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" -0:01. Okay, here we go. Taking the tag off my $120 Lululemon Spandex-And-Gold-Leaf Stretch Pants For Women Who Have Their Shit Together. This cannot possibly be that hard. Right? 0:00. Maybe I should go to Page 10 of the Google image search results for &amp;quot;30 Day Shred before/afters&amp;quot; for motivation. [Goes to Page 20] Okay, done. DVD is in. Cat is locked in bathroom. 0:02. There&amp;#039;s Jillian. Damn, she&amp;#039;s muscular. I don&amp;#039;t know if I want to be that muscular. I want to be toned but still look delicate and tiny and like I can take a bath in a thimble. 0:04. This isn&amp;#039;t awful. Arm-swinging. I feel kind of ridiculous, but no big deal.  0:06. Wait, that was just a warmup? 0:10. OH NO.  0:11. Hahahahah, pushups. My arms are basically twigs. Does she think I&amp;#039;m an extra in Full Metal Jacket or something? Okay, let me try the modified version. [tries] No.  I am so, so glad I am doing this by myself, without any fitter, hotter spectators to LOL heartily at me. 0:12. My knees hurt. How long has it been since I moved? Had fire been invented yet? Why aren&amp;#039;t we taking any breaks? Oh, she says it&amp;#039;s because we need to give it all we got. Jenna at work told me this wasn&amp;#039;t that hard. But Jenna also humblebrags about missing the gym for one day and then feeling soooo fat after eating a huge salad. I&amp;#039;ll tell you where to shove your salad, goddamn Jenna. 0:13. It really helps when Jillian talks about having the kind of body that will make your exes jealous. She should say that more, because for a few seconds afterwards I don&amp;#039;t want to sweat blood and die here on my floor. 0:14. Come on, think about that Bridget Jones&amp;#039; Diary montage where throws out all her self-help books and starts exercising. IIIIIII&amp;#039;M EVERY WOMAN, IT&amp;#039;S ALL IN MEEEEEE\u2014  0:15. My thighs are burning like a flaming Viking death pyre. Somebody needs to invent an exercise where you just get a six-pack from watching My Cat From Hell and eating green curry chicken. 0:16. I feel nothing in my abs during the one-minute abs part. Am I normal? 0:17. Yeah! You&amp;#039;re right, Jillian! If they can do this on The Biggest Loser, so can I! I do deserve the body I want! I can get through three rounds of this workout!  0:18. Oh my God, the two girls behind you are sweating bullets. Even the one doing the modifiers. I am fucked. 0:19. I NEED A WATER BREAK BUT IF I TAKE A WATER BREAK I AM A FAILURE AND WON&amp;#039;T MAKE MY EX JEALOUS/BE ABLE TO LIFT HIM OVER MY HEAD AND THROW HIM AGAINST A WALL LIKE A WWF STAR, BRAYING MY VICTORY TO THE SKY LIKE A ROMAN WARRIOR. 0:20. If I have to stretch and strain every muscle in my body for one more second I am going to lose it. If I have to squat one more time I am going to call this off and move to a remote island nation where I never have to think about mountain-climbers again. 0:21. Cooldown. Oh, thank God. I made it. It&amp;#039;s over. Resist urge to skip the post-workout stretching and jump into a soothing shower immediately.  Do I have abs yet? Are there any more before/afters I missed on Google? Will I actually force myself to do this tomorrow?  Follow Anna on Twitter.   Photo Credit: Getty "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a5297/insane-workout-dvd-monologue/>