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"Don\u2019t Miss: Celebrities, Unfiltered: Stars Show Off Their Own Crass Acts I never liked the penis game. Come on, you know it: Someone says penis softly, another says it louder, and so on until you&amp;amp;#8217;re both screaming PENIS at the top of your lungs in a public place. Made me cringe in the library in junior high; makes me cringe remembering it now. My best friend, however, loved the penis game, and to this day she&amp;amp;#8217;s embraced a kind of crassness more commonly attributed to men. &amp;amp;#8220;I have to go take a poop,&amp;amp;#8221; she announced the other weekend while we were getting ready to go out. &amp;amp;#8220;I&amp;amp;#8217;m a hairy monster&amp;amp;#8221; is a regular line of hers when she&amp;amp;#8217;s in need of a bikini wax. And she once blurted out &amp;amp;#8220;I have a B.O. problem&amp;amp;#8221; to my slightly stunned boyfriend and me over dinner. For years I&amp;amp;#8217;ve reacted to her overshares with amusement, giggling like a third grader as others raised their eyebrows in mock horror at her unfiltered crudeness. Except now she&amp;amp;#8217;s the normal one. Everyone&amp;amp;#8217;s getting in on my friend&amp;amp;#8217;s act. From Boston to Burbank, women are playing the modern version of the penis game: They&amp;amp;#8217;re lamenting their bodily functions at brunch, discussing vaginas on national talk shows and even cursing&amp;amp;#8212;like real cursing, none of this crap crap&amp;amp;#8212;in the workplace. So how did we get here? Let&amp;amp;#8217;s travel back to 2009, when this penchant for poop, pee, shit and fuck hit the mainstream. That&amp;amp;#8217;s when Snooki, tanned trendsetter, burst into our living room, shouting, &amp;amp;#8220;I&amp;amp;#8217;m going to Jersey Shore, BITCH!&amp;amp;#8221; Snooki&amp;amp;#8217;s habit of talking about her vagina as if it were the ninth beach-house roommate quickly became her signature bit. &amp;amp;#8220;My vagina is killing me,&amp;amp;#8221; she announced on a season-three episode. But vagina was just the tip of her verbal iceberg. &amp;amp;#8220;Every time I get really excited, like if we go to a club, I have to poop my pants,&amp;amp;#8221; she bragged. &amp;amp;#8220;If we go to a party, I have to poop my pants. If I go on a date&amp;amp;#8230;I have to poop my pants.&amp;amp;#8221; Granted, Snooki is a national punch line, bless her orange heart, and no one&amp;amp;#8217;s holding her up as an example of the kind of woman you should aspire to be. But while we&amp;amp;#8217;re rolling our eyes at her, crass culture is spreading&amp;amp;#8212;fast. In Bad Teacher, the response of Cameron Diaz&amp;amp;#8217;s character after learning that school&amp;amp;#8217;s starting is &amp;amp;#8220;Fuck my ass.&amp;amp;#8221; And on TV the word vagina, which as recently as 2007 was so quaintly referred to as the va-jay-jay, is this season&amp;amp;#8217;s trendy punch line. In ABC&amp;amp;#8217;s Suburgatory, the teen protagonist, Tessa, comments on a pair of short shorts: &amp;amp;#8220;You know what else it shows off?&amp;amp;#8221; she asks. &amp;amp;#8220;Your vagina.&amp;amp;#8221; Whitney Cummings, the creator of Whitney and cocreator of 2 Broke Girls, told Glamour, &amp;amp;#8220;I dispense vagina jokes like a candy machine.&amp;amp;#8221; Even big-name celebrities are getting in on the game: Gwyneth Paltrow recently called her grandmother &amp;amp;#8220;a real cunt&amp;amp;#8221; on Chelsea Handler&amp;amp;#8217;s late-night show. Cunt? That&amp;amp;#8217;s&amp;amp;#8230;intense. Maybe I&amp;amp;#8217;m just a big, lame prude, but I feel sad for Gwynnie&amp;amp;#8217;s grandma! (As Liz Lemon says in a 30 Rock episode titled &amp;amp;#8220;The C-Word&amp;amp;#8221;: &amp;amp;#8220;I&amp;amp;#8217;m not upset by cursing. I love cursing&amp;amp;#8230;. But this word is not acceptable!&amp;amp;#8221;) So is C-word-ville where we&amp;amp;#8217;re all headed? And do we really want to hang out there? I asked a number of twentysomething women whether they&amp;amp;#8217;ve noticed a rise in crudeness; the answer was a resounding yes. &amp;amp;#8220;We&amp;amp;#8217;re definitely more crass than we used to be,&amp;amp;#8221; says Marina Matteo, 22, an assistant in New York City. &amp;amp;#8220;I don&amp;amp;#8217;t think anyone strives to be Snooki, but she made it OK to push boundaries. Women have started to speak more like guys do, maybe because we think, If they can do it, why can&amp;amp;#8217;t we?&amp;amp;#8221; She&amp;amp;#8217;s got a point. Going against our parents&amp;amp;#8217; mandate to be prim and proper can feel liberating and delicious. It&amp;amp;#8217;s one of the reasons I enjoy my penis-game friend&amp;amp;#8217;s company: It&amp;amp;#8217;s exhilarating to hang with someone who&amp;amp;#8217;s so pointedly unladylike. And clearly, we&amp;amp;#8217;re just getting used to it. &amp;amp;#8220;I think our tolerance for what is edgy is changing,&amp;amp;#8221; Cummings recently said to The New York Times. &amp;amp;#8220;We&amp;amp;#8217;re getting a little desensitized, so sometimes you have to be more and more shocking because now you have YouTube and the Internet.&amp;amp;#8221; True, it&amp;amp;#8217;s far too easy to be our basest selves when we&amp;amp;#8217;re online. But that behavior and desensitization has spread to the real world, in part because of our attention-getting culture. Nowadays everyone is trying to be heard, make a name for herself, be a star! And shouting vagina from the rooftops is definitely one way to get noticed. For some historical perspective, I spoke to Regina Barreca, Ph.D., professor of English and feminist theory at the University of Connecticut. &amp;amp;#8220;This isn&amp;amp;#8217;t exactly a new phenomenon,&amp;amp;#8221; she notes. &amp;amp;#8220;It&amp;amp;#8217;s the same as when women raised their hemlines above their knees or cut their hair at the beginning of the twentieth century. Anytime women make public declarations of independence, it shocks the culture.&amp;amp;#8221; Yet doing what men do doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t always bring equality, Barreca points out: &amp;amp;#8220;Snooki and her cohorts are becoming caricatures without any self-respect.&amp;amp;#8221; And when crassness replaces actual humor, she adds, it falls flat: &amp;amp;#8220;Just saying the word vagina doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t automatically make you witty.&amp;amp;#8221; Sarah Raike, 23, a physical therapy aide in Seattle, agrees. &amp;amp;#8220;Being crude is immature and disrespectful in public,&amp;amp;#8221; she says. &amp;amp;#8220;And girls do it to impress the boys.&amp;amp;#8221; Raike is onto something: Some women, I suspect, are vulgar because they think it&amp;amp;#8217;s what men want. &amp;amp;#8220;There&amp;amp;#8217;s nothing better than a pretty girl with a nasty mouth,&amp;amp;#8221; Justin Timberlake said recently. &amp;amp;#8220;It&amp;amp;#8217;s every guy&amp;amp;#8217;s fantasy.&amp;amp;#8221; Should we indulge them? Not necessarily: &amp;amp;#8220;We shouldn&amp;amp;#8217;t be forced into becoming clownish versions of ourselves&amp;amp;#8221; to get some guy&amp;amp;#8217;s attention, says Barreca. Also, look closely at Timberlake&amp;amp;#8217;s statement and you&amp;amp;#8217;ll notice the irritating caveat: &amp;amp;#8220;pretty.&amp;amp;#8221; &amp;amp;#8220;Men are only into that kind of behavior when it&amp;amp;#8217;s coming from Cameron Diaz or someone else tiny and blond,&amp;amp;#8221; explains Barreca. &amp;amp;#8220;Put Roseanne Barr in front of them doing the same thing and they recoil.&amp;amp;#8221; That&amp;amp;#8217;s totally annoying, and we shouldn&amp;amp;#8217;t play into it, not even for J.T.&amp;amp;#8212; sigh. Plus, I don&amp;amp;#8217;t think most guys actually desire women who can outcurse and outfart them, and the ones I spoke with confirmed this. &amp;amp;#8220;There&amp;amp;#8217;s one girl who hangs out with us who&amp;amp;#8217;s so raunchy,&amp;amp;#8221; says Patrick, 32. &amp;amp;#8220;The other day she comes out of the bathroom and goes, &amp;amp;#8216;You guys shouldn&amp;amp;#8217;t go in there for a while!&amp;amp;#8217; She thought it was funny, but we were like, &amp;amp;#8216;Gross!&amp;amp;#8217;&amp;amp;#8221; With these barriers coming down, it&amp;amp;#8217;s difficult to know where to draw the line&amp;amp;#8212;and that&amp;amp;#8217;s especially true at work. &amp;amp;#8220;Now it&amp;amp;#8217;s like, Can I say this and this and this to my coworkers?&amp;amp;#8221; worries Jen Hoffman, 24, a public relations exec in New York City. So what do the experts say? Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute, which specializes in all things etiquette, is not anti swearing (she swears!), but she does believe in one key rule: Be aware of your surroundings. &amp;amp;#8220;In some workplaces, it&amp;amp;#8217;s totally fine,&amp;amp;#8221; she says, &amp;amp;#8220;but in others, it&amp;amp;#8217;s viewed as offensive.&amp;amp;#8221; One example? Carol Bartz. In the wake of her high-profile departure from her post as CEO of Yahoo, rumors flew that her excessive cursing had made those around her uncomfortable. (In a recent interview she called Yahoo&amp;amp;#8217;s board a bunch of &amp;amp;#8220;doofuses,&amp;amp;#8221; who &amp;amp;#8220;fucked me over.&amp;amp;#8221; Lady&amp;amp;#8217;s not kidding.) &amp;amp;#8220;You have to think, How do I want to be perceived?&amp;amp;#8221; says Post. Just because Cummings is vagina-happy at 9:00 P.M. doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t mean you can speak like that to your boss at 9:00 A.M. (Unless Cummings is your boss. If so, congrats on your cool job!) I asked Chelsea Handler, who pretty much makes a living off potty humor, if she thinks she&amp;amp;#8217;s contributed to this trend. &amp;amp;#8220;Oh, God, probably, but I don&amp;amp;#8217;t mean to,&amp;amp;#8221; she says. &amp;amp;#8220;That&amp;amp;#8217;s just a part of me&amp;amp;#8230;. It&amp;amp;#8217;s the unfiltered thing.&amp;amp;#8221; Her onstage shtick doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t carry over to real life; during our talk she actually sounded kind of buttoned-up, choosing her words carefully. &amp;amp;#8220;I think language has to be used constructively,&amp;amp;#8221; she says. &amp;amp;#8220;Even if you&amp;amp;#8217;re going to use bad language, use it constructively.&amp;amp;#8221; Which gets me back to my friend. Like Handler, she&amp;amp;#8217;s naturally crass. She&amp;amp;#8217;s not trying to shock anyone or get a guy or make a statement about equality. She just thinks and talks in expletives and extremes. It&amp;amp;#8217;s her, and the crass act is part of her charm. But if it&amp;amp;#8217;s not you, no need to start sprinkling your sentences with curses and bathroom jokes. There&amp;amp;#8217;s no shame in being a big, lame prude. I&amp;amp;#8217;ll be there to welcome you with open arms, and we can still laugh when Chelsea Handler comes on. Because sometimes, you know, that shit&amp;amp;#8217;s funny!"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/2011/12/she-said-whatt>