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"In 1957 the film Island in the Sun was deemed &amp;amp;#8220;offensive to moral standards&amp;amp;#8221; by the Memphis Board of Censors. The offense? The onscreen romances between two interracial couples. It wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t until 10 years later, in 1967, that the Supreme Court struck down state bans on mixed-race marriage. Warp-speed to now, and these events can seem like ancient history: The percentage of interracial marriages in the United States has nearly quadrupled since 1970, according to sociologist Michael J. Rosenfeld. In a recent poll of Glamour readers, 94 percent of you said it&amp;amp;#8217;s OK to date outside of your race. Yet some women in mixed-race relationships report it&amp;amp;#8217;s still not unusual to encounter negative reactions from family, friends and strangers. How do they keep their love strong despite the pressure? We pulled together a diverse group of women to find out. Listen in: JAMI FLOYD: Hello, ladies. I&amp;amp;#8217;d like us to give a sense of where we&amp;amp;#8217;re coming from on this topic&amp;amp;#8212;I&amp;amp;#8217;ll start. When my mother, who is white, and my father, who is black, married in 1956, it was illegal in most states. I&amp;amp;#8217;ve dated men of every race on the planet and am now married to a white man. RADHIKA SHENAI: My current boyfriend is white, but there was a period when I only dated men who were Indian, like me. I thought there were cultural things I wouldn&amp;amp;#8217;t be able to share with somebody from another background. When those relationships didn&amp;amp;#8217;t work, I decided as long as somebody accepts my culture, it doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t matter what background he&amp;amp;#8217;s from. CHRISTINE Y. KIM: I&amp;amp;#8217;m Korean American, and I&amp;amp;#8217;ve dated outside of my ethnicity. I&amp;amp;#8217;m now married to an African American man. LYNN HARRIS: My dating history has been a patchwork quilt, even though I always felt I wanted to marry someone who shared my Jewish faith. That said, if I liked a guy a lot, I&amp;amp;#8217;d wonder, Is this Mr. Exception? But today I&amp;amp;#8217;m married to a rabbi. MIMI VALD&amp;amp;Eacute;S RYAN: I&amp;amp;#8217;m Cuban and Puerto Rican, and I grew up in New York City. I&amp;amp;#8217;ve had crushes on every type of guy, but I&amp;amp;#8217;ve mostly dated African American or Latino men. That has a lot to do with hip-hop, because I had to be with someone who loved it as much as I did, and most of the men who did were Latino or African American. I&amp;amp;#8217;m married now to a black man. LAURA CHECKOWAY: I was also really embedded in hip-hop culture, and pretty much all of my serious boyfriends have been African American or Latino. The difference, though, is that as a Jewish [white] woman, that means most of my relationships have been interracial ones. KELLINA CRAIG-HENDERSON: I&amp;amp;#8217;ve done in-depth interviews with African American men about their experiences for my book, Black Men in Interracial Relationships, and I&amp;amp;#8217;m working on a book from the viewpoint of African American women. FLOYD: So have things gotten better since my parents&amp;amp;#8217; time? CRAIG-HENDERSON: Well, it&amp;amp;#8217;s no longer in vogue to be openly racist, so some of that has just gone underground. But [overall], attitudes have improved. Because of interracial marriage, people increasingly have relatives&amp;amp;#8212;and spend time with people&amp;amp;#8212; who are different than them. CHECKOWAY: These are still racist times, though. I was out in Brooklyn recently with a black man and heard negative comments from two different people. FLOYD: When I was interviewing people during the election, more than one white American told me they would be voting for Barack because of his economic stance, but that they would not tolerate their child dating a black person. This election proves that Americans of all ages and races have come a long way&amp;amp;#8212;but we still have a long way to go. KIM: My own experience is one example of the change that&amp;amp;#8217;s happened in a relatively short time. My husband, who&amp;amp;#8217;s 15 years older than me, remembers segregation. And now we&amp;amp;#8217;re together and have a child. FLOYD: Let&amp;amp;#8217;s talk about the preference to date only within your own race. Is it racist to say, &amp;amp;#8220;I&amp;amp;#8217;ll date only Indian men&amp;amp;#8221;? HARRIS: If you&amp;amp;#8217;re doing it because you dislike a [group of people], that&amp;amp;#8217;s racism. But for Jews, we may feel compelled to date within our own culture not because we disdain others, but because there&amp;amp;#8217;s always [talk] about the numbers of Jews dwindling and our culture being assimilated. FLOYD: Isn&amp;amp;#8217;t that a valid concern, though? I believe in multiculturalism, but when we marry interracially and have kids, we do in fact dilute our races. When my baby was born, I said, &amp;amp;#8220;Who is this baby? She&amp;amp;#8217;s so light.&amp;amp;#8221; A friend said, &amp;amp;#8220;Well, you married a white man, and you&amp;amp;#8217;re half white. What did you expect?&amp;amp;#8221; Don&amp;amp;#8217;t we have to accept that there will be some loss? SHENAI: That&amp;amp;#8217;s why I felt for years that I had to be with only Indian men. But I&amp;amp;#8217;ve learned that as long as the person you&amp;amp;#8217;re with is willing to share your traditions, you&amp;amp;#8217;re not losing anything. My boyfriend, Phil, didn&amp;amp;#8217;t know much about Indian culture before I taught him, so I was nervous when I brought him home. But as we left, he touched my grandmother&amp;amp;#8217;s feet, which is a sign of respect. It&amp;amp;#8217;s an awkward gesture if you&amp;amp;#8217;re unfamiliar with it, but he&amp;amp;#8217;s so open. CHECKOWAY: Coming together with someone is an enrichment, not a dilution. It&amp;amp;#8217;s important for both people to bring their culture to the table and preserve it. You don&amp;amp;#8217;t have to let go of who you are because your partner is different. FLOYD: How early in a relationship should you have a conversation about race? Do you wait until somebody makes a nasty comment and then say, &amp;amp;#8220;Oh, let&amp;amp;#8217;s talk&amp;amp;#8221;? VALD&amp;amp;Eacute;S RYAN: From the beginning. You can&amp;amp;#8217;t pretend the world is [perfect]; that&amp;amp;#8217;s not reality, and your relationship will not survive. The couple should discuss the stereotypes and pressures you each may face because of race, like, &amp;amp;#8220;When I go into a store, the salespeople often follow me because of the color of my skin.&amp;amp;#8221; SHENAI: On my first date with Phil, I was very direct. I asked him, &amp;amp;#8220;Are you really OK with dating an Indian girl?&amp;amp;#8221; FLOYD: Look at you, cross-examining him before you&amp;amp;#8217;d even ordered dinner! SHENAI: I did! And it&amp;amp;#8217;s so sad to me that people have to have this conversation. But I dated this one white guy, and after we broke up, he said, &amp;amp;#8220;It&amp;amp;#8217;s probably good it ended, because I don&amp;amp;#8217;t think I could have introduced you to my family.&amp;amp;#8221; I was like, &amp;amp;#8220;Could you have told me that when we met?&amp;amp;#8221; FLOYD: If you&amp;amp;#8217;ve never dated outside of your race, should you? CHECKOWAY: When it comes to love, nothing should be forced or calculated. KIM: I agree&amp;amp;#8212;you don&amp;amp;#8217;t have to date outside your race. But I do think that it&amp;amp;#8217;s worth exploring why you haven&amp;amp;#8217;t. Is it because you don&amp;amp;#8217;t interact socially with people of other races? Is it fear? FLOYD: Any advice to women who are considering making a long-term commitment with someone of another race? HARRIS: Well, that&amp;amp;#8217;s when families become more of an issue. On my website, breakupgirl.net, I got a letter from a woman who is not welcome at her husband&amp;amp;#8217;s family functions because she is a different race. She has to drop their children off and leave. What you have to ask yourself in a long-term relationship is, &amp;amp;#8220;Do we have a strong enough connection to withstand these pressures?&amp;amp;#8221; It&amp;amp;#8217;s a version of the same question you should ask yourself before you marry anybody. CRAIG-HENDERSON: Some psychologists say that interracial relationships are more prone to breakups because of the challenges. It&amp;amp;#8217;s true. The challenges are great. But like any other relationship, if you love each other and work at it, you try to stick it out. VALD&amp;amp;Eacute;S RYAN: Love has no rules. If what you want is someone who understands and truly loves you&amp;amp;#8212;and doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t everyone?&amp;amp;#8212;the package doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t matter. Meet The Panelists Laura Checkoway freelance pop culture journalist Kellina Craig-Henderson Ph.D. psychology professor, researcher and author Jami Floyd anchor, Jami Floyd: Best Defense, truTV Lynn Harris relationship advice columnist and Glamour contributing editor Christine Y. Kim independent curator Mimi Vald&amp;amp;eacute;s Ryan editor-in-chief, Latina magazine Radhika Shenai investment banker"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/04/does-race-matter-when-it-comes-to-love>