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"  So I&amp;#039;m turning 40 on May 27. For some reason I find this hilarious. I&amp;#039;m not really freaking out, like the common lore of ladies, because what&amp;#039;s the point of obsessing over something you can&amp;#039;t change? It puts the eff in futility. Anyway, I&amp;#039;ve done all sorts of nice things for a 39-year-old. I have a great job, brilliant friends, lots of free eye cream, and hair that I&amp;#039;ve finally conquered. And I&amp;#039;m happy, pretty much. But I Just. Don&amp;#039;t. Want. My. Face. To. Fall. Down. The lines of life are fine\u2014because, God knows, I&amp;#039;ve had a laugh or a million\u2014but it&amp;#039;s the, yes, gravity of the situation that gets me. I&amp;#039;m a light person, so why does the maturing face have to be such a drag? With this in mind, I&amp;#039;m planning ahead. I visit my dermatologist, David Colbert, who practices real medicine but also has a way with the ladies. He doesn&amp;#039;t make them look like children, or embalmed. Rather they resemble the most beautiful versions of themselves. You know those actresses who look really hot for their age? Dr. Colbert &amp;quot;does&amp;quot; a lot of them. He isn&amp;#039;t into wiping your life away; he&amp;#039;s more into what you could call insurance. I&amp;#039;ve been seeing him for a year and a bit, and so far he has dispensed, to borrow a term from Robin Wright, &amp;quot;sprinkles&amp;quot; of Botox, mostly to a crevice between my brows that I named after an ex-boyfriend.  &amp;quot;Okay,&amp;quot; he begins as I sit twitching in his office. &amp;quot;When women are about to turn 40, they get concerned about their neckline and the size of their lips. Cheekbones, thickness of hair, forehead lines, worry lines, crow&amp;#039;s-feet. Basically the map of humanity.&amp;quot; Humanity, I remember that. &amp;quot;With you, we&amp;#039;d follow a recipe for rejuvenation, which always includes a few drops of Botox,&amp;quot; he says. &amp;quot;A bit in the forehead and around the eyes. Maybe a little filler in the corners of the mouth. You don&amp;#039;t want to look like a puppet.&amp;quot; And I ain&amp;#039;t no one&amp;#039;s puppet. Also, I&amp;#039;m sad to announce that I suffer from solar lentigines. Sun spots, in English. &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;ll just laser those.&amp;quot; As for my sebaceous-gland hyperplasia (two little blocked-pore bumps)? Same deal. Next, to the neck! Mine is fine for now, but I&amp;#039;m going to feel bad about it at some point. What&amp;#039;s my insurance? &amp;quot;Ultrasound\u2014Ulthera, specifically. It tightens the facial muscles without having to cut or do a face-lift. It takes, like, an hour.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Ooh! Let&amp;#039;s do that, then!&amp;quot; I reply. &amp;quot;But you don&amp;#039;t need it now.&amp;quot; Oh. What not to do? &amp;quot;Too much Botox on the forehead. It makes a person look heavy and unemotive.&amp;quot; He gives me a look. &amp;quot;And we know how emotive you are.&amp;quot; And, unsurprisingly, &amp;quot;not too much filler!&amp;quot; I agree. We all know those celebrities whose cheeks stick out. I&amp;#039;m not going for that. &amp;quot;You can dissolve filler with a liquid enzyme, though.&amp;quot; See, there&amp;#039;s insurance for your insurance! But I&amp;#039;m pleased to say Dr. C. confirmed my instincts about this aging business. Do what you like\u2014do it all, do nothing, just do what makes you feel better. I personally would like to beat Gravity like Sandra Bullock. So while there are many ways I may lose my humanity, I&amp;#039;ll never lose face. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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