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" Last night,\u00A0Fifty Shades of Grey premiered across the country. And now that you&amp;#039;ve\u00A0seen it, or at least been bombarded by its very presence at the theater, wouldn&amp;#039;t you\u00A0like to know the truth about Mr. Grey&amp;#039;s fetishes? We spoke with Queen Aston, a New\u00A0York-based Dominatrix who specializes in many different types of BDSM (she also\u00A0has a degree in graphic design and is writing her first novel) about the truth behind\u00A0the popular book and what BDSM is really about. First and foremost, BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline/Dominance and\u00A0Submission/Sadism and Masochism. It always involves a Dominant and submissive,\u00A0and can include\u00A0(depending on the individual&amp;#039;s personal fetishes)\u00A0a number of different activities including whips, bondage, humiliation,\u00A0role-play and costumes. But according to Queen\u00A0Aston, Fifty Shades gets even the basics\u00A0wrong. &amp;quot;To begin, I&amp;#039;m happy that Fifty Shades is shining light on the BDSM\u00A0community and making it more mainstream,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;But the way in which it\u00A0depicts BDSM isn&amp;#039;t realistic. Almost always the woman is the Dominant, known as\u00A0the Dominatrix, and the man is the submissive. So Christian being the one in charge\u00A0isn&amp;#039;t really correct.\u00A0 &amp;quot;Secondly, both parties have to be in absolute consent about\u00A0everything that is happening and will happen in the future. A Dominant should\u00A0never take a submissive too far\u2014like Christian does to Ana\u2014because you don&amp;#039;t\u00A0want to break them.&amp;quot;\u00A0Many people also don&amp;#039;t know the basics about\u00A0BDSM, particularly Christian&amp;#039;s preferred method of bondage, the &amp;#039;Tie and Tease&amp;#039; and the &amp;#039;Tease and Denial.&amp;#039;\u00A0&amp;quot;During a tie and tease the submissive is allowed to orgasm, while in the &amp;#039;tease and denial&amp;#039; the submissive\u00A0is not allowed to orgasm, or can only orgasm when the Dominatrix allows it,&amp;quot; explains Queen Aston. &amp;quot;The point of many BDSM activities is not to reach the point of orgasm, but to almost reach it. A tie and tease would only result in sex if performed in a personal relationship.&amp;quot; When it comes to Mr. Grey&amp;#039;s playroom, preference for silk neckties and a\u00A0contract,\u00A0Fifty Shades has it right. &amp;quot;You can really use anything to tie up your submissive,&amp;quot;\u00A0says Queen Aston. &amp;quot;I use rope because it&amp;#039;s my personal preference, but you can\u00A0use neck ties like Christian did, cuffs, anything you like. The same goes for tools. I have\u00A0a bamboo cane, a riding crop, and a beautiful handmade leather whip. The penis cage (which prevents a man from getting enlarged) is also a favorite tool. In terms of a contract, that&amp;#039;s also quite standard.\u00A0I have clients and personal relationships\u00A0where I practice BDSM, and I have had contracts for both. It&amp;#039;s the best way for both\u00A0parties to consent to what is going to happen.&amp;quot;\u00A0The use of sex toys during bondage sessions for example, is a common practice, but must be done with proper consent. &amp;quot;There&amp;#039;s a lot of legality\u00A0out there,&amp;quot; says Queen Aston. &amp;quot;In some New York dungeons, I can&amp;#039;t insert anything into a submissive, but once it&amp;#039;s in there I am allowed to maneuver it.&amp;quot; In the BDSM world, a professional Dominatrix is very specific. &amp;quot;A\u00A0Dominatrix must be articulate and glamorous. She is never nude, although the\u00A0submissive is\u00A0almost always stripped down to nude,&amp;quot; says Queen Aston. &amp;quot;Clothing and costume are extremely\u00A0important, but high heels and a whip do not make a Dominatrix. It requires\u00A0training, reading and practice. She must be knowledgeable about fetishism, and be\u00A0in tune with what her slave or submissive wants.&amp;quot;\u00A0Fetishes also come in many different forms, whether it be &amp;#039;Tie and Tease,&amp;#039; which Christian seems to prefer, a specific sexual position in a certain room, or &amp;quot;Even a foot rubbing against the back of a calf, which comes under a foot fetish category,&amp;quot; explains Queen Aston. &amp;quot;Basically, anything that isn&amp;#039;t missionary can be considered a fetish. Bear in mind though, that reality is often a completely\u00A0different thing to the imagination.&amp;quot; "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/film-tv/a9977/dominatrix-opinion-fifty-shades-of-grey/>