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" ADHD can put extra stress on relationships. There are particular problems with communication, which can be frustrating, and it can be wearing for the other partner to cope with the fallout from impulsive behaviour.  Often, the partner without ADHD can feel taken for granted and resentful. Very occasionally, medication can affect your sex-drive, reducing your interest and sexual interaction. Conversely some clinicians report that improved concentration and attention resulting from medication treatment can enhance and improve relationships and sexual contact.  With untreated ADHD you can sometimes misread cues owing to loss of focus and impulsivty and come on too strong. The key things are to keep talking, try to keep your sense of humour, and don&amp;#039;t be too proud to ask for help. Communication problems People with ADHD:  appear not to listen because their brain is racing ahead may make inappropriate remarks that are hurtful, even though they weren&amp;#039;t intended to be find it hard to listen without interrupting or going off track.  Tips to help  Try a &amp;#039;dumping ground&amp;#039; where you both write down problem areas before discussing them. You can take it at your own pace without going off track. Use &amp;#039;I&amp;#039; statements to avoid snap judgements that are often implied by &amp;#039;you&amp;#039;. Compare &amp;#039;I feel you&amp;#039;ve lost interest&amp;#039; to &amp;#039;You&amp;#039;ve lost interest&amp;#039;. This shifts the emphasis to how certain behaviour makes you feel, rather than absolute statements about the other person. The partner who doesn&amp;#039;t have ADHD can help by making points quietly and clearly, then getting the other person to repeat them back. Get professional help if you need it, such as relationship guidance.  Impulsive behaviour People with ADHD:   don&amp;#039;t think before acting   look for lots of stimulation, eg by picking arguments  don&amp;#039;t finish tasks talk too fast and change the subject quickly.  This often leads to the &amp;#039;why do I have to clear up your mess?&amp;#039; argument \u2013 whether it&amp;#039;s smoothing over emotional problems or physically clearing up the things a person with ADHD tends to leave lying around. Tips to help  Agree task-sharing between you \u2013 focus on your joint strengths.  Avoid ultimatums. Take a break if it&amp;#039;s getting antagonistic. Both partners should write a priorities list for daily and long-term issues. Compare the lists: where there are large differences, there&amp;#039;s likely to be tension. You can then work out joint strategies to deal with these problems. The partner who doesn&amp;#039;t have ADHD can help by slowing down the conversation to make sure you follow it.  Sex problems  Some medication can affect your sex-drive \u2013 including the non-stimulant drug atomoxetine, which is used to treat adult ADHD.  A person with ADHD may also have a higher sex-drive than the other partner, and this can cause friction and resentment on both sides. Tips to help  Discuss the problems with your doctor, who can look at your treatment and decide whether a different medication may help. If the problem is a mismatch in sex-drive, talk it through together. Have the conversation outside of the bedroom and do it at a time when you&amp;#039;re both feeling calm. Make sure it&amp;#039;s about understanding how you both feel, and avoid casting blame. Your doctor may refer you to a psychosexual therapist who can help.  The partner who doesn&amp;#039;t have ADHD  It&amp;#039;s easy to resent a partner who makes a mess, tunes out when you&amp;#039;re talking and who doesn&amp;#039;t have any brakes \u2013 and you&amp;#039;re the one who has to sort out everything afterwards.  But your partner isn&amp;#039;t doing it deliberately, so try not to take it personally.  You are partners, not parent and child, so deal with the problems together.  You need to talk about the problems in a calm way, perhaps with a third party to help coach you through the problems and solutions. Make sure you both get me-time as well as time together as a couple. How you can both help your relationship  Make sure the person with ADHD is receiving appropriate medical help, and learn as much as possible about ADHD. Set up time to talk away from distractions. Discuss what&amp;#039;s working and what you want to change, and try not to react until you&amp;#039;ve both had your say. It can help to write these things down first. Put all decisions, agreed tasks and goals in list form. Try to break negative patterns, such as the ADHD partner makes the mess/tunes out, while the non-ADHD partner cleans up/nags. Make time for each other by having a &amp;#039;date night&amp;#039;, or doing something you enjoyed together early on in your relationship. Understand and accept each other&amp;#039;s differences. Tell your partner the things you appreciate about him or her.  Where to get help Your GP may be able to refer you to a counsellor. You don&amp;#039;t have to have a referral to see a counsellor \u2013 try Relate on 0845 456 1310. Want to know more on ADHD? Worried about your child&amp;#039;s behaviour? Sometimes it can be hard to work out whether a child&amp;#039;s behaviour is normal or the sign of a behavioural disorder. What is ADHD? Find out what the symptoms are. What causes ADHD? Scientific research suggests the causes could be largely genetic, combined with some other factors. Why is ADHD controversial? We look at what the problems are. Not just a childhood disorder: How is it different to childhood ADHD? How do I know if I have ADHD? Here are the signs and symptoms. Getting help: Steps to diagnosis and treatment in adults.  Teenagers with ADHD: Tips for tackling problem behaviour. Study and work: Listed here are some ideas that can help your teen revise for exams at any level. One to one: ADHD can have a marked effect on relationships in the teenage years. Work and ADHD: Find out about ADHD in the workplace. Study and ADHD: Listed below are things to consider when choosing a course and some practical tips to help you study. Self-esteem: ADHD can profoundly affect self-esteem. Tourettes: What is Tourette&amp;#039;s syndrome?  Based on a text by Pam Brooks, health journalist  Last updated 12.08.2014 "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/conditions/adhd/a5266/sex-relationships-and-adhd/>