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"  You don&amp;#039;t order an egg-salad sandwich at a Chinese restaurant. And you don&amp;#039;t order the chicken piccata at Jerry&amp;#039;s Deli. Dab, don&amp;#039;t wipe. If you stain something, don&amp;#039;t rub it into the fibers. When you consider the sheer number of awards that they give out in this town, they should just give you one at the airport when you arrive. There&amp;#039;s a whole spectrum of douchebaggery. But the vast majority of people are not part of that spectrum. Critics can say horrible things. It only hurts when I agree with them. Every time one person gets a piece of information, the likelihood of that information being exposed grows exponentially. It&amp;#039;s no longer two people. It&amp;#039;s two people squared. When I first met Charlie, he was dating a porn actress named Ginger Lynn. Very nice. Petite. Very small. And I thought, Oh, that&amp;#039;s why the guys seem so big. I try to save being angry for the really important moments \u2014 for special occasions. If you can find it in you to love how stupid the entertainment industry is, you can have a great career. If I were some sort of human-snake hybrid that could somehow unhinge my jaw in order to jam the enormity of one of those Carnegie Deli sandwiches in my mouth, then those sandwiches would make sense. When I was young, I loved seeing shows with kids on them. I remember seeing The Brady Bunch and thinking, You know, I could be Bobby. Yeah, I could do that. I&amp;#039;m a dad twice over, but I&amp;#039;ll never feel like I know what I&amp;#039;m doing. My wife took to motherhood like a fish to water. My mom was a very productive playwright. I remember a poster for one of her shows. It was at Columbus Circle and all the subway stops in New York. The poster was a picture of my mom putting up her own poster \u2014 that was the joke of the poster. It was always a victim of graffiti. Sometimes my mom got her teeth blackened. Sometimes she got a mustache, or little word balloons filled with filth that my mother would very rarely say. What I learned was that when you&amp;#039;re an artist, you put stuff out there. The feelings people have about it are out of your control. When you fight with your wife, just remember, you&amp;#039;re both right. A wonderful actor once told me, &amp;quot;Jon, I don&amp;#039;t respect anybody who hasn&amp;#039;t been fired at least once.&amp;quot; Critics are always complaining &amp;quot;This doesn&amp;#039;t challenge me.&amp;quot; Well, most people don&amp;#039;t want to be challenged. They had to work all day, and they&amp;#039;re tired. They want to see something that they enjoy. And they tune in because they know they&amp;#039;re going to enjoy it. Tim Allen&amp;#039;s new show is going to be a hit because it&amp;#039;s the same show as Home Improvement. America wants that, you know. God bless him. I&amp;#039;ve been mistaken for a lot of people. Often for Matthew Broderick. I tell people not to feel bad. One of my first jobs was to be Matthew Broderick&amp;#039;s understudy. I was paid to look like him. Two and a Half Men became a big hit, but for some reason I didn&amp;#039;t get recognized much. Then somehow the show crossed this threshold where all of a sudden I had a hard time walking down the street. Charlie is a very functional guy. He always nailed his takes \u2014 often in less time than everybody else. He was prepared, and a very warm guy. We didn&amp;#039;t hang out, really, because at the end of the day I was tired and I&amp;#039;d go home to sleep. That was the beginning of the day for him. I believe when they decided to bring in another actor it saved Charlie&amp;#039;s life. It must&amp;#039;ve been a huge wake-up call for him. If it helps his life in any way, thank God, because I always liked the guy and he never, ever, did me wrong. I&amp;#039;ve accidentally said things I realized I shouldn&amp;#039;t have said. But if somebody asks me to keep a secret, I certainly will. The right thing will happen at the right time. Twenty-nine million people watched the first episode when we put it back on the air \u2014 which is absolutely staggering. With the ridiculous bounty of people who come up to me regularly and say, &amp;quot;Hey, we really like the show,&amp;quot; there&amp;#039;s just no way you could possibly feel underappreciated. If you&amp;#039;re eating at Jerry&amp;#039;s Deli, go for the beef-brisket dip with onion rings. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/interviews/a12056/jon-cryer-quotes-0112/>