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"FacebookPinterest\n\nAs we write this, you and the studios are still miles apart. Some people think the strike will last for months. You guys better start buying ramen in bulk. Or maybe mug Tina Fey. She's got at least 12 million in her L.L.Bean tote\u2014and Jeff Zucker's testicles.\n\n C'mon, let's get this resolved! We can't bear the thought of not having a season finale to Cavemen. We'd rather go without sunlight than miss Gary Sinise in CSI NY. Now the season premiere of Battlestar Galactica won't be until April, and the office nerds here are so depressed they can't get their gnomes past level five in World of Warcraft.\n\nYes, we know there's another side to this equation\u2014the greedy ecutives. It's hard to believe there's no money for writers when Les Moonves's Swedish masseuse has a Swedish masseuse. Or when Ben Silverman watches pilots with a 40,000 Bang &amp;amp; Olufsen skull bong in hand. We won't even get started on Rupert Murdoch, who's so rich he takes a warm sponge bath every morning in Ted Turner's tears.\n\n But enough. We're prounion people, but no one's equating you guys with steelworkers or flight attendants. It's one thing to ground an airline over Thanksgiving. It's another to run out of episodes of How I Met Your Mother.\n\nLet's get back to the table and hash this thing out, so we can all get back to watching generally underwhelming movies and television. Here are some suggestions.\n\n1. Broaden your goals.\n\n We know the basic idea Studios are raking in advertising dollars on the Internet, and you guys want a better piece of the action. That's reasonable. We support it. But don't stop there. Please get the studios to stop making Rambo movies. No more Dane Cook. And why is NBC bringing back Knight Rider What, no Joey\n\n2. Sell your importance.\n\nWithout writers, the world wouldn't have such classic lines as \"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn,\" \"Say hello to my little friend,\" and \"Steely Dan gargles my balls.\"\n\n3. Give them better reality.\n\nThe networks think they have leverage, since they can just create more reality shows, which don't need scripts unless it's The Hills. You've got to up the ante by giving the networks better reality shows. What about a show in which a bunch of fearful contestants toil for a moody old tycoon who thinks he'll live forever We'll call it Viacom.\n\n4. Get some better celebs on the picket line. A few weeks ago, we saw Robin Williams marching in solidarity with the writers. Listen, nobody wants to see that guy back at work. You don't want anyone thinking that a prolonged strike no Death to Smoochy 2. Not exactly a strong bargaining position.\n\n5. Try not to be strident.\n\nTimes are tough in this country. The economy's in the toilet, and no one's rolling in dough. Job security We have zero job security at GQ. One unflattering quote in a story and Jessica Biel's publicist will have us folding sweaters at Express by week's end.\n\n6. Scabs are everywhere.\n\nWith the possible exception of Bill Maher, you've all worked very hard, but there are a lot of people out there who can pen pithy wisecracks and keep these shows humming. Don't believe us In the time it took us to write this letter, we wrote five O. J. Simpson jokes for Jay Leno and three episodes of Gossip Girl, and euthanized a dog for Ellen DeGeneres.\n\nGood luck working this thing out. We're really getting sick of watching Greta Van Susteren.\n\nSincerely,\n\nGQ\n\nP.S. Hey, if by some chance you've already resolved this thing\u2014never mind!"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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