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"Dear Emily, I got out of a long-term relationship six months ago. The breakup was pretty painful and draining, and I&amp;amp;#8217;m not emotionally ready to get into another serious relationship. I&amp;amp;#8217;m casually dating a guy that I met through mutual friends. We just started to have (amazing) sex and I feel myself getting more attached to him. He says he&amp;amp;#8217;s not looking for a relationship either, and it&amp;amp;#8217;s starting to look like a &amp;amp;#8220;friends with benefits&amp;amp;#8221; situation. I&amp;amp;#8217;ve never been able to have &amp;amp;#8220;successful&amp;amp;#8221; casual sex without it turning into a relationship or heartache. What&amp;amp;#8217;s your advice for a successful &amp;amp;#8220;FWB&amp;amp;#8221; arrangement. Do they really work? Maddy Dear Maddy, It&amp;amp;#8217;s admirable that you can clearly articulate where you&amp;amp;#8217;re at right now in your life. It&amp;amp;#8217;s important to take time between relationships, especially if you feel you&amp;amp;#8217;re not entirely recovered from the last one. Post-breakup is the best time to take inventory on yourself and think about what didn&amp;amp;#8217;t work in the past relationship and how you&amp;amp;#8217;d like to feel in your next relationship. Many people try to heal their past relationships in their current relationship. They use the new person as a Band-Aid for the pain they are feeling from the breakup. Friends with benefits (FWB) relationships can work until they no longer serve you or the other person. At the beginning, FWB might seem like the perfect solution because you think you both want the same thing: no strings attached sex. The problem is, it&amp;amp;#8217;s usually easier said than done. Eventually one person will want more of a commitment or one of you will get into another relationship and have to end your FWB situation. You&amp;amp;#8217;re clearly stating that you&amp;amp;#8217;re not ready and it can be challenging to balance the physical with the emotional. After having sex, we often get prematurely attached. In biological terms, the female orgasm releases a burst of oxytocin, also known as the cuddle hormone. This is what makes you feel warm and fuzzy and what facilitates a sense of attachment. If there&amp;amp;#8217;s no deeper emotional connection or meaningfulness, an orgasm can become a regretful reminder of the hollowness of the sex that preceded it. This is called &amp;amp;#8220;post-orgasm regret,&amp;amp;#8221; and it typically manifests itself in the form of sadness or anger. So be aware that although you&amp;amp;#8217;re not looking for a relationship now, biology might trump your intentions. Be sure that you&amp;amp;#8217;re emotionally ready for a casual affair or it can wreak havoc on your life. You might find yourself trying to fill the void from your ex with this new person, when really it&amp;amp;#8217;s just about sex which could leave you feeling empty. It&amp;amp;#8217;s hard to predict and prepare for the consequences should the relationship go south. Proceed with caution, and always use protection. The last thing you need is to find out that &amp;amp;#8220;Mr. Right Now&amp;amp;#8221; is sleeping with everyone in town. Be mindful every step of the way, and keep a close tab on your feelings. Friends with Benefits arrangements require honest communication, which can be tricky when you&amp;amp;#8217;re trying to keep it casual. When the benefits are gone, you might still want to remain friends, and the only way to do that is to be honest and keep your eyes open. xxx Emily Emily Morse is a sexologist, host of the Sex With Emily podcast, and cofounder of Emily &amp;amp; Tony. She has a doctorate in human sexuality and is the author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight and a weekly cohost of the nationally syndicated radio show Loveline With Dr. Drew Pinsky. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2014/07/casual-sex-friends-with-benefits>