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"  I&amp;#039;m having a major problem with my husband and my 17-year-old son from a previous marriage. No matter what my son does, my husband finds something wrong with it. He even says things like, &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re just like your drug-addict dad worthless!&amp;quot; (Due to an accident my first husband had as a teenager, he took pain meds the rest of his life; he died of a heart attack five years ago.) When I confront him about it, we have major fights. My son&amp;#039;s dad was a good man, and no matter what he was or wasn&amp;#039;t, I don&amp;#039;t feel it&amp;#039;s right to treat my son in this manner. My husband started acting this way three years ago, right about the time my son became a teenager. I&amp;#039;m at the point of leaving him over this. Any advice? A.B., 36, Comanche, OK You&amp;#039;re in a difficult position, and it probably won&amp;#039;t cheer you up much to know that you&amp;#039;re right. Regardless of whether your child&amp;#039;s father was a saint or a career felon, it is never appropriate for the stepparent to call him names. So tell your husband that under no circumstances will you tolerate his hurtful and destructive behavior a moment longer. If he continues to do it, leave the room. Do not get into an argument; do not discuss it. What you will discuss, and what desperately needs to be discussed, is the current state of the relationship between the three of you. Clearly, your husband is having a tough time dealing with a teenager (as we all know, adolescents are exasperating). And being a stepparent is always a challenge. To break the stalemate, find a good family therapist who will help all of you come off your position a bit. I&amp;#039;m hazarding a guess here, but I&amp;#039;ll bet your son isn&amp;#039;t making much of an effort to refrain from irritating your husband. And you probably feel extra protective of your son, so you&amp;#039;re perhaps expecting less of him than you should be. (Is he intentionally being difficult? Is he disrespectful to you and your husband?) No, counseling won&amp;#039;t solve all your problems your son has still lost a father, and your husband will never replace him but if you can get to a place where you&amp;#039;re each able to acknowledge that it&amp;#039;s best to try to just get along, the situation can only get better.  Award-winning writer Karen Karbo is the author of How to Hepburn: Lessons on Living from Kate the Great. She&amp;#039;s also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Send your questions to her at: The Hard Stuff, REDBOOK, 300 W. 57th St., New York, NY 10019 or karenkarbo@redbookmag.com . Letters may be edited for clarity and length, and must include your initials, age, city, and state. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/life/mom-kids/advice/a2362/hs-stepfamily-feud/>