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"It was three years, three damn good years, and I don&amp;apos;t think it&amp;apos;s the sandpapering nature of memory saying that. I remember arriving in Bend, pulling up alongside all this good weather and better beer, passing Badlands and bad golf swings on my way to making great new friends - thank you great new friends. It wasn&amp;apos;t love at first sight, but this place sure is a head turner - thank you Cascade Range, Deschutes River, High Desert of Oregon - ultimately I fell in love with you. Granted, it took time, a few years to feel like I belonged, but it happened - thank you Dudley&amp;apos;s, High Desert Journal, the Source, The Nature of Words, KPOV, you precious ones at OSU; quality is the word that describes you. How ironic, then, that just as I feel I&amp;apos;ve arrived, I look up to see you in my rearview mirror. Dammit. Dammit all to hell.\nWhat happened? I still don&amp;apos;t know. Except it&amp;apos;s a leaving that needn&amp;apos;t, shouldn&amp;apos;t be, and yet calm-voiced Prudence prevails, counsels me, and I listen - thank you Prudence, and damn you. On top of everything I discovered shame, because never in my life have I felt more ill-will toward a person. Let me repeat: I am ashamed. I&amp;apos;m ashamed I feel this way, act this way, show myself to be the small person I am. Where is my forgiveness? A long time ago I learned the story of a woman who&amp;apos;d been infected with HIV. Her husband had hidden from her the fact that he was gay and eventually he&amp;apos;d passed the disease onto her. The woman was able to forgive him. In South Africa, when Nelson Mandela was freed, he instigated a program of reconciliation where murderers and rapists came before their victims and victims&amp;apos; families and confessed their crimes - and they were forgiven. So why can&amp;apos;t I?"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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