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"  Every once in a while, a half-dozen letters come along that lift our hearts with thrilling words about the beauty of love. These are not those letters. No, these are better. Ten years ago\u2014heck, five years ago\u2014these questions about the blogosphere, MySpace, Wii, and the anal sex conundrum couldn&amp;#039;t have been posed (most of these didn&amp;#039;t exist), much less appear in ELLE&amp;#039;s fabled February Love issue. Dolls, take a look at this post-techie tangle of thorns....  Me, My Boyfriend, and My Boyfriend&amp;#039;s Ex-Wife&amp;#039;s BlogDear E. Jean: I&amp;#039;ve met a wonderful man. The problem: His divorce isn&amp;#039;t final yet. So I&amp;#039;m being as cautious as I can be, considering that I think of him and want to jump his bones all the time. (I&amp;#039;ve turned into a 29-year-old teenager!) However, the other night he confessed that for the past year he&amp;#039;s been checking up on his ex-wife on the Internet (she has a blog where she writes about her love affairs). I was disturbed by this, but I also had to acknowledge that for six months after I broke up with my last boyfriend, I hacked into his e-mail. Now what? Does this mean my new boyfriend isn&amp;#039;t over his ex? I want to be with him, but I&amp;#039;m seeing this as a bit of a red flag.\u2014Off-Line Girl  Miss Off, my odalisque : Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. He&amp;#039;s in the last phase of a divorce (the one in which a man is handed the property settlement agreement\u2014aka &amp;quot;the whip&amp;quot;\u2014and flagellates himself with it for many months). He may also be looking for ammunition to use in the final decree. But I promise he&amp;#039;ll stop reading the ex-wife&amp;#039;s blog. Oh, when? you ask. On this, I defer to the divine Jane Austen: &amp;quot;I purposely abstain from dates on this occasion,&amp;quot; she wrote in Mansfield Park, &amp;quot;that everyone may be at liberty to fix their own, aware that the cure of unconquerable passions, and the transfer of unchanging attachments must vary much as to time in different people.&amp;quot;   Take heart. Be kind. He&amp;#039;s just emerging from the fog of battle. In the meantime, I suggest you begin writing a blog of your own, my dear. That way, after he shifts his selfless adoration to you, he&amp;#039;ll have something to read...when you break up.   The New (very old) Thing in SexDear E. Jean: I love my boyfriend. He&amp;#039;s smart and great in every way I like, except that he&amp;#039;s into experimenting in the sack. I&amp;#039;m not a prude by any means\u2014just not as adventurous as he. Recently, we tried anal sex for the first time, and it was definitely not my cup of tea. (Don&amp;#039;t worry, Auntie E: We used a condom.) Safety was not the issue; pleasure was. I pretended to be into it because he seemed to like it so much. But now how do I tell him the truth? I don&amp;#039;t want any more activity to go on in that area.\u2014No Parking Zone  Parking, my petunia : It&amp;#039;s your posterior. Only you decide what to do with it. A simple &amp;quot;Gaaaaaaaa!&amp;quot; when he hints at the next outr\u00E9 outing will do nicely. Or, a grave &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re a god in bed; but I tried it; didn&amp;#039;t much like it; it&amp;#039;s not for me&amp;quot; will work for a more solemn occasion. (Note: If he replies with the old argument that &amp;quot;everybody knows girls hate it the first time, and you just need to do it again to see how cool it is...&amp;quot; that&amp;#039;s when you smile and say, &amp;quot;May I be blunt, darling? I disliked it twice as much as I told you.&amp;quot;) If he&amp;#039;s as roguish as you say, he&amp;#039;ll be on to the next new thing before you know it. Keep an open mind. It&amp;#039;s the kiss of life. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com  Friend Me! Msg Me! Love Me!Dear E. Jean : Back in high school, I had a crush on a senior. I never knew why, but he and his friends tormented me: They started rumors, told their girlfriends horrible lies so they&amp;#039;d want to beat me up, and just made my life as miserable as possible.   Since then, I graduated from college in three years, now work for a top fashion website as an editor, travel, and look damn good. All in all, I&amp;#039;m A-OK and lead a pretty fabulous life. And what are those cool, popular guys up to now? They&amp;#039;re either in jail, rehab for drug abuse, or trying to make it as white rappers.   So wouldn&amp;#039;t you know...after seven years of no contact, many of them have found me on social-networking sites and have contacted me! One in particular keeps telling me how beautiful I am and asks me out repeatedly. I&amp;#039;ve been polite, but in no way have I encouraged conversation. Yet he&amp;#039;s persisting! I find him revolting, but I feel guilty not responding because his life is so crappy now. How do I nicely convey that I don&amp;#039;t want anything to do with him? Or\u2014shudder at the thought!\u2014am I being a jerk for holding a grudge for so long?\u2014Tables Have Turned   Turned, my adorable turnip : Nooooo! Hold that grudge! And whattya talkin&amp;#039; with your &amp;quot;polite&amp;quot; and your &amp;quot;nicely convey?&amp;quot; Bullhockey! A good grudge can fuel a string of successes faster than a Stanford degree and an appearance on Oprah. (College in three years! Editorship! Fabulous life!) Do not write another syllable to him. Waste not one single second, not one more minute thinking of the\u2014hell, why am I wasting time? Forgive him when you&amp;#039;re 40; but for now: Block the bonehead.   How to play a dude and winDear E. Jean: Because of career commitments, I rarely get to see my boyfriend. When we do have the chance to be together, unless we&amp;#039;re having sex, he plays video games instead of talking to me. It&amp;#039;s even worse on the phone: I have to compete with the online gamers he&amp;#039;s chatting with and playing against at the same time! I&amp;#039;ve told him repeatedly how his obsession makes me feel. He just gets defensive and replies, &amp;quot;Why should it bother you? I can do several things at once.&amp;quot; Help me!\u2014Tired of All the Games  Tired, my trollymog : My sincere thanks for keeping your letter short. I slapped my forehead twice while reading, and God knows, I probably would have knocked myself out if you described any more selfish inanities of this, this mmorpgoid. He lacks character. If he can&amp;#039;t put down the controller and devote two nights a week to you, and only you, then pull the plug. Or, as it&amp;#039;s so eloquently expressed in gaming, when eliminating an opponent...frag the fellow. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com  Love in the Time of the Inebriated HookupDear E. Jean : My best girlfriend says women should feel &amp;quot;empowered&amp;quot; when we hook up with guys, because it means we&amp;#039;ve &amp;quot;worked&amp;quot; them. But lately I don&amp;#039;t feel empowered. I feel guilty.  Here&amp;#039;s what happened: My guy friend had been pursuing me, and last weekend, because of a strong cocktail, I decided to go for it. He came over to my place; we got a little more drunk and did our thing. To my own amazement, I was a wild thing in bed\u2014definitely not my normal bedroom demeanor! Every time I think of that night, I blush.  He has called me several times, and I absolutely can&amp;#039;t bring myself to return his calls. He obviously loved my wilder side. I don&amp;#039;t understand why I am so scared of it. Am I just not the kind of girl who can have a one-night fling without feeling filthy? Or am I avoiding him because I lack confidence?\u2014An Amiss Miss Amiss, my mooncat : Please. Any young lady who to her &amp;quot;own amazement&amp;quot; romps and somersaults herself into wild, giddy, ecstatic, blushing bliss is not allowed to nerd out to Auntie Eeee with witless tosh about feeling &amp;quot;filthy.&amp;quot;  You&amp;#039;re as pure as rainwater, hunny. It was not a &amp;quot;one-night fling.&amp;quot; Why? Because you&amp;#039;re picking up the phone right now and calling the boy. He brings out the best (read: animal) in you. Don&amp;#039;t you know that some people go their whole lives without letting loose? Here&amp;#039;s a lad who&amp;#039;s obviously a good match for you. Yes, it&amp;#039;s scary, but only because you believe you have to frolic on the &amp;quot;wilder&amp;quot; side next and every time after that. You don&amp;#039;t.  P.S. What your best girlfriend said about &amp;quot;working&amp;quot; guys bothers the heck out of me. Women are &amp;quot;empowered&amp;quot; by joy, discipline, drive, ambition, humor, money, compassion, a good wardrobe, and real belief in themselves right down to the core of their spleens...not by\u2014uh, hello!\u2014hooking up. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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