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" Q: I truly care about my 16-year-old stepdaughter, but she&amp;#039;s driving me crazy. Since I married her father three years ago, she has become increasingly rude and disrespectful to my children and me. When I ask her to stop, she&amp;#039;ll say, &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re not in charge of me.&amp;quot; I&amp;#039;m at my wit&amp;#039;s end, because she&amp;#039;s failing in school, experimenting with teenage things, and lying about everything. What can I do to keep myself sane, and my children from having to observe this behavior? --A.H., 34, FLORIDA A: I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for you. But I also think back to how hard being a teenager is. On top of trying to figure out her identity, your stepdaughter is probably still finding her place in your new family. Friends of mine who have gone through this say that the biggest mistake a stepmom can make is trying to act like the child&amp;#039;s mother instead of being more of a trusted adult friend. Letting her know that you get how tough these changes have been on her can go a long way. My girlfriends say that carving out some one-on-one time with their stepkids, doing stuff they like, has helped. Once you&amp;#039;re able to connect with her on a level that matters to her, things will start to turn around. The more she feels understood by you, the more she&amp;#039;ll feel loved--and that&amp;#039;s exactly what she needs. Talk to Soleil Send questions about your complicated friend, family, marriage, or work situations to soleil@redbookmag.com and include your initials, age, and state, or tweet us @redbookmag with the hashtag #Soleil. Questions may be edited for clarity and length. Check out Soleil&amp;#039;s perfectly imperfect adventures in parenting on moonfrye. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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