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" Just then Sam walked in the door. I had never been so relieved to see him. I jumped up to stop him, and give him a hug. &amp;quot;Please talk about the restaurant,&amp;quot; I whispered, mid-hug. &amp;quot;Anything so we can make this visit go by without any more talk of Alex watching Lili.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Alex is back?&amp;quot; he whispered into my shoulder, looking up and taking note of her being there.  &amp;quot;Yes,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;She&amp;#039;s back.&amp;quot; He looked at me with understanding.  &amp;quot;And apparently,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;She&amp;#039;s back to stay.&amp;quot; I tried not to focus too much on the fact that Alex was back in my life again. But I had an impending sense of doom with her. Before her exit, she had been distant and bitchy and cold, but now, she was the opposite kind of terror: she was trying so hard that I knew it was all a facade. She called no less than a dozen times in the last few days to set up play-dates for Lili and her. I was as nice as I could be\u2014while saying different versions of no, not this week, it doesn&amp;#039;t work for us\u2014but eventually I knew that this was going to come to a head. There weren&amp;#039;t enough excuses in the world. Because the truth was that I didn&amp;#039;t want her around my daughter. I didn&amp;#039;t like her and I didn&amp;#039;t trust her\u2014and it simply wasn&amp;#039;t an option to let Lili be around someone like that\u2014when I was not there to supervise.  So, I decided to take the bull by the horns, and deal with the situation head-on. I called Josh at work. &amp;quot;You have good timing,&amp;quot; he said. &amp;quot;I do?&amp;quot; &amp;quot;I was just putting a photograph of Lili in a frame on my desk. It&amp;#039;s a beauty. I&amp;#039;ll make you the same copy.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;d love that,&amp;quot; I said. Then he called out to his assistant\u2014apparently he meant that he was going to make me a copy that second. &amp;quot;Here&amp;#039;s the thing, Josh,&amp;quot; I said, after we caught up. &amp;quot;You know how much it matters to me that you have a great relationship with Lili. And I am glad for you that Alex and you have reconciled and that you are happy about it. I am. But, quite simply, I just don&amp;#039;t feel comfortable leaving Lili alone with her. I just don&amp;#039;t. And I am sorry if that upsets you, and perhaps that will change over time, but right now, that is where I am. And I am hoping you will understand that.&amp;quot; He was quiet for a long minute, and I was worried. I was worried he was going to explode at the implication that Alex was unfit to be alone with Lili. But, thankfully, his silence turned out to mean something else. &amp;quot;I get it,&amp;quot; he said. &amp;quot;You do?&amp;quot; I was so relieved, I thought I was going to cry. &amp;quot;She left, she came back. You want some proof that she is going to be around and be a good influence in Lili&amp;#039;s life. Of course I get that.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Thank you.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;And I understand that for the time being at least, you want Lili with you or with me. And if Alex is with me, fine, but it has to be me there.&amp;quot; He paused. &amp;quot;I do think as you get to know Alex, that will change. But for now, I will respect your wishes. You are Lili&amp;#039;s mom. I will respect what makes you comfortable in reference to her. And I will make sure that Alex understands as well.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;I am happy to be the one that speaks with her,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;I just wanted to speak to you first.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;No, no. Let me do it.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Thank you,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;You got it.&amp;quot; He said that he was heading out of town for the rest of the week, but we decided to speak when he got back and figure out a good time to all see each other. Then we said good-bye. I got off the phone feeling somewhat better about everything. But, then, Sam walked in the kitchen\u2014Lili in his arms\u2014and asked what happened. I explained the whole story, and he gave me a sad smile. &amp;quot;I thought Josh responded so well,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;True. And if we were dealing with a rational person, I would say very good. But I don&amp;#039;t think we are. I don&amp;#039;t think Alex is rational, and it makes me concerned about Josh too.&amp;quot; He handed me Lili. &amp;quot;And we can&amp;#039;t really forget that.&amp;quot; I knew he was right. But Josh was Lili&amp;#039;s father and he was trying\u2014what other options did I have?  &amp;quot;You did everything right though,&amp;quot; he said. &amp;quot;I really think you did.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m trying,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m trying with all I&amp;#039;ve got.&amp;quot; I kissed Lili on the head, holding her tight to me. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/a4731/diary-e-021709/>