<http://schema.org/articleBody>
" Friendship woes don&amp;#039;t end in junior high. We all mess up sometimes and end up hurting a friend&amp;#039;s feelings. But now that we&amp;#039;re adults, we can forgive each other as long as we know the mess-up wasn&amp;#039;t intentional. If you&amp;#039;ve ever forgotten your pal&amp;#039;s birthday, or had an eye on her ex, here&amp;#039;s how to make things right and move on.   Faux Pas #1: You Forgot Her Birthday   The moment you realize the date got away from you, &amp;quot;offer an apology, but not an excuse,&amp;quot; says Irene Levine, PhD, professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine, and author of Best Friends Forever. An &amp;quot;oops&amp;quot; birthday card or gift and an offer to buy her a drink or lunch are good moves. Remember, too, that how much your friend is hurt by your forgetfulness depends on her birthday-importance meter. If she&amp;#039;s super-sensitive (what Dr. Levine calls a &amp;quot;birthday princess&amp;quot;), you may have to work harder to get back in her good graces.   Faux Pas #2: You Don&amp;#039;t Like Her Husband    Leave her hubby out of the friendship as much as you can; it&amp;#039;s not fair to force her to divide her loyalties, especially if she knows he&amp;#039;s not your favorite person. &amp;quot;Remind her how important her friendship is to you, and restrict your time together to girls only,&amp;quot; says Dr. Levine. Employ a little diplomacy (or a harmless white lie): no reason you have to detail to her what you don&amp;#039;t like about her man.   Faux Pas #3: You Are (or Want to Be) Dating Her Ex   &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m sure there are friends who have navigated this successfully without causing hurt feelings, but my general advice would be, if you want to keep the friend, avoid the ex,&amp;quot; says Elaine Zelley, PhD, associate communications professor at LaSalle University in Philadelphia, who has studied female friendships. This is particularly true if it&amp;#039;s a recent breakup, but even long-ago exes can stir up a world of emotion. If you&amp;#039;re already involved, be prepared for a painful adjustment period\u2014or even the long-term loss of your friend. But if you&amp;#039;re only in the contemplation stage, &amp;quot;talk to her about it, honestly,&amp;quot; says Dr. Zelley, which is the only way you can hope to emerge with your friendship intact.   Faux Pas #4: You Weren&amp;#039;t There for Her at a Crucial Time   Don&amp;#039;t make excuses or offer justifications (&amp;quot;I was just so busy that month!&amp;quot;). &amp;quot;That only trivializes her experience and makes it seem that your life is more important than hers,&amp;quot; says Dr. Zelley. Instead, admit that you let her down, and that you realize how bad your absence made her feel. Ask, humbly and sincerely, if there&amp;#039;s anything you can do to make it up to her. Then let it go; depending on how hurt she is (and how much other support she had at the time), it may take time for the friendship to fully heal.   Faux Pas #5: You Were Late to Meet Her   You have to apologize, of course, and offer something to assuage her annoyance, such as picking up the lunch tab. If it&amp;#039;s a recurring problem, &amp;quot;you&amp;#039;re giving her the message that your time is more valuable than hers,&amp;quot; says Dr. Levine. Chronic lateness can seriously damage a friendship. Acknowledge that it&amp;#039;s you who has a punctuality problem; it&amp;#039;snothing she did. Together, come up with a solution, such as meeting someplace she doesn&amp;#039;t mind waiting (a bookstore rather than a street corner), or meeting at your home instead.   Faux Pas #6: You Didn&amp;#039;t Call Her Back...for Months   Don&amp;#039;t keep putting off calling her\u2014just do it. If you truly have no excuse, &amp;quot;a white lie may be in order,&amp;quot; says Dr. Levine (overtime at work, or a needy family member monopolizing your time). But keep it short and sweet, and then launch right into catching each other up on news. Remember, too, that different friendships have a different &amp;quot;pace,&amp;quot; says Dr. Levine. If this is a friendship that normally allows time to elapse between calls, it may not be as big a deal as you imagine.   Faux Pas #7: You Didn&amp;#039;t Tell Her When Something She Did Hurt You   &amp;quot;If what your friend did was a one-time event that isn&amp;#039;t likely to happen again, weigh the cost versus the benefit of telling her how you felt,&amp;quot; says Dr. Zelley. Her advice: &amp;quot;Only reveal the hurt if the benefit\u2014a deeper level of trust and understanding in the friendship\u2014outweighs the cost,&amp;quot; otherwise you could be creating distance in the friendship. But if what she did was so hurtful you&amp;#039;re not sure you can spend time with her without it bugging you, talk to her. Keep it simple: &amp;quot;I overheard you talking to Gina about my infertility problems, which I&amp;#039;d asked you to keep private.&amp;quot; Give her a chance to apologize, and see if you can regain trust again. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/tips/a4355/how-to-mend-a-friendship-99526/?src=shelter_footer>