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"Usually, ladies don&amp;amp;#8217;t start butting heads with their future in-laws until wedding planning is in full swing. But in Mary&amp;amp;#8217;s case, the fun (not) has already begun. See her situation and my advice for getting through it. Writes Mary: &amp;amp;#8220;My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now. We&amp;amp;#8217;ve discussed marriage, but we&amp;amp;#8217;re in no real rush to get engaged for various reasons. The problem is his dad doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t think I should be included in family events (not even holidays!) until I have a ring on my finger. This is a constant battle between my boyfriend and me because he wants me to be closer with his family, but the few get-togethers I am invited to are awkward and usually end with me in tears. My boyfriend says his dad&amp;#x27;s attitude will change once we&amp;amp;#8217;re engaged, but I have a hard time believing that a ring will make everything all better overnight. How should I handle this?&amp;amp;#8221; Here&amp;amp;#8217;s what I think: You&amp;amp;#8217;re absolutely right in thinking that jewelry isn&amp;amp;#8217;t capable of instantly making a bad situation perfect. It sounds like your guy&amp;amp;#8217;s dad has some major issues if he makes engagement a prerequisite to receiving invitations. Was your boyfriend burned by an ex? Better yet, was his dad? He may not trust women who can&amp;amp;#8217;t commit (even though you clearly can if you&amp;amp;#8217;ve been with the same guy for almost three years!). Or he simply may be suspect of a lady who doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t want to get engaged (yes, I realize how silly that is!). And while it might be nice to back the dad into a corner and ask, &amp;amp;#8220;Dude, what&amp;amp;#8217;s your problem?&amp;amp;#8221; the conversation that needs to happen should be between father and son. Have your boyfriend explain to his dad that you two plan on getting married when the time is right, and because of that, he wants you to have the opportunity to get to know his family. He should also ask his dad to come clean about why he thinks a ring is the only ticket to family events. Is it because he doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t want to bother to get to know someone who might not stick around? Is it because he feels like you&amp;amp;#8217;re rejecting his son by wanting to wait to get engaged? Whatever it is, your man needs to get to the bottom of it so you can start feeling close to your future family. In the meantime, ask yourself why you think these family events end in tears for you. As someone who had a long history of crying after every get-together with her in-laws, I feel your pain! But I realized that I was part of the problem. I was always reading into every word they said, automatically assuming it was an attack on me. Sometimes, it was; usually, though, it wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t. Asking myself, &amp;amp;#8220;OK, did they really mean to offend me with that statement?&amp;amp;#8221; often wards off tears. You could also try my method of clicking with one relative at a time. It&amp;amp;#8217;s easier than taking on the whole clan at once. What do you think Mary should do? Why else might the dad be hesitant to include Mary in family gatherings? How do you get along with your future in-laws? More In-Law Outrage My Husband&amp;amp;#8217;s Family Didn&amp;amp;#8217;t Come to My Shower My Future MIL Wants Us to Include a &amp;amp;#8220;No Gifts Please&amp;amp;#8221; Note With Our Invites I Wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t Invited to My Sister-in-Law&amp;amp;#8217;s Shower More Ways to Get Glamour Visit Shopglamour.com for cute stuff starting at just $10! Enter the latest Glamour sweepstakes! Follow us on Twitter Add us to your iGoogle homepage Photo: Jupiterimages"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/weddings/blogs/save-the-date/2010/08/readers-dilemma-my-boyfriends>