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"When I was a teen and would see R-rated movies with my parental units, I&amp;#x27;d pull a Angela Bassett from What&amp;#x27;s Love Got to Do With It and start feverishly chanting &amp;quot;Nam Myoho Renge Kyo&amp;quot; in hopes there wasn&amp;#x27;t a love scene because that would make the car ride home very awkward. But now that I&amp;#x27;m an adult, when I see TV-MA on HBO, I react the way I do when I remember that it&amp;#x27;s my friend&amp;#x27;s birthday without getting a reminder from Facebook: Basically, because I&amp;#x27;m not 15, I don&amp;#x27;t go banana sandwich because there&amp;#x27;s sexy times in a film. This is not to say that I don&amp;#x27;t like them; I do. It just ain&amp;#x27;t my first time at the rodeo. So, these days, I get more excited about hilariously bad love scenes because a bunch of people had to join forces like Captain Planet&amp;#x27;s Planeteers to create them, and I love me a good group epic fail. I know I can&amp;#x27;t be the only one who feels this way. That&amp;#x27;s why I&amp;#x27;m getting the ball rolling on this conversation by sharing with you with my list of the most ridiculous love scenes and in the comment section below, you can let me know what are yours. Let&amp;#x27;s get to it, shall we? (WARNING: The videos in this post are super-duper NSFW. So please, please don&amp;#x27;t allow yourself to get caught reading this when you should be autosumming in Excel or watching Dora the Explorer with your daughter.) Shoot Em Up In this 2007 action movie, Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci have sex while he&amp;#x27;s killing assassins. That makes about as much as sense as having sex while doing anything else! Hooking up is not the time for multitasking. Unless the guy is grabbing a boob and the vajayjay like a rock-climbing instructor does a rock-climbing wall. In that case, get your multitask on. Anyway, this lack of focus is not the most absurd thing about this scene. That would be the fact that Owen and Bellucci aren&amp;#x27;t fooling around in the simple missionary style. They&amp;#x27;re doing intricate spinning around like they&amp;#x27;re Brian Boitano doing a triple Salchow at the 1988 Winter Olympics. Oh, did I also mention that Bellucci&amp;#x27;s newborn baby is just chilling in the bathtub like a knocked-over bottle of Garnier Fructis shampoo as all of this is going on? 10 Things He&amp;#x27;s Thinking When You&amp;#x27;re Naked Gigli So you know how one of the prerequisites for being a lesbian is being a walking and talking JoAnn Fabrics arts and crafts factory (a.k.a. liking scissoring)? Turns out Hollywood doesn&amp;#x27;t care about that as evidenced by Gigli, the cinematic turd that put both of its stars&amp;#x27;&amp;amp;#8212;Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck&amp;amp;#8212;careers on life support. The movie is written by a guy (of course) because in it, Lopez is a lifelong lesbian who is &amp;quot;turned&amp;quot; straight by Affleck&amp;#x27;s dimwitted junior mafia character mere moments after her girlfriend attempted suicide. Barf. Look, I believe that sexuality can be fluid, but it makes zero sense for her to be attracted to his lame-ass. #RealTalk, it takes a lot for people to change their sexuality when, for their entire life, they were one way. For instance, I have tons of pretty girl friends with pretty good Tumblr pages, and I&amp;#x27;m still on Team Sauseege. Bottom line: If an awesome Tumblr page doesn&amp;#x27;t do the trick, then certainly a doofus in a white tank top won&amp;#x27;t either: Ben Affleck &amp;amp;amp; Jennifer Lopez Hot Love Sex Scene by Schutzengerl1205 Howard the Duck Shout-out to all the parents who let their kids watch this movie without explaining to their children about the whole almost bestiality thing. My mom and dad straight-up treated that subject like I do when I see there are bad ingredients on a box of food I&amp;#x27;m about to buy: a.k.a. I pretend I didn&amp;#x27;t read them and purchase the food anyway. My parents pretended the following foolishness didn&amp;#x27;t happen, so they didn&amp;#x27;t press stop on the VCR after this: Team America: World Police Like all the other clips on this list, this is funny. The only difference is that actually was South Park&amp;#x27;s Matt Stone and Trey&amp;#x27;s intention when they wrote the movie, which is about a North American anti-terrorist team portrayed by marionettes. Team America is full of laugh-out-loud moments, but one of my favorites is this sex scene. It&amp;#x27;s a commentary on how sex, especially in Hollywood films, can be silly. If you don&amp;#x27;t laugh at this, there&amp;#x27;s something wrong with you: Team america - uncensored puppet sex scene by sutter-cane 30 Sex Tips Every Woman Should Consider Before Age 30 Last Tango in Paris Hollywood, I&amp;#x27;m tired of seeing love scenes where the woman&amp;#x27;s butt is exposed like the Coppertone girl, while the guy is fully clothed. Take Last Tango In Paris, for example. How in the hell is Marlon Brando having sex with Maria Schneider when she has no undies on, yet his pants are still up around his waist? Not that I&amp;#x27;m dying to see middle-aged Brando buns, but sex needs to make sense in order to be believable. Finally, using butter as lube? I&amp;#x27;m scarred for life: Crank The premise of this movie is simple. Jason Statham has poison running through his system that will kill him unless he keeps his adrenaline pumping above a certain level. Basically, it&amp;#x27;s Speed but for the human body. Pretty cool, right? Except for the scene where he semi-forces his ex-girlfriend, played by Amy Smart, to have sex with him in public so he won&amp;#x27;t die. Uh, time-out: We all know that as soon as dudes are done having sex, their heartbeats slow down, and they pass out like a someone who just had the Holy Ghost leave his body. In short, Statham would died right as soon as he finished. But putting that logic aside, the most ludicrous part is that Smart, who resists getting it on at first, suddenly and inexplicably gets extremely turned on. Ugh: The Matrix Reloaded Slow-motion sex scenes are beyond stupid. I understand that a lot of love-making is not like Seinfeld&amp;#x27;s George Costanza jackhammering a pothole. Plenty of people take it slow. But when movies portray slow boning, it looks cheesy and silly. And it looks even worse when in slo-mo like in The Matrix Reloaded. Neo (Keanu Reeves) and Trinity (Carrie-Ann Moss) sneak off to get down while the people of Zion are having a rave/orgy. This is supposed to be a centerpiece of the movie, but it&amp;#x27;s just awful: 10 Things Girls ALWAYS Do in Movies and NEVER Do in Real Life The Room Y&amp;#x27;all, thanks to this 17-second scene, I learned two things: 1) that you can O-face before a sex act has begun, and 2) a dude&amp;#x27;s O-face can look similar to Tom Hanks chewing tobacco in A League of Their Own. WTF is wrong with this guy&amp;#x27;s jaw?! If my eyes could unsee, they would most definitely want to unsee this: Showgirls If you ever wondered what it would be like for Nemo to have sex while there&amp;#x27;s a toaster in the water, then this is the scene and movie for you. Most of us have seen this film, in which our darling Jesse Spano a.k.a. Elizabeth Berkley wanted to break out of the Saved by the Bell mold and let the world know she&amp;#x27;s not a teenager anymore. Unfortunately, instead of taking a selfie that was zoomed in on her budding crow&amp;#x27;s-feet and writing the caption: &amp;quot;Grown. Ass. Woman,&amp;quot; she decided to make Showgirls, in which she portrayed a stripper who dreamed of becoming a Vegas showgirl. The movie is full of bad overacting, terrible plot developments, but worst of all, we have another example of a guy&amp;amp;#8212;the director, Joe Eszterhas&amp;amp;#8212;whose understanding of what is sexy is similar to a virgin teenage boy: Showgirls Pool Scene by PatrickDC1991 What do you think about this list? Agree or disagree? What are some of your favorite ridiculous love scenes? Photo: Alamy"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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