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"What are your thoughts on motherhood? Are you comfortable going about life sans kids, but love to dote on your friends and relatives kids? Are you the world&amp;#x27;s coolest aunt, but are child-free yourself, either by choice or circumstance? Calling all god-mothers, aunties, and women who love to dote on kids. Here&amp;#x27;s the book--and the movement--for you... Gals, I am so excited to introduce you to a new friend who I know you will love! Melanie Notkin is the author of the new book, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers, and all Women Who Love Kids. Finally, a guide for women who love kids but may not be mothers, either by choice or by circumstance. Did you know that 50 percent of American women are childless? Melanie has created a movement that I think is amazing (yes, even as a mother of three speaking here!). I&amp;#x27;m the first to admit that motherhood isn&amp;#x27;t for every woman, and Melanie is bringing women together to talk about the subject in a very celebratory way. Here&amp;#x27;s my recent chat with her: Sarah: Tell me about how you started your web site and community for aunts. What was your aha moment that made you want to do this? MN: The moment I saw my nephew for the first time, my world shifted. I instantly felt enormous, prideful love for the little fellow--a love I had never experienced before. And yet, I quickly realized that while my life had changed, I had no badge of honor to show for it. I wanted to be a really savvy auntie, feeling this immense opportunity to give all that I could to this little boy&amp;amp;#133; but there were no modern resources for cosmopolitan aunts like me. Moms and dads have guidebooks, online resources, and each other to turn to. Where was my tribe? Where was my Auntourage? I looked around at my friends, my friends&amp;amp;#8217; friends and then the US Census and discovered that nearly 50 percent of American women are not mothers. How could it be for all that we contribute to the lives of our nieces and nephews and children-not-our-own that we did not have a community? I decided to created one; in the summer of 2008, I launched SavvyAuntie.com, the first online community for cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids. Sarah: I love the idea of celebrating the love of children without having to be a mom to do so. In past years, there has been a stigma, of sorts, around women who didn&amp;amp;#8217;t want to have kids. The stereotype being that childless-by-choice women are selfish or lacking maternal instincts. Let me just say how bonkers I think this thinking is, and I love that you are breaking down this stereotype. Can you discuss this a bit? MN: The Savvy Auntourage is made up of women who do not have children of their own for a multitude of valid reasons, including those who are childfree by choice. For those women, that&amp;amp;#8217;s the right choice. But it hardly means that women who choose not to birth babies don&amp;amp;#8217;t love the children in their lives. In fact, many of these women not only give generously to the children around them, but are also BenevolAunts to children all over the world--just look at Oprah for instance. Every boo boo a childfree woman kisses, every little hand she holds, every hug a woman not the child&amp;amp;#8217;s mother gives, is a gift. What we need to understand is that unlike parenting, aunthood is a choice--not an obligation. Even those who live next door to their nieces and nephews by relation have no legal duty to &amp;amp;#8216;aunt&amp;amp;#8217; them. And yet, they take these kids on magical adventures and become true ConfidAunts as the children get older. So how can anyone call someone who gives with no requirement &amp;amp;#8220;selfish?&amp;amp;#8221; How can a woman who knows she would not be a mother to the degree she feels comfortable? How can we say she does not have a maternal instinct? Her maternal instinct told her she was born to be an aunt. And if we shun her for her choices, what is her incentive to contribute to your family village? Childfree does not mean free of love to give. Sarah: Amen sister! In your new (fantastic!) book, you write about the joy of being an aunt, godmother, etc. Can you talk about this a bit&amp;amp;#8212;the happiness and fulfilling nature of doting on others&amp;amp;#8217; children? MN: Aunthood is a gift. It&amp;amp;#8217;s a celebration! It&amp;amp;#8217;s filled with joy from the moment you first hear you&amp;amp;#8217;ll be an aunt for the first time (Oh! The Auntcipation!) to the moment that baby niece or nephew comes into this world (You&amp;amp;#8217;re a DebutAunt!) to knowing that everything you bestow on your besotted is beloved. When I was in my late thirties, I wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t happy because I focused my life view from where I wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t (a mother) instead of who I am (an aunt). When I realized I&amp;amp;#8217;m not childless, but rather childfull because I choose to actively love the children in my life, I realized what a wonderful gift that is for the children, their parents, and of course, myself. With Savvy Auntie, I rewrote happiness for myself&amp;amp;#133;. And with this Savvy Auntie tribe I&amp;amp;#8217;m hopefully helping others discover the happiness within. Sarah: I&amp;amp;#8217;m sure you get asked this all the time, but would you ever like to be a mom yourself? Is motherhood in the cards for you? MN: I would love to be a mother. From the day I realized there was a Ken for my Barbie, I dreamed of my &amp;amp;#8216;two kid, two car garage&amp;amp;#8217; life. I bought baby name books when I was about 12 preparing for what I imagined was the inevitable. I was a favorite babysitter, nanny and camp counselor. I&amp;amp;#8217;m now 42 and have yet to meet my life partner (although I *know* he&amp;amp;#8217;s out there). I call myself and women like me--women who always believed they&amp;amp;#8217;d be mothers--&amp;amp;#8216;circumstantially infertile.&amp;amp;#8217; Our grief for not being able to have children, while circumstantial and not biological, is just as deep as a couple unable to conceive. Some might even say deeper since our grief is at two levels; we have not found love nor had the children we dreamed of. While the twilight of my fertility is coming, I have no regrets. My choice to wait for love is the right one for me. In fact, studies show that happiness at middle age is more heavily weighted on romantic love than on having had children. Still, I hope for both to arrive. But if I don&amp;amp;#8217;t have children of my own, I have legacy in Savvy Auntie and my positive influence with my nephew and nieces and all the children in my life. Sarah: Thanks for such an honest, heartfelt answer! I have no doubt that many readers will be able to identify with what you said. (And, I&amp;#x27;ll add, you look no older than 25, my dear!) I have to say, also, that when I read through your book, I couldn&amp;amp;#8217;t help but feel giddy about how fun it is to spoil my own nieces and nephews (even though I also have children of my own). There is something really special about an aunt&amp;#x27;s relationship to her nieces and nephews, isn&amp;amp;#8217;t there? She can spoil them and dote on them in a different way than a mother. (For example, my 5-year-old niece and I share a love of &amp;amp;#8220;fancy things.&amp;amp;#8221; I always bring out my dresses and sparkly necklaces when she comes to visit, and she loves it!) MN: A child&amp;amp;#8217;s relationship with his or her aunt is very special. And yes, there is nothing more joyful than making a child giggle with glee. And there&amp;amp;#8217;s no question that aunts have an uncanny way of sprinkling their magic whenever they are with their nieces and nephews. But Aunthood is certainly about more than just great toys and fabulous adventures. The time an aunt spends with her nieces and nephews is what I&amp;amp;#8217;ve dubbed &amp;amp;#8216;QualAuntie Time.&amp;amp;#8217; Every minute we spend focused on that child without the parental obligations moms and dads are duty-bound to uphold, it&amp;amp;#8217;s quality time. It&amp;amp;#8217;s time to read to them, developing their language skills. Playtime is filled with math and science lessons (Bath time! Baking! Bubbles!). We get them outdoors. We let their imaginations flow. We spoil them with love, affection and attention. We make them feel special because they know we choose to make them feel that way. Aunthood is a gift. My book was designed to be a gift for moms and dads so we can be helpful and supportive by learning from it. It&amp;amp;#8217;s a gift for the children as we learn to be savvier aunties for them. And most of all, it&amp;amp;#8217;s a gift for us. Finally, a validation of all that we do for our families, our friends&amp;amp;#8217; families and the entire American Family Village. Thank you so much for stopping by Vitamin G, Melanie! Gals, let&amp;#x27;s continue this conversation: Do you want to be a mom? No, yes? Don&amp;#x27;t you just love how Melanie is creating a new way for us to celebrate aunt-dom!? More reading: *Weird health news: The happiest states have the highest suicide rates... *Vitamin G happiness challenge: Celebrate something--anything!--today... *3 unexpected ways a good mood might impact your health... Join Glamour&amp;amp;#8217;s campaign to stop relationship violence by encouraging women to talk about it. Today, change your Facebook status to &amp;amp;#8220;Join Glamour&amp;amp;#8217;s Tell Somebody campaign: Relationship violence kills 4 women a DAY in the U.S. If you or someone you know is being abused, Tell Somebody. Make sure someone is always listening by texting TELLNOW to 85944. Your $10 donation will help keep the National Domestic Violence Hotline open.&amp;amp;#8221; More Ways to Get Glamour: Visit ShopGlamour.com for cute stuff starting at just $10! Download Glamour Magazine for your iPad! Enter the latest Glamour sweepstakes! Follow us on Twitter! Add us to your iGoogle homepage. Love reading Sarah&amp;#x27;s posts on Vitamin G? Then check out her new novel, The Violets of March (Penguin/Plume), out on April 26! Pre-order your copy at your favorite independent bookstore or here! Photo: Ana Schechter / ANAphoto.net"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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