<http://schema.org/articleBody>
" Like ice cream, sexual pleasure comes in an astonishing range of flavors -- and everyone has a favorite. But we cheat ourselves -- and our men -- if we insist on always going back for more of the same. A new style may be just what you need to boost the passion meter in your relationship. Try these:  Spiritual When a couple comes together in bed with that deep sense of appreciation for the sheer fact of having each other, it feels like a spiritual awakening -- or reawakening. &amp;quot;Sometimes these soulful encounters come about as a result of some preceding event, like illness or some other crisis,&amp;quot; says Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., a psychologist and marital therapist. &amp;quot;Or a spiritual awakening can develop during sexual intimacy when everything just feels very special and very loving.&amp;quot;  That&amp;#039;s great if the mood just happens, but how do you actually create it? One way is to be open, to notice small moments. And they don&amp;#039;t have to be sexual. As one woman says, &amp;quot;These days my husband and I feel that connection mostly when one of our kids does something that fills us with pride and gratitude. At those moments we exchange a glance or squeeze each other&amp;#039;s hands.&amp;quot; Why not recall that moment while you&amp;#039;re cuddling later in bed? Tell him how you feel just then, and let the same feeling flow into lovemaking.   Lustful Lustful sex can be selfish, selfless, an itch that must be scratched -- right now, thank you, and hurry up about it. But it&amp;#039;s also a way for a woman to enjoy sex for the sake of sex, says Dr. Glass. &amp;quot;Even in long-term marriages, there are times when it feels good to have a quickie.&amp;quot;  What&amp;#039;s great about true randiness is how catching it is. &amp;quot;If my husband isn&amp;#039;t feeling particularly sexy but I&amp;#039;m feeling lust crazed, his mood amps up in seconds,&amp;quot; says one woman. &amp;quot;That feeling of power is a further turn-on for me.&amp;quot;  Still, some women have trouble giving themselves over to gritty sex with their husbands. &amp;quot;I didn&amp;#039;t marry my lust mate. I married my soul mate,&amp;quot; says one wife. &amp;quot;Sex is many wonderful things with my husband, but it was hottest with the wrong men I dated in my twenties.&amp;quot; That doesn&amp;#039;t mean that you and a lusty mood should remain strangers in the night. Funny Being in the &amp;quot;mood&amp;quot; doesn&amp;#039;t always mean strictly serious business. A couple that makes love out of laughter is willing to take themselves lightly. Says Dr. Glass, &amp;quot;You need to be able to laugh with each other when you&amp;#039;re interrupted or someone&amp;#039;s leg gets caught in the sheet -- when the unexpected occurs in bed. You have to be able to tease each other in a caring way.&amp;quot;  They don&amp;#039;t call it fooling around for nothing -- sometimes it pays to nudge the mood into existence. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ve had to teach my husband that lovemaking doesn&amp;#039;t always have to be this Very Serious Event,&amp;quot; says Jenny. &amp;quot;I served on a grand jury for a month during the spring. We didn&amp;#039;t have sex for a month but neither one of us was willing to bring it up. On the last morning of jury duty I woke up early and whispered to my husband, &amp;#039;Last chance to tamper with the grand jury.&amp;#039; Neither of us was sure exactly why the sex had fallen off, but being silly was exactly the right move. The dry spell was over.&amp;quot; Funny sex can be silly, witty, bawdy or one long, delicious tease.   Tender &amp;quot;Be gentle,&amp;quot; the father of the bride stereotypically advised his prospective son-in-law in days of yore. Well, we women are no longer such fragile flowers, but trying a little tenderness still works wonders in the bedroom. &amp;quot;Tender sex is the opposite of lustful, because it&amp;#039;s gentle and slow, with light touches,&amp;quot; says Dr. Glass. &amp;quot;It might incorporate massage, oils, lots of warm kissing. It can be the prelude to an intensely exciting sexual experience or an end in itself.&amp;quot;  Tender lovemaking is a good way to reconnect after an argument.&amp;quot;There&amp;#039;s a way my husband and I come together sexually after a falling out that has the power to calm us emotionally,&amp;quot; says 32-year-old Patsy, recently remarried. &amp;quot;This kind of sexual encounter can be initiated by either one of us, but it&amp;#039;s not about lust. It&amp;#039;s a physical expression of &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;m going to take care of you now!&amp;quot; Angry Aggressive energy can be an aphrodisiac in equal and loving partnerships. Angry sex comes with a warning label: &amp;quot;If you&amp;#039;re angry at each other and really want to reconnect, the sexuality can be used as a bridge back into the relationship, says Dr. Glass. &amp;quot;But if the problems aren&amp;#039;t resolved, if you never go back and work through what made you angry, this can become a dysfunctional pattern that one or both partners eventually tires of.&amp;quot;  Making love mad is a mad love all its own. &amp;quot;Some couples create chaos in order to have the resolution,&amp;quot; says Dr. Barbach. &amp;quot;Devil woman,&amp;quot; my husband calls me the moment my hands meet my hips and my eyes begin to blaze. Do I have the power to turn that dynamic sexy? You bet -- and so do you. Pin him to the bed, straddle his chest and make him behave. Believe me, you&amp;#039;ll have his undivided attention.   Fantasy Ready to turn up the volume on your sex life? Try living out some of those sexual fantasies of yours. &amp;quot;There&amp;#039;s a certain amount of intention involved. You have to want change and then decide to try something new,&amp;quot; says a man I know. And often one partner is more talented in this area than the other. &amp;quot;My wife was the initiator early in our sexual relationship,&amp;quot; he says. &amp;quot;She brought home X-rated videos and dragged me into sex-toy stores. But in the end, it wasn&amp;#039;t so much the toys as the fact that she was willing to experiment that turned me on.&amp;quot;  Another couple made a sexual wish list while they were courting. &amp;quot;It was so much fun that as we became more intimate, we added sexy things to the list and crossed them off as we tried them,&amp;quot; says Sonya. They&amp;#039;ve been married two years, but the wish list continues. Couples who are kinky in the bedroom know that a taste for novelty, an openness to invention, a dash of daring, works wonders. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/sex/advice/a66/289157/>