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" I have, and this isn&amp;#039;t a thing I talk about often, a decent set of legs. There&amp;#039;s an unexpected musculature that lends them a healthy shape. They have enough hair on them so they don&amp;#039;t raise questions (Is that natural? Does he wax?), but not so much that they&amp;#039;re, let&amp;#039;s say, ursine. Recently, while leaning over to tie my shoes while wearing shorts in New York City&amp;#039;s East Village, I received the catcall, &amp;quot;Nice legs!&amp;quot; from an older gentleman walking by. And as we all know, a catcall is the easiest and fastest way to evaluate one&amp;#039;s body. I&amp;#039;m not usually vain about my body. It&amp;#039;s like Pennsylvania: The same way the Keystone State comprises Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with not much in between, I&amp;#039;ve got good legs and shapely eyebrows, and it&amp;#039;s kind of a wasteland outside of that. When I learned that short shorts are coming back into vogue for men, I felt, for the first time in my life, relief upon hearing of a new fashion trend. The idea seemed uncomfortable, but it didn&amp;#039;t even approach the unease I would have experienced if I were expected to wear a midriff-accenting belly shirt or a baldness-highlighting visor all of a sudden. Having unexpectedly found myself in the center of the Venn diagram of &amp;quot;clothes that are cool to wear&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;clothes that show off parts of my body that are not awful to look at,&amp;quot; I decided to go big or go home. (Normally my attitude is &amp;quot;Go small then go home,&amp;quot; so this was a big leap.) I got three pairs of J. Crew&amp;#039;s short men&amp;#039;s shorts. One I kept with the seven-inch inseam. The second I had tailored to five inches. The third I altered to a mere three inches. Three inches is short for pretty much anything. Definitely shorts. As I held the modified garment up to examine it, it looked less like a pair of shorts, and more like a salmon-colored title belt from a very festive wrestling federation (not WWE, more like WHEE!). Honestly, the seven-inch shorts were something I could get into. I came of age in the time of JNCO&amp;#039;s (the jeans so voluminous they constituted a Snuggie for each leg) and board shorts so long and spacious they would have made terrific slacks for baby elephants. Less extensive summer attire is a relief compared to those days. As a teen, my friend Dan wore knee-length corduroy shorts for an entire summer one year. Why even bother at that point? You might as well just hop around town in a cut off sleeping bag. Walking through the city in my unmodified short pants felt good, breezy\u2014not all that different from the longer summerwear of my adulthood.  Photo: Wearing shorts with a five-inch inseam The five-inch inseam did make me a little self-conscious. I noticed, for the first time, that I have a serious case of &amp;quot;dadthigh,&amp;quot; a condition that consists of pasty white leg meat, often exposed while mowing the lawn. With time, obviously, dadthigh fades (or does the opposite of fading, really). But I quickly became very aware that mine is a physique designed to be covered in cloth. I think, were I to have lived in the Garden of Eden, I would have been the first to reach for the cover of a fig leaf, completely unbidden. I hustled from errand to errand in constant fear of being pointed out. &amp;quot;NOPE!&amp;quot; the strangers in my imagination said, with a disappointed head shake meant to signify, &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re not the kind of guy who can pull those off. Put on some loose corduroys. We&amp;#039;ll both feel more comfortable.&amp;quot; But no such reprisals came. My fashion investigation pressed onward. Slipping into the three-inch inseamed shorts felt like a joke. First of all, the pockets extended past the bottom of the shorts, which is a thing that I&amp;#039;d seen on (let&amp;#039;s say) &amp;quot;hot&amp;quot; women before. I don&amp;#039;t think I&amp;#039;m &amp;quot;hot.&amp;quot; Even more than that, I don&amp;#039;t have a &amp;quot;hot&amp;quot; attitude. When you&amp;#039;re hot, you stride confidently down the street, extending your form to hail a taxi to take you from place to place. My body is designed for squeezing into packed subway cars and apologizing to those whose feet I clumsily step on. More importantly, my boxer briefs crept down past the hem of the shorts and even the pockets below them. I don&amp;#039;t know whether you&amp;#039;ve ever had underwear that was longer than your shorts, but it&amp;#039;s like having toilet paper stuck to your shoe all day. It is the real &amp;quot;walk of shame.&amp;quot; (Rolling up your underwear so it fits inside your shorts is even worse, somehow.) I met up with a friend for dinner wearing these shorts, but, in my mind, nearly nude. Sitting on the subway, I felt the backs of my thighs smush grossly against the cool seat. At least it wasn&amp;#039;t warm, I thought. &amp;quot;I don&amp;#039;t think they&amp;#039;re that short,&amp;quot; she said. And I realized she was right. Women wear shorts that short all the time. It&amp;#039;s the norm. Not only that, but for all my self-consciousness and dread, nobody would have noticed I was wearing anything abnormal if I hadn&amp;#039;t mentioned it. The shortness of your shorts isn&amp;#039;t on your legs, it&amp;#039;s in your mind. I didn&amp;#039;t have to feel self-conscious in my borderline Daisy Dukes as long as I walked with pride. That said, pride in my body is something I find hard to muster, so I think I&amp;#039;ll stick with long pants.  Photo: The author trying out the short shorts trend This post was originally published on Elle.com &amp;quot;NOPE!&amp;quot; the strangers in my imagination said, with a disappointed head shake meant to signify, &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re not the kind of guy who can pull those off. Put on some loose corduroys. We&amp;#039;ll both feel more comfortable.&amp;quot; But no such reprisals came. My fashion investigation pressed onward.  Slipping into the three-inch inseamed shorts felt like a joke. First of all, the pockets extended past the bottom of the shorts, which is a thing that I&amp;#039;d seen on (let&amp;#039;s say) &amp;quot;hot&amp;quot; women before. I don&amp;#039;t think I&amp;#039;m &amp;quot;hot.&amp;quot; Even more than that, I don&amp;#039;t have a &amp;quot;hot&amp;quot; attitude. When you&amp;#039;re hot, you stride confidently down the street, extending your form to hail a taxi to take you from place to place. My body is designed for squeezing into packed subway cars and apologizing to those whose feet I clumsily step on. More importantly, my boxer briefs crept down past the hem of the shorts and even the pockets below them. I don&amp;#039;t know whether you&amp;#039;ve ever had underwear that was longer than your shorts, but it&amp;#039;s like having toilet paper stuck to your shoe all day. It is the real &amp;quot;walk of shame.&amp;quot; (Rolling up your underwear so it fits inside your shorts is even worse, somehow.) I met up with a friend for dinner wearing these shorts, but, in my mind, nearly nude. Sitting on the subway, I felt the backs of my thighs smush grossly against the cool seat. At least it wasn&amp;#039;t warm, I thought.  Photo: Wearing shorts with a three-inch inseam. &amp;quot;I don&amp;#039;t think they&amp;#039;re that short,&amp;quot; she said. And I realized she was right. Women wear shorts that short all the time. It&amp;#039;s the norm. Not only that, but for all my self-consciousness and dread, nobody would have noticed I was wearing anything abnormal if I hadn&amp;#039;t mentioned it. The shortness of your shorts isn&amp;#039;t on your legs, it&amp;#039;s in your mind. I didn&amp;#039;t have to feel self-conscious in my borderline Daisy Dukes as long as I walked with pride.  That said, pride in my body is something I find hard to muster, so I think I&amp;#039;ll stick with long pants.  "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/style/mens-fashion/a29084/short-shorts-test-2014/>