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" Question Some years ago, my husband had an affair. It had been going on for six months when I found out.  He promised then that he had stopped seeing her. But in fact, I know that the relationship went on for a while after that.  I think it&amp;amp;#8217;s over now, but I keep thinking of what he put me through and how he treated me,. I just can&amp;amp;#8217;t seem to forget it.  We have great times together he tells me all the time he loves me and that he can&amp;amp;#8217;t believe how lucky he is to still have me.  We don&amp;amp;#8217;t talk about the affair these days. But when will my pain go away? When can I start being the person I used to be &amp;amp;#8211; happy and contented?  Why can&amp;amp;#8217;t I put this all behind me and get on. We used to be the couple that everyone thought had the perfect marriage.   Answer David writes: Well, this wasn&amp;#039;t just a &amp;#039;one-off&amp;#039; or a &amp;#039;one-night stand&amp;#039; &amp;amp;#8211; so it&amp;#039;s not surprising that you&amp;#039;re still upset about it.  However, the memory of it all is really messing up your life at the moment. So you need to do something about it.  Clearly, you are not going to feel better until you have talked to somebody at considerable length about it all. It sounds as though you&amp;#039;re not talking to your husband or family about the problem. So I suggest you begin by having a session with your local branch of Relate. If necessary, they can point you towards a long-term counsellor.  Christine adds: I think at some point during your time with Relate you might feel that your husband should be there too. You clearly have unfinished business about the affair and he ought to understand exactly what that is.  But I believe your best course of action would be to go to Relate on your own for a while. You&amp;#039;re the one who&amp;#039;s distressed about this.  Your husband has obviously made his choice and knows for certain now that it is you who he really loves and values.  Unfortunately, your feelings and your trust in him haven&amp;#039;t quite caught up with his progress. Apart from going to Relate, I think you should discuss this with your GP.  You sound depressed to me, and I can&amp;#039;t help feeling that if you went on antidepressants for a short while, you would begin to feel brighter, and this in turn would help you deal with the aftermath of the affair. Can I also suggest you read an excellent book by one of the best relationships experts in the country &amp;amp;#8211; Julia Cole.  The book is &amp;#039;After the affair&amp;#039; and it&amp;#039;s published by Vermilion. If I were you, I&amp;#039;d go online to one of the good online bookshops right now, and get that ordered. You did a positive thing in writing to us and I hope that you now feel you&amp;#039;re dealing with things, and that it is indeed possible to have a happier and more settled future.  Yours sincerely Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert   Other Qs &amp;amp; As As soon as we married, it all went wrong Bereavement made me unfaithful I am obsessed by thinking about my wife&amp;amp;#8217;s affair I can&amp;amp;#8217;t forget my husband&amp;amp;#8217;s adultery I had an affair and my wife refuses to forgive me I snogged a work colleague, but should I tell my long-term partner? Is my husband gay? I&amp;amp;#8217;ve been unfaithful to my partner My husband is grossly unfaithful. My lover was unfaithful to me during our affair Should I trust this unfaithful doctor? We&amp;amp;#8217;re having loads of sex to try to blot out the memory of my husband&amp;amp;#8217;s infidelity   Last updated 20.03.2011 "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ask-the-expert/sexual-health/a1811/why-can8217t-i-forget-my-husband8217s-affair/>