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" When you stop to think about it, it&amp;#039;s amazing how much time we spend trying to improve our marriages instead of appreciating the good stuff that&amp;#039;s already there -- that almost telepathic ability to draw shared joy from life&amp;#039;s tiny magical moments. But that connection is always around, and it&amp;#039;s relatively easy to uncover. Here are 20 heartfelt insights from couples across the country that just may inspire you to rediscover what you love about your own marriage.   1. The Thrills Keep Coming  Blissed-out couples know that one of the perks of marriage is having someone you trust enough to help you indulge your every sexual whim. &amp;quot;Once, my husband and I went to a movie in the the afternoon, when the theater was practically empty,&amp;quot; says Hallie Walker, 33, of Richmond, Virginia. &amp;quot;He leaned over and whispered that he loved me and that I was beautiful. All of a sudden I felt daring. I told him that I loved him too, then started to unzip his pants right there in the theater! I had a skirt on, and afterward he returned the favor.&amp;quot; For 32-year-old Lisa Austin of Spring Lake, North Carolina, sexual thrills took the long-distance route. &amp;quot;The first time my husband and I had phone sex was when he went to New York. We started to have a &amp;#039;what are you wearing?&amp;#039; conversation. I closed my eyes and pictured him doing the things he was saying he&amp;#039;d like to do to me. We do it whenever he is away now, and it&amp;#039;s so personal and exciting!&amp;quot;  One other advantage to sexual adventures with your spouse: Even if things don&amp;#039;t go as smoothly as planned, you don&amp;#039;t have to worry about whether he&amp;#039;ll call you in the morning. 2. Two Heads Are Better Every day we face way too many decisions, starting with &amp;quot;Should I hit the snooze alarm again and get yelled at for being late to my meeting?&amp;quot; and ending with &amp;quot;Should I insist that the kids clean their plates and watch them pitch another fit?&amp;quot; Happily, being married gives you the benefit of a live-in choice-making partner. Says Chris Mosley, 42, of Prior Lake, Minnesota: &amp;quot;After two decades of marriage, I like the fact that if I want to make a decision on my own I&amp;#039;ll get support from my husband. But if I don&amp;#039;t want to make a decision, I know Allen will help me talk it through. The only time this breaks down is when neither of us can decide what to have for dinner. 3. You Never Have to Watch Star Trek Alone No matter how offbeat your interests, chances are you&amp;#039;ve married someone who either shares them or has learned to live with them. Case in point: Christopher Cokinos and Elizabeth Dodd, 37 and 38, of Manhattan, Kansas, are hard-core Star Trek: Voyager buffs. They stop short of going to the conventions, but, says Christopher, &amp;quot;one of the best things about being married is having found someone who not only won&amp;#039;t make fun of me for watching the show, but is eager to curl up next to me on the sofa every Wednesday night and watch it too.&amp;quot; Adds Bonni Goldberg, 40, of Portland, Oregon, &amp;quot;The best thing about being married is having someone to talk books with without having to fit a monthly book club meeting into my schedule. Whenever I bring home a new book, my husband reads it too. Sometimes I have to search our apartment to find it when I want a turn, but it&amp;#039;s worth it when we have our book discussions over dinner or in the car.&amp;quot; 4. Free Advice Is Priceless It&amp;#039;s no secret that men are experts at giving unsolicited advice, usually when you just want to vent. But when you&amp;#039;ve been pondering a dilemma for days or even weeks, your husband can be an invaluable sounding board. You&amp;#039;re thinking, &amp;quot;I want a raise, but is this the right time to ask for it?&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;How can we get out of going to my parents&amp;#039; house for Thanksgiving without hurting their feelings?&amp;quot; Your husband has the perfect combination of life experience of his own and experience with you to help answer these questions. &amp;quot;My husband is great at helping me find solutions to problems,&amp;quot; says Jennifer Morris, 28, of Red Bank, N.J. &amp;quot;A few months ago, I had a problem with a coworker who was taking credit for work I did. After talking to my husband, I realized that I should confront this woman and tell her I didn&amp;#039;t appreciate what she was doing. He even helped me write out exactly what I was going to say to her. 5. Pillow Talk Keeps You Close There are few better ways to end a busy day than having a relaxing conversation with your mate. &amp;quot;The best part of my marriage is talking about the day&amp;#039;s events in bed every night and then holding each other in the same position until we fall asleep,&amp;quot; says Glenna Osborn, 38, of Lee&amp;#039;s Summit, Missouri. And -- we kid you not -- men like to talk too. Says Michael Moore, 41, of Nederland, Texas, &amp;quot;My wife and I can talk for hours. She is my soul mate.&amp;quot; Adds David Groff, 33, of Brooklyn, New York: &amp;quot;Not only does my wife let me rant and complain about life, she also listens to my weird ideas about it. In the middle of the night, she&amp;#039;ll discuss why things are the way they are and the meaning of it all.&amp;quot; 6. You&amp;#039;re the Yin to Balance His Yang The idea that opposites attract is one of the oldest cliches in the book, but many successful marriages confirm it&amp;#039;s true. High-strung women often gravitate toward low-strung types, and manic men generally seek out soothing partners. Gamin Dobbie, 38, of Gainesville, Florida, loves having a husband who balances her moods. &amp;quot;I have high highs and very low lows,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;Fortunately, Billy is right there in the middle to keep me from going too far either way.&amp;quot; 7. Someone Else Can Clean the Guinea Pig&amp;#039;s Cage Marriage means going halfsies on all life&amp;#039;s good experiences -- and splitting up the nasty jobs too. Daneena Perry, 27, of Altadena, California, says life is a lot less stressful when there are two people working to get all those endless little chores done. Another bonus: having someone to take an errand off your hands altogether. Notes Bonnie Soodak, 31, of New York City: &amp;quot;I know I can count on Justin to walk the dog when it&amp;#039;s zero degrees or when I&amp;#039;m late to work. 8. There&amp;#039;s Someone to Say, &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re Right, Honey&amp;quot; After a day you wouldn&amp;#039;t wish on your worst enemy, you&amp;#039;ve just staggered into the house with a load of groceries bursting through the bottom of a soggy paper bag. Is there anything that could make you feel better than a spouse who sympathizes with your rant about the clerk who didn&amp;#039;t wrap the ice cream separately in plastic? One wonderful perk of marriage is knowing that someone is there to support you no matter what the circumstances. Even better, says Soodak, &amp;quot;Being married means always having someone to take my side in arguments with my parents.&amp;quot; 9. You Always Have a Saturday-Night Date Remember the fear that used to grip you in your single days when you realized on a Friday afternoon that you had zilch on your social agenda for the weekend? Being married means that even when you&amp;#039;re doing nothing, you&amp;#039;re spending quality time together. Most weekend nights, Perry and her husband rent movies and cuddle on the sofa. Says Perry: &amp;quot;There&amp;#039;s nowhere else I&amp;#039;d rather be.&amp;quot; While the weekend benefits of marriage are good, the holiday perks are better. To wit: You always have someone to kiss at midnight on New Year&amp;#039;s Eve. Even if husband sometimes misses an anniversary or buys you a vacuum cleaner for your birthday, at least you can look forward to Valentine&amp;#039;s Day, knowing that Cupid&amp;#039;s arrow has already struck. 10. &amp;quot;Go for It!&amp;quot; Is a Beautiful Thing to Hear Stuffed in my hall closet are the following: two 10-speed bicycles, two pairs of Rollerblades, two pairs of rock-climbing shoes, two gardening trowels and a pair of tennis rackets. When I bought those items, I couldn&amp;#039;t imagine putting any of them to use without Dave learning right alongside me. Sure, it was my bright idea to take rock-climbing lessons on a 180-foot-high cliff -- but there&amp;#039;s no way I would have made it to the top if my husband hadn&amp;#039;t been equally game, and equally scared. We all have a love-hate relationship with pushing ourselves in new directions, and having a partner as backup can be the swing vote that gets us going. 11. No One Pampers You Better Husbands and wives can be terrific at doing little indulgent things for each other that they don&amp;#039;t have the time, energy or wherewithal to do for themselves. &amp;quot;My husband brings me coffee and the newspaper in the morning, and hot fudge sundaes in bed at 9pm,&amp;quot; says Lee Montgomery, 40, of Portland, Oregon. &amp;quot;In exchange, I cook him dinner.&amp;quot; While food favors do the trick for some couples, for others happiness may come in the form of foot rubs, surprise gift-giving or running a nice hot bath. 12. There&amp;#039;s Nothing Like Beating the Odds Call it marital pride. There&amp;#039;s a definite feeling of accomplishment that married people experience with each anniversary that passes, knowing you&amp;#039;ve stared down the ever-looming 50 percent divorce rate and come out on the winning side. Aside from being a commitment, an expression of love and a worldwide institution, being married is a real achievement. 13. Spouses Are Better Than Prozac Marriage is great therapy for raising your spirits and self-esteem, mainly because it&amp;#039;s all about unconditional love. Theresa Claunch, 33, of Montezuma, Georgia, appreciates being with &amp;quot;someone who makes me feel special, needed and wanted.&amp;quot; 14. You Can Be Bad Together &amp;quot;Whatever time it is, day or night,&amp;quot; says Dona Bengson, 33, of Batavia, Illinois, &amp;quot;I can give my husband the look that only he understands. As soon as he sees what we call the Pout Lip, he&amp;#039;ll ask, &amp;quot;Which do you want, a Dairy Queen Blizzard or a Cappuccino Blast from 31 Flavors?&amp;quot;  We spend an awful lot of our lives denying ourselves things that feel good: &amp;quot;No, I can&amp;#039;t have 15 more minutes of sleep,&amp;quot; &amp;quot;No, I can&amp;#039;t scream at my boss,&amp;quot; &amp;quot;No, I can&amp;#039;t drive really fast,&amp;quot; and we usually feel enormously guilty when we give in to what we want unless we have a partner in crime. There&amp;#039;s nothing better than saying, &amp;quot;Maybe I&amp;#039;ll skip the gym tonight,&amp;quot; and hearing your husband reply, &amp;quot;Great, I&amp;#039;ll rent a movie. 15. You Can Create the Home Life You Always Wanted Most of us have some regrets, large and small, about our childhoods. Maybe you didn&amp;#039;t get hugged as much as you wanted or wished that you had a larger family. But even if you felt deprived of nothing more than a Betsy Wetsy doll, being married provides the opportunity to do things your way and create your own ideal family. Says Bengson: &amp;quot;I love giving my kids the family that neither my husband nor I ever had. Our parents weren&amp;#039;t emotionally supportive, and we&amp;#039;ve learned how to be kinder, gentler parents and not to be as negative as they were.&amp;quot; Adds her husband, Ed, 34: &amp;quot;The woman I&amp;#039;m with now is the woman I dreamed about as a kid growing up. She is the person I wanted to start a family and grow old with. She&amp;#039;s made all my dreams come true.&amp;quot; 16. You Can Help Each Other Grow The stable presence of someone else in your life can even help you achieve your own idea of success, both personal and professional. Lisa Considine, 35, of Lake Forest, Illinois, says it best: &amp;quot;Your future is tied to someone else&amp;#039;s, so he&amp;#039;s there to help you if there&amp;#039;s something you want to do.&amp;quot; Your spouse can continue in a job with benefits and health insurance, while you, say, work as a consultant. &amp;quot;Then a few years down the road,&amp;quot; says Considine, &amp;quot;you may have the chance to help him realize his dream.&amp;quot; 17. You&amp;#039;ve Got Someone Who Knows You Better Than You Know Yourself On those few occasions when your usually faultless judgment is clouded by stress or emotion, a longtime partner can step in and provide the perspective. Considine was seriously considering taking a high-pressure job that involved making snap decisions and drumming up a minimum of $4 million in business each year. She mulled it over for a while until, she relates, &amp;quot;My husband said, &amp;#039;You stay up nights worrying whether you should use an ampersand versus an and in a memo. How are you going to be happy in that position?&amp;#039;&amp;quot; Your spouse knows you better than anyone and will tell you the truth -- not just what you want to hear. Adds Eric Ottem, 38, of Portland, Oregon: &amp;quot;You make the same mistakes a few times over the years, but marriage, after enough time and stress, helps you discover yourself. 18. There&amp;#039;s Always Someone to Come Home To I&amp;#039;ve always believed that missing somebody is better than not having anyone to miss, and that the best part about traveling on business is coming home and sleeping in my own bed with my husband. You don&amp;#039;t have to leave town to enjoy this feeling. Says Marcey Siefken, 29, of Burlington, Iowa: &amp;quot;The best thing about being married is that moment every day when I come home from the office to find him standing in the garage, tinkering with his projects, and he stops whatever he is doing and kisses me.&amp;quot;  Willa Givich, 30, of Reeds Spring, Missouri, relishes the same feeling this way: &amp;quot;I know tonight my best friend is coming home, and I can&amp;#039;t wait to see our son&amp;#039;s face light up when he sees his daddy come through the door.&amp;quot; 19. You Get Compliments on Your Macram\u00E9 Bird Feeder For the past few years, I&amp;#039;ve been collecting antique buttons -- a hobby my friends ridicule because all I do with the buttons is put them in a jar. Still, my baseball-watching, Rolling Stone-reading husband will stop whatever manly activity he&amp;#039;s engaged in to ooh and aah over a new button acquisition. Michelle Beekman, 43, of Largo, Florida, loves that her husband &amp;quot;puts up with all the animals I bring home -- seven cats, two dogs, one iguana, seven rabbits, two turtles, and two chickens -- and cares for them as much as I do.&amp;quot; Adds Groff (he of the middle-of-the-night meaning-of-life conversations): &amp;quot;I have a passion for painting military miniatures, and not only does my wife make time and space for me to paint, but she&amp;#039;ll compliment my work and be tolerant of my insecurity about it. She probably couldn&amp;#039;t care less about model painting, but she&amp;#039;ll come over and say, &amp;#039;That&amp;#039;s nice.&amp;#039; And she&amp;#039;ll keep saying it when I ask 30 times if she really means it.&amp;quot; 20. You Have a Past and a Future To some, the best thing about being married is looking forward. Rob Olsson, 33, of Owings Mills, Maryland, married 18 months, says that because he and his wife are both busy working and going to school, &amp;quot;there&amp;#039;s not a lot of room to dream of what we want in the present. But this just makes thinking of our future together twice as exciting.&amp;quot; Alison Creamer, 28, of Virginia Beach, Virginia, says, &amp;quot;I love knowing we have a future together. You can think many days ahead and see the person you love turn gray and wrinkled, and still think he looks as good as ever.&amp;quot; To others, the joy of marriage is in looking back on the memories you&amp;#039;ve created together. Says Beekman, married 19 years: &amp;quot;I love and cherish each passing year because my husband and I connect on a level that cannot be achieved with anyone but a longtime spouse -- old jokes between you, shared history, the struggle to raise your children and gain financial stability, having someone support all your decisions, accepting your bad moods and helping your aches feel better; someone who helps you grow in ways you didn&amp;#039;t know you could.&amp;quot; "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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