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"Last fall was supposed to be about work, not romance. I was traveling constantly doing my stand-up comedy, and I told myself women could wait. Then I met Kim and that logic went out the window. Soon I was behaving in ways I never had, even canceling a business trip because she was in my bed and I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t want to leave. Who cared that I&amp;amp;#8217;d pissed off my future employers? I was in love! For the next four months, Kim and I had what felt like a year&amp;amp;#8217;s worth of experiences&amp;amp;#8212;like a microwave relationship. And then it ended. Just like that. One night we rented Knocked Up, ordered Thai food, got into a fight and by the time Katherine Heigl was pregnant, I was single again. It started with a disagreement about going to a party after the movie, and next thing you know, we&amp;amp;#8217;re each running down our list of festering, poisonous grievances. Read on for the biggies&amp;amp;#8212;red flags you might want to look out for in your relationship. 1 I wanted a little appreciation. Our first date was great. I took Kim to dinner at a cozy gastropub, then we walked and ate cupcakes. But after we said good night, I realized she hadn&amp;amp;#8217;t thanked me for the evening. I never thought something like that would have mattered to me but, when it didn&amp;amp;#8217;t happen, I noticed. I later discovered Kim had her ways of expressing gratitude (I still miss her &amp;amp;#8220;wake-up kiss&amp;amp;#8221;), but in my book, saying a simple &amp;amp;#8220;thanks&amp;amp;#8221; to your partner now and then shows them respect, so why not? 2 She didn&amp;amp;#8217;t like my teasing&amp;amp;#8230; I grew up with all brothers, so teasing has always been a way for me to show affection. Kim didn&amp;amp;#8217;t take it that way. After she told me to give her a break, I thought back to past relationships and realized I&amp;amp;#8217;d always poked fun. Yikes, do I have a round of apologetic phone calls to make? 3 &amp;amp;#8230;or my showmanship. I love to leave rambling comedic voice mails. (If I&amp;amp;#8217;m going to force someone to listen to my recorded voice, why not be entertaining?) Kim&amp;amp;#8217;s response to my masterpieces: &amp;amp;#8220;You don&amp;amp;#8217;t have to perform for me. Just be yourself.&amp;amp;#8221; So I began leaving &amp;amp;#8220;Hey, it&amp;amp;#8217;s me, call me back&amp;amp;#8221; messages. And that didn&amp;amp;#8217;t feel like me at all. 4 I felt underdressed&amp;amp;#8230;in bed. After we&amp;amp;#8217;d have sex, she&amp;amp;#8217;d almost immediately put on a tank top, underwear and shorts. It felt awkward: me completely naked and her dressed for the gym! I wondered, Why was she uncomfortable with her body? And what about a round two? 5 She locker-talked about me. One night Kim admitted that she&amp;amp;#8217;d told her roommate, in some detail, what I was like &amp;amp;#8220;down there.&amp;amp;#8221; I felt mortified (and yeah, disrespected). How could I look that woman in the eye again? Admittedly, it helped to learn I&amp;amp;#8217;d received a favorable review. 6 I got text-slapped. Kim&amp;amp;#8217;s texts were rarely fun or flirty. Where were the cheesy smiley faces? The sideways hearts? One night, when I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t get to call her until past midnight, she sent a sarcastic &amp;amp;#8220;thanks for calling. nite.&amp;amp;#8221; She had a right to be annoyed, but I wished she&amp;amp;#8217;d waited to talk through the problem live. Which brings me to our fatal flaw: 7 I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t talk about anything on this list. While I disliked Kim&amp;amp;#8217;s pissed-off texting, at least she was speaking up. I was so intent on things going well that I chose to ignore our issues. Would we have survived if I&amp;amp;#8217;d acknowledged the cracks before we hit the breaking point? Sometimes I wonder if we really are over forever. But there I go again&amp;amp;#8212;telling you what I should really be telling her. Jake is a real, live single guy&amp;amp;#8212;give him ideas for his next column here."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2008/02/jake-breakups>