepit Man Still Puts Two Periods After a Sentence\n\nGive Donald Trump a Powdered Wig and Call Him Paul Revere Amirite\n\nI See The President Has Purchased a Pocket Constitution\n\n‘I Didn’t Do Crime! You Did!’ Exclaims President in Childishly Punctuated Letter\n\nImpeachment Is a Kink, Says Sex-Negative President\n\nThe President Cheated Off Your Freshman Year English Essay on a Book You Didn’t Read\n\nDonald Trump Would Be a Terrible FinDom\n\nBut ‘What About My Space Force’ Says Man\n\n‘Burn Me At the Stake, Daddy!’ Trump Writes Sexy Screed to Congressional BDSM Caucus\n\nSad Child Man Makes Good Reporter Defenestrate\n\nPresident Comes Out As Bipartisan\n\nTrump Refuses to Use Safe Word While Hog-Tied to Impeachment Sex Swing\n\nIn One Hundred Years, Trump Will Actually Be Remembered As Having Very Large Hands\n\nTrump Does Four Rails of Yak, Breaks Out Typewriter\n\nThe President Learns to Blog\n\nTrump Leaks New FanFic, ‘Impeachment Fantasy,’ and It’s Hot\n\nMr. President This Is A Wendy’s\n\nWow This Is a Really Coked-Up Letter Though\n\nGet In Bitches We’re Going Coup-ing\n\n"
<https://jezebel.com/all-the-headlines-we-rejected-for-this-blog-about-donal-1840489007>