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" AGE 10 - 12 You&amp;#039;re the best, Mom! AGE 13 Teach me how to use tampons! Thanks, now don&amp;#039;t talk to me in public. AGE 14 Drive me to the mall so I can hang out in the parking lot with my Goth friends for five hours. Ugh, no, Mom, we don&amp;#039;t actually go INSIDE the mall. We stand around OUTSIDE it, because our hearts are black. You don&amp;#039;t understand anything. I wish you were dead. Can I have $10 for the food court? AGE 15 OMG HOW COULD YOU GET ME AN AEROPOSTALE GIFT CARD INSTEAD OF THE HOLLISTER ONE I ASKED YOU FOR, I HATE YOU, I WISH I WAS A HALF-ORPHAN. AGE 16 Why can&amp;#039;t you be cool like Gabby&amp;#039;s mom? She&amp;#039;s, like, my friend. She always has amazing blow-outs and she lets us drink in the basement! And she gave me condoms one time!   Wait, why are you calling Gabby&amp;#039;s mom to yell at her about giving me condoms!? Don&amp;#039;t call her! Don&amp;#039;t embarrass me in front of my friend, Gabby&amp;#039;s mom! Ughhh, I hope I never turn into you when I am an old hag. Don&amp;#039;t you dare talk to me about sex, I swear to God I will start screaming Nickelback at the top of my lungs. OK, you asked for it, LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH, EVERY TIME I DO IT MAKES ME\u2014 AGE 17 School was fine. He&amp;#039;s not my boyfriend. Stop trying to give me advice. Stop asking about my day. Stop moving your mouth in that annoying way where words come out of them. AGE 18 Can I FedEx you my dirty laundry and you can FedEx me it back clean? Also, I miss your cooking. I have been eating waffles with the name of my college stamped on them for every meal at the dining hall. So many that I will probably turn into a giant waffle soon. Miss you! AGE 19 - 23 Hey, Mom, do you have time for a two-hour conversation about nothing? Also, later tonight I might call you when I&amp;#039;m a little bit tipsy and ask you for the kind of advice about sex and boys and stuff that I am too embarrassed to ask you sober, OK? Cooooool. AGE 24 No. Don&amp;#039;t look at me because someone farted during this yoga class, Mom. Because I&amp;#039;ll start laughing, and then you will start laughing, and then we will fail yoga. Look how perfectly Gabby and her mom are doing it. Whatever. I wouldn&amp;#039;t want to be them, anyway, they&amp;#039;re boring.  AGE 25 Oh. Yeah, I guess going out and drinking sounds kinda fun. But I&amp;#039;d rather stay in with my mom. AGE 26  For God&amp;#039;s sake, Mom, let me get the check. It&amp;#039;s the least I can do. For the record, I hope I&amp;#039;m just like you when I&amp;#039;m an old hag. AGE 27 You&amp;#039;re the best, Mom! Related: Stages of Partying By Age Stages of Your Period, By Age  Follow Anna on Twitter.   Image via Getty "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a5042/mom-relationship-age/>