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"Good morning, friends! Remember that time the country at large agreed that the last people in the world they&amp;#x27;d want to live next door to is the Jersey Shore cast? Well, that American nightmare has just come true for me. J. Woww and Snooki are taking up residence two blocks away from me to shoot their spinoff.Reports are saying they&amp;#x27;ll live in a firehouse in Jersey City, just a stone&amp;#x27;s wineglass&amp;#x27;s throw from my apartment. Seriously: there&amp;#x27;s them. There&amp;#x27;s me. (Kids at home: you really shouldn&amp;#x27;t put your exact address on the Internet, but this is a special case in case I ever need Glamour readers to rescue me after hairspray asphyxiation or fistpump assault.) Don&amp;#x27;t get me wrong: I&amp;#x27;m not mad. I don&amp;#x27;t want to be a crotchety faux old person whining that the girls should get off my lawn. I&amp;#x27;m a faithful Shore viewer. I love Snooki and J. Woww--recall that I am the only person in history to make a case for Snooki being a good role model. And J. Woww is totally normal. She&amp;#x27;s basically cleans up fights and spills and steps over whoever&amp;#x27;s tumbling down the stairs at that particular moment. But, like any girls who are about to live side by side, I think we need some ground rules. 5. Heads up: They&amp;#x27;re putting you guys across from City Hall. So I&amp;#x27;d keep the kind of drunken falls that attract cops to a minimum. Also, you aren&amp;#x27;t at the beach anymore. Faceplanting hurts a lot worse on the sidewalk. 4. Don&amp;#x27;t make Jersey City look trashy. No offense to guidos, but they&amp;#x27;re not the main populace here. There&amp;#x27;s a huge variety of people here (there&amp;#x27;s a little Manila, for crying out loud, and two ridiculously delicious Polish diners on my block alone). If every establishing shot I see is full of swinging diamond chains and blowouts, I will not be pleased. 3. Don&amp;#x27;t cause a pickle shortage. As a fellow aficionado (although I don&amp;#x27;t drink the juice--Snooks is hardcore), I&amp;#x27;m a little nervous about inventory of my favorite snack. Let&amp;#x27;s agree to be respectful adversaries here. If the pickle man at the farmer&amp;#x27;s market tells me a tiny girl in furry boots just cleaned him out, I&amp;#x27;ll know who he&amp;#x27;s talking about. 2. Don&amp;#x27;t bring the Situation. Here, take this Trump casino card that&amp;#x27;s been in my wallet for seven years and go meet him in A.C. Have a great time. (It goes without saying that I also better not see that Unit kid around, and by kid I mean lab-generated worst human ever.) 1. I don&amp;#x27;t want to see your underwear. But I would rather see that than what&amp;#x27;s under your underwear. That&amp;#x27;s not too much to ask, right? I think this is the beginning of a beautiful civil coexistence. So what do you guys think of my plight? I&amp;#x27;ll take whatever you&amp;#x27;ve got--pity, excitement, advice--and you know I&amp;#x27;ll be giving you plenty of neighborhood updates once shooting starts later this month! More on Jersey Shore... *New Survey Reveals Americans Think Brangelina Would Make Great Neighbors. Juiceheads and Anyone With Tiger Blood--Not So Much! *Brace Yourself, America--I&amp;#x27;m About To Make The Case For Snooki Being A Good Role Model *This Just In: Snooki Looks Absolutely Gorgeous Without Any Makeup On. Wanna See? Photo: YouTube, Getty Images, Wikimedia Commons"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/blogs/obsessed/2012/02/well-this-is-really-happening>