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"  Recently, my husband and I went through the heart-wrenching experience of sending three sons to war in a two-week period. We have close family friends we have known for over 20 years and with whom we have spent holidays and vacations. Even though our sons have written them letters and sent gifts from overseas, our friends have never called to offer their emotional support, inquire about our sons&amp;#039; well-being, or even come to the airport to wish them well. Needless to say, my husband and I feel hurt and abandoned at a frightening time in our lives. We are also hurt that these folks have shown little concern when our sons reached out to them. I realize our emotions are raw and I do not want overreact, but I am questioning the depth of this friendship. I would greatly appreciate your advice. -- T.O., 50, Missoula, MT First off, I admire your courage and can&amp;#039;t imagine the degree of anguish you must be enduring. Given what you&amp;#039;re going through, it makes sense that you would question this friendship. Just because it&amp;#039;s an old one doesn&amp;#039;t automatically mean it&amp;#039;s deep. Perhaps these folks are good people to vacation with and that&amp;#039;s the extent of it. But if you&amp;#039;re feeling inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt, bear in mind that sometimes people don&amp;#039;t know how to show their concern. Or they&amp;#039;re simply too afraid to be around the kind of suffering you and your husband are experiencing. This doesn&amp;#039;t excuse their behavior, mind you, but it could explain it.  Tell your friends that you don&amp;#039;t know what to make of their seeming reluctance to offer emotional support. Don&amp;#039;t beat around the bush and don&amp;#039;t mince words. Say that you and your children consider them to be dear friends and that you need them -- yes, need them -- to be responsive to your sons: to thank them for the gifts, answer their mail, and whatever else you hope they will do. They&amp;#039;ll either make more of an effort to be the good friends you could use or they won&amp;#039;t, but regardless, you&amp;#039;ll have your answer about the quality of their friendship. Sometimes good friends are unable to be friends for life. That said, bear in mind there might also be acquaintances in your life just waiting to become friends, people more willing and better equipped emotionally to be there for you during this difficult time.  Need smart advice? Maybe your best friend is suddenly acting strangely. Or your parents or in-laws are making you nuts. Or your sister always takes your moms side in an argument, instead of yours. Whatevers bugging or perplexing you about your friends, brother, sister, parents, in-laws, husband, you name it REDBOOKs Karen Karbo has the smart advice you need. Email your questions, rants, and worries to her at karenkarbo@redbookmag.com and please include your initials, age, city and state. Letters may be edited for clarity and length. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/q-and-a/a10869/abandoned-by-friends/>