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"  My husband of 17 years left me and our three sons and remarried six months later. It has now been almost two years since he left, and despite extensive counseling, antidepressants, and divorce-recovery classes, I can&amp;#039;t seem to move on. I have become this sad, pathetic, miserable person who hates my life and wishes she could turn back the clock. Can you help me let go of the past? -- K.B., 41, Colorado Springs, CO First, know that you&amp;#039;ve experienced a huge blow and that your feelings of despair are perfectly normal. You&amp;#039;ve lost not only your man but also your marriage, which is a tiny civilization with a culture and customs of its own. I say this not to make you feel worse but to help you respect yourself and these bleak feelings during what you&amp;#039;ll look back on as one of the most difficult times of your life.  Also, when we&amp;#039;re talking about a relationship that lasted 17 years, &amp;quot;almost two years&amp;quot; is no time at all. What you&amp;#039;re going through now is part of letting go and moving on. It&amp;#039;s the dark, lonely, 3 a.m. time of it. Keep doing anything that doesn&amp;#039;t hurt, even if it doesn&amp;#039;t seem to help. Do you find comfort seeing your counselor? Keep on seeing her. Do your antidepressants agree with you? Keep taking them. Are you finding solace in your recovery group? Keep going back. Right now, you need to take care of yourself. If in the morning it all just seems too much, focus on getting through life until noon. If that&amp;#039;s too overwhelming, take it hour by hour, and during each hour, do your best to go about your life in a positive way. The most important thing is not to think of yourself as a pathetic person who hates her life. Nip that image in the bud right now. You&amp;#039;re a good woman who&amp;#039;s been traumatized. That&amp;#039;s who you are. One thing I can guarantee you -- and there are so few bits of advice that come with a guarantee! -- is that it will get better. If you want to move forward, you will. The pain will eventually lessen. Sometimes that knowledge is all we&amp;#039;ve got, but it&amp;#039;s a good thing to have.   Award-winning writer Karen Karbo is the author of How to Hepburn: Lessons on Living from Kate the Great. She&amp;#039;s also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner.  Need smart advice? Maybe your best friend is suddenly acting strangely. Or your parents or in-laws are making you nuts. Or your sister always takes your moms side in an argument, instead of yours. Whatevers bugging or perplexing you about your friends, brother, sister, parents, in-laws, husband, you name it REDBOOKs Karen Karbo has the smart advice you need. Email your questions, rants, and worries to her at karenkarbo@redbookmag.com and please include your initials, age, city and state. Letters may be edited for clarity and length. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/q-and-a/a10866/how-to-move-on/>