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"      Pity Justin Bieber. Not since his fellow mop-toppers ignited the world with Beatlemania five decades ago has a pop star had so much trouble getting from cab to curb. New video footage shows poor Bieber being overtaken by fans while frantically throttling a Segway (top speed 12.5 mph). He and his mother were also recently mobbed at an airport in New Zealand; a riot at a CD signing at a Long Island mall resulted in injuries and the arrest of Bieber&amp;#039;s manager for &amp;quot;reckless endangerment and criminal nuisance&amp;quot;; and after a show on the Fourth of July, he fled bare-chested with the kind of police escort usually accorded to Third World dictators. The escape was made in a humble van\u2014a less-than-ideal getaway vehicle, since, as his guitarist says in New York Magazine, mothers will often stand in front of a Bieber-mobile, forming a human blockade &amp;quot;so that their kids can bang on the side.&amp;quot;      Bieber&amp;#039;s vulnerability results from the inadequate transportation he&amp;#039;s using to flee the scene. Popular Mechanics herewith submits a list of four alternative getaway vehicles that should be marked improvements in areas of safety, expedition and Bieber-grade \u00E9lan.  The Vehicle: The Eleonora Maersk  Description: Length 1305.78 feet; beam 183.7 feet; max draft 429.8 feet; top speed 9.2 knots Pros: The Canadian heartthrob is known for being unusually fan-friendly. His success is predicated largely on viral YouTube videos; he indefatigably signs autographs; he uploads various uploadables and Tweets until blue in the fingers. Perfect for a post-show reception, the Eleonora Maersk is the longest container ship in the world, longer than the Chrysler Building is tall. It&amp;#039;s big enough for Bieber, his mother and his posse to take their pick of hiding places, yet it still has more than enough space to accommodate thousands of spectators.  Cons: There is a strong possibility that weather, moisture or sea spray could contribute to complications in matters of personal grooming and style. Bieber&amp;#039;s carefully hand-tousled hair may become chaotically wind-tousled and, ergo, substantially less dreamy.  The Vehicle: The Zorb  (Photo by misterbisson/Flickr) Description: Double-sectioned inflatable plastic ball typically 10 feet in diameter Pros: Many nonthreatening situations merely require Bieber&amp;#039;s escape vehicle to outrun the top speed of a highly adrenalized 12-year-old girl. In these cases, he may opt for the Zorb, or &amp;quot;human hamster wheel.&amp;quot; The inflated, transparent, dual-sectioned plastic ball provides a literal and metaphorical buffer against the madding crowd. Thus, what could have been a violent public eruption could very well be turned into a parade of baby-duckie-like gentleness and order. It also transitions neatly from terrestrial to an aquatic transport, whereupon the spectacle of Bieber walking/hamstering on water would act as a stirring apotheosis.  Cons: Powerful centrifugal forces within the hot, confined inflataball may induce nausea or public regurgitation. This may not be an insurmountable PR situation, however. In fact, paired with fans&amp;#039; drool and tears, the converging bodily ejecta may serve as a primitive bonding ritual. The Vehicle: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang  Description: Vintage aero-racing car/plane/hovercraft designed and built by eccentric inventor and playboy Caractacus Potts Pros: This was a photo-finish with KITT, Knight Industries Two Thousand, the car from Knight Rider. Both act as friends and quondam mascot/chaperones, and each boasts a cheeky personality, charming in its artificial intelligence. But ultimately it was determined that CCBB is more age-appropriate and has stronger family values. (CCBB saves telegenic children from the bilious Baroness Bomburst, while KITT helps Michael Knight get girls\u2014the last thing Bieber needs.) Furthermore, CCBB can perform aerial extraction. Like the Zorb, it is capable of aquatic transport. Like KITT, it has its own sonic signature, its anima. But instead of a digitized bigeminal pulse, this robotic ride&amp;#039;s backfiring engine produces the sound &amp;quot;chitty chitty bang bang.&amp;quot; That&amp;#039;s an onomatopoeia\u2014a word Bieber likely needs to know for an upcoming vocab quiz. Cons: When referring to it in conversation, sooner or later you have to actually utter the words &amp;quot;chitty chitty bang bang.&amp;quot;  The Vehicle: The Sultan&amp;#039;s Elephant  Description: 20-foot tall, 50-ton mechanical elephant built in reclaimed poplar and steel, with various hydraulics, motors and manipulators Pros: The Sultan&amp;#039;s Elephant is one of the few vehicles on earth that gets the same Swiss-watch attention to detail as Bieber&amp;#039;s personal styling\u2014the young man employs a &amp;quot;swagger coach.&amp;quot; From the lifelike leather ears to the craquelure of its hide to the 22 mysterious &amp;quot;manipulators&amp;quot; in its proboscis, the Sultan&amp;#039;s Elephant must be the most magnificently bespoke vehicle on earth. Riding atop such a mount conjures images of the august dignity and might of exotic, bygone emperors. But unlike your average pachyderm, the Sultan&amp;#039;s Elephant feels no urge to trample large crowds of screaming bipeds.  Cons: The Sultan&amp;#039;s Elephant is also a cautionary tale about the costs of stardom. The owners were so overwhelmed by requests to make public appearances around the world that they eventually destroyed it. Bieber will have to settle for a replica elephant, built in 2007. Honorable Mentions: The EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle; the V Mothership; the Popemobile; the Aptera; the Martin &amp;quot;Jet-Pack&amp;quot;; the MaxiMOG; the Land Walker Exoskeleton. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.popularmechanics.com/culture/music/a6408/better-escape-vehicles-for-justin-bieber/>