<http://schema.org/articleBody>
" \n &amp;quot;Before I married my husband, she liked to tell me, &amp;#039;Tampons are for married women.&amp;#039; I have no idea what she meant by that, but she still says it to her unmarried daughters.&amp;quot; \u2014Diana &amp;quot;In front of my boyfriend&amp;#039;s entire family, she said, &amp;#039;Honey, did you know that your body doesn&amp;#039;t make eggs? What you&amp;#039;re born with is what you have. And you lose more and more every year. How old are you? 27? Well, you should get moving.&amp;#039;&amp;quot; \u2014Ann &amp;quot;She left a frantic message on my phone telling me to call her right away. When I did\u2014all nervous that something was wrong\u2014she informed me that I must give her six months notice before her son and I get married so she could lose weight and be a size six for the wedding. We&amp;#039;re not engaged or even close to it, for the record.&amp;quot; \u2014Mary &amp;quot;I was eating ice cream the other day and she exclaimed, &amp;#039;Oooh! I bet I know what that means!&amp;#039; When I pressed her, she said she assumed I was pregnant since I was giving in to a craving.&amp;quot; \u2014Kelly &amp;quot;When I first met my boyfriend Jake&amp;#039;s parents at Christmas, his mom squeezed my butt then I overheard her telling Jake, &amp;#039;She has a nice tushy. I like her.&amp;#039;&amp;quot; \u2014Jenny &amp;quot;My ex-mother-in-law actually said to me, &amp;#039;I was here first.&amp;#039;&amp;quot; \u2014@plusque_parfait &amp;quot;My boyfriend, who I live with, makes way more money than me. And when his mom came to visit once and saw our nice, new apartment with nice, new furniture, she asked, &amp;#039;So, Ali, what exactly did you pay for here?&amp;#039; I awkwardly had to point out the stuff I had purchased to get her off my back.&amp;quot; \u2014Ali &amp;quot;Over dinner one night, my ex&amp;#039;s mom said, &amp;#039;You know, I was sure that Craig was gay until he was about 12. He just wasn&amp;#039;t bringing home a lot of girls, you know?&amp;#039; Uh, what little kid is?&amp;quot; \u2014Blake &amp;quot;She revealed to me, &amp;#039;I was a virgin when I met Ben&amp;#039;s father. Not like my sister. She was sleeping around doing all kinds of sex. I mean, many how many different ways are there to do it?&amp;#039;&amp;quot; \u2014Elizabeth &amp;quot;We were looking through photos at my boyfriend Michael&amp;#039;s mom&amp;#039;s house when we came across one of him and his ex. His mom said, &amp;#039;Oh, have you met Meredith? She was just the sweetest, prettiest, nicest girl Michael&amp;#039;s been with.&amp;#039; She didn&amp;#039;t even try to eat her words. Just kept on smilin&amp;#039; as if she hadn&amp;#039;t offended me.&amp;quot; \u2014Jane Has your guy&amp;#039;s mom ever said something ridiculous or hysterical or just plain face-palm-inducing? Let us know below. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/advice/a3638/shit-my-guys-mom-says-funny-quotes/?click=rel>