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"__When I Got a Pay Raise.__ *\\\"Even though I make more money than my boyfriend now, he still tries to make the dates we go on special regardless of how much it costs. I have to give him credit\u2014he tries really hard to hide the fact that he's upset about it.\\\" \u2014Holly, 23*\\n\\n__FARNOOSH'S PLAN OF ACTION:__ Your boyfriend is simply trying to \\\"provide\\\" in a way that still lets him feel important to you. Remember: There's no end to how much he will love hearing how much you appreciate him. First step: Shower him with affection. And, while you're at it, be sure to remind him that spending time together is more important to you than trying the newest restaurant. Suggest a plan for your next date night that's more intimate (and affordable) like a picnic in the park or a night at the museum.\\n\\n__When He Went Freelance.__ *\\\"My boyfriend quit his job to try freelancing, but it wasn't for him\u2014he started working a filler job that paid much less than his previous gig, and suddenly our weekly dinners and drinks stopped; I offered to pay more often, but he thought it was better that we both keep 'a tighter budget.' When a year of this stretched into two, then three, I found myself resenting the new lifestyle, and the fact that I could afford to do more, but I didn't want to make him feel worse about his own job situation.\\\" \u2014Anne, 31*\\n\\n__FARNOOSH'S PLAN OF ACTION:__ The key to avoiding resentment here is to level the financial playing field and create a joint savings account where the two of you allocate an equal percentage of your income every week\u2014say 5 percent\u2014into one pot, and use that money to specifically treat yourselves to weekly dinners or annual vacations. He still gets to save most of his money, while you can still enjoy the nicer things in life with him. Since you earn more, your 5 percent contribution will technically amount to more, but by each contributing an equal percentage, it will feel fair in the end.\\n\\n__When He Lost His Job.__ *\\\"A few years ago, my husband and I were at the same level professionally, but then he got laid off while I climbed the ladder. After searching for a staff gig without luck, he went freelance, but couldn't string together work that amounted to full-time, so I ended up making about twice what he did. Recently he's gone back to school to get his graduate degree and hopes to switch careers afterwards. One thing that's particularly hard now is jealousy of our other couple friends who have more earning power than we do.\\\" \u2014Jessica, 30*\\n\\n__FARNOOSH'S PLAN OF ACTION:__ Remind your husband that you're really proud of him for going back to school\u2014since this is actually a wonderful investment in your relationship. With his degree, he'll be able to earn more in the near future to support the family's goals, take some pressure off of you to bring home the bacon and, as a couple, you'll have more opportunities to splurge down the road. Who cares what the Jones's are up to? The test of a true relationship is how you thrive in tough circumstances, not how many vacations you take per year. (But if it helps to have something to look forward to, make plans for a celebratory vacation when he lands his first job out of school!)\\n\\n__When I Found a Job First.__ *\\\"In my early 20s, my boyfriend and I moved to a new city. I got a job right away (it took him a long time), so I was supporting both of us. He didn't feel great about it. What was especially hard was that when we would go out, he would want to splurge on dinners and I had a hard time saying 'no.'\\\" \u2014Cheryl, 31*\\n\\n__FARNOOSH'S PLAN OF ACTION:__ No matter how much more money you make, it's never inappropriate to tell your partner that you need to save money, yourself. As someone who makes less\u2014or is struggling to find work\u2014he should understand that. Let him know that with moving to a new city and wanting to build up savings for your future together, you've decided you need to save as much as possible, which means more dinners at home and fewer impulse buys. Also key\u2014tell him you need his help to do this. Let him know that it's tempting to splurge, but that you need his support and strength to avoid overspending. Men love to help!\\n\\n__When My Start-Up Took Off.__ *\\\"In my early 20s, I took the unconventional path and turned down a stable job on Wall Street to start my own business. In those early years I didn't make a lot of money, so my boyfriend was out earning me while I built my business. When my business took off, I started to earn more and since my business income went off the charts, it didn't even make sense for him to work at his job anymore. He was working punishing 70 hour weeks, and after taxes there wasn't a whole lot left from his salary. So we made the decision together that he would quit his job, and come work with me in my business. Now it's a whole new challenge, since not only am I 'earning more,' but I'm also the boss. We've had to find ways to communicate better about our work together, and also to keep our romantic relationship alive so that we don't become coworkers and roommates instead of a romantically involved couple.\\\" \u2014Nathalie, 28*\\n\\n__FARNOOSH'S PLAN OF ACTION:__ As with all couples that choose to work together, you must consciously create a divide between work and personal life. It's easier said than done, but one key is to schedule dinner dates and personal time together in advance and outside of your home and work at least once or twice a week. Go for a stroll and coffee in a new neighborhood and once you're together, have two rules: no phones and no work talk. Also important\u2014let him plan the date. He may feel like your employee or \\\"teammate\\\" from 9 to 5, so it's important than in your personal life he still feels like your hero.\\n\\n__When He's Still in School.__ *\\\"I once dated a guy who was in the early years of medical school. What actually made things awkward was that even though he clearly needed to be on a tight budget because he wasn't making much money, he was still spending a lot like he was trying to impress me. When a guy is in school, how do you work it so that you're contributing what you should as someone who is making a salary (without making him feel like a pity case)?\\\" \u2014Elizabeth, 26*\\n\\n__FARNOOSH'S PLAN OF ACTION:__ If you're dating someone who is in school and has seemingly little disposable income\u2014but is spending a great deal\u2014you have to wonder how financially responsible he really is. It's one thing to try to impress someone with a fancy date if you have the money. It's another to run up your credit card to win the girl. If you really like him be open and honest about your concerns soon. Say, \\\"Hey, I'm really grateful for all that you're giving me. I love hanging out\u2014but, being a student, I can't imagine all the expenses you have going on like tuition and books. Why don't we just try to save our money for now? It's just temporary.\\\" Who knows, he may have a stash of money that's letting him spend freely. But more likely, he'll be comforted to know that you appreciate his circumstance. The word \\\"our\\\" in \\\"save our money\\\" is also important, since it implies you won't be footing all the bills, but rather spending only what you can afford, too.\\n\\n__When He Asks You For Money.__ *\\\"An ex-boyfriend of mine was in school while I was raking in the dough as a successful editor in New York. After a few years of dating, he asked me for money to help pay his tuition. Of course I loaned him the money, and then we didn't work out. What's the best way to handle that type of situation?\\\" \u2014 Millie, 27*\\n\\n__FARNOOSH'S PLAN OF ACTION:__ Lending money to friends, family and boyfriends almost always turns sticky. If you can afford to lend the money and think of it as a \\\"gift,\\\" something you may never get back, then, OK, go for it. Most of us can't afford to do that. Instead, tell him honestly that money is actually tight for you, too, but that you would still like to offer help by, say, cooking him dinners, helping him find and move to a more affordable place or introducing him to your network of colleagues and friends to help him find a job down the road. There are more ways to help him save than writing a blank check!\\n\\n*[Farnoosh Torabi](http://farnoosh.tv) is a personal finance expert, author, TV personality, and sought-after speaker whose mission is to help people take control of their finances so they can live their richest, happiest lives. A frequent financial contributor to Yahoo!, The Today Show, ABC, and All You magazine, she has personally coached a wide range of audiences, from college students, to couples, to executives at Fortune 500 firms. Her latest book, When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women, hits shelves May 2014.*"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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