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"\n\tAdvertisement - Continue Reading Below\n\t\n\n1. Expectation: You'll get to the beach early and nab the best spots. Reality: You'll oversleep three hours, your friends will be two hours late, and you will travel at five miles per hour because there's traffic as far as the eye can see. By the time you get there, the place looks like this:\n\nAnd you have to spread your blanket on pointy rocks and pretend it's fun. It's not fun. It hurts.2. Expectation: Riding down to the beach with your friends will be the most amazing bonding experience Reality: Riding down to the beach is an exercise in self-control. You will to kill everyone for being late. You will especially want to kill whoever thought fitting eight people into a four-door sedan was a good idea. Oh wait, that was you. Next time, stop making suggestions when you've been drinking.3. Expectation: You'll spend the entire day swimming in the cool blue water. Reality: The water is fucking freezing and things live in it. You will never be able to tell the difference between a piece of seaweed and a jellyfish until it is too late.4. Expectation: You'll work on your tan. Reality: You will burn until you look like a lobster. The least sexy lobster that ever lived.5. Expectation: You'll inhale ocean air and feel one with the universe. Reality: The ocean smells like dead fish and bottle caps.6. Expectation: You'll drink delicious cocktails Reality: The cooler will be a shameful mess of ice and spilled liquor. You will consider just dipping a cup in and hoping for the best. You will be very, very sorry.7. Expectation: The sand will feel so good between your toes. Reality: SAND. SAND EVERYWHERE.8. Expectation: You'll meet hot guys who will invite you to play beach volleyball. Reality: A volleyball will hit you in the face. 9. Expectation: Hot guys in bathing suits. Reality: 10. Expectation: You'll fall asleep in the car, blissed out. Reality: You will be able to feel nothing but the sand rubbing against your skin. It will feel as if the grains are entering even the most remote corners of your soul. 11. Expectation: After the day you've had, you're never coming back to the beach. Reality: You'll be back next week. And you'll make all the same mistakes.Follow Mark on Twitter.Image credit: Getty"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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