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" Maybe she uttered the first angry word. Maybe you did. Either way, you and your good friend are on the outs. You miss her, but you&amp;#039;re ticked off, still hurting -- and stuck. You have no idea how to make things right. Fortunately, we&amp;#039;ve got just the right words to help you get out of this uncomfortable situation, and you can learn to use them. Really, you can.  Step 1: Decide to make the first move.  If you&amp;#039;re thinking, &amp;quot;Hey, I have my pride,&amp;quot; and want to wait for her to call -- well, that&amp;#039;s just misguided, says Paulette Dale, Ph.D., author of &amp;quot;Did You Say Something, Susan?&amp;quot;: How Any Woman Can Gain Confidence with Assertive Communication. &amp;quot;You don&amp;#039;t have to admit you did anything wrong or that you caused the argument,&amp;quot; Dale points out. &amp;quot;All you&amp;#039;re doing is taking the first step toward getting a valuable friendship back on track.&amp;quot;  Sure, picking up that phone is a nerve-racking proposition, but would you rather have that big fight fester inside you for who knows how long? If you still can&amp;#039;t get past your pride, challenge yourself to come up with at least one good reason why she may have acted as she did. It&amp;#039;ll help you see that there are two sides to the story of your fight -- which will make it easier for you to reach out. Step 2: Before you call, know what you want from the conversation.  Do you simply crave a chance to apologize for your part in the blowup? Or would you rather discuss what led to the fight? If you don&amp;#039;t do this bit of prep work, you may (out of nervousness) just mumble something like, &amp;quot;Hi, what&amp;#039;s new?&amp;quot; and pretend the problem never existed, says Holly Weeks, author of Taking the Stress Out of Stressful Conversations. But burying the conflict won&amp;#039;t make it go away; over time, those bad feelings will continue to drive a wedge between you two.  Step 3: Carefully choose your opening line.  Let her know from the get-go that you care about her and the friendship. Two suggested openers from Dale: &amp;quot;We haven&amp;#039;t talked for three weeks and I miss you&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;Listen, I want you to know how upset I am that we had a disagreement. Our friendship means a lot to me.&amp;quot;  Step 4: Be prepared for the brush-off.  Unfortunately, her response could be an icy, &amp;quot;Sorry. This is a bad time for me to talk. Good-bye.&amp;quot; Although that feels like a slap in the face, don&amp;#039;t freak out. Remember, your call is probably catching her by surprise, says Dale, and she may be flooded with emotions at that moment. So give her time. Say good-bye graciously, and maybe in a day or a week, she&amp;#039;ll soften and call you. If not, after a couple of weeks, consider writing her a follow-up note to basically reiterate the simple sentiment above. After that, leave any further overtures up to her. Step 5: Apologize for whatever you&amp;#039;re sorry for.  Taking responsibility for your part says, &amp;quot;Let&amp;#039;s meet halfway and solve this.&amp;quot; Some examples:  If you really feel that you&amp;#039;re in the right, focus on the one thing you obviously do regret: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m sorry that we&amp;#039;ve gone so long without talking. It&amp;#039;s been hard not to have you to discuss life with.&amp;quot;  If you&amp;#039;re sorry that you weren&amp;#039;t very diplomatic during that last unpleasant encounter with your pal, you might say to her, &amp;quot;Listen, I know that I was upset about X that day. I&amp;#039;m sensitive about that particular subject. I&amp;#039;m sorry that I didn&amp;#039;t tell you more nicely that I was having trouble handling it,&amp;quot; suggests Dale.  If you know that something you did or said really upset her, tell her sincerely that you understand, that you regret uttering it and that you didn&amp;#039;t mean to be unkind, recommends Weeks. For instance, try this: &amp;quot;You know, I was wrong to say that your husband doesn&amp;#039;t help you enough with chores. I said it without thinking when I saw how tired you were that day. I&amp;#039;m sorry.&amp;quot;  Step 6: Reinforce positive feelings you have about your friendship.  As in warm words like these: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m sorry that I snapped at you when you showed up late for lunch that day. The truth is, I really look forward to our get-togethers -- they&amp;#039;re the bright spot in my week.&amp;quot; How can she be mad after hearing that?  Step 7: Sign off with optimism.  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m so glad that we got this straightened out&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s great to be talking to you again&amp;quot; should do the trick. And smile as you say it -- your friend will hear the difference. After the call: Call her again soon, just to chat about nothing. Enough with the awkward silence, you know? "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/life/friends-family/how-to/a153/fight-friends-yl/>