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"  Q: I&amp;#039;m a healthy woman with a satisfying love life, except that I can&amp;#039;t have an orgasm! I feel like there&amp;#039;s something&amp;#039;s wrong with me, and it&amp;#039;s hurting my relationship. What can I do to achieve one? A: The good news: Every woman is capable of having an orgasm. Yet approximately 10 percent of us never have, and most women do not experience one during intercourse. The best thing you can do to achieve the big O is to stop trying to have one. Yup, you read that right! If you attempt to force it, the pressure to perform is likely to short-circuit your pleasure in no time. To experience orgasm, you need to be relaxed \u2014 and you also need the right stimulation for an adequate amount of time. I&amp;#039;m betting you don&amp;#039;t know what the &amp;quot;right&amp;quot; stimulation is for you. So start your orgasm quest by exploring your body to find your most sensitive area. For most women, that would be the clitoris. For others, it is inside the vagina \u2014 near the G-spot (along the front wall) or deeper in, near the cervix. Or it may be the labia, nipples, or your belly button. It&amp;#039;s different for every woman, so leave no body part untouched! Then, once you&amp;#039;ve found it, slowly stroke and massage your new-found happy place, trying to relax and focus on the sensations you&amp;#039;re feeling. In time, orgasm will follow. Once you learn how to do this for yourself, you can share your knowledge with your partner. Remember: You are responsible for your own pleasure. Don&amp;#039;t wait for someone else to come around and accidentally discover your sweet spot, or it may never happen! Q: When I orgasm, I actually push my partner out of me! I&amp;#039;ve tried not to come during sex, but that makes us feel less intimate. Is there a way to fix this problem? A: Congratulations! You have the pelvic-floor muscles most women can only dream of having. Here&amp;#039;s what&amp;#039;s happening: When you experience orgasm, those muscles contract. Yours are very strong, and that&amp;#039;s a good thing \u2014 stronger muscle contractions lead to more intense orgasms. The next time you feel one on the way, lie in the missionary position and pull your knees up against your chest. This opens your vagina up so your partner can go in deeper. If he is fully inserted and erect, it will be difficult for him to slip out. In fact, the contractions will most likely give him added pleasure. You can also get on top \u2014 that way, you&amp;#039;ll have gravity on your side when climax hits! Q: I feel like it takes forever for me to have an orgasm. Why does it take so long? A: This is one of the most common questions I&amp;#039;m asked. While the average man may reach his peak in three to five minutes, it usually takes a woman 12 to 15 minutes of continuous stimulation \u2014 and sometimes longer \u2014 to climax during sex. But there&amp;#039;s no such thing as &amp;quot;taking too long.&amp;quot; Focus on the pleasure you&amp;#039;re experiencing (no reviewing your to-do list or obsessing about your belly bulge) and don&amp;#039;t worry about the amount of time you need. If you want to up the odds that you&amp;#039;ll have an orgasm during intercourse, increase the time you spend on foreplay and start sex when you&amp;#039;re almost over the edge. Or you can reach orgasm before sex begins \u2014 hey, ladies first! Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., is a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University&amp;#039;s College of Physicians and Surgeons in New York City and the author of Pleasure. Send your questions to her at askhilda@redbookmag.com. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/sex/advice/a5867/answers-to-orgasm-questions/>