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"  You want the smartest life advice in the world? Don&amp;#039;t ask A.J. Jacobs. Ask A.J. and his 122,000 Facebook friends. Esquire&amp;#039;s editor-at-large sifts through the wisdom of the crowd to solve all your toughest questions about sex, manners, food and the issue of thick, lustrous arm hair. Send questions to @ajjacobs, or ask A.J. via his Facebook page. And read to the bottom for this week&amp;#039;s contest. THIS WEEK&amp;#039;S QUESTION &amp;quot;How do you tell someone that you don&amp;#039;t want to be a reference for him, because you know him to be notoriously lazy and unreliable?&amp;quot; \u2014Heather, Columbus, Ohio First, a Word The easiest solution to your dilemma comes from Michael Stusser: Ignore the request. &amp;quot;If he is truly lazy and unreliable,&amp;quot; he says, &amp;quot;he simply won&amp;#039;t follow up. Problem solved!&amp;quot; Another way out? Assume the job requires someone who is lazy and unreliable\u2014maybe the reference seeker wants to be a gossip blogger, or hotel chain heiress, or United States congressperson\u2014and write a note that enthusiastically highlights those qualities. If those solutions don&amp;#039;t appeal to you, my huddled masses came up with several more.  The Wisdom of the Crowd 1. Suck it up and write a good reference. Claire Theresa Ackley says you should avoid any outright assholism, noting that &amp;quot;everyone deserves a chance.&amp;quot; The key is to focus on the positives and downplay the negatives. Is this person truly unreliable? Or just &amp;quot;delightfully spontaneous&amp;quot;? Is he lazy, or just &amp;quot;very efficient with personal energy expenditure&amp;quot;?  2. Write the reference, but passive-aggressively damn your colleague. Scott Yates recommends something along the lines of &amp;quot;I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine,&amp;quot; while Lissa Whitacre Murray suggests undermining your own credibility: &amp;quot;Deer Future Employur of my BFBFF (Best FB Friend Forever): Amanda is w/o an doubt the bestest gurhl for the job!!!&amp;quot; 3. Write a scathingly honest reference. &amp;quot;If I don&amp;#039;t like that person, I write a reference and tell the truth,&amp;quot; says Carol Robinson Ferguson. Any questions?  4. Politely decline to write the reference. As Jessica Potts Lahey counsels, tell him, &amp;quot;I don&amp;#039;t think I&amp;#039;m the best choice for this recommendation.&amp;quot; (Only after he leaves your office do you mutter, &amp;quot;Because you suck.&amp;quot;) 5. Not-so-politely decline to write the reference. Be blunt, says Jason Fair: &amp;quot;It saves you time.&amp;quot; Sarah Twombly agrees. &amp;quot;Buck up and be a good friend,&amp;quot; she advises. &amp;quot;Say, &amp;#039;Kiddo, I can&amp;#039;t write your reference, because you&amp;#039;re lazy and unreliable, and you know it. If I write this reference, it makes me look unreliable too, and I&amp;#039;m not game for that. If you want to talk about how to be better in the workplace, hit me up.&amp;#039;&amp;quot; The Verdict There are four parties to consider here: your colleague, you (and your reputation), the potential employer, and society at large. Try to keep all in mind when making a decision. For instance, if your colleague is applying to be an air traffic controller, the stakes for society are high. The ethical thing to do is to write a brutally honest letter about his shortcomings. You don&amp;#039;t want any Walter White\u2013like guilt hanging over your head when the burning detritus starts falling into your pool. But if your colleague has a sick mom with steep hospital bills, and the job is folding sweaters at Banana Republic, society can probably survive some wrinkled sleeves. Here, it&amp;#039;s more justifiable to write a slightly-rosier-than-reality recommendation. Especially if you give your colleague a good talking-to and urge him to be more responsible in his new career. Even better than that, though, is a principled passing of the buck. Make full disclosure to your colleague and let him decide. As Hannah Rae puts it: &amp;quot;Be gentle but honest. Warn that you don&amp;#039;t take being a reference lightly, and that you will provide a truthful and complete analysis of your experience with him, both good and bad, if asked to do so. If he decides to take the risk and use you as a reference anyway, that&amp;#039;s on him.&amp;quot; In other words: He made his bed, and now he has to lie in it. Or actually, he probably didn&amp;#039;t make his bed, because he&amp;#039;s lazy. He probably just left the sheets on the floor and the pillows in a rumpled pile. The jerk.  A CHALLENGE TO THE HUDDLED MASSES Each week, A.J. Jacobs throws down a Twitter gauntlet, and those with the best responses win an autographed copy of A.J.&amp;#039;s latest book, Drop Dead Healthy. Last Week&amp;#039;s Assignment: Aside from shirtless fishing and repressive laws, how can Vladimir Putin prove just how manly he is? Winner: \u202A@Shufflersunite: &amp;quot;He could wrestle a grizzly bear. Or better yet, two grizzly bears. Two out-and-proud grizzly bears.&amp;quot; This Week&amp;#039;s Assignment: What part of American society should we shut down instead of the federal government? Tweet your responses to @ajjacobs, with the hashtag #myhuddledmasses. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/news/a25046/huddled-masses-reference-letter-etiquette/>