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" Writes Save the Date reader Sarah: My guy proposed at Christmastime, which was great. Not so great: He won&amp;#x27;t let me set a wedding date. Or even TALK about wedding details. We aren&amp;#x27;t planning a huge, fancy wedding (it will be my second marriage), and we&amp;#x27;ve lived together for two years, so I know finances aren&amp;#x27;t an issue, and it&amp;#x27;s not like I&amp;#x27;m rushing him. But he claims he feels &amp;quot;pressured.&amp;quot; Why propose if you don&amp;#x27;t want to get married, as he says, &amp;quot;for, like, five or six years&amp;quot;? Sometimes I think he&amp;#x27;s joking, but other times I think he&amp;#x27;s being serious. I&amp;#x27;m SO frustrated! I want to set the date for August 2015, but I&amp;#x27;m afraid to start planning. What can I say to get him as excited as I am? Help! Here are my thoughts: Look, obviously I&amp;#x27;m not there for your conversations, so I can&amp;#x27;t pick up on their nuances or his &amp;quot;wink, wink&amp;quot; jokey tone. But my instinct is this: This guy doesn&amp;#x27;t want to marry you. You&amp;#x27;ve already been together for two-plus years (assuming you didn&amp;#x27;t move in together the day you met), and he doesn&amp;#x27;t want to get married &amp;quot;for, like, five or six&amp;quot; more? Obviously there are some circumstances that dictate a longer engagement&amp;amp;#8212;you need to save money, you&amp;#x27;re both super- oung, you&amp;#x27;re both in school, one of you is being deployed&amp;amp;#8212;but since you didn&amp;#x27;t mention any of the above, it sounds like he&amp;#x27;s just dragging his feet. That said, the only way to find out whether he really wants to marry you is to ask him. Cook a nice meal (or order some nice takeout, Kim style) so you can sit down at the dinner table and have a face-to-face, TV-off discussion. I&amp;#x27;d start with, &amp;quot;I was SO excited when you proposed, and I&amp;#x27;m so excited for our wedding in a few years, but I feel like we&amp;#x27;re not on the same page. When do you see us getting married?&amp;quot; If he pulls the &amp;quot;like, five or six years&amp;quot; nonsense, I think you have to straight-up ask him, &amp;quot;Do you really want a six-year engagement? I was hoping to plan our wedding for August of 2015. Why do you think we should wait?&amp;quot; He might have legit concerns&amp;amp;#8212;maybe his parents were married and divorced young, or maybe he thinks you should save up to buy a house instead&amp;amp;#8212;so you owe it to him to hear him out. But you get to list your concerns too. Maybe you want to have kids sooner rather than later. Or maybe you just feel like six years is a ridiculously long engagement. I do. Either way, ask him to give you a specific month and year (not &amp;quot;like&amp;quot; anything), and if that time frame doesn&amp;#x27;t work for you, tell him why, and tell him what you plan to do. (&amp;quot;I want to be married within three years. If you don&amp;#x27;t want to marry me for six, I need to look for someone whose life plans are in line with my own.&amp;quot;) He shouldn&amp;#x27;t feel &amp;quot;pressured&amp;quot; to have a wedding, but if you drag it out for as long as he wants, I suspect you&amp;#x27;ll start to get resentful, and you&amp;#x27;ll wind up breaking up before the 2019 wedding anyway. Ladies, what do you think? Should Sarah bug her guy to commit to a wedding date? Do you think he has any intentions of marrying her? Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me! Photo: Thinkstock."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/weddings/blogs/save-the-date/2013/06/my-guy-proposedbut-i-dont-thin>