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" In the history of humanity, the slap has been a pretty reliable universal indicator of a negative reaction. Where language failed, a good ol&amp;#039; openhanded strike could drive the point home. But, slaps, they are a-changing, and soon they might never, ever be the same. The revolution on slaps is being led by Mawin and Tata New Series World (their real last name), who are two of only ten licensed practitioners of the art of something called Thai Face Slapping, which is also known as Massage Boxing and Face Slapping Natural. It&amp;#039;s a rare beauty treatment based on slap therapy, and promises to erase wrinkles, thin faces, and reverse signs of aging. It is less than 100-years-old and, they say, was invented by the grandmother of their teacher (simply named Teacher), who has promised to only teach ten humans on Earth the secrets of skincare slapping before she dies. Mawin and Tata don&amp;#039;t even know who the other certified slappers are. They are the only two people outside of Thailand who know the fine art of face slapping, and they&amp;#039;re located in San Francisco, obviously. Whilst visiting a friend in said town, I popped in to see what all the fuss was about. In a nutshell, it&amp;#039;s a face treatment straight out of Nintendo. When I arrive, the front doors of their corner shop miraculously swung open to reveal Mawin and Tata both waiting; Tata wearing one Angry Bird slipper to match the other, a Smurf, and a bird&amp;#039;s nest atop her head, and Mawin, wearing a porkpie hat with his name stapled to the top, both holding framed photographs of the King and Queen of Thailand. We went in and they prayed to their royalty, while we looked around for the source of the periodic cartoon laughter \u2014 a Furby, we think, resting in the base of a potted fake tree, next to a sparkly silver Mary, the mother of Jesus. They welcomed me with a Face Slapping theme cheer, proclaiming &amp;quot;Love me! Love you! Face Slapping goes international! Don&amp;#039;t give a care if you want to be beautiful and handsome. So beautiful that your beauty will shock everyone.&amp;quot; Holy shit, I thought, That will be me! And then, we were looking at before and after pictures, Mawin and Tata promising that just the right kind of slapping would correct the lopsidedness of my face. And take care of one of my forehead wrinkles. And lift an eyebrow. All things they said I needed work on. And for not giving a care, they said I should see effects that last up to six months just from our one-time, 15-minute session. Then they pulled back a secret wall and we entered the face slapping chamber, a mirrored room with life-sized prints of Tata and Mawi, a flat screen TV, a sofa in the shape of lips, and a wooden stool, where I was told to sit. And then it happened. They cranked the Thai pop music. Tata started warming up, swinging her little head from side to side, then bouncing from left to right on her teeny toes, and then, like a character out of Street Fighter, she began hopping around while slapping my face to the beat of the music. And there was a symphony of slaps. Such slaps as I have never known before! There were upside-the-face slaps and slap-the-shit-out-of-you slaps. Bitch slaps and slap-you-silly slaps. Some were slaps that felt like pats and others were slaps that felt like smacks. And some slaps I couldn&amp;#039;t even name. I was slapped happy and slapped stupid and I even had the look slapped off my face more than a few times. Mostly the slaps came in crescendos of force, like the music you listen to when you&amp;#039;re on ecstasy. But sometimes they were more dramatic, like the Nutcracker. Sometimes Tata balanced the slapping by smooshing her fingertips into my lower jaw. Mawin helped too. He knuckle punched my eyelid and pushed it upwards, the good man. That&amp;#039;s how you fix an uneven eyebrow. They stopped a few times to note progress, and then it was over. And by jove! I think my face was less lopsided! All that blood rushing to my face to protect me from the slaps had turned my face red. Certainly that helped make my wrinkles less noticeable. I think? Who can really measure these things? All I knew was that I felt invigorated. Ready to take on the world. And happy to tell the world to get with it, man! Slaps are good for you! $350 for one session, faceslappingnatural.com "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/style/a25938/face-slap-massage-1113/>