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" Ah, the holidays. Christmas lights. Eggnog. Baked ham. Presents. Fighting like cats and dogs with your guy. Yep, &amp;#039;tis the season to put a strain on couples everywhere. &amp;quot;Your life pace, obligations, and social and family commitments all go into overdrive around this time of year,&amp;quot; explains Christine Murray, PhD, assistant professor of family counseling at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. &amp;quot;And unfortunately, that added activity \u2014 even if it&amp;#039;s all fun and festive \u2014 can create a lot of tension, frustration, and exhaustion that often hits your relationship hardest.&amp;quot; To ensure you&amp;#039;re not tempted to bitch-slap him under the mistletoe, we&amp;#039;ve compiled a hit list of strategies to keep the love alive throughout this wild party season and all year long.  You spend a jam-packed weekend together going from one party to the next, but come Sunday night, you feel like you haven&amp;#039;t seen your guy at all. &amp;quot;That&amp;#039;s because when you share your space with other people, you pay less attention to each other and it can be a real challenge to feel connected,&amp;quot; says Murray. &amp;quot;Being in the same room isn&amp;#039;t enough to create that intimacy you need to stay close.&amp;quot;   Little check-ins over the course of the night can make all the difference, according to Murray. So before you enter the party, schedule a couple of moments when you will meet up throughout the evening \u2014 say, at 8:30, 9:15, and then 10 o&amp;#039;clock \u2014 even if it&amp;#039;s just to say &amp;quot;Hey, hot stuff&amp;quot; or share a quick story about your night so far. It will keep you both feeling linked and attuned to each other, despite the crowds.   &amp;quot;Also, sometimes just touching each other \u2014 not sexually but lovingly \u2014 while you&amp;#039;re socializing with other people can be enough to make a connection,&amp;quot; says Murray. &amp;quot;Subtle and frequent love signals often have more power than the grandest gestures because they create a feedback loop of affection that tides you over when you don&amp;#039;t have as much time for each other.&amp;quot;   You&amp;#039;re wiped out and tapping your pointy-toed heel at the door while your guy (oblivious to your death stare and flared nostrils) has just launched into his 20-minute snowboarding story in front of a group of fellow party guests. Goodwill toward men \u2014 especially yours \u2014 is the last thing on your mind right now.   Avoid exasperating moments like this by developing a game plan before you even step foot into a shindig. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s unrealistic to map out a play-by-play of the whole season, but if you manage it one bash at a time, you&amp;#039;ll save yourselves a lot of angst,&amp;quot; says Murray.  On your way to each event, hash out the details. How long will you stay? Who&amp;#039;s the designated driver? What&amp;#039;s your secret &amp;quot;let&amp;#039;s hit the road&amp;quot; signal in case his Klingon-speaking colleague corners you? And most important, what&amp;#039;s plan B if one of you wants to stay? &amp;quot;Once you and your man answer these questions, you&amp;#039;ll be on the same page,&amp;quot; says Murray, &amp;quot;so you can relax and enjoy the evening.&amp;quot;   The biggest favor you can do your relationship this Christmas or Hanukkah: Think about how to lighten each other&amp;#039;s load. Here&amp;#039;s why: Any frustration and stress you bottle up has a ripple effect on the relationship. You come home in a shopping funk and your guy&amp;#039;s going to feel it. &amp;quot;So the idea is to figure out how you can work as a team so you don&amp;#039;t compound all the outside stress you encounter,&amp;quot; explains Darlene Mininni, PhD, author of The Emotional Tool Kit.  One way to do that is by playing up to your strengths. For instance, you&amp;#039;re better at picking the gift for his boss, and he has the know-how to identify which power tool your dad doesn&amp;#039;t have, so swap tasks.   Another idea: Rather than feeling strapped because you&amp;#039;re buying extravagant gifts for each other, scale back. Agree to spend 25 or 50 bucks each on an amazing meal or put the cash toward a vacay. The perfect gift could just be time together. And when you&amp;#039;re finally alone for a night, don&amp;#039;t turn it into a big event. Skip getting out the cookbooks and orchestrating a gourmet three-course romantic meal or even making reservations for some fancy dinner that requires, um, clothes. Instead, rent a movie or have a long soak in the tub.  So, your colleague&amp;#039;s boyfriend&amp;#039;s roommate is having a party and really wants you guys to come along. Truth: You&amp;#039;d love a night to chill since you&amp;#039;ve been out constantly this week. But instead of delivering the bad news, you hear yourself say &amp;quot;Cool, sounds like fun.&amp;quot; Okay, this is an intervention: You do not have to attend every event you&amp;#039;re invited to.   &amp;quot;The more functions you commit to, the less you enjoy yourself because you&amp;#039;re exhausted and the more you begrudge the fact that your time is no longer your own,&amp;quot; says Peter Sheras, PhD, author of Couple Power Therapy.   If you want to keep your bond and sanity intact, learn the N word (rhymes with whoa )...and use it.   Think of it as quality control: When you get an invitation in the mail, don&amp;#039;t just mindlessly RSVP. Instead, prioritize what&amp;#039;s important for you both to attend (like your boss&amp;#039;s big shindig), what events you can jettison (like your teen cousin&amp;#039;s basement party) and those soirees you&amp;#039;re each okay attending alone (yes, it&amp;#039;s fine to skip his aunt&amp;#039;s tree-trimming ceremony). &amp;quot;Be honest about how much you can \u2014 and want \u2014 to do,&amp;quot; says Sheras. &amp;quot;This way, you&amp;#039;ll enjoy the parties you agree to and can avoid the fatigue and stress that so often ruins the little time you get to be alone together.&amp;quot;  Those tears in his eyes when you&amp;#039;re wandering around, looking at the Christmas lights in town; well, they&amp;#039;re not tears of joy. &amp;quot;Special holiday traditions you cherish don&amp;#039;t necessarily matter to him,&amp;quot; says Sheras. &amp;quot;And when it comes to sentimentality, guys don&amp;#039;t always get it.&amp;quot;  So in the end, you&amp;#039;re attempting to share &amp;quot;meaningful&amp;quot; moments that may not mean anything to him \u2014 or, possibly, not to you either if you really think about it. &amp;quot;Consider how important each seasonal tradition is to you and why you want to experience it with him,&amp;quot; says Sheras. You may find that some you can ditch, others you&amp;#039;d just as happily share with family and then a few really are about being together. &amp;quot;Once you reduce the number of holiday obligations to those that really matter, he will have more respect for your sentimentality.&amp;quot; And heck, he can return the favor when it comes time to watch the Rose Bowl. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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