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"An old roommate of mine has been in a will-they or won&amp;#39;t-they situation with her best guy friend for years. Now, he&amp;#39;s moved to another continent, and my friend is coming to terms with the fact that even after various confessed feelings on both their parts, it doesn&amp;#39;t seem like they&amp;#39;re going to end up together. She was what she calls &amp;quot;a placeholder girlfriend,&amp;quot; but she&amp;#39;s still stinging over the end of their non-relationship relationship.\nPinterestFacebookIn the time since they met, they&amp;#39;ve exchanged &amp;quot;I love you&amp;quot;s, he&amp;#39;s brushed her hair out of her face and stared into her eyes much like a rom-com hero, and they&amp;#39;ve had a very steamy makeout session. Mutual friends comment on their chemistry, and he even told her he wouldn&amp;#39;t go for anyone he really cared about out of fear that he&amp;#39;d ruin it. I usually think that&amp;#39;s BS, but I believe it in this case. In my friend&amp;#39;s words, &amp;quot;that&amp;#39;s why he runs, because he&amp;#39;s a little baby.&amp;quot;\nShe&amp;#39;s ready to get over him (can you tell?) but doesn&amp;#39;t quite know where to begin. Here was my advice:\nMake sure it&amp;#39;s really not ever going to happen. This is the first step in getting over the demise of a non-relationship relationship. If you&amp;#39;ve both made it clear that there&amp;#39;s something there, you owe it to yourself to find out what exactly it is rather than waffling between fear that he&amp;#39;ll get a girlfriend and fantasies about your future children. It&amp;#39;s nerve-racking, but if you&amp;#39;re at this point you should be comfortable enough to have a serious talk and figure out what the holdup is.\nGive yourself permission to be sad.&amp;quot;It feels like a rule that you can only love someone like that if you had an actual relationship with them and if they loved you back,&amp;quot; she told me over Gchat. I pointed out that if that were the case, approximately half the art, music, and books in the world wouldn&amp;#39;t exist. Where would our society be without unrequited love? So the next step is believing that your emotions are totally valid and trying to be gentle with yourself. Berating yourself for being upset is just going to make it harder to process your feelings. You don&amp;#39;t have to be officially together for it to hurt like hell when it&amp;#39;s over.\nQuit him like a bad habit (which is exactly what he is). Last, and hardest, is going cold turkey. Since your bond exists in the in-between space that&amp;#39;s after friends and before a relationship, the entire thing is basically one large gray area. In more established relationships, there&amp;#39;s a chance you can change the essence of things and remove the sex to come out of it with a friendship intact. But when that foundation of intense friendship makes up most of your closeness, you can&amp;#39;t immediately try to transition into being normal friends. You&amp;#39;ll just confuse yourself because so much of your connection will remain the same. Going cold turkey, at least until you&amp;#39;re largely over it, is key.\nI&amp;#39;m coaching her through the process bit by bit, and I have full faith she&amp;#39;ll be able to get over this guy and find someone who loves her so much, he wants to build a (noncreepy) shrine in her honor.\nHave you ever been in a non-relationship relationship? Or maybe you&amp;#39;re in one now? How do you decide when it&amp;#39;s time to DTR or GTFO?"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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