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" My husband doesn&amp;#039;t like our dog in the room while we&amp;#039;re having sex. Does the dog understand what&amp;#039;s going on? He does, and he has some notes. Overall, he&amp;#039;d like to see more enthusiasm from both of you. He feels your foreplay lacks substance (his words, not mine) and thinks the inclusion of a squeaky toy, possibly in the shape of a hamburger, would really heighten the dramatic tension.  But I suppose you&amp;#039;re asking if, in a larger sense, a dog can equate what you&amp;#039;re doing to his own concept of sex. Probably not. &amp;quot;They&amp;#039;re unable to transport their minds into the situation and think of it as an outside party looking in, thinking, If I were involved, this is what I&amp;#039;d be feeling,&amp;quot; says veterinary behaviorist Nicholas Dodman. &amp;quot;They certainly wouldn&amp;#039;t think it&amp;#039;s procreation.&amp;quot; Especially not the way you guys do it.  There are even those who say that animals are incapable of secondary emotions such as empathy. One Ivy League professor (who shall remain nameless) has been known to argue, loudly, &amp;quot;You show me a dog that sees a starving dog on television and wants to help him,&amp;quot; to which I say, &amp;quot;Speak for yourself, bro. My dog&amp;#039;s monthly gift is providing clean drinking water and vaccinations for three coyote pups in Honduras.&amp;quot;  Certainly a dog&amp;#039;s keen senses are in tune with what&amp;#039;s going on with his humans, and the aromas that accompany sex will often provoke a reaction. There might be some whining or barking, for example. But experts say that for a dog to interfere or try to separate you is rare. Rarer still is the dog that will give you a reacharound. That one&amp;#039;s a keeper. What is the most lenient religion in regard to premarital sex? Extramarital sex? How wonderful that you&amp;#039;ve started down your spiritual path! And it&amp;#039;s smart to ask the important questions beforehand. Even religions you&amp;#039;d think would be really loose about this kind of thing aren&amp;#039;t -- something I wish I&amp;#039;d known before I became a Krishna monk. Hindus, Sikhs, Moonies: They&amp;#039;re all pretty strict. Buddhists are less concerned with specifics, stressing that &amp;quot;to do only good, to avoid doing harm, to purify the heart, is the way of all the Buddhas,&amp;quot; which I take to mean no golden showers, period. Of course, none of the big three -- Christianity, Judaism, and Islam -- officially condone premarital or extramarital sex. However, within each sect are widely varying interpretations of Scripture. Some groups will stone you, whereas others will just talk shit behind your back. The more liberal congregations tend to be more liberal, so I&amp;#039;d advise you to seek out the folks with the tambourines and the body paint. They&amp;#039;re your people. But the most lenient faith is satanism, hands down. The neopagans go for just about anything, too, but know that you&amp;#039;ll have to put up with lots of rain-stick-shaking and probably be required to journey to Burning Man at least once in your lifetime. Other than that, there was a little offshoot of the Branch Davidians that I remember was pretty cool overall, but it was a long time ago and I&amp;#039;ve blocked most everything out.  Incidentally, if you don&amp;#039;t find a religion that suits you, you can always start your own. It&amp;#039;s a good idea to invest in a little plot of land and start stockpiling canned goods and weapons now, just in case. What&amp;#039;s the most popular fruit-flavored condom? It is with a heavy heart and a frothy mug of malaise that I report the findings of my tireless sex team: The preferred flavor of passion is strawberry. Yes, once again the masses disappoint. It&amp;#039;s no real shock, I suppose. &amp;quot;People prefer flavors that reflect the mood or situation,&amp;quot; rationalizes Durex condoms spokesperson and human-race apologist Sari Locker: &amp;quot;Feeding their lover strawberries and then having a strawberry condom that night after they feed each other strawberries, that sort of thing.&amp;quot; I hope to God no one is actually doing that, but nothing would surprise me at this point.  &amp;quot;Everybody can relate to strawberry,&amp;quot; says Condomania CEO Adam Glickman. &amp;quot;Not everybody can relate to coconut.&amp;quot; True, relating to coconut can be difficult at first. For many, it conjures up images of savagery, cannibalism, and death. But we must strive to go past our comfort zones. Otherwise, all those young idealist condom flavors -- the herbes de Provence, the blood-orange vinaigrettes -- can only sit idly by while the nation marches in strawberry lockstep to the nearest drugstore. I can&amp;#039;t help but wonder, what were the &amp;#039;60s for, anyway? Related: Sex Advice, Tips, and Sexual Positions "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/a1266/esq0406-esq04006sex-72/>