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"I knew some things about Jennifer Connelly before meeting her. I knew she was beautiful&amp;amp;#8212;it would be difficult not to note that. In person her blue eyes are searing, her small frame at once vulnerable and fierce. I knew she had won an Academy Award for her role in 2001&amp;amp;#8217;s A Beautiful Mind, and after seeing 2003&amp;amp;#8217;s House of Sand and Fog, it was clear to me she was willing to go to dark, disturbing places as a performer. I had read she lived in Brooklyn, but I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t think intense, in-your-face New Yorker when I thought of Jennifer Connelly. But I honestly didn&amp;amp;#8217;t have any real idea who Jennifer Connelly was. Maybe this is an indication that she is a true actor, able to dissolve into characters without an obligation to a home base; maybe it&amp;amp;#8217;s her intense obsession with privacy. Our conversation took place in her house. I have always marveled at how deeply people&amp;amp;#8217;s homes reflect who they are, and although Jennifer, 36, lives with her husband, actor Paul Bettany (The Da Vinci Code), and two children, Kai, 9, and Stellan, 3, I sensed much of this interior world was designed by her. It is elegant, spacious and uncluttered, with fabulous shocks of beauty and style&amp;amp;#8212;a lone vase of pink roses on a vast black coffee table; a romantic flowered upholstered chair that lights up from within. Jennifer got the fireplace going and we talked. It was a few weeks before the release of her new film Blood Diamond, a political thriller costarring Leonardo DiCaprio about the devastating impact of the &amp;amp;#8220;conflict diamond&amp;amp;#8221; industry on the people who live in Sierra Leone (the mined gems fund rebel groups and fuel civil wars). I found Jennifer much like Maddy Bowen, the character she plays in the movie&amp;amp;#8212;smart, savvy and highly animated when discussing her family or human rights. Two hours passed and I realized that while we&amp;amp;#8217;d explored topics from body image to diamonds, what we&amp;amp;#8217;d really had was a great conversation. Listen in. EVE ENSLER: I just saw a screening of Blood Diamond and I am truly haunted by it. The images keep rising up in me. JENNIFER CONNELLY: I think the film is devastating and horrific. It makes a pretty clear statement that one wouldn&amp;amp;#8217;t want to contribute to this bloodshed and suffering. So much that we use in our daily lives is dependent on the exploitation of other people and the destruction of the environment: Think about clothing sweatshops and gold mining. The question becomes how do you consume ethically? EE: If anyone buys diamonds after seeing this film, I will be surprised. JC: I don&amp;amp;#8217;t know that the answer necessarily is to boycott. There&amp;amp;#8217;s the Kimberley Process, a certification program that&amp;amp;#8217;s supposed to prevent conflict diamonds from reaching the marketplace. And everyone who knows more than me seems to think it&amp;amp;#8217;s a very good idea. But there are reports that say conflict diamonds are still reaching the marketplace. EE: Why do people need diamonds? JC: I have pieces with diamonds that are more antique jewelry; some are sentimental, some are just ornamental. I&amp;amp;#8217;ve never bought into the whole &amp;amp;#8220;having a big stone means he loves you more&amp;amp;#8221; thing. But who am I to judge? If you&amp;amp;#8217;re going to buy a diamond, it would be great to think about what you&amp;amp;#8217;re buying and who you&amp;amp;#8217;re buying it from. EE: Your character in the movie, Maddy, is smart. I like that she doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t go the cliched route with Leonardo DiCaprio&amp;amp;#8217;s character. It was nice to see a woman not give up her moral center because she was turned on by someone. Was that ever a question during filming, how far to take things between them? JC: They never had sex in the script, but it was something that was discussed. He&amp;amp;#8217;s done horrible things. He&amp;amp;#8217;s been shown horrible things. He&amp;amp;#8217;s not either all good or all bad, but he&amp;amp;#8217;s still pretty much an asshole. They&amp;amp;#8217;re from such opposite places, so it was kind of hard to figure out what the tone of their relationship should be. How far do they get with each other? EE: It was so great that she&amp;amp;#8217;s a smart woman who&amp;amp;#8217;s also quite sexy. Talk about the complexity of that. JC: I spoke with women who had spent time in places like Sierra Leone, and I was like, OK, so what did you wear? What kind of footwear? Hard-core hiking boots? And they were like, are you kidding? It&amp;amp;#8217;s such a sexy country with a vibrant society and music. These women wore sandals, flip-flops and tank tops, so that&amp;amp;#8217;s what I wore. I don&amp;amp;#8217;t think this sexuality took away from my character&amp;amp;#8217;s devotion and commitment and intelligence. EE: I have read that you&amp;amp;#8217;re a runner, you speak different languages, you attended Stanford, Yale. And your character is also driven. What is this &amp;amp;#8220;driven&amp;amp;#8221; thing? JC: I&amp;amp;#8217;ve always been that way. As a kid I would sit in the front row and do all the bonus questions. My parents would have to tell me to stop doing homework. Even now, I&amp;amp;#8217;m always thinking about all the things I&amp;amp;#8217;m not doing! But I spend a lot of time with my kids. EE: Obviously you love being a mother. JC: It&amp;amp;#8217;s such an overwhelming and all-encompassing love. I marvel all the time, every day. I look at them and think, you&amp;amp;#8217;re so gorgeous, fabulous and funny. It&amp;amp;#8217;s a privilege to have that kind of a relationship with these other people. EE: Did you know you wanted to be a mother? JC: Yeah, I wanted it for a long time. EE: So you were clear on the direction of your life early? JC: In terms of being a mother, absolutely. With work I thought about going in another direction, but never seriously. EE: And where does ambition come in? JC: I&amp;amp;#8217;m very hard on myself. I don&amp;amp;#8217;t want to disappoint myself or other people. I need to have a high standard all the time; I can&amp;amp;#8217;t mess up. I can&amp;amp;#8217;t not do well. Some of it is negative. EE: Do you have self-hatred? JC: I used to have a lot of self-hatred. A lot. It was really rampant. I&amp;amp;#8217;d get really angry at myself and frustrated. I&amp;amp;#8217;ve gotten better at the self-loathing thing. And I finally have gotten myself to a place where I&amp;amp;#8217;m legitimately really happy. I have a place to live. My kids are healthy. Everything&amp;amp;#8217;s good with the husband. Everyone&amp;amp;#8217;s getting along. Now I can really see the patterns that live in me, the weird glitches in my wiring. EE: Were your parents really supportive? JC: Of? EE: You. JC: Yeah, my parents were supportive. EE: There&amp;amp;#8217;s a little reservation there. JC: Yes, my parents were supportive of me. They are supportive of me. Sometimes I don&amp;amp;#8217;t know how I wound up modeling when I was 10, but they were supportive, and everything&amp;amp;#8217;s cool now. EE: Whose idea was the modeling? JC: I don&amp;amp;#8217;t really know. It gave me some interesting things that I had to figure out and work through. I look at girls these days and their mothers tell me, &amp;amp;#8220;My daughter&amp;amp;#8217;s asking &amp;amp;#8216;Do I look fat? Do I look fat?&amp;amp;#8217;&amp;amp;#8221; and they&amp;amp;#8217;re nine years old. Growing up modeling magnified that for me; it was weird to try and get through it. EE: Was it that kind of thing where you never felt like you were pretty enough, skinny enough? JC: Yeah, absolutely. Being watched and asked to perform all the time was difficult for someone with my perfectionist personality. At the time, though, I almost didn&amp;amp;#8217;t really notice how it was affecting me. It was years later, when I was like, oh God, I can&amp;amp;#8217;t go out of the house unless I try on every piece of clothing that I own and I feel repulsive. How did this happen? EE: What was it like to be defined by being beautiful? JC: It&amp;amp;#8217;s uncomfortable to talk about&amp;amp;#8212;there&amp;amp;#8217;s no way to come off right! If you say you are beautiful, you sound obnoxious and if you deny it, doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t that sound obnoxious? It became important to me not to be about that, so when I went to college, I was in the 24-hour law school library all the time. I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t go on any dates. I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t have any friends. I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t go to any parties. I went through my plaid-shirt-and-combat-boots stage&amp;amp;#8212;I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t want to give any of my sexuality and femininity away, or let anyone have it or see it. I think I&amp;amp;#8217;m more comfortable now because I&amp;amp;#8217;m more in control of how my looks are presented. EE: Do you like your body? JC: Yeah, I do. But I go through stages when sort of old ghosts come back. It usually means that I&amp;amp;#8217;m stressed about something else. I don&amp;amp;#8217;t have one spot that makes me crazy. Except for that little piece of skin that sticks up over your bra! EE: Why do women need to feel small? JC: I think it&amp;amp;#8217;s more anonymous to be smaller. For me, when I couldn&amp;amp;#8217;t make peace with my flesh, if I could feel it move, if I could feel it in my chair, it made me more physically conscious. Being smaller made it easier for me to move through space and feel less vulnerable. That thinking crosses a line to being unhealthy, though&amp;amp;#8212;when you need to deprive yourself to accomplish that. And now I think, what&amp;amp;#8217;s the matter with feeling your own weight on the earth? EE: Well, that&amp;amp;#8217;s a good way for me to bring up Amnesty International&amp;amp;#8212; you were named the Ambassador for Human Rights Education [for AIUSA, its U.S. arm] in 2005&amp;amp;#8212;and the Union of Concerned Scientists. They are very much about our place on the earth. JC: Well, I don&amp;amp;#8217;t think we are good stewards of the earth and I don&amp;amp;#8217;t think we look after each other very well. So if we could nurture more awareness with a new generation, that&amp;amp;#8217;s a great way to start changing those things. That&amp;amp;#8217;s why I was happy to get on board with this project with Amnesty. I&amp;amp;#8217;ve spoken at some events on their behalf for their book Mine and Yours: Human Rights for Kids. It&amp;amp;#8217;s to help children understand what their basic human rights are. EE: And what about the Union of Concerned Scientists? JC: They&amp;amp;#8217;re a great group of scientists and citizens working together to try to find practical solutions to environmental problems. They&amp;amp;#8217;re pretty much in sync with what Amnesty is doing. Amnesty&amp;amp;#8217;s thinking is that everyone has basic rights that need to be met and the Union of Concerned Scientists thinks everyone should have clean air and food, and energy and transportation that are produced in a safe and sustainable manner. Their website explains these complicated issues in simple terms. What is global warming? What&amp;amp;#8217;s causing it? How is it going to change our lives? What can I do? EE: So you&amp;amp;#8217;re trying to do work to help in places where we&amp;amp;#8217;ve gone off track. JC: I think we can be more responsible about the way we&amp;amp;#8217;re living on the earth&amp;amp;#8212;researching things like alternative forms of energy and thinking about what kind of car you drive. And in terms of looking after one another, it sounds really hokey, but everyone is connected in such a way that the choices we make here impact people&amp;amp;#8217;s lives everywhere. So it&amp;amp;#8217;s in everyone&amp;amp;#8217;s interest to look after one another. EE: Speaking of looking after one another, what is the key in terms of your marriage? What keeps you connected, and what keeps the relationship hot and loving? JC: You have a wish list of how you want things to be that dates back to when you were like eight: Someday I&amp;amp;#8217;ll be&amp;amp;#8230;and my house will be&amp;amp;#8230;and my husband will be&amp;amp;#8230;. I think you need to revise your wish lists. You need to take stock of what has actually happened, where you are. EE: So in other words, it&amp;amp;#8217;s like not having this kind of fantasy life&amp;amp;#8230;it&amp;amp;#8217;s important to remember that life is a struggle. JC: Well, certainly you have to navigate things. It&amp;amp;#8217;s hard to make the leap and really trust and let go. It&amp;amp;#8217;s a huge leap to say I&amp;amp;#8217;m going to put everything into this thing; if you f&amp;amp;#8212;- me over, then you f&amp;amp;#8212;- me over. EE: So have you leapt in with your husband? JC: I feel like I have, yeah. It&amp;amp;#8217;s hard. I mean maybe I&amp;amp;#8217;ve got one pinky out that I&amp;amp;#8217;m clinging onto the cliff with! But I&amp;amp;#8217;ve been in reasonably long relationships where I had one full foot out the door the whole time. So even though I thought I was quite committed, as soon as a big argument would come up I&amp;amp;#8217;d feel like, well, I don&amp;amp;#8217;t need this. It&amp;amp;#8217;s really different when that&amp;amp;#8217;s taken out of the picture. You think, even though this is really pissing me off right now, I don&amp;amp;#8217;t want to leave you and I know I&amp;amp;#8217;m not going to. That means you have to figure it out and you have to solve the conflict. EE: Do you think the world sees you as funny? JC: I wouldn&amp;amp;#8217;t think so. I get a lot of scripts for women on the verge! EE: Like breakdown mode. JC: Yeah. I don&amp;amp;#8217;t feel crazy. I don&amp;amp;#8217;t feel unstable. EE: You so don&amp;amp;#8217;t seem unstable to me. JC: Thank you. Oh! My fingernails! EE: What about them? JC: Part of my body that I don&amp;amp;#8217;t like. My fingernails! I can&amp;amp;#8217;t leave them alone. EE: Why? JC: People try and put nail polish on them, but I take it off. I chew them. EE: So what part of you are they a metaphor for? JC: That&amp;amp;#8217;s too deep for me. It&amp;amp;#8217;s just something I can get away with. It&amp;amp;#8217;s not drugs, it&amp;amp;#8217;s not cigarettes, it&amp;amp;#8217;s not alcohol. EE: It&amp;amp;#8217;s something that&amp;amp;#8217;s entirely in your control&amp;amp;#8212;unlike an interview, where you have no control of the direction it&amp;amp;#8217;ll go. JC: This hasn&amp;amp;#8217;t been so bad! I am particularly happy you didn&amp;amp;#8217;t ask me if I kissed Leonardo DiCaprio. EE: That&amp;amp;#8217;s &amp;amp;#8216;cause I don&amp;amp;#8217;t care! Author Eve Ensler&amp;amp;#8217;s best-known play, The Vagina Monologues, has been performed in more than 76 countries."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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