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"FacebookPinterest\n\nTime once more for Make It Stop, in which we count down the five things this week that must stop. \n\n 1. Time Warner And Comcast joining forces. Imagine being assaulted and then being assaulted by another person and then learning that those two assailants have decided to band together to finish you off for good. We can&amp;#39;t possibly live in a just world when these two monoliths\u2014who have already amassed a pile of consumer complaints that could fill the fucking Pentagon\u2014are allowed to come together and exchange notes on how best to squeeze the maximum amount of money out of customers while offering the bare minimum amount of service.\n\nNow unified, they will set up virtual tollbooths for every conceivable online destination, pick a fight with every cable network until your basic tier package consists of ESPN Deportes and nothing else, and they will BUFFER you into submission. Like your local power company, TimeCast will operate in your area with only the illusion of viable competition standing in their way. They will choke off every exit of the information highway until the Internet looks like Atlanta during an ice storm. And if you got a problem with that, please hold for 78 minutes to speak with a representative. PARA ESPANOL MARQUE EL DOS.\n\n2. The oncoming Jeter farewell tour. Yankee fans have many terrible qualities\u2014fat, loud, violent, etc.\u2014but one of their worst is the fact that they assume the Yankees are as important to you as they are to them, as if the Yankees are an operating branch of the Federal government. That is why you&amp;#39;re about to be subjected to an entire summer of Derek Jeter being hailed as AMERICA&amp;#39;S SHORTSTOP. You will hear &amp;quot;classy&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;true Yankee&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;throwback&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;came to play ball every day&amp;quot; so many times that you will pray for Jeter to break his other ankle in sixty places by the end of May. Anything short of slavish devotion to Jeter&amp;#39;s legacy will result in a Yankee Stadium security guard named Frankie ringing your doorbell and braining you with a bat. Also, there will be multiple galleries of all the women he&amp;#39;s slept with that you didn&amp;#39;t, and that tends to grate after a while. ACT LIKE YOU&amp;#39;VE BEEN INSIDE HANNAH DAVIS BEFORE.\n\n3. Anyone complaining about the cost of Uber. Who the fuck gets in a livery cab without knowing how much it will cost? Even a rookie tourist stepping off a plane in Italy knows to never ever do that. You lose any right to complain about a service when you give Uber free rein to set its own price. I&amp;#39;m shocked anyone used it to begin with. I bet Uber would do boffo business if they owned a fleet of ambulances.\n\n4. The last gasps of the Woody Allen debate. Believe who you&amp;#39;d like to believe, because you will never in a million years know the truth for certain. There is more than enough definitive proof that Woody Allen is a repulsive man regardless, but if you don&amp;#39;t want to believe he crossed the line into outright child abuse, that&amp;#39;s your right. But I will say this: I promise you that the number of victims afraid to speak up out there FAR exceed the number of people who have been unjustly accused of rape and/or molestation. It&amp;#39;s not even close. I&amp;#39;d rather support those who speak out than bend over backwards trying to dispel every last trace of doubt that the jackass who made Scoop is a great guy.\n\n5. Flappy Bird. Like Kony2012 in app form. Just play something else, people. It&amp;#39;s not as if your choices are limited. Although if TimeCast has its way..."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.gq.com/story/derek-jeter-yankees-farewell-tour>