<http://schema.org/articleBody>
"   There is no such thing as a &amp;quot;good&amp;quot; sex talk with your parents. It&amp;#039;s definitely going to be traumatizing, it&amp;#039;s just a matter of the degree. On a scale of one to therapy for the rest of my life, I would say that the talk my dad gave me at a McDonald&amp;#039;s drive-through in 1995 is a solid 10. I was 12 years and my old man and I had just finished playing tennis when we decided to hit Mickey D&amp;#039;s for a little chicken nugget action. We were sitting in the parking lot drinking chocolate shakes and eating breaded diabetes, when, apropos of nothing, my dad just said, &amp;quot;You need to start wearing a bra because your little boobies are flopping around everywhere.&amp;quot; I almost choked. My little what? Did he seriously just use the word &amp;quot;boobies?&amp;quot; What was this, a Judd Apatow movie? I tried to jump out of the car and make a run for it, but the doors were locked. He continued, &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re becoming a woman now and you&amp;#039;re getting voluptuous.&amp;quot; I looked down at my chicken nuggets and promptly lost my appetite.  First of all, listening to your dad talk about your cans is a living nightmare. Secondly, I was flat-chested. I don&amp;#039;t even know what he was talking about. I would have died to have &amp;quot;little boobies flopping around.&amp;quot; That was my ultimate dream! I woke up every morning in middle school feeling myself up to see if any progress had been made.  In his defense, though, I was a total hippie, I never wore a bra, and even if your chest is teeny tiny, you still have nipples that show through your shirt and that&amp;#039;s probably weird for a dad. But unfortunately for me, our chat did not end with my dad&amp;#039;s analysis of my coconuts.  He closed his Ted Talk on puberty with the gem: &amp;quot;Also, don&amp;#039;t have sex until I&amp;#039;m dead.&amp;quot;  I was already a blossoming young horndog, so now I was super upset. I didn&amp;#039;t want my dad to die, but also I really really wanted a P in the V. Now I had to worry about murdering my dad just so I could get laid!  It was by far the most uncomfortable conversation I&amp;#039;ve ever had\u2026and I once asked a guy to prom who said &amp;quot;No.&amp;quot; The only thing that makes me feel better about that massively humiliating t\u00EAte--tit, is knowing that almost everyone has suffered through an painful parental sex talk.  Did your parents give you an awkward retelling of the birds and the bees? Tell us about it in the comments below! For more musings from Rose, follow her on Twitter. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a11818/awkward-sex-talk/>