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"As the new season's opening credits let on, the Henricksons are in a free fall. If there was a Homeland Security rating monitoring the moral fibers of their family, the threat level would be trending somewhere between Al Bundy and John Phillips. Shit ain't good. After the jump, more of what I mean from episode 2 (which yes, aired Sunday, but it was a holiday yesterday SO SUCK IT).\n\nThis week's ercise in bad judgment comes to you from Bill \"Triple Dip\" Henrickson.\n\n As if he didn't have enough on his plate, what with his brood of three and litter of nine, he's concocted an absurd idea to run for political office, so that he can fight the state-wide persecution of polygamy. Except, he didn't decide. God decided for him. It was a \"revelation\", which is basically Mormon-speak for Did I stutter? He's convinced that, if he can keep his bunny hopping under wraps for the six weeks leading to the election, then he can win, out himself to the community, and prove how great it is to not bang the same person for the rest of your life and eternity forever and ever amen. The whole thing's not gonna be pretty, unless your idea of pretty is Jeanne Tripplehorn as a teary-slash-black-eyed inmate in state prison. (Not an awful idea for a spin-off\u2026if Cloris Leachman consents to being prison matron).\n\nFacebookPinterest\n\nWorst Wife of the Week (and, also, Golden Globe winner):\n\n Nicki's convinced that Bill is destined to be the prophet of Juniper Creek since Roman died. It was basically the worst idea for the family since he/God decided the scene before that they should enter the political arena. She also confessed to Margie that she's not sure if she loves Bill anymore. Which isn't that surprising. He won't give her any in bed and, more shockingly, he invited J.J. Shifty Eyes\u2014the old creepy dude that knocked her up as a kid\u2014over to dinner since they're now sharing custody of their daughter. Nothing says I love you back like inviting your teenage rapist over for spaghetti! WTF, that was weird.\n\nCreepy cult moment of the night: \n\n Shifty Eyes HAS NO FINGERNAILS. Allyssa Lee from the L.A. Times pointed out that it may be a genetic mutation linked to inbreeding, which is probably the case, but still freaky.\n\nFacebookPinterest\n\nAmanda Seyfried's first fake-out goodbye party of the season:\n\n She's gotta be turning down big scripts left and right to continue with Big Love's rigorous shooting schedule. (I mean she's working with heavyweights like Meryl Streep and Julianne Moore on her days off). And this week, I was pretty sure this whole top-secret City Hall wedding with her boyfriend was her way of writing her character off. I figured she'd just split and move to Boise or Tucson or wherever disgruntled ex-polygamist teens reacting to their nut-job parents go to pop out a few with their man/boy husbands. Then, after a bout of cold feet, she wimped out and agreed to have Poppa Bill give her a \"Celestial wedding.\"\n\nMoment we'd like fact-checked by The Church:\n\n Not exactly sure what a proper Latter-Day Saints \"Celestial wedding\" entails but is it really supposed to be performed in a backyard by the pool, without props, to a Passion Pit track? Just wondering, if any bishops are reading this.\n\nThe something-more-taboo-than-polygamy award goes to Alby. Remember the dude he banged in the park last episode while \"bird-watching\"? Turns out that guy, Dale, has been appointed by the state to manage the compound's assets (get it?) since Roman's death. And Dale, the closeted-lawyer that he is, volunteers at one of those ex-gay recovery centers as a counselor, though he totally lost his 90-day coin last week. Alby's ready for seconds, so he busted in mid an \"I totally dig chicks now\" confession and mad-dogged Dale during group therapy. Then, after the session, he open-mouth kissed him in public in Utah! Which is akin to like burning a picture of the Pope in the Vatican or spitting out gum on the sidewalk in Japan or something that bad. Props, man."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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