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" \n If you are a red-blooded American who enjoys the rougher things, you are obviously on Team Dirty Talk. There is nothing more exciting than having a partner yell offensive street slang in your face while also handling your junk. It elevates sex from &amp;quot;this is fun&amp;quot; to &amp;quot;I will murder you if you stop.&amp;quot;   But creating a sexy chat-mosphere takes practice. Courtesy of some anonymous yet loose-lipped friends, below is list of things you should NEVER, NEVER say out loud unless your goal is to shrink a peen or dehydrate a vagine.   1. Don&amp;#039;t Be Overly Gentle The other night I was talking to my friend about the grossest thing a guy ever said to her in bed. She thought about it for a minute, &amp;quot;Oh, it was definitely the time my ex-boyfriend gazed deeply into my eyes and said, &amp;#039;Don&amp;#039;t move little one, here comes a single, gentle kiss.&amp;#039; And then veeeeery slowly moved in toward my face, closed his eyes, and pecked me on the nose. I almost threw up.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;How did you recover?&amp;quot; I asked.   &amp;quot;I think I just grabbed his balls and told him to shut up.&amp;quot; #GoodPoint   2. Maybe Don&amp;#039;t Bring Up Cancer Like this one guy Alyssa was sleeping with. &amp;quot;We had just had sex and were talking and cuddling. He put his finger on this rather large mole on my chest and said, &amp;#039;Do you know what this mole reminds me of?&amp;#039;&amp;quot; I smiled (in my head assuming the answer would be some adorable comparison like a baby kitten or something) and sweetly asked him back, &amp;#039;No, what?&amp;#039; He rubbed his finger over it and said, &amp;#039;Skin cancer. You should really get that checked out.&amp;#039; Wow, so SEXY!&amp;quot;   3. Don&amp;#039;t Talk About Babies &amp;quot;The first time I slept with a guy I had been seeing for a few weeks, he screamed right as he was coming, &amp;#039;I want to have 1,000 babies with you,&amp;#039;&amp;quot; Dana recalled. &amp;quot;As I woman I was obviously like, &amp;#039;OMG, he&amp;#039;s totally in love with me! We&amp;#039;re gonna get married and have 1,000 babies.&amp;#039; Turned out, it&amp;#039;s just something he liked to say in bed, it didn&amp;#039;t mean anything. He didn&amp;#039;t even want to date exclusively, let alone impregnante me! Hot tip, maybe don&amp;#039;t tell a woman you want to have babies if you&amp;#039;re just kidding! It&amp;#039;s female blue balls, not cool.&amp;quot;   4. Don&amp;#039;t get all New-Agey Ashley made that mistake once. &amp;quot;I got wasted at a bar and ended up chatting with a medium-famous musician. I had never heard of his band, which was fun, because he kept saying, &amp;#039;You&amp;#039;ve really never heard of us?&amp;#039; And I was like, &amp;#039;NOPE, NEVER.&amp;#039; After a couple of drinks we went back to my place and started doing what inebriated strangers tend to do. Just as things were getting green curry-level spicy, I decided to exercise my first amendment rights. &amp;#039;Your touch is like healing medicine,&amp;#039; I said. To which he replied: &amp;#039;What?!&amp;#039;   &amp;quot;I was so embarrassed. I was like, &amp;#039;I am SO sorry I just said that, I totally understand if you want to throw up or leave or pee on me or whatever you have to do to proces how corny that was.&amp;#039; I was doing a lot of yoga at the time and I think I was just a little too into &amp;#039;my journey.&amp;#039;&amp;quot;   5. Don&amp;#039;t just repeat what your partner says Kim was dating a guy who was super into dirty talk and they would do it all the time. He would say, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m gonna f*ck you so hard,&amp;quot; and she would just repeat it back to him, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m gonna f*ck YOU so hard.&amp;quot; They were always just going back and forth. So one night he said, &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re so f*cking hot,&amp;quot; and she goes, &amp;quot;No, YOU&amp;#039;RE so f*cking hot.&amp;quot; And then he said, &amp;quot;Take my big, hard dick,&amp;quot; and then she just repeated it, &amp;quot;No, take MY big, hard dick! Wait...what?&amp;quot; Oh, girls and their big, stupid dicks.   6. Don&amp;#039;t Talk About Your Weird Peyote Hallucinations &amp;quot;I was dating this really cool guy\u2014a filmmaker and a musician\u2014for a couple of months. We were getting closer and closer and the relationship was definitely heading into boyfriend territory. Then one time in the middle of sex he told me that he saw a vision and he was positive that we&amp;#039;d been a married couple in a past life. It was one of the those moments where you&amp;#039;re like, &amp;#039;Ohhh, I get it you&amp;#039;re CRAZY,&amp;#039;&amp;quot; Kate said. &amp;quot;I just responded, &amp;#039;Thanks.&amp;#039; But in my head I was like, &amp;#039;When can I dump him? Right this second, or do I wait like 5 to 10 minutes?&amp;#039;&amp;quot;   Readers! Ever had a lover kill the mood with a horrible attempt at dirty talk? Dish it up! We wanna hear your stories!   Want more musings from Rose? Follow her on Twitter. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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