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"Every guy is different, but one thing most of us have in common is that we suck at ESP. When something is eating at you, we need to hear it right from your mouth. In English. Now, Jake knows that laying bare your feelings and secrets for the boyfriend can feel a bit like e-mailing him a sexy homemade video and waiting for his reaction. (Daunting&amp;amp;#8212;and not just because he could post it on YouTube.) But this is how you gain trust, mutual understanding, respect and love. So take my advice: Share early and share often, and we promise we&amp;amp;#8217;ll do the same. Six things you should definitely say out loud: &amp;amp;#8220;Can you please remind me how awesome I am? Right now?&amp;amp;#8221; Hormones. Bad hair day. Whatever it is, we don&amp;amp;#8217;t always see it. One night, when I was bugging my girlfriend to hurry up or we&amp;amp;#8217;d miss our dinner reservation, she burst into tears. She couldn&amp;amp;#8217;t decide what to wear because she&amp;amp;#8217;d gained maybe a half pound and felt bad about it. But how could I know this, when to me she looked great, as always? I couldn&amp;amp;#8217;t. If it helps to have him remind you how awesome you are, say so. Worried about sounding needy? So is he, and surely he&amp;amp;#8217;ll pay you back. This isn&amp;amp;#8217;t poker, so let&amp;amp;#8217;s all show our cards, hmm? &amp;amp;#8220;Yes! But slower. Yes! Yes! Yesssssss!&amp;amp;#8221; Unlike chess and horseback riding, there is no orgasm camp you can send him to. If you&amp;amp;#8217;re lucky, he&amp;amp;#8217;s a quick study and can read your body language, but for some guys subtlety is, well, too subtle. My sex life with one girlfriend was changed forever when I was going down on her and she purred, &amp;amp;#8220;Please put a finger inside of me.&amp;amp;#8221; Boom. Orgasm. And again. And again. Keep the instructions encouraging and playful, not disciplinary (unless you&amp;amp;#8217;re both into that, in which case, have at it!). Think confident cheerleader, not pushy coach. &amp;amp;#8220;When you hang out with your ex, I have homicidal fantasies.&amp;amp;#8221; I have a lot of female friends and am even close with several of my exes. I&amp;amp;#8217;ve dated women who were unfazed by these friendships, and others who believed every one of my gal pals was in love with me. There are totally legit reasons to get nervous about his spending time with other women&amp;amp;#8212;maybe you were cheated on in the past, or he cheated on his ex to be with you. But if you don&amp;amp;#8217;t come right out and tell him what&amp;amp;#8217;s bothering you and why, he&amp;amp;#8217;s going to think you&amp;amp;#8217;re insecure and jealous in general, not just with this particular woman. Once you&amp;amp;#8217;ve aired your angst, he should be able to reassure you, and you should be able to let it go. If he explains and it still bothers you, there may be bigger problems. &amp;amp;#8220;Watching you play Halo does not count as a date.&amp;amp;#8221; Personally, I&amp;amp;#8217;m not an Xbox addict. I have a rule: too old to trick-or-treat, too old to play video games. But I realize that as a man, I&amp;amp;#8217;m in the minority. So I&amp;amp;#8217;ll address the Xbox issue thusly: He should do it on his own time. Likewise bonding with colleagues, his brothers from TDChi and his Ultimate Frisbee team. Hanging in a group once in a while is fine, but relationships need care and feeding in the form of regular one-on-one dates. So make sure he gets that, or you could spend another Saturday night with a console in your hand, getting gunned down repeatedly by his mouth-breathing roommate. &amp;amp;#8220;Pick up your socks, or I&amp;amp;#8217;m going to use them to strangle you in your sleep.&amp;amp;#8221; I had a girlfriend who was always cleaning my kitchen, doing the dishes and making the bathroom sparkle. I would have gotten around to it eventually, but I assumed she enjoyed it. Then, when we broke up, it came out: &amp;amp;#8220;Your apartment is disgusting.&amp;amp;#8221; It infuriated her that I never pitched in, but she&amp;amp;#8217;d stayed completely quiet, so I just kept being a dude. Now I can&amp;amp;#8217;t help but wonder: If she&amp;amp;#8217;d put a broom in my hand, might we still be together? &amp;amp;#8220;Can you please stop making jokes about my job (or my mother or my friends)?&amp;amp;#8221; Men are driven by the desire to make women laugh, but sometimes we go too far. I used to tease an ex about her &amp;amp;#8220;loser&amp;amp;#8221; brother&amp;amp;#8212;but it turned out he&amp;amp;#8217;d had drug problems, and she found my jabs simply cruel. Oops. Our goal is to get close to the line without crossing it, but sometimes we don&amp;amp;#8217;t even know the line&amp;amp;#8217;s there. So gently draw it for your guy, and if he keeps on pushing it, then maybe it&amp;amp;#8217;s not the joke that&amp;amp;#8217;s the problem, but the jerk making it. And believe me, you deserve better. Have I reminded you lately how awesome you are? Jake is a real, live single guy dating New York City."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2011/02/jake-6-things-you-have-to-tell-him>