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"Titanic 3D has earned $27.5 million at the box office since it hit theaters 5 days ago. You know why? It&amp;#x27;s been almost two decades since Celine Dion warbled about an unhealthy-sounding cardiac condition, but we who had braces in 1997 still salute Titanic. We learned! We loved! Here are a few initial reactions the average Lady Viewer of my generation may have upon viewing James Cameron&amp;#x27;s remastered love story: 1. It&amp;#x27;s basically a combination of Reality Bites and Billy Joel&amp;#x27;s &amp;quot;Uptown Girl,&amp;quot; plus a ship. How did I not realize that before? 2. The CGI is juuuust good enough not to be really bad, which is almost worse. 3. What if Gloria Stewart is spinning a web of lies for us/Bill Paxton, and then she&amp;#x27;s all &amp;quot;HAHA GUYS, PUNKD&amp;quot;? 4. It was the moon&amp;#x27;s fault! And, you guys, it turns out that my heart is as deep and endless as the unsupervised end of a community pool, because Leonardo DiCaprio&amp;#x27;s character, Jack Dawson, is not for me. Hear me out. It was easy to fall for Jack when we were 13. Especially since, all widow&amp;#x27;s peak and sneer, older man Cal Hockley (a.k.a. Cartoon Ascot) had the bossy/scary/violent thing going on, whereas Jack Dawson seemed like the cute senior. But we&amp;#x27;re all grown up now, and the 22-year-old DiCaprio in the re-release is basically an embryo. He&amp;#x27;s also a Manic Pixie Dream Boy (M.P.D.B.), indicated by the function of his character solely to &amp;quot;show Rose the joy of life,&amp;quot; and also the fact that he&amp;#x27;s a grifter and totally psyched about it! Big-screen idealism aside, it&amp;#x27;s like Mindy Kaling&amp;#x27;s piece for Glamour a while back: sometimes you need a man, not a boy. And, alas, the modern equivalent of Jack Dawson is that boy you dated who lived with three members of his noise band and one unexplained 50-year-old man in a 5-bedroom unheated &amp;quot;artist&amp;#x27;s collective&amp;quot; loft so far up on on the JMZ line that it ends in Nova Scotia. You&amp;#x27;d get sick of Cup o&amp;#x27; Noodles after awhile, and you&amp;#x27;d end up fighting over whether he should put his Duran Duran theremin covers on YouTube. Do you see my point? Still disagree? Talk back below, ladies! More on Titanic: *Titanic 3D: Why Our Hearts Still Go On (And On) *The Ultimate Dream Date if You Have a Boatload of Money and a Love of Doom (Or Leonardo DiCaprio) *Kate Winslet Says Hearing the Titanic Theme &amp;quot;My Heart Will Go On&amp;quot; Makes Her Want To Puke. What Songs Have That Effect On YOU? Photo: Courtesy of Paramount"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/04/15-years-later-titanics-jack-d>