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"1. \"You're not married yet?!\" No. It's called being a \"Single Lady\" and it involves flipping my hand whenever the Beyonc\u00E9 song comes on. Get used to it. 2. \"Maybe you're being too picky about the men you date.\" Because it's better to settle, not be totally in love with the person you're dating, and then get divorced after two years? At least you had a wedding, right? (No.)3. \"Try not to be so desperate when we go out tonight. Men can smell desperation.\" There is a difference between being single and 30, and being single, desperate, and 30. Also men, in general, have a shitty sense of smell, which is why they go out reeking of B.O. and don't think twice about it. So no, they can't smell desperation. \n\tAdvertisement - Continue Reading Below\n\t\n\n4. \"You're not married and you don't have kids?\" I totally get that I'm born with a finite number of eggs, but I'll have them fertilized on my own schedule, thanks.\n\n5. \"Don't worry, the right man will come along when you least expect it.\" I'm not worried. Nor did I need to know you're worried for me!6. \"Have you thought about freezing your eggs?\" Yes, but it's not as easy as laying them and popping them in a freezer, so let's not talk about it. 7. \"Oh, you're one of those career women who doesn't need a man, right?\" If by that you mean a woman who has her shit together, holds down a good job and makes her own money, can pay for her latte and a nice meal, and doesn't need a man to hold her hand, then yes. But that does not mean I don't want a partner to share my life with. 8. \"Don't you think it's time you settled down?\"  Maybe, but since I don't have control over finding a partner, I'm not going to force something.9. \"Wow! You're that old? I thought you were my age (aka 24).\" I was once; it was six years ago. And yes, I do take great care of my skin. 10. \"Do you think you'll ever get preventative Botox? You know, to preserve your youth.\" Do you think you'll ever get a gag to prevent you from saying these things?11. \"Do you even want to have kids?\" Well, if they turn out like you when they grow up, maybe not? 12. \"You look good ... for your age.\" Thanks. You sound rude ... for your age.13. \"Isn't that LBD a little short/sexy for someone in her 30s?\" Didn't you just tell me I look 24?14. \"You're young at heart.\" And you're annoying at heart.15. \"You must get carded all the time.\"Not exactly, but your attempt at turning that backhanded compliment into something tolerable is somewhat appreciated.16. \"So, why are you still single?\" Oh, that's easy. Well, I've been dating douchebag after douchebag who disguised themselves as confident, successful people to begin with, but then who slowly chipped away at my confidence (because they truly had none), and then I became dependent on them and couldn't get out of those relationships, which ended up turning into a four year-long nightmare that I finally broke out of. Shall I go on?17. \"Your skin still looks so amazing. What are you doing to look so youthful?\" (1) Not concerning myself with assholes like you who say ignorant things, (2) not stressing out over getting older, and (3) using lots and lots of Retinol at night.18. \"Did you feel different when you turned 30?\" OMG, yes, I felt like the Wicked Witch of the West right after the house fell on her in the Wizard of Oz: miserable and then like death.19. \"You should totally just get married and have a baby with your gay best friend!\" No, thank you. But thanks for the unhelpful suggestion!20. \"So, it looks like this is the end of our blood lines.\" Really, dad?21. \"You better find a man because women, unlike men, don't get better-looking with age.\" And you better get on purchasing Emily Post's latest book on manners or quite simply figure out how to communicate with humans on your own because you're an asshole.22. \"OMG! You're so old to be out so late!\" Um, I'm not 90.23. \"Whoa, cougar!\" What? Twenty-six through 29-year-old men are all of a the sudden off-limits when you turn 30?   24. \"Why haven't you tried online dating?\" Have you ever played the lotto and, even better, won? I'm not interested, that's why.RELATED: 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Twentysomething12 Things You Should Never Say to a Mixed Person14 Things You Should Never Say to a LatinaPhoto Credit: NBC"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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