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"I had just stepped off the elevator at the Glamour offices on September 11, 2001, when Audrey, our receptionist, told me a plane had hit the World Trade Center. My first thought was that it was nothing serious; a few weeks before a pilot in a small plane had gone off course and clipped one of the towers, and I figured this was something similar. But as I sat down at my desk, I realized this was very serious--and no accident. Several staffers began to gather in the conference room and watch the news as it unfolded. At some point I wandered past my editor-in-chief&amp;amp;#8217;s office, and from her 16th story window, you could see the smoke pouring out of the Twin Towers. I couldn&amp;amp;#8217;t watch the real thing and fled back to where the group of us sat silently together.That bright, crystal day ten years ago, we all helped each other with the news the best we could&amp;amp;#8212;offering a cubemate a pair of sneakers to walk home in, or letting someone crash on the couch because she couldn&amp;amp;#8217;t make it to the suburbs of New Jersey. What came next undoubtedly was harder&amp;amp;#8212;helping people with the loss of sisters, mothers, fiancees. For me, that&amp;amp;#8217;s one of the most valuable lessons of September 11, how we can collectively work together and support each other. So to honor that idea, I asked Robin Stern, Ph.D., what she learned about helping someone we care about through loss or crisis from writing her book, Project Rebirth: Survival and the Strength of the Human Spirit from 9/11 Survivors, a companion work to the documentary film Rebirth. (You may have heard about the intensive time-lapse photography that was used in the film to show the rebuilding of Ground Zero). The incredibly moving book details the stories of people like Nick Chirls, who lost his mother in the attacks, and Tanya Villanueva Tepper, who lost her fiance&amp;amp;#8212;and how, over the past decade, they have rebuilt their lives and not moved on but, as Dr. Stern puts it, &amp;amp;#8220;carry that love forward.&amp;amp;#8221; It&amp;amp;#8217;s impossible to put grief into sound bites, but I for one found her advice incredibly helpful. I hope you will too. Here&amp;#x27;s what she had to say: 1. &amp;amp;#8220;Show up. Hopefully in person.&amp;amp;#8221; It&amp;amp;#8217;s basic, but so important: &amp;amp;#8220;And if you can&amp;amp;#8217;t be there in person, send a card, or call&amp;amp;#8212;just show up in some way,&amp;amp;#8221; says Dr. Stern. And sorry, an email is not enough. Then try to help with any physical needs&amp;amp;#8212;making any phone calls for her, picking up her dry cleaning. &amp;amp;#8220;In the moment someone is grieving deeply, she doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t want to have to deal with that,&amp;amp;#8221; says Dr. Stern. 2. &amp;amp;#8220;Help her feel safe with you.&amp;amp;#8221; In other words, help her feel comfortable both physically and emotionally so she can open up to you if you&amp;amp;#8217;re ready. Then pay attention fully&amp;amp;#8212;yes, phone down, ringer off. 3. &amp;amp;#8220;Listen, listen, listen. And listen without judgement.&amp;amp;#8221; A person dealing with grief or crisis may need to tell her story many times: &amp;amp;#8220;Sometimes it could be over and over in the hour that you&amp;amp;#8217;re with her,&amp;amp;#8221; says Dr. Stern, &amp;amp;#8220;Other times that could be over the course of several days. Be ready for the process of that; it is healing for her.&amp;amp;#8221; 4. &amp;amp;#8220;Help them gain some sense of control.&amp;amp;#8221; In any trauma or loss, someone may feel like her world is completely rattled, says Dr. Stern. Let her control the moment&amp;amp;#8212;she may want to talk things through (see #3), or she may want to be silent. &amp;amp;#8220;People move at their own pace,&amp;amp;#8221; says Dr. Stern. 5. &amp;amp;#8220;Take care of yourself.&amp;amp;#8221; Helping someone through a traumatic experience can traumatize you, says Dr. Stern. So find someone you can lean on. &amp;amp;#8220;Grief,&amp;amp;#8221; emphasizes Dr. Stern, &amp;amp;#8220;is not what we imagined as these neat stages. It comes in waves. As Tanya told us, it&amp;amp;#8217;s quite possible to experience joy, even though you&amp;amp;#8217;re grieving, just as it&amp;amp;#8217;s possible to still have grief at joyful times in your life. It comes in and out.&amp;amp;#8221; Are you feeling both kinds of emotions on this anniversary? How will you be remembering 9/11?"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/blogs/vitamin-g/2011/09/the-most-important-911-lesson>