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"Cheating is sneaky business, isn&amp;#39;t it? Half-truths, outright lies and all sorts of clandestine activities go down when a person cheats on a partner. There&amp;#39;s a new book out that hopes to shed some light on this tricky subject so of course we had to get the inside scoop from the authors!\nPinterestFacebookSterling Anderson, a self-proclaimed recovering cheater, and Stephanie Dart wanted to know exactly what was going on in the minds of unfaithful men. For their book, Does He Cheat?, the writing partners interviewed hundreds of men (all of whom admitted to cheating in relationships) across the country; they got men from a variety of different backgrounds to share their trifling secrets. We sat down with the authors to chat about their research:\nWhat are some of the tell-tale signs of cheating?\nSterling: A sudden change in behavior patterns is the first alert, i.e. clothes&amp;#8212;especially new underwear, fitness, music taste. Yes, new lovers exchange music getting to know one another.\nStephanie: Also take notice if they are hanging out with &amp;quot;best friends&amp;quot; who are known cheaters. Another red flag - having times when you are not allowed to call him: &amp;quot;not past 10PM,&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;not when I&amp;#39;m on a business trip and going to bed early because of the big presentation in the morning,&amp;quot; etc.\nIs there a time of year when cheating is more common? Or a time when there&amp;#39;s a bigger temptation to cheat?\nStephanie: After interviewing hundreds of men, it seems it really depends on their stress in the job, availability of the other woman (when she presents herself) and nagging spouses.\nSterling: Lots of men did talk about spring fever, when the heavy clothing comes off. Also dramatic weather (rain delays, snowed into airport) is the perfect excuse to be delayed or fall off the radar. Stay overs at hotels are the worst!\nWhat&amp;#39;s the best way to confront a cheater?\nSterling: &amp;quot;I don&amp;#39;t know what you are doing but I&amp;#39;m noticing and it makes me feel bad. If you want to leave that&amp;#39;s what you want to do, but don&amp;#39;t make a fool of me and the kids.&amp;quot;\nStephanie: Or simply state, &amp;quot;When you do X, it makes me feel Y. I wish you would do Z.&amp;quot; Translation: let the man know that his behavior hurts and demeans you. And if he wants another partner, he should leave your relationship. He should be adult about it and respect you enough to go.\nDo you think a cheater can change? If so, what makes him or her decide to change?\nSterling: Yes! A cheater can change. What they are doing in the first place is in direct proportion to self-esteem.\nStephanie: When they realize that no matter what someone will get hurt, and when they respect themselves and their partners enough (or potential new partners if they now find themselves single), they can change. They have to have enough self-confidence and self-respect, and be secure with who they are, instead of trying to find outside validation from many partners.\nHow can someone who&amp;#39;s been cheated on learn to trust again?\nSterling: Satchel Paige once said, &amp;quot;Love as though you&amp;#39;ve never been hurt.&amp;quot; If someone cheats on you, it has nothing to do with you unless it&amp;#39;s a repeated pattern. If it is a pattern, then you are the common denominator. It&amp;#39;s not a matter of trusting but making better choices. Choose someone who does not cheat.\nStephanie: When in the relationship, know the signs, be open to communicating respectfully, don&amp;#39;t be afraid of losing him if you say what you need, set boundaries and expectations for your relationship, keep your own self-esteem and self-confidence high, and know you deserve to be treated like the treasure you are.\nThanks Sterling and Stephanie!\nSweet readers, do you agree with what Sterling and Stephanie have to say? What do you think are some other signs of cheating? Have you ever been cheated on? Or maybe you cheated on a partner?\nFor even more reading on cheating\u2026\n\nSex and the City Creator Candace Bushnell Files For Divorce From Her Cheating Hubby!\n\n\nMy Super Shameful Guilty Pleasure (It Involves Cheating!)\n\n\nWould You Rather Find Out Your Man Cheated on You With 19 Women or Fell In Love With One?\n\nPhotos: Courtesy of Does He Cheat?"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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