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"I threw up on the way to the mediator&amp;#039;s office today. I had to pull the car over and everything. I got there early, headed to the ladies&amp;#039; room, freshened up, chewed some mint gum, and settled in to wait for Peter to arrive. Then I started shaking. I don&amp;#039;t know why. I picked up my phone and frantically texted a friend (and if you know me, you know I&amp;#039;m under serious duress if I&amp;#039;m texting anyone but my kid). &amp;quot;Help!&amp;quot; I typed. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m falling apart!&amp;quot; Then I erased it, and wrote again. I told her I was nervous and it was stupid to be nervous. She texted back that he should be the one shaking, not me. I love my friends. It&amp;#039;s only a quarter century of a life we&amp;#039;re burying here. I have no idea why it affected me so strongly.  Then he showed up and we made small talk and the mediator arrived and gave us an overview and we talked finances, custody and debt so that she could get an accurate picture of where we were and where we both wanted to be. It was civil, and of course, nothing was decided firmly today - she was just putting the puzzle pieces together. And then Peter made a gesture that was wholly unexpected. And kind. A financial gesture, even. I still can&amp;#039;t believe it as I replay it in my head, though really, I could have insisted on it anyway. I was just being nice not doing so. He was being nicer, and giving it to me anyway.  It almost made things harder. Like I got a momentary glimpse of the guy I fell in love with. The guy his parents raised him to be. The kind, compassionate guy. I felt the tears sting my eyes and I bit my lip hard because I thought if he had that kind of humanity in him three years ago, maybe we wouldn&amp;#039;t be here at all in this office, at this conference table with a stranger discussing how best to not have a life together anymore. So I left with a packet of information, and a promise from the mediator that we would be receiving worksheets and a list of items she needs, and I drove to work with tears streaming down my face.  Day one of mediation, and I&amp;#039;m still breathing. I&amp;#039;ll take it. [Follow Ellie on Twitter and Facebook] "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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