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"Suck on this, swine!The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting far from you, civilization, and other swine, hoarding water and Ramen Noodles, hoping Brad Pitt arrives soon (with Angelina) so they may build the prettier, more humanitarian yet sexy society we all deserve, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.\nEmpty Soccer Stadiums, Facemasks, 12 Monkeys...\nPity the pigs, forever linked to the contagious flu that utterly destroyed mankind in late April 2009. Better yet, blame the Mexicans, who we&amp;#39;ve been scapegoating so well and so long for taking the jobs we suddenly want and ingesting our pollution. Our finest export since Agent Orange, Corporate Agra has really pulled a doozy this time (note: Monsanto did not approve this column) as the death toll is climbing into the hundreds (though 3,000 die each day from Malaria); Mexico City resembles the set of 28 Days Later, schools are closed till early May, and New York is now an incubator for the rage virus. Adding insult to injury, a major earthquake struck near Acapulco on Monday, then a look-alike of Air Force One buzzed New York Harbor (see below). On a conspiracy-related note: How convenient is it that an exotic and rapidly mutating virus is said to be spreading, just as GM announces it will close factories for over a month and kill Pontiac, Pakistan is about to fall to the Taliban (nukes included), the Jets draft another dud while my Bills took two solid Oregonians, and Ashton Kutcher keeps getting in the news for Twittering? Ask yourself, are these mere coincidences or divine intervention?"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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