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"Here&amp;#39;s what made watching last night&amp;#39;s Breaking Bad&amp;#8212;which will unquestionably go down in TV history as one of the most dramatic episodes of any series ever&amp;#8212;such an uncommon experience: it was as traumatic as anything that&amp;#39;s not actually real could feel. In other words, it was sort of halfway between having a bad dream and waking up from one&amp;#8212;it isn&amp;#39;t real life, and but it&amp;#39;s still something that happened. We saw it. And it was awfully tough to watch. Lemme just break down for you my many emotional phases of taking in that brutal 47 minutes of television last night (and you let me know if you felt the same).\nPinterestFacebookComing into it, I was in denial. There&amp;#39;s got to be a way everyone can come out of this standoff alive, right? I&amp;#39;m sure the guy with the swastika on his neck has just been waiting for the right time to reveal his sensitive, reasonable side.\nThen:__ wait, wait! indignation__. Are we not even gonna talk about Gomez? We sort of glossed over Gomez here, guys!\nComplete and utter despair as we lost Hank. Dread, realizing we were only minutes into the episode, and if THIS already happened...\nBrief, twisted gratitude to the producers for not lingering on Hank&amp;#39;s body.\nBlinding Walt-hate as he turned totally diabolical, calling out Jesse under the car, invoking Jane.\nDisgust, realizing that there&amp;#39;s not a smaller thing in existence than a desperate man rolling a barrel of cash through the desert.\nSudden, gripping fear for the life of an elderly, gentle-looking Native American man. Phew.\nA little &amp;quot;man, you guys don&amp;#39;t miss a trick, do you?&amp;quot; wince, seeing Jesse&amp;#39;s raw steak of a beat-up face.\nAcute, shooting pain between the eyes upon sighting the still heartbreakingly ignorant Marie.\nAbsolute panic and borderline cardiac distress as Walt, Skyler and Flynn ROLLED AROUND FIGHTING WITH A KNIFE HOLY CRAP IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?\nLevel-ten nausea as Walt whisked away Holly.\nPop culture self-awareness, realizing, as Skyler chased Walt&amp;#39;s truck down the street, that I will never forget that image.\nUncontrollable sobbing during the Walt-Skyler phone call, coupled with paranoia as I became convinced that Walt was on some sort of train tracks and was about to somehow let Holly die.\nEpic not-caring at the prospect of Walt disappearing. Wait, no, epic ANGER, but only because the bastard should have to stick around and face everyone.\nAs the credits rolled: an immediate and real__reluctance__ to face the final two episodes.\nFervent hope that somehow Jesse survives this. Todd, I&amp;#39;m begging you. We can&amp;#39;t take anymore. Break good. Let him live.\nThen: A sense of being smothered by Low Winter Sun. Low Winter Sun, we just need a minute here, OK? Take it somewhere else.\nTen minutes after: brief rage. Where was stupid Lydia during all this? Trying on black Louboutins while everyone else was in the throes of chaos?\nTwenty minutes after: an urge to google &amp;quot;Ozymandias.&amp;quot; A flash of smugness at actually remembering it from college. Followed immediately by fury, at myself, for making it about me for a second. IT&amp;#39;S NOT ABOUT ME.\nThirty minutes after:self-preservation, via an urge to google pics of Dean Norris and Bryan Cranston happy and smiling together.\nForty minutes after:sulky, irrational irritation with my husband, who&amp;#39;s only on season three of Breaking Bad and who, therefore, cannot understand or be there for me in any real way right now.\nFifty minutes after: inner conflict over whether to drink or go to bed. Choose bed.\nFifty-five minutes after: intense facial moisturizing, following revelation that this show has sped up my aging process significantly.\nTwo hours after:total wakefulness,regret over not choosing drinking.\nThree hours after: delusion&amp;#8212;I&amp;#39;ve assured myself Jesse can and will outlast this. How could I sleep otherwise?\nWhat are your thoughts on last night&amp;#39;s ep?\nPhoto: AMC"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/story/breaking-bad-ozymandias>