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" This Friday marks the release of Monsters University, a prequel to Monsters, Inc. What, you aren&amp;#039;t pumped about the new Pixar flick? You need only look past the kid-friendly, cartoony fa\u00E7ade to notice the adult themes in many Pixar movies. No, not overt sexuality and graphic violence. We&amp;#039;re talking about responsibility, fatherhood, personal growth, relationships, grief, and accepting death \u2014 you know, Real Grown-Ass Man stuff. Here&amp;#039;s a guide ranking the Pixar movies according to their applicability to the modern man, from least manly to most manly. We aren&amp;#039;t suggesting you turn on The Incredibles the next time you have the guys over, but maybe you should look closer when your kids are clamoring to watch Toy Story for the hundredth time. [Warning: Spoilers ahead, but c&amp;#039;mon, they&amp;#039;re kids&amp;#039; movies...] NOT AT ALL MANLY... 13. Cars 2  Plot: Lightning McQueen leads his buddies all over the globe to compete in the World Grand Prix, but Mater (Larry the Cable Guy) gets involved in international espionage for some reason. More succinctly, Pixar makes its first payday on a half-assed sequel. It was bound to happen sometime. Grown Man Stuff: Larry the Cable Guy painfully takes the stage with a more elevated role than in the original. Amid this constant unpleasantness and redneck &amp;quot;humor,&amp;quot; there just aren&amp;#039;t many clear grown-man lessons here \u2014 just a sort of convoluted plot that involves spying, bombs, and a surprising amount of violence for the light-hearted story concept (they&amp;#039;re cars, but like people, then there&amp;#039;s a bit of death and torture involved).  Applicability to the Modern Man Index (0 to 10): 2.0. In the end, Mater stands up for his friends and tries to keep them safe by sacrificing himself, which we guess says something trite about loyalty and selflessness. But the main lesson? Avoid being anything like the obnoxious hillbilly character.  12. WALL-E  Plot: Picture your classic rom-com with Woody Allen and Angelina Jolie, then turn them into robots in a garbage-filled, apocalyptic wasteland in the future. Also, all surviving humans live on a spaceship and resemble Jabba the Hut. Grown Man Stuff: Well, not all that much. The main focus is on a pretty straightforward environmental message, which avoids getting too preachy since WALL-E&amp;#039;s just too damn adorable. This won&amp;#039;t make you analyze your existence as a man, but it might make you consider buying a Prius and/or some sort of pet that combines the characteristics of a dog and a Roomba. Modern Man Index: 3.4. As usual, there&amp;#039;s bravery \u2014 from WALL-E and even the human captain, who decides mankind needs to return to earth. But as fun as it is, this one&amp;#039;s more about the visuals and imagination than serious, grown-up stuff. 11. Brave  Plot: A young Scottish girl named Merida defies her people&amp;#039;s marriage customs. Then, mom turns into a bear, making things a little more complicated. Grown Man Stuff: As this is the only Pixar movie to date featuring a female lead, it&amp;#039;s actually a little unfortunate that Brave is one of the less memorable ones. Set in ye olden times, the male characters still have a little barbarian in them, and the clans practically declare war on each other due to Merida&amp;#039;s more modern ideals. Not exactly the kind of gents you aspire to be. Modern Man Index: 3.6. The guys eventually come around to change for the better, but they&amp;#039;re basically dragged into a new mode of thinking about tradition.  10. Cars  Plot: The sentient racing car (yeah, it&amp;#039;s a kids&amp;#039; movie) Lightning McQueen is sentenced to repave a road in a rundown Southwest town. Grown Man Stuff: Lightning changes from only caring about his own racing ambitions to caring about the well-being of a depressed service town called Radiator Springs on Route 66. In the end, Lightning uses what he&amp;#039;s learned from the town&amp;#039;s cars, on and off the racetrack, and he remains faithful to his old sponsor and helps to rejuvenate the town. The message: Stop being so self-obsessed and lend a hand to other people or, um, cars. Modern Man Index: 5.2. Lightning exhibits growth, but it follows a pretty straightforward and predictable trajectory. We aren&amp;#039;t talking philosophical depth here, just the golden rule. 9. Ratatouille  Plot: Remy the rat is a passionate chef that finds an unrealistic way to manipulate a man into doing the proper cooking moves for him, but everyone suspends disbelief because it&amp;#039;s so much fun.  Grown Man Stuff: Ratatouille is one of those Pixar movies with a seemingly kids-only plot, but its execution actually contains plenty of adult appeal. Yes, it&amp;#039;s about a rat being a brilliant cook, but probably the most mature concept of the film comes from a restaurant critic&amp;#039;s review of Remy&amp;#039;s food. He realizes that the hackneyed phrase &amp;quot;Anyone can cook&amp;quot; actually means that a great chef can come from anywhere, but not anyone. It&amp;#039;s refreshing to see some more realistic sentiment in a family movie for once.  Modern Man Index: 6.6. It&amp;#039;s a complex movie, but this one&amp;#039;s more about the food than anything. 8. A Bug&amp;#039;s Life  Plot: Flik manages to put everyone he knows in grave danger by accidentally knocking a season&amp;#039;s worth of food into a stream \u2014 food meant for the menacing grasshopper version of Kevin Spacey and his cronies. We know Spacey isn&amp;#039;t gonna let that stand.  Grown Man Stuff: Flik clumsily tries to make a path for himself when everyone else seems to be a drone coasting on autopilot. He has a number of trials and tribulations, but his shining grown-man moment comes at the end when he stands up to the grasshoppers even after they kick the shit out of him. He gives a speech that inspires the colony to overthrow the grasshoppers and chase them away for good, utilizing their sheer strength in numbers. Modern Man Index: 6.7. Going it alone and making a stand are pretty admirable adult traits. Flik sticks to his guns, and eventually the entire colony is better off because of it. 7. Toy Story 2  Plot: The guy who played Newman steals Woody at a garage sale, then Woody becomes convinced, albeit briefly, that a future life in a museum is the only way he can be immortalized and avoid the pain of being tossed aside by his owner. Grown Man Stuff: Woody starts to analyze the long game. He becomes convinced that his time as a beloved toy will come to an end soon as Andy grows older, mostly due to Jessie&amp;#039;s (ridiculously) sad ballad. There&amp;#039;s also a Band of Brothers storyline that features Buzz leading a search party for Woody, which is manly in its own way. But the main question is what Woody chooses to do as he comes to a crossroads in his life as a toy. Woody eventually chooses the &amp;quot;Better a lion for a day than a sheep for a lifetime&amp;quot; sort of route, remaining faithful to Andy and his friends. Modern Man Index: 7.0. This one might not be directly applicable to a lot of grown men&amp;#039;s lives, but it&amp;#039;s still a high moral concept: live forever without love or pain, or live a more fulfilling life that could come to an abrupt end without notice.  6. Toy Story  Plot: The arrival of Buzz Lightyear scares the hell out of Woody, who had basically been the Michael Jordan (it was the &amp;#039;90s) of Andy&amp;#039;s toy collection.  Grown Man Stuff: Woody and Buzz are both brought down to earth (literally for Buzz) over the course of the movie. Woody realizes he&amp;#039;s not invincible as Andy&amp;#039;s no. 1, and Buzz figures out he&amp;#039;s not really a space ranger, with both epiphanies set to annoying Randy Newman songs. It&amp;#039;s a relatable alpha male struggle: Woody&amp;#039;s struggle to win back Andy&amp;#039;s other toys due to his jealousy of Buzz, and Buzz coming to terms with his own limitations. There&amp;#039;s a lot of growing up and teaming up, as their ultimate male-toy bonding is what finally leads Woody and Buzz back to Andy. Modern Man Index: 7.7. It&amp;#039;s a great enemies-turned-buddies comedy, with plenty of hurdles to pass and growth in the two protagonists.  5. Monsters, Inc.  Plot: Monstropolis runs on the blood-curdling, horrified screams of little boys and girls, yet monsters are still deathly afraid of child contamination. When a kid comes back to Monstropolis with Sulley, he tries not to ruin his hard-hitting scaring career. Grown Man Stuff: Monsters, Inc. has a pretty clear anti-macho message. Being a strong, respectable man/monster doesn&amp;#039;t mean scaring the shit out of kids on a nightly basis \u2014 it&amp;#039;s actually better to make them laugh. Sulley, in particular, becomes a sort of father figure for Boo, and he basically decides to give up the barbarity of scaring when he inadvertently terrifies her during a scaring demonstration. Sulley and Mike protect a cute, oblivious kid and fight a corrupt system in the process \u2014 some grown-man moves.  Modern Man Index: 8.2. This one goes back to basics: In much of history, men have seized power by beating down and scaring the weak. But that&amp;#039;s also a form of cowardice. It takes an actual effort to be a good man/monster. 4. Up  Plot: Even if you didn&amp;#039;t see it, you remember the images of the old man flying in a house with thousands of balloons attached. Our protagonist, Carl, looks to take the South American vacation he wasn&amp;#039;t able to with his recently deceased wife.  Grown Man Stuff: Up stars an elderly man in a much different place in life than any other Pixar protagonist. The montage that covers Carl and Ellie&amp;#039;s marriage, miscarriage, and Ellie&amp;#039;s eventual death is enough to make even the toughest guy shed a tear. But the main part of this movie centers on Carl coming to terms with the loss of his wife, while realizing through young whippersnapper Russell that there are more adventures ahead for him. We also see Carl finally shed some of his leftover childhood innocence, as he realizes the explorer he idolized as a boy is actually kind of a dick.  Modern Man Index: 8.8. Carl grows tremendously as a man at an age when most are set in their ways. He soldiers on, becoming a father figure to Russell and moving into a retirement home without the incredulous attitude he had at the start of the film. For a movie about a zany flying house, it certainly has some heavy messages. 3. Finding Nemo  Plot: Marlin, a clownfish and father, has to get to Sydney to track down his son, who is luckily still only about 20 feet away from the ocean (at P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way).  Grown Man Stuff: Marlin is the classic neurotic helicopter dad. Having lost his wife and a slew of unborn kids in a barracuda attack (bleak opening for a G rating), he lives life cynically and makes his gimpy son Nemo resent him, ultimately driving him to his capture by a scuba diver. Marlin sets out into the deep blue to track down his son, joined by the blue tang version of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, Dory. He retools his approach to fatherhood and life as a whole, realizing that the world isn&amp;#039;t out to screw him over and that he needs to take a step back instead of controlling his son&amp;#039;s every move.  Modern Man Index: 9.2. This one&amp;#039;s up there in the rankings thanks to its focus on parenting and facing down a daunting challenge with bravery and persistence. It isn&amp;#039;t quite the most complex grown-man stuff we&amp;#039;ve seen from Pixar, but still pretty deep. 2. Toy Story 3  Plot: Shit gets real in Toy Story 3, as the toys realize Andy&amp;#039;s about to leave them for good, and their days being in a kid&amp;#039;s starting lineup may be behind them. They face a bleak future of being tortured by preschoolers, hanging out in the attic, or languishing in a trash heap.  Grown Man Stuff: Let&amp;#039;s face it: Toy Story 3 is pretty dark. It dabbles in abandonment issues and has a seemingly nice teddy bear that turns out to be a total asshole. Plus, we see our favorite toys hold hands and accept death as they sink toward a fiery, hellish furnace at the bottom of a landfill. Things just aren&amp;#039;t as happy-go-lucky anymore. There&amp;#039;s a palpable loss of innocence/na\u00EFvet\u00E9 as the toys realize that Andy has grown up and won&amp;#039;t be playing with them in college. It&amp;#039;s about accepting when you&amp;#039;ve grown apart from someone you love and moving on. Modern Man Index: 9.4. Seeing Andy and his toys \u2014 especially Woody and Buzz \u2014 go their separate ways in the end is hard to watch, but both parties know it&amp;#039;s for the best. This movie about toys has more grown-manliness to it than most films starring grown men. 1. The Incredibles  Plot: Bob Parr&amp;#039;s midlife crisis comes to a head in dramatic fashion, as he returns to his superhero past and eventually works to save the world with his family.  Grown Man Stuff: Bob is a husband, father, and depressed cubicle worker who jumps at an opportunity to relive the glory days and get his swagger back \u2014 he gets back in shape, has regular flirtatious conversations with a sexy coworker named Mirage, and regains his libido and lust for life. Generally, though, The Incredibles is all about Bob struggling to make that step forward into full-fledged fatherhood. At home, some of the arguments he has with his wife can get pretty intense, albeit hilarious and deftly written (&amp;quot;Is that rubble?&amp;quot;). By film&amp;#039;s end, Bob finds contentment by engaging with his children and rekindling the flame with his wife, realizing that manhood changes as life moves forward. Modern Man Index: 10 (out of 10). The Incredibles shows that middle-aged adult life can have more meaning than the younger years, and it has its own brand of excitement that often requires you to maintain that youthful energy. It just doesn&amp;#039;t get much better than this. ...PRETTY DAMN MANLY Follow The Culture Blog on RSS and on Twitter at @ESQCulture. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/movies/a23152/pixar-movies-for-men/>