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"When it comes to dealing with our doctors, women put up with a lot of stuff that we&amp;amp;#8217;d never accept in any other relationship. Think about it: If a guy was late every time you got together, didn&amp;amp;#8217;t listen when you tried to talk to him and never apologized for a mistake, you&amp;amp;#8217;d speak your mind&amp;amp;#8212;and probably dump him. But with a doctor? Most of us do nothing but grumble to ourselves. That&amp;amp;#8217;s a shame: Good communication is essential to any relationship, and in the case of you and your doctor&amp;amp;#8217;s, it could save your life&amp;amp;#8212;women who feel like they interact well with their physicians are healthier and recover from illness faster than the rest of us, researchers have found. In the spirit of sparking some of that important chatter, we asked doctors why they keep you waiting for an hour and a bunch of other awkward little questions. Read on for their honest answers. Q: Doctor, why are you always, always late? A: We&amp;amp;#8217;re not being disrespectful of your schedule; we&amp;amp;#8217;re running late because we gave the person before you extra time for a problem that was more complicated than we could have anticipated. A doctor&amp;amp;#8217;s office isn&amp;amp;#8217;t like a hair salon, where they know a cut takes 30 minutes and color takes 45. Q: Ok, makes sense. But are there any ways to shorten my wait? A: Get the first appointment of the morning or the first appointment after lunch so there&amp;amp;#8217;s no one in front of you to make the doctor late. And, to help everyone out, find out beforehand how much time you&amp;amp;#8217;re going to have with the doctor. If the scheduler says 15 minutes, you can say, &amp;amp;#8220;I have complicated questions, and I think I need longer than that. When can I come in so that I&amp;amp;#8217;ll have more time?&amp;amp;#8221; Doing that will make things easier on both our schedules. --Internist Deborah J. Rhodes, M.D., director of the Women&amp;amp;#8217;s Health Fellowship at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. Q: Why&amp;amp;#8217;d you stop taking my insurance? A: Sadly, this is very common. There&amp;amp;#8217;s a lot of behind-the-scenes negotiation between insurers and doctors, and an M.D. might drop a company because it pays too little for procedures or requires horrendous amounts of paperwork. Q: What am I supposed to do now? A: It can&amp;amp;#8217;t hurt to ask if your doctor would consider continuing to take your insurance, especially if she has a small practice and makes those decisions. You could also pay out of pocket&amp;amp;#8212;many physicians are willing to discount their fees to keep a patient. But you may just need to switch doctors. To find a good one, take the list of providers in your plan to your current M.D. or her staff and ask who they think would be a good match. --Dallas internist Lynne Kirk, M.D., who has testified in Congress on health care reform Q: Why don&amp;amp;#8217;t doctors ever say they&amp;amp;#8217;re sorry? A: Some of us do&amp;amp;#8212;I have. I once ordered blood tests for a patient and forgot to check the results before I went out of town. It turned out that she had very abnormal results, wound up in the emergency room and had to have surgery. I told her that if I&amp;amp;#8217;d seen the tests sooner, she may not have needed the operation. Fortunately, she appreciated my honesty. Q: How can I prevent a mistake from happening to me? A: Ask your doctor lots of questions and look out for things that don&amp;amp;#8217;t make sense. Be polite but assertive, and know that most of us would prefer that you speak up if something doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t seem right. We&amp;amp;#8217;re getting more honest about what we can and cannot achieve, and that includes telling a patient if we&amp;amp;#8217;ve messed up. --Internist Barron Lerner, M.D., Ph.D., author of When Illness Goes Public Q: My sex life pretty much sucks. Can you help me with stuff like that? A: Absolutely! Most women don&amp;amp;#8217;t think to bring this up with their ob-gyns, but sexual satisfaction is a health issue. Not all M.D.s are comfortable talking about sex&amp;amp;#8212;if you get the brush-off, you might need to find a new doctor. Or get a referral to a sex therapist&amp;amp;#8212;some of my patients have found therapy very helpful. --OB-GYN Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., a clinical professor at Columbia University in New York City and author of Pleasure: A Woman&amp;amp;#8217;s Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve Q: Nurse, why are you so mean? Aren&amp;amp;#8217;t you in this profession to help people? A: When I was in nursing school 30 years ago, we were taught to give hospitalized patients back rubs before they went to sleep! That kind of care has gone out the window; there&amp;amp;#8217;s no time. There&amp;amp;#8217;s a huge nursing shortage&amp;amp;#8212;it&amp;amp;#8217;s estimated that by 2020 the United States will be short about 340,000 nurses. A study I did with Christine Kovner, R.N., Ph.D., found that 66 percent of new nurses work 12-hour shifts, about half work voluntary overtime because of understaffing and almost 13 percent work mandatory overtime. Q: But stress isn&amp;amp;#8217;t an excuse for bad behavior. Really, who isn&amp;amp;#8217;t stressed? A: True, but remember, patients aren&amp;amp;#8217;t always well behaved either. In our study 80 percent of nurses said they&amp;amp;#8217;d been verbally abused by a patient or families. Q: So if I&amp;amp;#8217;m nice, you&amp;amp;#8217;ll be nice back? A: Yes. Small courtesies go a long way. --Carol Brewer, R.N., Ph.D., associate professor at University at Buffalo SUNY Q: If you&amp;amp;#8217;re so smart about health, why are you fat? A: I&amp;amp;#8217;m a doctor, but I&amp;amp;#8217;m also human! And despite my extra pounds, I work out often and have a healthy heart. I understand my patients&amp;amp;#8217; struggles and talk to them about weight in terms of fitness rather than size. --Dr. Hutcherson, who says she&amp;amp;#8217;s &amp;amp;#8220;about 25 pounds overweight&amp;amp;#8221; Q: We both know I&amp;amp;#8217;m going to drink on that drug you gave me. Is it really that bad? A: When there&amp;amp;#8217;s an alcohol warning on a drug, people assume it means just don&amp;amp;#8217;t get drunk. But there are some meds with which it&amp;amp;#8217;s dangerous for you to have any alcohol&amp;amp;#8212;like Flagyl, an antibiotic commonly prescribed for vaginal infections. When you see that warning label, ask your doctor or pharmacist, &amp;amp;#8220;Can I have any alcohol while taking this?&amp;amp;#8221; It&amp;amp;#8217;s the only way to know for sure. --Dr. Rhodes Q: That metal thing is cold and so are your hands! Why don&amp;amp;#8217;t you warm them up first? A: I do, and every ob-gyn should! Ask your doctor to run the speculum under warm water before an exam. --OB-GYN Andrew M. Kaunitz, M.D., a professor at the University of Florida College of Medicine, Jacksonville, FL. Q: Why is your scale so inaccurate? A: Actually, medical scales are more accurate than home scales. But no matter&amp;amp;#8212;just keep track of your weight on whatever scale you use regularly. A fluctuation of up to five pounds can be totally normal. Anything more than that is a sign you&amp;amp;#8217;re gaining or losing. --Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., an OB-GYN in New Haven, Conn. Q: If I come in for a checkup once a year, do you really remember who I am, or are you just pretending? A: A typical doctor sees 20 to 25 patients a day, so it can be hard to keep everyone straight&amp;amp;#8212;but it&amp;amp;#8217;s not like I&amp;amp;#8217;m thinking, Who is this? I have no clue. I remember most of my patients, but I don&amp;amp;#8217;t always recall names or details. That&amp;amp;#8217;s why I read over your chart before I enter the exam room. I read any personal notes I&amp;amp;#8217;ve made about you and flip back over the last few visits so I can make sure previous concerns have been resolved. --Lisa Cooper, M.D., an internist at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine in Baltimore"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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