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" &amp;quot;Did you run this by Sam?&amp;quot; I asked. &amp;quot;Sam already said we were totally invited, if we wanted to. A friend of his is having a Labor Day barbecue. I didn&amp;#039;t even ask, and he said it.&amp;quot; I nodded. &amp;quot;Okay, then.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Okay?&amp;quot; Jackson looked so happy. &amp;quot;On Monday, we&amp;#039;ll make a pit stop in New Jersey.&amp;quot; I playfully pushed Jackson to his feet. &amp;quot;But apparently I&amp;#039;m eating for ten or so right now, so finish getting ready so I can have a cheeseburger or four.&amp;quot; He laughed. &amp;quot;Thanks, Liz.&amp;quot; I pushed myself to stand, laughing too. &amp;quot;Don&amp;#039;t mention it. Just go get ready!&amp;quot; We drove to New Jersey on Monday morning, and \u2014 after a pit stop near Philadelphia \u2014 got to Sam&amp;#039;s family&amp;#039;s place right at lunchtime.  It was a quaint beach town: shingled homes and a boardwalk and lovely small stores. And when we pulled into the driveway, I couldn&amp;#039;t believe how beautiful Sam&amp;#039;s family&amp;#039;s beach house was: a white Victorian with enormous pillars and the type of wraparound porch that I haven&amp;#039;t seen since I last watched The Notebook.  (Which, quite honestly, was probably less than a month ago!) Anyway, that doesn&amp;#039;t even begin to mention the fact that just beyond the house was the most incredible view of the ocean I maybe have ever experienced firsthand. It truly took my breath away.  &amp;quot;Not bad,&amp;quot; Jackson said.  &amp;quot;Not bad at all,&amp;quot; I said.  As soon as we got out of the car, I saw Sam walking toward us. I waved at him and smiled. He looked handsome and relaxed in a pair of army shorts and a white T-shirt, a backward baseball cap on top of his head.  He was tan from the sun and looked strong, especially when Jackson reached out to slap him five and he managed to parlay it into the hug that I knew Jackson really wanted.  &amp;quot;Hey, buddy,&amp;quot; he said to him.  &amp;quot;Hey,&amp;quot; Jackson said.  Then Sam turned to me and gave me a smile that just about melted my heart. I felt myself blushing \u2014 what was wrong with me? \u2014 and tried to hide it by looking down.  &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s lovely here,&amp;quot; I said.  &amp;quot;Isn&amp;#039;t it?&amp;quot;   I looked back up. &amp;quot;Who knew New Jersey was so nice?&amp;quot; I joked.  &amp;quot;Ha ha,&amp;quot; he said, sarcastically. &amp;quot;That&amp;#039;s the new slogan for the state. Didn&amp;#039;t you hear?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;No, I must have missed that.&amp;quot;  He rubbed my back. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s good to see you.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;You too.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;How are you feeling?&amp;quot;  I rubbed my belly. &amp;quot;Pretty good. The baby&amp;#039;s been kicking up a storm, and I&amp;#039;m eating for a family of five, but beside that\u2026&amp;quot; He laughed. &amp;quot;You look beautiful,&amp;quot; he said.  &amp;quot;Oh, how sweet\u2026forgetting the fact that you&amp;#039;re full of it,&amp;quot; I said. With my thighs about to need their own zip code, there was no denying that.  &amp;quot;Well\u2026&amp;quot; But I knew he did think I looked beautiful, which made me feel more that way than I had in months.  I thought of Josh, almost as a reflex, and tried to remember him ever making me feel like that. I know he did, at times, but it always felt loaded for me \u2014 like it was conditional \u2014 maybe because I knew there was something I couldn&amp;#039;t trust there. It made everything feel less authentic.  Josh\u2026.  I felt myself inhale, thinking about it. He had e-mailed Sunday night to wish me a happy Labor Day. And I e-mailed him back, wishing him the same. But the truth was, the more distance I had from him, the more I had to acknowledge that I didn&amp;#039;t miss him. Not in the way I would if he were truly the love of my life.  &amp;quot;I hope you guys are hungry now,&amp;quot; Sam said, interrupting my thoughts. &amp;quot;We have an embarrassing amount of food.&amp;quot;  We walked inside and Sam introduced us to his cousin, Marley, and her husband, Ben (it was their home), and to his many, many other cousins \u2014 Paula and Greg, Bob and Tobey, Jami and Chris, Justin and Lindsay, and others I couldn&amp;#039;t even remember! \u2014 and their myriad children: thirty in all! It was a rowdy, happy crowd and the type of family I had always dreamed of. And Sam wasn&amp;#039;t kidding: There was more food than I had ever seen in my life \u2014 platters of barbecued chicken and corn and salad and nuts and brownies (three kinds) and fruit and cheese.  Jackson seemed to love it, grabbing a drumstick and letting Sam lead him to a bunch of the cousins who were around his age. They all went outside to play kickball, Sam going with them. I poured myself a glass of lemonade and went outside, too, to watch them play.  I took a seat on the porch, pulling my legs toward me, closing my eyes, and feeling the sun on my face.  When I opened them, Sam was smiling my way. He was shielding his eyes from the sun.  &amp;quot;You good?&amp;quot; he mouthed.  I smiled back. I was. I was better in almost every way than I had been in a long time.  &amp;quot;Yes,&amp;quot; I mouthed back. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/a4006/diary-e-090408/>