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"Yesterday my little sister Rebecca told me that she was promposed to. &amp;quot;I think you mean proposed,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;No &amp;#x27;m.&amp;#x27;&amp;quot; &amp;quot;No, it&amp;#x27;s promposed. Like for prom.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Oh,&amp;quot; I replied, then hobbled back to my crone lair and died of old age.Let&amp;#x27;s go back to 2004 and 2005. I was just as single then as I am now, except I was slightly chubbier, and had... actually, I guess I had a similar amount of dignity. That&amp;#x27;s alarming. Junior Prom: I wanted to go with this boy I was friends with, but I didn&amp;#x27;t let on because he wanted to go with this other girl. His &amp;quot;promposal&amp;quot; to her involved planting a candlelit romantic surprise scene in his basement for her to discover, which I actually, incredibly, staged for him because he had soccer practice. Which... of course he did. Like a true overachiever, I even made her a mix CD &amp;quot;from him.&amp;quot; Is that the saddest thing you ever heard? This is how I learned I&amp;#x27;d make an awesome husband someday. I ended up going with the boy below, a nice senior in my AP Gov class whose girlfriend was eagle-eyeing me while we posed for pictures, which is why we look the way we do below. (This arrangement only worked because he was in a different grade than me, so neither of them could attend on their own.) Actually, it&amp;#x27;s why he looks the way he does. That&amp;#x27;s just how my face was. All I remember about the girlfriend is that she had a big mole on the place where her chin meets her neck. Senior Prom: For reasons that probably stemmed from A) the story above and B) my pathological need to use humor and/or shock value as a defense mechanism so that people never suspect I have feelings about anything, I decided I would only go to senior prom if I could hire a male escort as my date. Like, a bona-fide, Brut-scented, uber-coiffed, three-piece-suited gigolo. From beginning (&amp;quot;Cha-Cha Slide&amp;quot; at 7:30) to end (&amp;quot;Here&amp;#x27;s to the Night&amp;quot; by Eve 6). I started checking out the websites of male escorts in the Tri-State area. They didn&amp;#x27;t really live up to my expectations. A lot of them looked like they might have kids. If you recall, the &amp;#x27;04-&amp;#x27;05 men&amp;#x27;s fashion wasn&amp;#x27;t great to begin with, and these dudes&amp;#x27; profiles exhibited the worst of the worst: shell necklaces and thinning hair and the addressing of &amp;quot;women&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;womyn&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;ladies,&amp;quot; which made me uncomfortable because even at my most charitable I considered myself &amp;quot;not a girl, not yet a woman.&amp;quot; Nevertheless, I chose a few and persevered. Weirdly, while the thrust (LOL) of the male escorts&amp;#x27; job is probably what happens after they do the literal escorting, having sex with one of these old guys I looked at on the Internet was like the last thing on my mind. My more prevalent goals for taking a Y-chromed harlot to a school function included, but were not limited to: Making my friends laugh, shocking teachers and, while embarrassingly &amp;quot;dateless&amp;quot; in my heart, going down in my school&amp;#x27;s prom history so everyone forgot that I was sad and shy and weird with actual unpaid males. And so, with about $300 in the male hooker cookie jar and prom tickets on sale, I finally asked my mom&amp;#x27;s permission. &amp;quot;Can I take a man whore to prom?&amp;quot; Without looking up, she said, &amp;quot;Absolutely not.&amp;quot; She was totally nonplussed because she was used to questions in this vein from me by now. I think I was mildly relieved. &amp;quot;Then I&amp;#x27;m not going.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;So don&amp;#x27;t.&amp;quot; And I didn&amp;#x27;t! But I went to after-prom and won a computer, which was cool. Tell me about your prom experience. And is this promposal thing really a real thing? More on prom: *Um, Cute? Minnesota Teen Lands Porn Star Prom Date *You Won&amp;#x27;t Believe the Horrible Reason One Girl Isn&amp;#x27;t Allowed to Go to Her Prom *OMSquee: High School Student Will Take His Great-Grandmother To Prom! *OMSquee! Romance Isn&amp;#x27;t Dead...Not For Two Teenagers in Central Iowa, Anyway Photo: The gaping maw of old photos in my computer"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/05/yesterday-my-little-sister-reb>