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" 1. No one tweets about you when your hair looks like shit. You can therefore revel in your ability to go outside (1) without a blowout, (2) with your roots un-done, and (3) with the side of your head shaven (if that&amp;#039;s how you want to roll) without every tabloid reporter seeing you and falling to the floor in a mouth-foaming state of anxiety. 2. You don&amp;#039;t have to wear law firm pantyhose. Anywhere. Ever. 3. Nothing you do matters. 4. You are allowed to wear footwear other than court shoes out of the house. Because you don&amp;#039;t have to treat your toes like penises and hide them from public view. 5. No one asks you to inaugurate cruise ships. And thank goodness because you read that David Foster Wallace essay and you are way too well-read for cruises. 6. You don&amp;#039;t have to wear strange things on your head that people believe are elegant because they&amp;#039;re called &amp;quot;fascinators.&amp;quot; 7.No one judges you for wearing a ponytail. Well, maybe that asshole in your office does, but at least she probably has the good sense not to tweet about it. 8. No one cares when you eat McDonald&amp;#039;s. You can therefore proceed to eat McDonald&amp;#039;s with minimum self consciousness. 9. People don&amp;#039;t act like you look OMFG AMAZING when you just look... fine. Except your mom. (Moms are the best.) 10. No one paints you. Which is arguably good because getting painted is a one-way ticket to looking 20 years older on the wall forever. 11. No one makes a Lifetime movie about you. But they should. Let&amp;#039;s be honest. 12. No one Googles your name along with the phrase &amp;quot;salmon-colored jeans.&amp;quot; 13. Your baby can wear its embarrassing christening gown in private. 14. People would rather not see your wedding photos. You have to force them down their throats on Facebook. 15. You will never be in the hospital with your hairdresser. You will, happily, get to give birth like a normal human person: being blissfully happy about your child privately \u2014 while looking a mess. Follow Amy on  Twitter. Photo Credit: Getty Images "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/advice/a5171/not-kate-middleton/>