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" For 20 years now I&amp;#039;ve watched my best friend, Julie, go through one stressful event after another and hardly break a sweat. As a teenager, while the rest of us obsessed over getting into the college of our choice, Julie barely seemed to think about it after she popped her applications in the mail. After graduating from college, she moved eight times in 16 years, beginning with switching law schools so she could live in the same city as her new husband. She then had her first baby in a city thousands of miles from her beloved family, and two more babies in the next four years. Somewhere in the middle of this, her father was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had surgery that could have killed him. It&amp;#039;s not that Julie never worried during this time, but she never seemed stressed out. Her motto: Why be anxious when you could be napping?  To say that I am jealous of Julie&amp;#039;s laid-back attitude would be an understatement. I&amp;#039;m the type who gets up at 3am to feed the baby and can&amp;#039;t fall back to sleep for hours because I&amp;#039;m drowning in a waterfall of concerns that begins with my guilt over having forgotten to send my sister-in-law a birthday card. Although I have become more mellow in my 30s than I was in my 20s, like many women I find that the little stuff still gets to me sometimes.  Is &amp;quot;Mellowness&amp;quot; Inherited? Not that it&amp;#039;s any consolation, but researchers say Julie&amp;#039;s ability to shrug off stress and my nervous-Nellie tendencies are probably inherited. The evidence is in the animal world, where genetically mellow rats and skittish ones have been not only identified but bred to order. Esther Sternberg, M.D., a researcher at the National Institute of Mental Health and author of The Balance Within, was testing an arthritis drug on two strains of rats when she and her colleagues noticed that the two types exhibited completely different responses to stress. One strain, the Fischer rats, produced large amounts of the stress hormone CRH when put in an unfamiliar cage. The Lewis rats, on the other hand, could be relocated, even to a small space, yet produce barely any CRH at all. Humans probably have a similar set of genes that regulate hormone production and contribute to our ability to handle stress with finesse.  Alas, while my friend Julie is a Lewis, I am obviously a Fischer. The good news is that although our genes are a factor, how we were conditioned to deal with stress in early childhood and the coping techniques we adopt as adults also count for a lot, says Sternberg. And you should mellow out, both for your sanity and for your health: According to Stanford University neuroscientist Richard Sapolsky, Ph.D., unmanaged tension can affect our digestive systems (acid reflux or diarrhea, anyone?), our hearts (high blood pressure), even our ovaries (where it can suppress ovulation when we would most love to get pregnant).  So, what do stressless women know that you don&amp;#039;t? Read on -- and steal the secrets that keep them sailing through tough times. 1. They Prioritize, Organize and Make a Great List &amp;quot;Feeling in control is an important part of stress management,&amp;quot; says Sternberg, &amp;quot;and choosing your priorities rather than simply accepting what is imposed upon you is an empowering way to get control over your life.&amp;quot; In fact, she says, studies indicate that a sense of control may be a more potent stress buster than actual control. How to get that I&amp;#039;ve-got-it-covered feeling? Sternberg suggests making lists: It&amp;#039;s a good way to break down any problem into small, solvable parts, which makes it less overwhelming; it also gives you the sense that you&amp;#039;re taking action.  Michelle Stayton, 34, a stay-at-home mother of three in Waite Park, Minnesota, keeps her lists in a notebook that&amp;#039;s divided into three sections. The front is a Christmas section, with a page for each family member. Throughout the year she writes down gift ideas, then checks off the items as she finds them, &amp;quot;which relieves a lot of stress at the holidays,&amp;quot; says Stayton. The middle section is an ongoing wish list of items for her family, no special occasion required (such as the camp stove she picked up at the Salvation Army). At the back of the book is her everyday to-do list of chores, errands, and the like. &amp;quot;Being organized has eliminated a lot of tension for me,&amp;quot; Stayton says. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m not forgetting to do things, so I&amp;#039;m not stressing about them.&amp;quot; And she always feels accomplished when she rereads her list with its checked-off items at day&amp;#039;s end. (Feel too disorganized to make a list? Do what I do and start the easy way: Write down something you did accomplish -- then cross it off!)  Lisa Don, 40, a promotion director in New York City and mother of two boys, aged 3 and 3 months, takes control of her time by launching a preemptive strike on her workday: &amp;quot;While I&amp;#039;m taking the bus in the morning, I use my cell phone to check all my voice mails and leave messages for people. That way when I arrive, I can get right to work.&amp;quot;   2. When Things Get Rough, They Call Their Friends Women&amp;#039;s and men&amp;#039;s bodies respond differently to fight-or-flight situations, a recent study by the University of California at Los Angeles revealed. Because of differences in hormones, men are more likely to either fight or flee, while women are more apt to try to deal with stress by seeking out the company of friends or tending to the needs of their children. The bottom line? Don&amp;#039;t buck biology. Get social.  Which is exactly what Peggy Curtis, a 32-year-old maternity ward nurse at St. Barnabas Hospital in Livingston, New Jersey, does. &amp;quot;I have friends who are nurses at other hospitals. When things get stressful at work and people are driving me crazy, I&amp;#039;ll call one of those friends and vent. They understand what it&amp;#039;s like to take care of a patient. Just talking to them makes me feel so much better. 3. They Work at Being Optimists Many women who have left stress in the dust believe they attract what they think about -- including anxiety -- so they steer their thoughts toward best-case scenarios. Lisa Johnson, 33, of Eugene, Oregon, gave herself an attitude makeover to help get her Internet business off the ground. Below are her old, negative attitudes and the new, positive thoughts she learned to substitute daily.  Old: &amp;quot;There are simply not enough hours in a day.&amp;quot; New: &amp;quot;Everything I need is already on its way to me.&amp;quot; Old: &amp;quot;Everything is changing so fast, I can&amp;#039;t keep up.&amp;quot; New: &amp;quot;I am fluid, and rapid change inspires and energizes me.&amp;quot; Old: &amp;quot;I am afraid of everything spinning out of control.&amp;quot; New: &amp;quot;Fast is easy, and I am ready to grow quickly.&amp;quot;  Did it work? You bet: &amp;quot;Changing my thinking was one of the most important steps for maintaining my sanity while starting my business,&amp;quot; Johnson says.  Shelley Mikesell, 32, a stay-at-home mom of four in Fort Wayne, Indiana, stays positive in her hectic life by keeping her eyes on her feet: &amp;quot;Whenever I feel myself approaching my wits&amp;#039; end, I buy a new pair of white Keds. It makes me feel upbeat; it&amp;#039;s like starting over with a clean slate. Yes, sometimes I end up with a heck of a lot of shoes, but I&amp;#039;m so relaxed I don&amp;#039;t even care!&amp;quot;  4. They Don&amp;#039;t Procrastinate While stress-free women keep their thoughts positive, they also know when to put the brakes on a situation that&amp;#039;s spiraling downward. Many years ago, Julie Fritz, 42, of Indianapolis hit a financial wall. A mother of three who does administrative work for nonprofits, Fritz says she&amp;#039;s so laid-back that at one point she and her husband let things slide too far -- things like their bank balance. &amp;quot;We were behind on most of our credit card payments, and the creditors were calling regularly,&amp;quot; she relates. &amp;quot;We were living paycheck to paycheck.&amp;quot; The situation came to a head when her husband wrote a check to a store -- and it was refused. Determined to avoid going into bankruptcy, the couple took action. Fritz and her husband entered Consumer Credit Counseling Service&amp;#039;s debt program, attended support group meetings, cut back on all extras, and worked for more than two years to erase their debt. &amp;quot;We changed our spending habits and decided what was important in our lives,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;Now my commitment to tackling financial problems as they arise lets me begin and end my workdays stress free. 5. They Believe Whether you believe in God or in something you call a higher power, several studies have found a strong correlation between lifelong well-being and the sense of meaning and purpose that comes from having faith, says psychiatrist Harold Bloomfield, M.D., author of Making Peace with Your Past. &amp;quot;A spiritual perspective enables you to stand back and see your troubles in a larger context,&amp;quot; says Sapolsky, adding that religious people are generally less stressed and healthier.  &amp;quot;I always remind myself that God will never give me more than I can handle and that I cannot do everything by myself,&amp;quot; says stay-at-home mother of five Diannah Enger, 35, of St. Cloud, Minnesota, who finds she has more patience when she attends church regularly. Stayton says that sometimes while she&amp;#039;s praying, the solution she is looking for shows up. And although Elena Keegan, 33, a yoga instructor and mother of two in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, is not a member of any organized religion, she maintains her own connection to God. &amp;quot;I generally agree with the common principles on which all major religions are based,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;To sum it up: Do good; be good. When I am doing these two things, I have very little stress in my life.&amp;quot; 6. They Delegate Stress-free women know how to put those around them to work for the common good. On the home front, on evenings when my husband works late, I pay my 8-year-old a dollar (to her delight) to put my 3- and 4-year-olds in their pajamas, brush their teeth and read them a bedtime story. Until this plan occurred to me, I was often up until 10pm, resentfully doing dishes.  Delegating at work is also key to cutting back on stress, says Joy Baldridge, president of Baldridge Seminars International in Stamford, Connecticut. Most people think of delegating as something you do down the hierarchy, as in handing tasks off to subordinates. Baldridge points out that there are three other ways to delegate: sideways (to a coworker), out (to a temporary agency, for instance) and up (to your boss). Baldridge suggests you make a habit of asking yourself, &amp;quot;What&amp;#039;s the best use of my time? If my boss made this one phone call for me, would it save me two weeks of trying to break through the bureaucracy?&amp;quot;  To get over the &amp;quot;but I could do it better and faster&amp;quot; hump, question your own assumptions. Are you really the most creative person in the room all the time? Lori Gottleib, 33, a former NBC executive in Los Angeles, learned over time to hire people she trusted deep down and to force herself to delegate: &amp;quot;The nice thing is, while sometimes they didn&amp;#039;t do exactly what I had envisioned, often their version turned out to be better! 7. They Breathe Deeply Research shows that people who practice daily breathing exercises can cut their level of tension in half, according to Bloomfield. He tells patients to remember to always breathe deeply and, when troublesome circumstances arise, to try what he calls the one-breath relaxation technique: Straighten your back, relax your shoulders and take a deep breath through your nose. As you do this, focus on the sensation of the air filling your chest and permeating all of your cells. While holding that breath for a few seconds, picture a bright light illuminating your mind and body. Exhale through your mouth with a sigh and imagine that the tension in your body is darkness that exits with your breath.  Keegan finds that keeping &amp;quot;breathing reminder cards&amp;quot; in her home, office and car helps her focus and prevents stress from affecting her well-being. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s incredible what such a simple act can do for your body and mind,&amp;quot; she says.  8. They Relax by Visualizing Happy Endings When I found myself pregnant and anxious about childbirth, my Bradley instructor told me to imagine the big day going exactly as I wanted it to. I forced myself to rehearse mentally each night before bed, and a smooth delivery was just what I got. Coincidence? Maybe. Luck? Definitely part of it. But somehow this happened three times, with babies that weighed in at nine to 10 pounds. I&amp;#039;m convinced that visualization stacked the odds in my favor.  When 25-year-old Stacie Stelk of Warren, Ohio, a mother of three who also runs an e-commerce business from her home, finds herself getting tense, she lies on her bed, turns on her ceiling fan and pops in a CD of ocean sounds. &amp;quot;I close my eyes and pretend I&amp;#039;m back at the condo where my husband and I vacationed two years ago, lying on the bed with the sliding door open and the breeze from the ocean on my face. Even if it is just the ceiling fan, I can trick myself back into that relaxing, wonderful feeling. 9. They Schedule Fun... Stress-free women don&amp;#039;t deny themselves pleasure in order to get their work done. Rather, most recognize that they need fun and relaxation and then plan it. Stayton, who lives in an apartment, recently rediscovered the joy of dirt while helping a friend garden. Now she plays in her friend&amp;#039;s flower beds regularly. Every week my friend Julie takes a creativity class based on a book called The Artist&amp;#039;s Way by Julia Cameron; the premise of the class is to get the students back in touch with that instinctive childlike sense of how to have fun. I belong to a women&amp;#039;s group called Sacred Circle that meets twice a month and provides me with enough laughs to carry me through the next two weeks.  Then there&amp;#039;s Lisa Don, who schedules a babysitter every Saturday or Sunday from 8am until 2pm so she can get a manicure, go somewhere to read the newspaper and drink hot chocolate, or do some shopping. &amp;quot;If there&amp;#039;s no balance in my life, if I&amp;#039;m not there for myself, how can I be there for my child or my work?&amp;quot; she says.  For Diane Schon Wirtschafter, a 36-year-old mother of two (with a third on the way) and elementary school teacher in Berkeley, California, fun comes in the form of monthly jam sessions. &amp;quot;I sing, and my husband plays all sorts of string instruments, so we gather friends to play music in our home. It&amp;#039;s energizing and helps us keep our priorities straight: It&amp;#039;s not for a concert, it&amp;#039;s not for my job -- it&amp;#039;s just pure pleasure.&amp;quot; And Wirtschafter and her husband rarely put it off for lack of time. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ve found that if you make time to do it, you have time to do it.&amp;quot; 10. ...Yet They Keep Their Schedules Simple Thea Mussman, 31, of Baltimore, finds that having an open, flexible schedule helps her stay relaxed. &amp;quot;We don&amp;#039;t do organized sports, dance or any of that with our kids, who are 3 and 6,&amp;quot; says this stay-at-home mother. &amp;quot;Having places to go and things to do tends to make me tense. I&amp;#039;d rather have my days free to do whatever we want. Sometimes we head to the zoo or the park, but whatever it is, we&amp;#039;re in no rush and we enjoy it when we get there.&amp;quot;  Stay-at-home mom Paula Lundell, 41, of Akron, Ohio, feels that people often overextend themselves to make sure they don&amp;#039;t miss anything, and that this makes them rush through life and ultimately miss out on a lot. &amp;quot;My daughter and I took a walk the other night, and she asked me to stop and actually smell the roses,&amp;quot; she says. While Lundell was tempted to rush back and start dinner on schedule, she let her daughter convince her to enjoy living in the moment.  At work, keeping things simple often means saying no more often. &amp;quot;Respectfully decline a request to help out by saying, &amp;#039;I wish I could. Unfortunately, I have another time commitment,&amp;#039;&amp;quot; advises Baldridge. There&amp;#039;s no need to reveal your reasons, she adds. &amp;quot;You can say, &amp;#039;I have another meeting at that time that I can&amp;#039;t cancel.&amp;#039; You don&amp;#039;t have to say you&amp;#039;re going to your son&amp;#039;s baseball game.&amp;quot; 11. They Know Where to Find Perspective  "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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