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" &amp;quot;Okay.&amp;quot; He looked at me. &amp;quot;You think Doug would be willing to talk to me about all of this? Maybe I could call him after dinner? Talk to him about that? And about the basketball court?&amp;quot;  I smiled. &amp;quot;I think that sounds like a great plan.&amp;quot;  What started as a brief conversation between Doug and Jackson turned into a plan for a weekend away for the three of us. Jeb was going to come too, but at the last minute he said he had to go back to New York for a little while. It was looking like he might have a break: a fairly big music producer over at one of the labels had listened to his demo and wanted to meet to talk about it. I could see how happy he was, but I didn&amp;#039;t want him to get his hopes up and be disappointed, so I tried to be supportive without getting overly enthusiastic. Over the years, he&amp;#039;s had so many close calls. And when they fall apart, so doe my brother.  Doug and I drove Jeb to the airport, and on the way back, we hatched a plan for the weekend.  &amp;quot;We need some peace and quiet,&amp;quot; Doug said.  &amp;quot;Agreed.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;I just think Jackson needs a break from all of this girl stuff,&amp;quot; Doug said. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s too much. It doesn&amp;#039;t matter how old you are. It&amp;#039;s a hard thing when you feel like you are responsible for two people&amp;#039;s feelings. It&amp;#039;s a hard thing when, either way, you are going to be letting someone down. What do you think? Would you be up for getting out of here for a couple of days?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;More than you know!&amp;quot; I said.  And Doug&amp;#039;s suggestion was perfect: We took a much-needed camping trip in a quiet area all the way in western Missouri, right near the Missouri River, away from the chaos of the city and everything we were all worried about. The drive alone was cathartic, and incredible. We played a bunch of car games along the way, and listened to This American Life, and had a lot of quiet time when we listened to several CDs. The new Joni Mitchell. The new Bruce Springsteen. Old Bob Dylan. Old Neil Young.  And when we got there, I was struck by how incredibly beautiful parts of America could be, and how they could make everything else feel more manageable. It made me excited for the times to come at the farmhouse.  The first night, we made a campfire, grilled cheeseburgers, and ate s&amp;#039;mores until our hands were beyond sticky.  The next day, the guys fished, and I slept late, and we all read a lot. I read two novels that I absolutely loved: The Time Traveler&amp;#039;s Wife and The Feast of Love. I loved The Feast of Love so much I wanted to give it to everyone I knew!  We really had a blast.  And very early on Sunday morning, while Jackson slept, Doug and I snuck off into the woods and made love in a small clearing. We were back before Jackson even woke up, but my body felt like it was on fire all day. Since everything started with Doug again, I had been so ill at ease that the sex between us wasn&amp;#039;t what it once had been. I couldn&amp;#039;t exactly let myself go.  This was the first time that it was truly mind-blowing. I forgot about everything else in the world. There was nowhere else I wanted to be. It felt like more evidence that things were real and right between us.  And maybe it was the combination of Doug&amp;#039;s sweet gesture with the farmhouse and the incredible camping weekend, but I felt myself start to relax about everything with him. I felt myself reaching for his hand without even thinking about it. And I knew he could tell the difference too. He had silly grin on his face all the way back to Chicago.  When he dropped us off at home, Jackson asked if he could have a minute alone with Doug, so I left them in the car and headed inside alone. I knew he wanted to cement with Doug what he was going to do about the girl situation, and I was glad he felt that he could rely on Doug for that.  Inside the house, I went to the answering machine and saw that I had only one message waiting. Thank goodness, part of me thought. No huge emergency while we were gone. (It was crazy that in this last year, emergencies had become the norm.) But the message wasn&amp;#039;t one that I was particularly glad to be getting.  It was Graham. Of Graham and Susan. (Doug&amp;#039;s friends from near the farmhouse.) He sounded upset and said he couldn&amp;#039;t seem to reach Doug on his cell phone. Would I tell Doug that he was trying to get in touch?  When Doug walked in the door, that was exactly what I did. Which was when I saw a look pass over his face \u2014 one he was trying to hide \u2014 before he quickly recovered and went into the other room to call Graham back.  &amp;quot;Is everything okay?&amp;quot; I asked when Doug came back into the room.  &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s fine,&amp;quot; he said.  Why didn&amp;#039;t I believe him? "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/a2281/diary-e-101607/>