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"When the newspapers are finally defeated by the computers, we will lose not only an important source of very flammable material that stains our fingers but also three unique human emotions:\n\nFirst, the reassuring calm of the Funny Pages. (It comforts me to know that Dagwood Bumstead is immortal and that no one looks at him funny just because he wears clothes from the \u201930s and has deformed hair. I wonder if he is a Highlander.) \n\nSecond, the sheer awful panic of the Obituaries. (But wait! No one is really immortal. All of these people died. This is terrible! This is as bad as reading \u201CFor Better or For Worse,\u201D the Canadian comic strip in which everyone ages in real time and then their dog dies.) \n\nAnd finally, the happy two minutes of hate we call the Wedding Pages. (Go on and grin, you damn preppies. You\u2019re not immune! You will die, too. Just like a Canadian dog.)\n\nI cannot tell you how many Sundays I passed enjoying these comforting rituals before I stopped reading newspapers for good. (They were getting into my head.) And always, it was the third\u2014the Wedding Pages\u2014I enjoyed the most.\n\nI was poor then, having moved to New York with nothing but a degree in literary theory and firm convictions that life owed me a living. I ended up with a job tearing out pages from one book and taping them into another all day, and then retiring to my girlfriend\u2019s apartment, which was very small. It was basically a sink and a bad fridge with some floorboards around them holding up some cast-off furniture and a C\u00E9zanne print.\n\nWe tried to make a life there, she, I, her roommate, the guy who was crashing on the sofa that had no legs, and the various friends we would invite over for our sad, ridiculously ambitious nine-course weekend dinners in which we would cook a gigantic turkey and attempt to carve it with the only unused butter knife.\n\nIt was around that time of fright and yearning that my girlfriend first introduced me to the Wedding Pages. Perhaps she was..."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.gq.com/story/john-hodgman-reads-the-wedding-announcements>