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"Can your exes&amp;amp;#8212;those people who were by definition wrong for you&amp;amp;#8212;help you find the person who&amp;amp;#8217;s right? I think so. To know who you are and where you&amp;amp;#8217;re going, it helps to reflect on where you&amp;amp;#8217;ve been. So if I&amp;amp;#8217;m truly being intrepid in my search for Ms. Right&amp;amp;#8212;and if I&amp;amp;#8217;m going to be a kinder, more enlightened Jake for you readers&amp;amp;#8212;I figured I should man up, call my exes and get some honest feedback. I remain on friendly terms with many of the women I&amp;amp;#8217;ve dated, but it was still with some trepidation that I decided to reach out and ask them two simple questions: What did I do well, and where did I fall short? EX #1: Elise, a student. We were long-distance and spent our precious nights curled up together on the sofa, reading. Where I fell short: &amp;amp;#8220;You forgot dates that were meaningful to me&amp;amp;#8212;like on my last night visiting you in New York, when you played soccer instead of taking me out for a quiet dinner as you&amp;amp;#8217;d promised. And you didn&amp;amp;#8217;t call when I graduated.&amp;amp;#8221; What I nailed: &amp;amp;#8220;After I fell asleep one night, you wrote me a sweet letter on the back of a page torn from a very old book of William Wordsworth poems your grandmother had left to you. I found it in the morning after you&amp;amp;#8217;d headed back to New York. I was enthralled with the gesture.&amp;amp;#8221; EX #2: Jessica, a no-nonsense art dealer with an amazing smile, body and scent, and impeccable style. (When we were together, my favorite part of the day was watching her get dressed for work&amp;amp;#8212;seriously.) Where I fell short: &amp;amp;#8220;After I told you that an art critic had given a show at my gallery an unfair review, you said you had &amp;amp;#8216;hit it&amp;amp;#8217; with his daughter. Ugh! I was worried that someday I might hear you dropping my name just as casually.&amp;amp;#8221; What I nailed: &amp;amp;#8220;You made being in bed about so much more than sleep and great sex. We would download music together and goof around for hours, sometimes all day. I was so happy, I don&amp;amp;#8217;t know how I ever let myself go to sleep.&amp;amp;#8221; [Note: I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t really hear anything after &amp;amp;#8220;great sex&amp;amp;#8221;&amp;amp;#8212;but I think the upshot here was positive.] EX #3: Erin, who broke up with me. She left a big hole in my heart, which I&amp;amp;#8217;m not sure has been filled since. Where I fell short: Erin declined to go down memory lane with me, saying she wouldn&amp;amp;#8217;t like her current boyfriend waxing poetic about an ex. Fair enough. Then she delivered the kicker: &amp;amp;#8220;Besides, I don&amp;amp;#8217;t remember what you did right or wrong. It was way too long ago.&amp;amp;#8221; Ouch. But I remember&amp;amp;#8230;. What I nailed: I would pick her up (at the subway, at her apartment) instead of just meeting her at places; I made friends with her family; I said &amp;amp;#8220;I love you.&amp;amp;#8221; And that&amp;amp;#8217;s when it dawned on me: Sometimes it just doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t matter what you do. If things aren&amp;amp;#8217;t right, there&amp;amp;#8217;s no gesture, no joke, no gift, no perfectly written note that can change it. That said, my ex experiment taught me that I could stand to listen more and talk less; to worry about how a girlfriend and I were spending our time together rather than about the myriad other options I had on any given night. I just wish some of those exes had been as forthright during our relationships as they were all this time later. Here&amp;amp;#8217;s hoping that next time, if I pay attention, I will never have another ex to ask for feedback again. Jake is a real, live single guy dating in New York City."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2010/11/jakes-exes-tell-all/2>