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"  When Harper&amp;#039;s Bazaar asked me to write about wearing the jacket of the moment, a challenging couturelike creation, I hesitated. I&amp;#039;ve never been a person who spends too much time thinking about what to wear. I&amp;#039;m the same way about food as I am about fashion. To me, food is fuel. I don&amp;#039;t like sitting down at a table to eat. I like to grab something, unwrap it, and keep moving. When it comes to clothes, I throw on something and head out the door. Of course, it&amp;#039;s nice if it&amp;#039;s fairly flattering and covers disquieting parts of the body. As far as that goes, I almost always wear black \u2014 which, rumor has it, is slimming. If that&amp;#039;s true \u2014 and I mean if \u2014 I think it&amp;#039;s because black makes you semi-invisible. When I wear black, I&amp;#039;m saying, &amp;quot;Isn&amp;#039;t that a beautiful tree over there? Check it out!&amp;quot; So now, asked to wear a Balmain jacket that is the visual equivalent of a gay elf sitting on your shoulder and singing the national anthem at a decibel level generally found at a Metallica concert, for some unfathomable reason, I agreed. The Balmain jacket is the It jacket. Bazaar informed me that it&amp;#039;s coveted by a large number of celebrities who have the inside track on what&amp;#039;s fashionable: Beyonc\u00E9, Victoria Beckham, Rihanna. Beautiful women who are beautiful no matter what they wear. Why do they choose to wear something to exaggerate what is organically exaggerated? Because they can. On the upside, the jacket was black. But now it&amp;#039;s time to take the jacket&amp;#039;s sinister side to task: gigantic pointy, padded shoulders and silver studs that trail, Vegaslike, down the front so when you bring the sides together, you conceal whatever peekaboo shirt or push-up bra is lurking lazily beneath. Of course, this jacket could remain tightly closed only if it actually fit. But when Bazaar inquired as to what size clothing I wore, naturally, as an overweight human, I lied. As though if informed of my actual size, they would drop the phone and howl with laughter, tears in their eyes. Therefore, I cleverly informed them that I wore a size 10. Ha! I fooled them! Obviously, all the rumors that my breasts were so big, they arrived in a room minutes before my head were just that \u2014 rumors! Not only was I confronted with an outrageous jacket, it didn&amp;#039;t remotely fit. But was I daunted in any way? To be honest, yes. At least initially. But I took a deep, thinning breath and wriggled my (temporarily) oversize self into this extreme example of outerwear. Despite the jacket&amp;#039;s not closing over my breasts or allowing me to put my arms comfortably down at my sides, I prepared to stride into the world defiantly sporting a garment that has such wide, pointy shoulders that they may as well be wings. Which brings me to the jacket&amp;#039;s other intriguing feature. On the back lurks a glittery emblem \u2014 an explosion of silver studs. If that weren&amp;#039;t enough (and it is), there are two eyeball-size rhinestones and a pyramid (a pyramid!) of tiny studs flanked by wings! Yup, not only are the shoulder pads winglike, there are actual shiny wings on the back. People wouldn&amp;#039;t just look at me and wonder why they had the eerie feeling that they&amp;#039;d seen a younger version of me somewhere before, they would look at me and wonder why I&amp;#039;d let a blind person dress me. Of course, there&amp;#039;s always the chance that I&amp;#039;m just bitter because I can&amp;#039;t pull off a jacket like this. I&amp;#039;m one of those rare people who can take a designer dress and make it look like I got it on sale at Ross. Now that you have the backstory, the truth is, when I wore this amazing item on the streets of New York, I didn&amp;#039;t get such a big reaction. The most common look I got seemed to be one of pity. A look that asked, &amp;quot;Why would someone with her breast size wear something that encourages so much attention? Why didn&amp;#039;t she stay at home wearing a Snuggie, watching the exercise channel, and sobbing quietly before crawling into bed to count sheep, like calories, until she fell asleep, perchance to dream of thinner times, outfitted in more appropriate outerwear?&amp;quot; All this in a look.  Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher&amp;#039;s one-woman show, comes to Broadway this October. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.harpersbazaar.com/fashion/trends/a408/carrie-fisher-balmain-jacket-0909/>