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"  Must-see TV is back this weekend in a big way, with season premieres of the ultimate in cult shows, like Game of Thrones, VEEP, Mad Men (next weekend), and, of course, endless Housewives franchises. So it only made sense that BAZAAR reached out to me, a semi-professional TV watcher, to find out exactly how I would throw my very own &amp;quot;chic&amp;quot; couch party\u2014the irony is not lost on me either. (Please note: This is very different than Gia&amp;#039;s make-out party from Full House but, either way, I expect it to end the same\u2026alone and ashamed. But you already knew that.) My fail-proof plan below:  The Invite List:  You have an endless amount of contacts in your cell phone that you can and should invite to your couch party, just be sure not to invite co-workers because it will foil your plans when they ask what you did over the weekend and you tell tall-tales about some VIP event you went to.  Let&amp;#039;s face it, no one is coming\u2014this is clearly a party for one. While everyone and their mother (literally) is out having a &amp;quot;boozy brunch&amp;quot; on &amp;quot;Sunday Funday&amp;quot; you&amp;#039;re more amped to choose your favorite seat in your apartment and perhaps place a couple of stuffed animals in other chairs\u2026in various states of merriment. As backup though, be sure to set up 100 additional fake Facebook profiles, send out a mass invite and reply &amp;quot;hell yes!&amp;quot; from at least 80% of your faux-accounts. You&amp;#039;ll be the talk of the television viewing Interwebs!  The Menu:   Since no one else will be attending your couch party, start with a light appetizer like &amp;quot;Corn for One&amp;quot; by Green Giant. I&amp;#039;m not joking, it&amp;#039;s a thing. Don&amp;#039;t go wasting an entire bag of corn on yourself\u2026like an animal. Just stick to the one lonesome individually wrapped container of corn. And &amp;quot;go green&amp;quot; by then using the empty corn container to catch all your tears. Lather, rinse, repeat. With back-to-back lineups you&amp;#039;re going to want to carb load for energy right off the bat, but don&amp;#039;t go crazy. Start with a minimum of 3 slices of pizza and upwards of 3 beers. Make those sure beers are Bud Lights because you&amp;#039;ll need more room for all those extra desserts you bought. We&amp;#039;ll get to those in a second. Desserts! Now you may have your own favorites, but I like those supermarket cheesecakes where each slice is a different flavor. Plus, when you get to the cashier you can say things like, &amp;quot;My friends all have their own favorites!&amp;quot; (See Section 1 in Invite List above.)  Friendly Tip: When ordering 3 pizzas for yourself be sure to yell loudly when the delivery man rings your doorbell, &amp;quot;Hey everyone the food is here!&amp;quot; I swear, once my Pillow Fighter yelled back, &amp;quot;Awesome!&amp;quot; We both enjoyed a large deep dish that night. Overall, eat everything off paper plates or, hell, right out of the containers and boxes. Because when your marathon-tv-watching-couch-party ends (alone) you&amp;#039;re going to want to simply throw everything away and pretend none of this ever happened. What sauce stains on my pillow?!   Living Room D\u00E9cor:   Truth be told I don&amp;#039;t have a living room. I have a studio apartment. I basically eat, sleep, bathe and watch tv all in one room\u2014like a prison cell. Which brings me to my next point... \u2026shut the blinds. Close those puppies tight. You don&amp;#039;t need anyone on the outside seeing you as the one and only guest at your couch party. Plus, keep the sun out. I prefer to watch TV as if I was in an underground bunker with Saddam Hussein (too soon?). It just makes dealing with the shame a whole lot easier. The sun is for the mornings\u2026and tropical vacations. Drape sheets all over your couch as you&amp;#039;re most likely to get corn butter, beer and an occasional slice or 5 of pizza to fall onto said couch. The sheets will act as a protector and if you consume one too many adult beverages and your body feels the need to shut down you&amp;#039;ll wake up most likely under that sheet and with the pizza crust acting as a pillow.  Light some candles because, well, have a little dignity for cripes sakes.  What to Wear:  For those of you reading this via our international audience I&amp;#039;m going to need a little help on translating &amp;quot;sweatpants&amp;quot; into a variety of languages. The only time you shouldn&amp;#039;t be wearing sweatpants is when you&amp;#039;re wearing sweatpants that have been cut into shorts. Sport any shirt that shows off your arms as they&amp;#039;ll tend to look ripped when your tv show fades to black for 2/10ths of a second before the commercial and you see your fuzzy reflection grabbing a slice of pizza with one arm and using the other to down your beer. Wait, just me? Either way, skip the gym tomorrow. Know that corner store slogan &amp;quot;No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service?&amp;quot; Yeah, I have the opposite slogan for my couch party. Suddenly you&amp;#039;re the King of England and require shoes to watch TV?  Odds and Ends:  Stay off social media, unless you&amp;#039;re Live Tweeting these shows, in which you&amp;#039;ll gain more followers and lose everyone else on your list that you actually know in real life. It&amp;#039;s cleansing, spiritual in fact. Ask your stuffed animals how they&amp;#039;re doing for a change. Save money by spraying Febreeze during each commercial break to transform your living room into a wonderful Hawaiian getaway. Toss flowers around your neck as this will most likely be the only lay you&amp;#039;ll be receiving tonight. Side-eye the stuffed animals.  At the end of the day it&amp;#039;s way chicer to have a couch party for one. And corn for one. Everything for one, actually. Who needs a bunch of people hogging up your couch, asking you to get them another drink and to explain in which episode Don Draper will fall out of his New York City skyscraper. I don&amp;#039;t have time to entertain. I&amp;#039;m busy eating, drinking and Tweeting. And what&amp;#039;s not chic about that?  Read more from Patrick on his mens fashion blog and follow him on Facebook and Twitter. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a2010/patrick-varone-how-to-host-a-tv-viewing-party/>