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"Show has gotten me feeling sorry for Jordan watching Jenna make out with Benoit. That aqua shirt is making his eyes pop, and this is the first time I can see the model looks.\n \n\n\n\tGo, Crystal, go! “The Goose is on the loose!” Um, guys, Crystal and Connor are being buried alive in the Mexican jungle. Now Connor is a werewolf?? Now they’re doing the ol’ Ben Flajnik and Courtney in the ocean. So much for going on the date “as friends.”\n \n\n\n\tJordan won Jenna back over pretty quickly. The cheese is moving all over the place in Paradise! Jenna tells Benoit, “I’m not kissing anyone again—except one more time.” And now this extended make out. Can’t keep track of the cheese! Jordan needs to take this up with Jenna, not Benoit.  \n\tAnnaliese gets her heart broken again, but Kenny’s heart is with his daughter, as it should be. For the First Time in Bachelor History, a contestant puts their child first.\n \n\n\n\tChris pulls a Jordan and waits up all night for Crystal and Connor to return from their date. “Keep being myself” is not a good strategy for someone who calls himself Goose.  \n\tWait did they just say that Jubilee and/or John went home? How does this break up not get more than a footnote?!? They were my favorite couple! Boo to the producers/editors! This is all we get of their journey?! \n \n\n\n\tNow Crystal wants to move onto 60/40?!? You got enough guys already. Pass him onto poor Annaliese. Oh, nevermind, Annaliese is back to her crazy desperate self. She got over Kenny real fast. That bridge?! Oh, hell no! \n \n\n\n\tNobody wants whatsherface. I guess you’re right. Nobody notices you in Paradise, girl whose name starts with a C, I think.\n \n\n\n\tAnnaliese already thinks she’s one of the strongest couples with 60/40?! Granted, it’s a frankenbyte.\n \n\n\n\tKevin REALLY wants Astrid to go on another date SUPPOSEDLY for the competition but really because every girl in a couple who goes on a date ends up leaving her “boyfriend” for the new guy. Oh, nevermind, Kevin is just damaged from his former Bachelorette/Winter Games experience that requires therapy TWICE A WEEK. Oh, boy, this better work out, or his therapist better have another opening.\n \n\n\n\tNow they’re showing a clip from the previous day with Jordan back in his aqua shirt, Jenna in her striped suit, and Crystal in her red scarf. Why did they make it seem like Jordan confronted Benoit at night before this?! It was the same day she was going back and forth between them. Slightly less sunny so it might be before/after the frisbee game, which was the height of the day. This must be the morning after the date the way Jordan is talking. Yep, getting coffee. This is the MORNING before the make out and the frisbee game with Benoit. Jordan tells her he’s falling in love with her BEFORE all that. Now they’re all in DIFFERENT OUTFITS AGAIN when she “immediately” goes to break up with Benoit. So this is the day after all that, I suppose—presumably after Jordan then “talked” to Benoit at night, and Jenna realized she had to choose.\n \n\n\n\tBenoit is playing an aggressive game of catch with the ocean. Take THAT!\n \n\n\n\tIsn’t Kendall still going back and forth between Leo and Joe?!\n \n\n\n\tNow Leo is doing some aggressive swimming! Get ready for a splash fight!!\n \n\n\n\tYou were NOT going to tell Kendall, Leo!! And just like that, Kendall is back to snuggling with Joe on the hammock. Leo thinks Kendall will think about their date forever. Kendall ruined HIS day?!? She didn’t even talk to him before now?!? How is it HER fault that HE kissed someone else but she found out about it?!?! What?!? This is Goose logic. These guys are LOSERS!! Hooray for Kevin!\n \n\n\n\tNow Chris is in on Eric’s “Who Moved My Cheese?” Now the Goose is also a goat?! Colton, no one likes cottage cheese—at least not since the 80s when my mom used to eat it on her diets. And yet, you’re right that it’s the perfect cheese to describe you, Colton: bland and barely palatable.\n "
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