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" The best doughnut? That&amp;#039;s Peter Pan doughnuts in Brooklyn. It&amp;#039;s a Polish bakery. We shot nearby once for 30 Rock. Its white-cream-filled powdered doughnut. And I really believe, when I first tried it, if I had a penis, I would put it in this doughnut. I finally understand what you guys are thinking about and what motivates you guys. My four-year-old daughter has a pretend hair-and-nail salon, and I was doing her hair and makeup. I said, &amp;quot;Hello ma&amp;#039;am. What&amp;#039;s your name? And what do you do?&amp;quot; And she said, &amp;quot;I get paid to dance at parties.&amp;quot; And I said, &amp;quot;Oh, no. That&amp;#039;s a terrible, terrible answer.&amp;quot;   She says she looks like Barack Obama. I think she heard so many people at that time saying I looked like Sarah Palin, I think she was just trying to get in on that. &amp;quot;I look like Barack Obama.&amp;quot; Okay. Sure.  It&amp;#039;s an honor to work with Mark Wahlberg&amp;#039;s nipples in Date Night [which opens April 9]. They&amp;#039;ve been in a lot of amazing movies and music videos. I&amp;#039;m actually impressed the director, Shawn Levy, got him back to Shirtless Town. Because obviously he&amp;#039;s done some serious movies since he was a Calvin Klein model. He doesn&amp;#039;t have to give us the nipples. I don&amp;#039;t know if it&amp;#039;s that his nipples wanted to work with Steve Carell [with whom she costars in Date Night], or maybe his nipples are fans of The Office. But they showed up. No, I couldn&amp;#039;t see the third nipple. And I was paid to stare at them for a day.   Date Night isn&amp;#039;t just for married people. It&amp;#039;s for all people, regardless of race or creed. If you liked Avatar? Imagine Avatar but everything is 2-D, and everybody&amp;#039;s not blue. The difference between male comedy writers and female comedy writers is that the male ones are taller and weigh more. They also fake-rape each other more. Female comedy writers pretty much never fake-rape each other. The women comedy writers do not urinate in cups around the office.  Sometimes guys like to have an excuse to take their penis out. I&amp;#039;ve said penis twice in this interview. What&amp;#039;s happening?  There are a couple of things I want to impart to ladies who want to be in comedy: One, you don&amp;#039;t have to be weird or be quirky to get your job done. And two, comedy skill is not sexually transmittable. You do not have to sleep with a comedian to learn what you&amp;#039;re doing. Male comedians will not like that advice, but it is the truth. Twitter seems like a busman&amp;#039;s holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I&amp;#039;ll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I&amp;#039;m old-fashioned that way.  I got a fan letter on the back of a prison menu. And I remember thinking, Well, they get pie. It&amp;#039;s not so bad. They get pie on the weekends. I want to say blueberry and also a Boston cream pie. Not so bad.   My daughter wants to be Belle from Beauty and the Beast. She&amp;#039;s a pretty violent Belle. She&amp;#039;ll come in and say, &amp;quot;Gaston is hurt. I&amp;#039;ve killed him with a sword.&amp;quot;  There was an episode where Frank plays this high-pitched sound that only people under forty are supposed to hear. There were internerds who were like, &amp;quot;I could hear the first sound, but I couldn&amp;#039;t hear the second.&amp;quot; And I was like, &amp;quot;Buddies, there was no sound.&amp;quot; It&amp;#039;s like that old SNL William Shatner sketch where he was at a Trekkie convention and was saying, &amp;quot;Have you ever kissed a girl?&amp;quot; The amount of thought \u2014 I love it, but I&amp;#039;m also concerned for these people.  I wrote a play when I was in Chicago \u2014 it was before I learned that plays had to have stories in them \u2014 and I wrote one about Catherine the Great. And she was lamenting the fact that she got bad press, and she said she did all these things, but then &amp;quot;you sleep with one horse and you&amp;#039;re a horsefucker for life.&amp;quot;   I really love cursing a lot. But as I get older, I realize it&amp;#039;s a little unseemly for women of a certain age. But then once you pass sixty-five, you can hit it full tilt again and it&amp;#039;s charming. Once you&amp;#039;re Lauren Bacall&amp;#039;s age, you can be like, &amp;quot;What the fuck.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Shark farts&amp;quot; was one that we ad-libbed that we ended up leaving in. The studio asked us not to leave it in, but we left it in.   We have a new one we&amp;#039;re going to try out. You never know if it&amp;#039;s going to stick. It&amp;#039;s an expression of extreme shock: &amp;quot;Whuck?&amp;quot; I do like to use nerds in real life. Just because I try to stop cursing around my daughter.  Plots we would not do on 30 Rock? Let me put the Internet at ease: Liz and Jack will never be together. Not even if we go fifteen seasons. Okay, if we get to season fifteen, they&amp;#039;ll do it.   Don&amp;#039;t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable. For sketch writers, remember they&amp;#039;re called sketches for a reason. They&amp;#039;re not called oil paintings. Some of them are going to stink. You have to let them stink.  Someone once said that to make a regular person laugh, you need to dress a guy up like an old lady and push him down the stairs. To make a comedy writer laugh, you have to push a real old lady down the stairs. I don&amp;#039;t know who that&amp;#039;s attributed to. I think it&amp;#039;s Aristophanes. Or Catherine the Great.  I spent a lot of time performing for people who did not want to see any kind of performance, let alone one from me. I&amp;#039;d get hired to do an industrial, and I&amp;#039;d be doing sketch comedy at 8:14 A.M. in a hotel ballroom while people were eating breakfast, and the content of the sketch material was to let them know they weren&amp;#039;t getting dental insurance anymore.  Which is what made the Sarah Palin situation so strange. I was like, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ve never been in a situation where someone wanted me to do something. Somebody actually wants me to do this?&amp;quot;   "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/a7244/tina-fey-funny-quotes-040710/>