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"This is the year! Barring an injury, a players' strike, or one of your teammates doing something crazy\u2014like trying to speak to you\u2014this season you're going to break Major League Baseball's homerun records. And, oh man We haven't been this excited since the Toronto Raptors changed their road uniforms.\n\nWhat a letdown, Barry. You're about to shatter baseball's most prestigious records, and the public wants it less than James Frey's next memoir. You've got fewer fans than Kanye West has in Crawford, Texas. When you finally break Hank Aaron's mark, you might have to bring your own microphone and hand yourself the keys to a new Cadillac Escalade.\n\nBut it's your own fault, Barry. We liked you back in your younger years, when you were humbler\u2014and leaner\u2014but then something about you changed. Like your arms. And your legs. And your face. What is it with that puffy face, Barry You're the only player who hits like DiMaggio and has cheeks like Gandolfini.\n\nSuddenly, you went from being a great baseball player to a supernatural one. It's as if Nickelback turned into the Rolling Stones. You hit seventythree home runs in a single season, and they weren't cheap ones, either. Your home runs came with a hot towel, a champagne cocktail, and a movie. Okay, the movie was How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, but still, it was a movie.\n\nBut you've never fully explained how you did it. Sure, you worked hard, lifted weights, and tried to eat better. So did we\u2014and we're still getting our asses kicked in office softball. Then there was your apparent \"flaxseed oil\" excuse that your trainer gave you what you thought was flaxseed oil, but it could have been steroids. Listen, Barry, we invented the flaxseedoil excuse; just ask our juniorhighschool principal. Nobody buys it.\n\nNevertheless, you're trudging on. You've got seven homers to go to beat Babe Ruth and fortyeight to top Hank Aaron. We believe you can do it, but if you expect any cheers, we have some advice.\n\n1. Be nicer to your team.\n\n Barry, you have a reputation for being unapproachable in the locker room. So go introduce yourself. Say hi to Randy Winn\u2014he's not a stalker; he's the center fielder. Give a hug to Felipe Alou\u2014he's the manager, which means he can tell the other eight players what to do. And don't give the finger to Peter Magowan. He's the owner. He gave you 22 million last year. Go on, sign his baseball.\n\n2. Try to run around the bases. \n\n Look, we enjoy your homerun blasts as much as anyone. But sometimes you pose and relish them a little too long. Like that one last year against the Dodgers, where you stopped and watched the entire first season of Deadwood at home plate. That was a bit much.\n\n3. Find some reputable friends. \n\n Barry, you can't expect to hang out with those BALCO guys without raising suspicions. That's like asking people to believe you hung out with Black Sabbath and never snorted rat tranquilizer. You need a squeakyclean pal. How about new Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts He's never used a performanceenhancing substance besides Aqua Net.\n\n4. Tell us the truth. \n\n Hey, we're not saying you have to go before Congress. Rafael Palmeiro and Mark McGwire tried that, and it was about as successful as Heather Graham's sitcom. But maybe it's time to unburden yourself to Oprah or, better yet, Larry King. Larry King knows his supplements\u2014every day he's injected with the blood of newborn llamas. And he looks great!\n\nRemember, Barry, the truth can set you free. Of course, it could also make you bat .237 with five homers and thirtyeight RBIs, but it might be worth a try.\n\nSincerely,\n\nGQ\n\nP.S. Whole Foods has flaxseed oil for 20 percent off this month."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.gq.com/story/barry-bonds-steroids-baseball>