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"Nearly three years after Heath Ledger died of an accidental drug overdose, Michelle Williams is finally opening up about her former boyfriend (and father to Matilda, 5).\r\n&amp;quot;In a strange way, I miss that year, because all those possibilities that existed then are gone,&amp;quot; Williams, 30, tells Nightline of the 12 months that followed Ledger&amp;apos;s death.\r\nTo cope with the loss, Williams began reading The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.\r\n\r\n&amp;quot;It didn&amp;apos;t seem unlikely to me that he could walk through a door or could appear behind a bush,&amp;quot; Williams says. &amp;quot;It was a year of very magical thinking, and in some ways I&amp;apos;m sad to be moving further and further away from it.&amp;quot;\r\nWilliams, who began a three-year relationship with Ledger after costarring in Brokeback Mountain, says she can &amp;quot;understand&amp;quot; why people &amp;quot;relate&amp;quot; to her tragedy -- but she still has difficulty wrapping her head around the situation.\r\n\r\n&amp;quot;I&amp;apos;ve found meanings around the circumstance, but the actual event itself still doesn&amp;apos;t...&amp;quot; she says before trailing off. &amp;quot;I can&amp;apos;t find a meaning for it. I can find meanings in things and people and relationships that have sprung up, and friendships that have strengthened. I can find a lot of meaning in that, but not in why.&amp;quot;\r\n&amp;quot;I know I got kind of obsessed with that for awhile, the before and after. A lot of things died,&amp;quot; Williams says as she fights back tears. &amp;quot;There&amp;apos;s a line from a book that gave me so much comfort and it said, &amp;apos;When you&amp;apos;ve truly lost everything, then at least you can become rich in loss.&amp;apos;&amp;quot;\r\n\r\nThese days, Williams is back to her smiley self -- especially when probed about her reported relationship with her Blue Valentine costar Ryan Gosling.\r\n&amp;quot;She&amp;apos;s like Brigitte Bardot meets Clint Eastwood. She&amp;apos;s like a sexy cowboy or something,&amp;quot; Gosling gushes of the single mom. &amp;quot;Creatively, we are doing it. Creatively.&amp;quot;\r\n\r\nWhen asked if they were ever romantically involved, the actor -- who is currently linked to Blake Lively -- clams up. &amp;quot;No, we&amp;apos;re professionals,&amp;quot; he insists.\r\nAdds Williams: &amp;quot;He looks like he&amp;apos;s lying, but he&amp;apos;s not!&amp;quot;"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-body/news/michelle-williams-breaks-her-silence-on-heath-ledgers-death-20102212>