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"This was supposed to be that episode of The Bachelor where every girl left is forced to say, haltingly, on camera, that she&amp;#x27;s falling in love with Sean. But Tierra went ahead and shattered that whole theme like the closest vase when she finds out the tanning salon&amp;#x27;s out of Deep Golden Clementine. But at least AshLee&amp;#x27;s not annoyed! Oh, wait. There it is. Well, I guess let&amp;#x27;s just begin: Best shirtless therapist: Sean Come now, just rest your cheek against my bare pectorals and tell me the most painful parts of your childhood. Oh, I&amp;#x27;m sorry. Our time for today is up. I think this week you should really concentrate on repeating words from date card riddles and never figuring out what any of them mean. The &amp;quot;Wow, she really put it out there, huh?&amp;quot; award: AshLee It&amp;#x27;s one thing to say &amp;quot;I love you&amp;quot; when you&amp;#x27;re not sure the other person will say it back. It&amp;#x27;s quite another to shriek it like some sort of deranged forest dweller when you know the other person won&amp;#x27;t say it back. The &amp;quot;You know what? Then you deserve what you get&amp;quot; award: Sean What&amp;#x27;s the best way to deal with a pesky lunatic who routinely scream-weeps into your torso? Buy them a piece of jewelry that means love forever and ever or something. Get your head in the game, Lowe. Honestly. Worst logic miss: Tierra and her many mean/insane predecessors One of my favorite things about this show is the girl who&amp;#x27;s Just Here For Him, who decides that she&amp;#x27;s so in love with The Bachelor, he&amp;#x27;s the only one on the planet she&amp;#x27;s going to be nice to. Ladies, why do you only have enough kindness for one other human? Imagine if every time we in the real world started dating someone promising, we went around mocking our co-workers and slapping baristas. The world would be a cold, dark place. Figure it out, ya crazies. Saddest accent nail: Catherine&amp;#x27;s ring finger There there, Catherine, and Catherine&amp;#x27;s accent nail. Don&amp;#x27;t cry. When Lesley got the boot, C bawled that &amp;quot;If he doesn&amp;#x27;t want Lesley, I don&amp;#x27;t know why I&amp;#x27;m here!&amp;quot; This makes me feel like she was told this is just a show where everyone competes to be a new friend group? (It would be called I AM Here to Make Friends.) Which would maybe explain why she put up with this: Bachelor Genius Grant: Sean&amp;#x27;s sister Sean&amp;#x27;s sister flew all the way to St. Croix to remind him not to pick the one everybody hates. Sound advice. You know how Sean responded? Worst friend to go to the deli with: Sean By pointing out that he can see marrying all of the women left, and none of &amp;#x27;em really &amp;quot;stand out.&amp;quot; That&amp;#x27;s kind of like saying: all these sandwiches look OK to me. None of them really look great. But I am pretty hungry. Or did Chris Harrison just convince me I&amp;#x27;m hungry? I&amp;#x27;ll just have the number four, whatever it is. Oh... I didn&amp;#x27;t want mayo, but it&amp;#x27;s OK. It&amp;#x27;s just my life. Best impression of a washed-up diva who smears lipstick all over her face: Tierra &amp;quot;Nobody will take my sparkle away! I&amp;#x27;m not going to let that happen!&amp;quot; Best impression of a farmer talking to a dog: Sean &amp;quot;You go home now.&amp;quot; I was half-expecting him to throw a &amp;quot;git!&amp;quot; on the end there. Best coded message: this We&amp;#x27;re the top three and we know it. On rose ceremony days, we wear jewel tones. Quickest way to make the women of America grab a giant log and form a Beauty and the Beast style mob outside your door: Tierra &amp;quot;Ashlee is 32 years old. When I&amp;#x27;m 32 years old I want to be married and have my family set. Why hasn&amp;#x27;t she found someone she can settle down with? She&amp;#x27;s 32 years old.&amp;quot; Yup. We say our goodbyes to Lesley and Tierra (what? Why? All she did was say &amp;quot;men love me, women are jealous&amp;quot;). If that isn&amp;#x27;t just Tierra&amp;#x27;s luck. She has such a big heart you guys. Welcome to the Final Four, everybody. Whose hometown visits do you see going the best and worst? Photo: ABC"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/blogs/obsessed/2013/02/read-this-bachelor-recap-and-n>