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"FacebookPinterest\n\nDon't worry, Lou, we're not bringing any workers back over the border with us. You can even stop by and say hi to your riflewielding pals, the Minutemen. We can bring them beef jerky and beer and a bunch of popup books with big pictures to pass the time.\n\n C'mon, Lou, do you really believe all that crap you spout on CNN You've been harshing on immigration for years now, and it's gotten so boring we'd rather watch pro hockey. Don't you have another topic Can't you look into that whole Iraqwar thing Or interview whichever Gabor sister isn't on Larry King Live\n\nStill, we have to admit it's working for you. Your ratings have never been higher. You're the star of the network. Wolf Blitzer loans you his Just for Men gel. Anderson Cooper wants you to take a Spinning class with him. Now there's talk about drafting you to run for president! That's awesome! We think you can definitely whip Ron Paul and \"blank.\"\n\nLook, Lou, we understand some of your immigration argument. The economy is struggling, and it's important for America to look after its own. There are plenty of workers out there who are struggling to find jobs. Aaron Brown. Paula Zahn. Tucker Carlson. Wait! Tucker Carlson just got a job at Jamba Juice. Make us a banana smoothie, Bow Tie Boy.\n\nBut Lou, you're just being unrealistic. This country was built on the strong backs of immigrants and slaves, but they're working on that issue over at Fox News. The point is, a couple of hundred years ago, Americans would never have dreamed of closing the borders to people seeking refuge here. Don't believe us Ask Larryhe was there.\n\nWe know this issue isn't going to go away. The Republican candidates have jumped all over immigration. John McCain wants to create a national identification card. Rudy Giuliani wants to ship them all to New Jersey. Mitt Romney wants them to fix the crabgrass in his lawn. And Mike Huckabee keeps looking at the bracelet on his wrist. This just in Huckabee will ask Jesus what he would do, and then he'll get back to us.\n\nLou, you need to rise above the fray. Follow these easy steps and you'll soon be a true American patriot.\n\nSpend a day in the life of an immigrant.\n\nWe want you to get the full experience and understand what it's really like. So we want you to sleep in Beverly Hills, play soccer in a halfempty stadium, and let Tom Cruise's phone calls go straight to voice mail. Yes, we want you to live with the Beckhams.\n\nRemember, we're all immigrants.\n\nPretty much everyone in this country came from somewhere else. The Kennedys came from Ireland. Arnold Schwarzenegger came from Austria. And in 1946 at night in the Nevada desert, Dennis Kucinich stepped o a silver orb from the Zantuu Interplanetary System.\n\nStop being such a hardass.\n\nYou're just stealing a page from the Bill O'Reilly original playbook. The trouble is, you steal that page and pretty soon you're stealing a page from the \"Loofah, Interns &amp;amp; Cell Phones\" playbook, and guess what You don't have Rupert Murdoch to bail you out.\n\nIf all else fails, there's always space.\n\nRemember when you bailed CNN to launch a Web site called Space.com You were about as successful as the Pets.com sock puppet. Or Jeeves. Hey, hold onCNN just gave the Pets.com sock puppet a show. He's doing mornings from eight to eleven with Dan Rather.\n\nAll right, Lou, try to tone it down. We'll do some shots down in Cabo and think of you.\n\nSincerely,\n\nGQ\n\nP.S. You can deport Blitzer. That's fine."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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