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"   Question I have never had a serious relationship. I have a big circle of friends and have been told (time and again) by my girlfriends that I am intelligent, funny and a catch. I have had many dalliances but seem to have become more and more pessimistic about my chances of ever connecting.  I believe this affected my university studies and beyond (I was made redundant from a promising trading career in the city).  I have a generally jovial character but this is interlaced with much melancholy and despair, so much so that focus in my life has all but disappeared (definitely affecting my professional life).  Reading this problem over, I can see it sounds silly but I have suffered from several bouts of depression during this year, where I cannot see which way I am going and cannot seem to motivate myself to change, indulging only in self-pity it would appear.   Answer I am so pleased that you have emailed us. I feel that with just a bit of help, you could really find yourself and start feeling very much better. So what can you do?  Someone with your intelligence can definitely get a lot of benefit from reading certain books. I can think of several that will fit the bill for you:   &amp;#039;Mind Over Mood&amp;#039; by Greenberger and Padesky, published by Guilford Press. This is a manual that challenges the reader&amp;#039;s thinking. It is really excellent.  You might also try reading a good book on self-esteem. Try:  &amp;#039;Overcoming low self-esteem \u2013 a self-help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques&amp;#039; by Melanie Fennell, published by Constable/Robinson  I also think you could use some counselling/therapy. The ideal for you would be some cognitive behavioural therapy. But I must tell you that I think it&amp;#039;s unlikely you&amp;#039;ll qualify for this under the NHS.  And I don&amp;#039;t know if you&amp;#039;re in a position to pay for help. If you want to consider it, you can find out more by emailing the British Assocation for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies. This kind of therapy helps the patient to see how his irrational or unsubstantiated thoughts create unhelpful moods, and many people find that they improve significantly in just a few weeks.  By the way I don&amp;#039;t consider you to be someone who is \u2018indulging in self-pity&amp;#039;. I think you are genuinely sad and that you have a problem \u2013 but not a huge one!  You could also go and see your GP. He/she may have a counsellor attached to the practice that you could see. However this person is unlikely to be a CBT therapist, though he/she may still be very helpful.  I see from your details that you are 24. You are clearly worried that you have never been in a serious relationship despite the fact that you are obviously a great guy.  My own feeling about this is that when you&amp;#039;ve done some work on yourself via the books, and maybe also had some therapy, the right relationship will simply happen.  But one last thought occurs to me, which is that you try Relate. As you may know this is the organisation that used to be called Marriage Guidance. Nowadays they see people on their own, as well as couples.  It may be of help for you to discuss your anxieties about relationships with an experienced relationship counsellor. Relate charge according to a client&amp;#039;s circumstances.  I do hope that some of this advice and information hits the spot. I honestly feel that if you can take the next step and get the books I&amp;#039;ve suggested and do the work in them.  You&amp;#039;ll quickly begin to see things differently \u2013 and this will lead to you feeling better. And if you can go for therapy as well, that will be great.  I&amp;#039;m sure having written to us you&amp;#039;ll tackle these things \u2013 and I know you&amp;#039;ll be pleased that you did.  Good luck. Yours sincerely Christine Webber, psychotherapist and sex and relationships expert  Other Qs &amp;amp;amp; As Does he want me? How do I know if he is really the one for me? How do I stop falling for older men? I am 24 and in love with a 58-year-old man I am infatuated with a female colleague I am not sure that I want to get married just yet Involved with an Egyptian man Is he too old for me? Is my man too young for me? My boyfriend is not sure that he wants to get married My partner won&amp;#039;t commit and I can&amp;#039;t wait forever Unsure about love relationship  Last updated 04.01.2008 "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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