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" April 3, 2009 Due to a misunderstanding, Hector was so concerned that I was going to sabotage his overtures to Brittany that he took matters into his own hands and friended her on Facebook. The idea of this 53-year-old man, who as far as I know didn&amp;#039;t even own a computer, trying to figure out Facebook both amused and horrified me. I&amp;#039;m sure Facebook is making a killing, but it&amp;#039;s definitely jumped the shark when people like Hector start using it. Anyway, it worked. He got her attention. &amp;quot;The guy writes me the most poetic messages. I figure I should meet him,&amp;quot; she told me. Unfortunately, now I&amp;#039;m even more involved than I was before. Brittany called me the other day to ask if I would escort her to their first date together. &amp;quot;What are you \u2014 15 years old?&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;You can handle this yourself.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;You want this dude putting his hands all over me on the first date?&amp;quot; The thought of it turned my stomach. &amp;quot;No.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Then you better be there to play referee. I&amp;#039;m not going if you&amp;#039;re not there.&amp;quot; The pain and suffering that would cause Hector was just too much to bear, so I agreed to tag along. We all met at a bar around the corner from Brit&amp;#039;s place, the same place where I met that crazy chick who thought I was Luke Wilson. I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure she or her cop brother weren&amp;#039;t there. Despite me urging Hector to keep it cool and casual, he wore a suit to the date and slicked down his hair with what appeared to be Brill Cream (a little dab will do ya). When I introduced him to Brittany, he kissed her hand. Then he pulled out her chair. He ordered champagne, which might have been cool if we weren&amp;#039;t at a bar with dartboards on the walls. It was like being on a date with Clark Gable. I wanted to hide under the table.  But Brittany loved it. She seemed genuinely impressed. When Hector regaled us with an incredibly boring story about a trip to Spain, she lapped it up, resting her head on her hands and batting her eyelashes like a teen girl at a Jonas Brothers concert. She laughed at his corny jokes and gushed about his chivalry and manners. For the life of me I couldn&amp;#039;t understand it, then it occurred to me that maybe this was Brittany&amp;#039;s thing. Some people are attracted to money; some people to power. Brittany liked old people. I looked it up on the Internet. It&amp;#039;s a real thing. She&amp;#039;s a gerontophile.  Eww. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/mens-perspective/a4913/clark-gable-040309/?src=rss>